The Paradox of Existence
by DragonLight
Summary: COMPLETE On Assignment for Dumbledore in the past, Harry sees his lover from an unexpected perspective. That of a teacher. HPSS SLASH!
1. Chapter One: Backwards

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came   
first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: Now PG-13 to probably R later on  
  
Author Note: I've never written a story like this before let alone   
read one. So if this story resembles anyone's no infringement was intended. The first two chapters are both introduction. I just couldn't bring myself to make them one single chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to   
JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Chapter One: Backwards  
  
Harry looked over at the assembled students in front of him. *Bloody hell, how did I land myself in this position again? That's right. One of Albus' bright ideas.* The students shifted nervously in their seats under the cool stare of the new DADA professor.  
  
Harry pushed off from the wall in the corner of the room he was standing in. He walked past a window on the way to the desk set up in the front of the classroom. The light caught on the hilt of the dagger he kept strapped to his thigh. Quite a few students flinched at the sight but Harry ignored them. Leaning against his desk he removed the wand from its holder strapped to his other thigh. Perhaps he should have pulled out the dagger instead. He had overheard several of the students refer to him as a mad pirate the night before. He had grown out his hair over the years until it just came past his shoulders. He usually kept it tied back with a leather thong. His hair was still wild and his bangs mostly covered his scar, but that didn't matter. There was no Harry Potter here. Sirius told him that he was no longer a carbon copy of his father. As he had grown older his face had taken on many of his mother's features giving him a unique look all his own. Sighing he started to twirl the wand in between his fingers, a habit he had picked up while revising for charms during his school years.   
  
"I am Octavian Tyler, your new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. Of course I'm sure all of you already knew that. Now that introductions have been taken care of…" Harry paused and glanced around the room again. "You are the sixth year Gryffindors and Slytherins, correct?" Harry waited for confirmation, when none was forth coming he glanced at the scroll that held the class roster. Already knowing which student he would call upon. "Am I correct, Mr. Black, or is your conversation with Mr. Potter too important?" Those two were the only ones he hadn't managed to terrify at the welcoming feast the night before, probably because they hadn't been there. It had something to do with getting lost and a flying motorcycle… etc. It had hit way to close to his own memories and he decided to push that aside for now.   
  
"No, sir. I mean yes sir. Wait I mean no sir."  
  
"Well, which is it yes or no?"  
  
"What was the question again?"  
  
A snickering coming from the other side of the room caught his attention. Knowing whom it was he looked down at the roster anyway. "Mr. Snape, pray tell what is so amusing?"  
  
"Nothing, sir." Followed by a smirk directed at Black was his response.  
  
"Well, now that is all settled. Let's move on to the seating arrangements."  
  
A simultaneous groan issued from the mouths of all the students.  
"I'm glad to know that you approve. All right everyone grab your stuff and move to the side of the classroom. Mr. Black why don't you take the seat front row center. Mr. Snape why don't you sit to the right of him. And Mr. Potter to the right of him. Ms. Douay why don't you take the seat to the left of Mr. Black and Ms Evans on the other side of her." This continued until the whole room was arranged until a member of the opposing house surrounded each person like a Gryffindor-Slytherin checkerboard..   
  
"I've heard stories about this class. I tell you now I will not stand for any misbehaving. While in this class you listen. The things I have to say may very well one day save your lives. I will have no pranks," Harry turned a glare on the four marauders, "and no snide comments," his glare moved to Snape. "I expect full class participation from all of you. If I assign homework it will be for a reason. There will be no pointless essays in this class. I did too many of them during my years of school, I will not make you repeat those useless endeavors. Since this is the case I expect good research followed by good writing. The last thing that you should know is that I will in no way tolerate silly House prejudices. I hear it and I will find a suitable punishment. Follow these rules and we'll all get along just fine." The class seemed suitable subdued.  
  
"Next order of business." Turning around Harry turned toward the chalkboard and started to write some terms down. "For review, who can tell me about boggarts." Without looking who had raised their hands he replied. "Mr. Lupin will you please enlighten the class."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
  
"He's positively evil I tell you. Sitting Snape and the soon to be Narcissa Malfoy next to me." Black stabbed at his roast with his fork.  
  
"Well perhaps if you weren't talking during the first five minutes of his class he wouldn't have, Siri."   
  
"Oh be quiet Remy." Sirius glared at the pale amber-eyed boy.  
"What I don't get is why everyone is walking around on eggshells around him." James looked at the two boys that might be able to answer him.  
  
"You.. you mean that you have… haven't heard?"  
  
"Heard what Peter?" James glanced over at Sirius. He was still stabbing his roast and glaring at the table.  
  
The voice that answered him came from his elbow. "Last night at the welcoming feast Malfoy tripped a first year hufflepuff on their way to sit at the table after they were sorted. When the boy finally got up and started to his seat Malfoy tripped him again. Next thing anyone knew, there was a dagger embedded in the table a centimeter from Malfoy's hand and Professor Tyler was standing over him. He looked really annoyed. It's said that Malfoy got detention every weekend for a month. Everyone is scared of getting him mad."   
  
James and Sirius looked up at the Head Table. Professor Tyler was sitting next to Dumbledore laughing at some joke the wizened old wizard must have told him.  
  
"Are you sure Lils?" James put his arm around the girl next to him.  
  
"Absolutely. Aren't I right Remus?" The two boys looked at Remus who nodded his head as he chewed. The gaze moved over to the Slytherin table where the seventh years Malfoy and Goyle were talking to Snape. Finally their gaze returned to the Head table where the two boys were met with a knowing look and a raised eyebrow of Professor Tyler.  
  
Sirius quickly averted his eyes and turned back to his plate. "Bloody Hell."  
  
"My thoughts exactly," muttered James. Remus and Peter laughed at the two boys that just realized what teacher they had made a really bad impression on.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
  
Harry looked at the Gryffindor table. It seemed that his father and Sirius had finally heard about the sorting feast. He was wondering how long it would take them to hear about the "Malfoy incident." In fact he had been waiting all day to see their reactions. They finally looked at him and he looked back and raised his eyebrow. They seemed suitably cowed.   
  
"So, Octavian, why don't you tell me a little more about your home?"  
  
"I already told you everything that I can, Albus. And you know everything that the Headmaster at the school I was previously at told you in his letter. So stop being a nosy old headmaster." The smile that lighted his face softened his harsh words.   
  
"Well how about where you got that scar?" Harry's hand immediately went to his forehead. "No not that one, the other one." Albus pointed to a scar that started on his cheekbone and crossed his cheek went across his neck and finally ended on his opposing shoulder.  
  
"War injury. Not a particularly fond memory. I had to wrestle the knife out of my opponent's hand. It wasn't even that deep, it shouldn't have scarred. It was my luck however that the knife had a rather nasty curse that kept the cut from being healed properly."  
  
"Well it's fairly light. I only just noticed it the other day."  
  
"Yes, my godfather has told me quite a few times that it isn't overly disfiguring."  
  
"Not at all, I think it makes you look like quite the rouge. Must really help out with the ladies." Albus winked knowingly at him.  
Harry started to choke on his water, his eyes wide. Albus thumped him on the back When Harry finally stopped sputtering he turned to Albus.   
"Actually it doesn't. Nor would I want it to." Albus' eyes went wide as the implications of his statement hit him.  
  
"So I need not warn the female members of staff then." Albus waited until after Harry had finished chewing his roast and had lifted his glass of pumpkin juice. "I will however remember to warn Filius, Hagrid, Gregory, and Simion." Albus was rewarded with the sight of Harry's pumpkin juice going all over the table as he dropped the goblet. "Well I think that I will just retire to my office… quite a lot of work to do you know." With that Albus stood and left the Head Table leaving all the teachers looking at the new Defense teacher with curiosity. 


	2. Chapter Two: Forwards

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came   
first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: Now PG-13 to probably R later on  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Chapter Two: Forwards  
  
* Future: Right before Harry goes to the past *  
  
"Remember, you can't change anything. No warning your parents or Sirius or Severus. You're there to work with the past Order and to teach the children the things they will need to survive Voldemort's first reign of terror. We already went over the parameters of what you can tell the past me. Do you understand, Harry?"  
  
"Yes Albus. We went over it quite a few times." Harry watched as the headmaster walked over to where his phoenix, Fawkes was perched.  
  
"You're going because the order needs someone that can translate parseltongue and I remember a Mr. Tyler that looked like you that could do just that."  
  
"I know, Albus." Harry's eyes followed the headmaster to the window where he stopped and looked out over the grounds.  
  
"Either Sirius or Severus will check up on you once a month. They'll make sure that you have everything that you need."  
  
"Alright Albus." Once again the Headmaster went over to the phoenix's perch.  
  
"Remember you cannot directly oppose the Dark Lord. Stay away from him at all costs. And don't forget to give the impression of neutrality to everyone except the order. You have no side in the war of the past, at least to the outside world."  
  
"Yes Albus." The restless pacing continued.  
  
"That means you can't take sides, Harry. You can't favor one house over another."  
  
"Like I do that now." Albus paused halfway from Fawkes to look at the 25 year old man sitting calmly in one of the plush chairs by the fire watching him pace.  
  
"True, after your sixth year you didn't tolerate house prejudices. Not even from members of your own house." Albus continued his pacing.  
  
"Sev said I had a paradigm shift when Draco blocked that curse from hitting me in the back. Personally I like smaller words and keep to the sayings 'I saw the error of my ways, or I finally stepped into the light.'"  
  
Albus waved his hand dismissively. "Same difference."  
  
"That's what Sirius says." Albus finally looked up and cracked a smile.  
  
"Albus you need not worry. I know that things happen for a reason. And even though many horrible things are happening now I know that it could most likely be worse if I change things. Besides, even through the loss and pain I am happy with my life. I don't want it to change."  
  
Albus nodded.  
  
"Is that all Albus?" Albus was about to nod when he shook his head. Harry sank back into the soft chair.  
  
"Just one more thing." Harry raised his eyebrow in a manner he had learned from Severus. "No hitting on the students."  
  
Harry laughed. "No reverse process huh? What about if a student hits on me?"  
  
"Harry?!"  
  
"Alright alright. Students are off limits. Got it."  
  
Harry stood and made his way to the door. As he was reaching for the handle the headmaster once again called him. "Harry, relax and enjoy yourself. See the people you hold dear before the war changed them. It's almost a vacation."   
  
"Yes Albus." Harry was out the door, down the stairs and on the other side of the gargoyle before a realization finally dawned on him. They had been planning this mission for a month and it only now occurred to him.  
  
"Shite. I have to teach Defense again. I thought I finally got out of that position two years ago." Harry continued to move down the hallway to the Muggle Studies classroom were his students were waiting for their tardy professor."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry walked into the potions classroom later that evening. He watched as the professor gave private instruction to one of the two students who were there for tutoring. His eyes followed the long fingered graceful hands as they hovered over the ingredients explaining the purpose of each one to the young lady that sat across the workbench from him. Harry thought back to his own potions lessons. At the time Professor Snape wouldn't have even imagined giving anyone private tuition in the subject. Now however it was another story entirely. Severus was really a better teacher one on one.   
  
Harry waited for a pause in the lesson before quietly clearing his throat. The young man who was working at a bench on the other side of the room looked up. He was a seventh year Ravenclaw that Severus had noticed had some real potential for potions and was giving advanced lessons to. "Hello Professor Potter."  
  
"Good Evening Mr. Eytinge. I hope I wasn't interrupting your experiment?"  
"No sir. I was just letting it cool before I bottle it."  
  
"Ah. Important step that. I don't recall how many vials and beakers I cracked because I didn't let my potion cool properly."  
  
"139 beakers and 257 vials. And that encompasses all 7 years of your education." The pronouncement was made by a warm baritone from the other work bench. The second year that was being tutored giggled at the look of righteous indignation that crossed Harry's face. "That will be all for today Ms. Ackers. Clean out your cauldron and be on your way. I expect you to be able to brew today's potion flawlessly for the test next week."  
  
"Yes Professor Snape. Thank You." The girl set to work.  
  
"I couldn't have possibly destroyed that many. You're making it up."  
  
A raised eyebrow was his only response.  
  
"No, there is no way Professor Snape. I most likely only destroyed fifty, at most."  
  
"Would you like me to go and retrieve my records, Potter?"  
  
"Quite alright, professor. You are probably right. It doesn't seem that many."  
  
"Of course I'm right Potter."  
  
"Oh yes, I keep forgetting, you are always right."  
  
"Well it is about time that you acknowledged the fact."  
  
The seventh year couldn't help himself any longer and started to laugh. "Is something the matter Mr. Eytinge?"   
  
"No professor." The young man started to bottle the still slightly steaming potion. He was on the third vial when the first one cracked.  
  
"Like I said, a very important step." Harry leaned against one of the workbenches while Eytinge turned crimson, Ackers giggled and Snape glared.  
  
"Mr. Eytinge, I will finish bottling the potion, I'm sure that professor Potter wouldn't mind assisting. His tally can't get much worse after all. And Ms. Ackers I believe you are ready to be dismissed." The two students knew a command to get out when they heard one. The room was empty except for the two professors within a minute.  
  
Harry moved over to where Severus was wiping away the remains of the spilled potion from the cracked vial. He took the cloth out of Severus hands to rinse it out in one of the sinks.  
  
"I hold you responsible."  
  
"For the cracked vials, I didn't expect anything less. What is that 2 or 3 more to be added to my tally."  
  
"Two."  
  
"Ah. How were your classes today?"  
  
"I'm getting too old for this."  
  
Harry lifted his eyebrow on his way back to the workbench to start bottling the now cool potion. "Old. Sev, you aren't old. Albus is old."  
  
"Albus will outlive us all."  
  
"Of that I have no doubt, but he is old. You are a child compared to him."  
  
"And you are an infant."  
  
"Severus." One word held all the necessary disapproval that Harry needed to convey. There was no way that he wanted to get into another argument about the difference in their ages.   
  
"Alright you win, I won't start."  
  
"Good."  
  
"So how was your day?"  
  
"I had a meeting with Albus after lunch. It ran over. Again. When I returned to my classroom it was a disaster area. I promised the troublemakers detention with you; they calmed down quick enough. I can't supervise their detentions after all. I leave tomorrow." The last words were whispered but were still heard, proof given by the vial that shattered on the table when it fell out Severus' hand.  
  
Harry immediately started to clean the shattered glass and the spilled potion. "At this rate Mr. Eytinge won't have any potion left." Harry noted that the older man's knuckles were white where he had gripped the edge of the table, his eyes fixed to a point on the far wall. "Sev?" No answer. Harry went to stand behind the other man and wrapped his arms around his waist and laid his head against Severus' shoulder. Severus tensed.  
  
"Tomorrow? So soon?"  
  
"Sev you've known for a month. Well almost a month. You were there for most of the prepatory meetings. You'll get to see me in, what, three to four weeks. Not even that long. You'll be checking up on me, so you'll get to see me once a week maybe twice. We have it all worked out. I'll be gone for a whole school year but I'll only be missing for a month. I'm the one that should have separation anxiety."  
  
"I see that you're vocabulary is appropriately expanding."  
  
"Well, I see that you're in a better mood. Don't worry you'll still have Sirius and Remus to talk to." A glare was the only response he got. "I thought we could go to dinner at the Hog's Head tonight. Just the two of us. No 'mangy canines' keeping us company. You can tell me all about what I'm supposed to do in the past."  
  
"Harry, you know I can't." Severus responded exasperatedly, though his face was pale. They have had the same conversation multiple times now.  
  
"Yeah I know. I just wanted to hear you say my name. Come on. Let's go get ready. After all it'll be the last time I get to see you for a month." Harry pulled an unresisting Severus behind him to their rooms in the dungeons. 


	3. Chapter Three: The Dragon Incident

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: Now PG-13 to R later on  
  
Author Note: I've never written a story like this before let alone read one. So if this story resembles anyone's no infringement was intended.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Thank You to all those that reviewed: Katy999, Schulyr, Blackletter, E., aniwda, izean, Copper Fire, Faerie Angst and DragonNight[my betaish sister that leaves really annoying reviews ;)]: YOu've all wanted more so here it is.  
koashura: The scar starts on his right cheek and goes to his left shoulder. I thought I had written that. Sorry.  
  
  
Chapter Three: The Dragon Incident  
  
*Back in the Past *  
  
Harry was really going to have words with his godfather when he got back to his own time. Sirius didn't try at all. The essay he had just read was copied verbatim from the "Excessive Arguments on Ways to Classify Various Species of Dragons, Their Fire and Their Blood" by Hugh Newtit. Harry had become very familiar with the tome when he worked with Charlie Weasley in Romania studying dragon fire after he graduated. The book was old but covered all the different systems one might come across when dealing with a colony of dragon experts. Harry regretfully marked an F on the paper and wrote a note under it. "If you need to ask why, look in the library under Hugh Newtit and his book on dragon classification. See me after class."  
  
"Bet you love having your old job back. I know how much you missed teaching Defense." Harry looked up at the sound of the rough voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"Sirius, speak of the devil!" Harry set his mouth into a thin line and started to drum his fingers against the top of his desk.  
  
"I'm starting to think that you spend too much time with Snape."  
  
"I'm wondering how you ever passed your Auror qualification exam."  
  
Sirius sauntered into the room and locked and silenced the door behind him. Perching himself on one of the desks he looked at Harry. "Why would you be wondering that?"  
  
Harry made a show of clearing his throat. "Dragon classification is one of the most fascinating topics that can be touched upon by an intelligent mind. There are many unknown facets that have yet to be discovered about dragon physiology and anatomy, however, such means are not the only way to classify these magical miracles… Should I continue?"  
  
Sirius had the graciousness to turn pink. "I remember getting that paper back. I--- " Sirius stopped when he saw the glare. "I forgot you can't know what's going to happen in the past anymore than you could tell about the future. It could sway your reactions. So are you having trouble separating our older selves from our younger selves?"  
  
"Not particularly. You've all changed so much. You, Remus, Severus, even Malfoy Sr. all of you seem so much more carefree. Especially the marauders it's as if none of you have a care in the world. Well except Lily and James. Their major care is making sure that they don't get caught snogging by their deranged Defense professor."  
  
"You heard that?" Sirius blanched. He had thought that conversation wasn't heard by anyone. It had been the quartet's weekly teacher bashing conversation.  
  
"Yes… I also heard that I'm a spy for Voldemort, I'm a spawn of the devil, I'm a day walking vampire, that I'm 'positively evil', and that I'm a pissed off werewolf. I'll excuse the last since you were arguing with Remus that week. You really didn't like me in school, did you? It's seems as far as you and your friends went I was this years Professor Snape."  
  
Sirius had gone white. He had been the one to come up with all the things that Professor Tyler could possibly be. Sirius decided that pouting would be the best course of action. "It's your own fault. You sat me next to that greasy slytherin git."  
  
"Oh yes I forgot, you never did get over that tryst in fifth year. You're still both pissed off about that, though I have to admit that the Whomping Willow incident did cinch the matter. Now you absolutely despise each other."  
  
"How did you find out about fifth year? I know that neither I nor Remus told you about it."  
  
"Sev."  
  
Sirius scrunched his face into a disgusted grimace. "Enough about greasy slytherins and stupid students. Albus wanted me to check on how the translation was going."  
  
"Fine, although I had never seen written parseltongue before. It's a disturbing site. No real progress though I have only had access to the scroll a handful of times since I got here. The order is still feeling me out. They highly doubt my loyalties, though Albus did assure me that they would eventually get over it and give me full access. I would say I have the first two lines translated."  
  
"Just two lines?"  
  
"I have to teach myself a whole new written language Siri. Just because I can speak it doesn't mean I can automatically read it. It's taking a little while. It's not too hard, I think that I am getting the hang of it."  
  
"Oh alright then. I'll relay the message. Oh. Hermione sent this." Out of a pocket Sirius pulled a small bundle that he re-enlarged to it's original size. "She called it a care package. Said something about giving you a little piece of home." Harry opened the lid of the box to discover some of his favorite pastries and biscuits.  
  
"Tell her I love it. Just what I need after reading these horrid essays."  
  
Sirius flinched but nodded and pulled a set of five vials out of another pocket. "Snape didn't know how you'd be sleeping, something about nightmares, granted I didn't listen very closely since it involved thinking about you and Snape in bed together and I avoid all such thoughts. Anyway he said to give you these and that you would know appropriate doses. Remus thinks he misses you. Says he's been an absolute grump the last couple of days. Personally I don't see a difference. Remus says it's because I don't want to and that I'm as dense as ever."  
  
Harry smiled at hearing about his friends and family. "Did Ron come back from Austria yet?"  
  
"Nope the Minisry still has him investigating. Hermione said to tell you that he's all right though. The teachers send their regards. Granted most don't know where you are but they all miss you." Taking on a teasing tone of voice Sirius dropped a bag of money on the desk. "Here's your allowance, young man. I think that's it. I'm supposed to be getting back."  
  
Harry went around the desk so he could give his godfather a hug. "Are you sure you can't stay for dinner?"  
  
"Sorry, this is the testing visit. Albus said to keep it short. "Don't worry you'll see me again in two months. I believe Severus has demanded the next visit. Well we'll see. Take care Harry.  
  
"I will." Harry watched as Sirius withdrew the time turner from his robes and with his wand tapped it while reciting the reversal spell, the only way to go back to the time you left with out having to live through all the time separating the two.  
  
Harry stared at the space that his godfather had occupied for a couple of minutes before grabbing a biscuit out of the box and moving to sit back in his seat to return to grading papers. He sighed when he reached his father's essay on Dragon classification. "Dragon classification is one of the most fascinating topics that can be touched upon by an intelligent mind. There are many unknown facets that have yet to be discovered about dragon physiology and anatomy, however, such means are not the only way to classify these magical miracles…" And Harry always thought that the marauders had been creative.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"Quite a few of you disappointed me with your lack of essay writing skills." Harry watched as the young Sirius Black's eyes flicked over to James Potter. "Nott." The boy in the last row jumped when his name was called. Harry walked over to him and set a parchment face down of his desk. "Black." "Evans." "Snape." Harry continued until all of the parchments were returned.  
  
"Alright. I told you that there wasn't any useless essay writing in this class. Next class we will meet outside with the 7th year Care of Magical Creatures class by the groundskeeper's hut. There have been arrangements made to have two dragons with handlers brought onto school property. I expect you to be able to classify the specimens with back up explanations as to how the were classified. The class following that I'll explain how dragon fire fits into our study of the Dark Arts. For all of you who did not do as well as expected I suggest you revise. No notes, after all parchment does tend to be highly flammable. Class dismissed." Harry watched as the students started to pack up their bags. He continued to watch as Black attempted to stealthily shove his essay into his bag. Unfortunately for him he attracted too much attention to himself. Snape noticed and made a grab for the parchment. Sensing an impending battle Harry was standing over the two.  
  
"Something wrong?" He casually asked. Harry turned his gaze to first to Black who just shook his head before going back to shoving his bag full of his supplies, then to Snape who looked startled but quietly replied "No sir."  
  
The young Severus Snape blushed slightly under the gaze of his teacher as he tried to hurry out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind him Harry turned to see Sirius Black and James Potter shifting nervously waiting for the blow from their professor.   
  
Harry sighed and leaned against his desk. He looked hard at both boys. "I'm not so much angry as I am disappointed." The two boys flinched at his choice of words. Harry knew from experience that it always felt worse when teachers were disappointed in a student then if they were just angry. James looked down at the toe of his shoe and tried not to look at the professor. Sirius had gone the opposite direction and looking at the corner of the room above his head. Harry decided now was the time for the cincher. "I expected better from the two of you."  
  
James bit his bottom lip in what seemed to Harry to be an oddly reminiscent gesture. "Can we have another chance, Professor Tyler?"  
  
"The grade will stand." At this pronouncement the two boys seemed to deflate. Harry shook his head. "However if you redo the essay by Friday afternoon so that I can have it graded in time for the practical lesson then I will see what I can be done." The two boys immediately perked up. "Remember this though. This will be your final warning. If I ever catch you doing something like this again you will find yourselves expelled so fast that you won't even have time to say "Gryffindor.'"   
  
The two boys responded a chorused "Yes, sir."  
  
"I will not inform your Head of House this time around. As long as I have your solemn promise to not repeat this with any of the teachers at this school."  
  
"I promise professor." James looked "professor Tyler" right in the eye.  
  
"Good. And you Mr. Black?"  
  
Sirius jerked his head in a quick nod. "It was a stupid and foolish thing to do. I won't do it again I promise."  
  
"Very well then. Off you go. I'm sure that Madame Pince will point you in the right direction." The two boys hoisted their bags and started toward the door. "One last thing, stay away from anything written by Hugh Newtit."  
  
Sirius busted out in a grin, "yes professor."  
  
Harry sat down in his chair as the door closed. Putting his head in his hand he sighed. He could feel the beginning of a headache.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry watched as Madame Pomfrey took care of the three students that had been burned during the practical lesson with the dragons that afternoon. He still wasn't quite sure how it happened though he did know that the burns weren't too bad. He had seen much much worse during his time in Romania. Finally he heard Poppy issue the command to rest while the ointment she had applied took care of the burns. Poppy came over to him and removed the stasis spell she had placed him under.  
  
One minute later Harry flinched as Mme Pomfrey poked and prodded the where the dragon pup had ripped through the flesh on his chest. He smiled slightly as she tutted at him irritably.  
  
"What possessed you into thinking that wrestling a dragon would be a good idea, Professor Tyler?"  
  
"Would you believe that I used to do it for fun?"  
  
"Hmph. Take off your shirt."  
  
Harry leaned forward, "why Poppy, I didn't realize-"  
  
Poppy cut him off quickly. "Nonsense. I need to get a good look at that … tear for lack of a better word." Though the pink tinge to her cheeks betrayed the fact that she enjoyed the attention.  
  
Harry grimaced as he lifted his arms to pull off his shirt. Finally managing the task so Poppy could heal the damage he was startled by a gasp from behind him, which drew Poppy's attention.  
  
"Is something the matter, Mr. Snape? I already took care of those burns, is there another injury that I should be aware of?"  
  
"No Ma'am."  
  
Harry turned at the sound of the meek voice coming from his student. Snape's eyes were wide and his cheeks were red. His attention was drawn away from the young man however as Poppy grabbed his shoulders and forced him to turn further around.  
  
"Gentle Poppy. I didn't hurt my back. What's so interesting?" Harry felt her fingers trace the tattoo on his back.. He decided to answer her unasked question. "About four or five years ago I went out with a friend of mine. The two of us got so plastered that we ended up wandering into a wizarding tattoo parlor and somehow I was convinced to have that put on my back. I've grown rather fond of it." During the story he had turned back around to face the medi-witch. He could tell that she had questions about what it stood for but she just nodded and started to work on the wound. Even though Harry had never planned on getting a tattoo he was glad that he did. On his back was a large red and gold shield with a silver serpent wrapped around it with glowing emerald eyes. The Gryffindor and the Slytherin.  
  
After Poppy finished cleaning and healing the cut as best she could given the fact that dragon pup claws tended to be coated in a poisonous substance that allowed them to survive to adulthood, Harry went over to where the three students were in bed recovering from their minor burns.  
  
"So, what happened? Professor Augustin and I seem to have been otherwise engaged when the three of you got burned."  
  
It was Potter that answered. He was sitting in a chair in between two beds. In one was his girlfriend Lily Evans and in the other was his best friend Sirius Black. "Well you know that the dragon pup had escaped its handlers and started charging toward the students. You jumped in front and Professor Augustin and the handlers tried to stun it. Anyway Snape must have been really scared because he started to back up really quick, even though you were still pretty far off with the dragon. He backed right into Sirius who stumbled against one of the posts that had been set up in order to test the strength of fire. The post fell and roll over one of the adult dragon's claw."  
  
Lily took up the story. "The dragon must have been only annoyed since no fire was actually… I guess breathed would be the right word."  
  
"Just full of hot air I guess, huh?" Harry smirked at the students and they all laughed.  
  
"Professor, where did you learn to wrestle dragons like that?" The timid voice of Severus joined in the conversation. James and Lily looked expectantly at the professor. Sirius attempted to glare at the Slytherin for opening his mouth but he was interested too so he failed utterly.   
  
Harry decided to go for the truth. It wouldn't hurt anything. "I used to work with a dragon colony. Only for a short time though. I helped out a few of the handlers, when the smaller dragons would get out of hand. A quick way of getting them back under control was to make a slight cut between their toes on one of their hind legs. It stops them in their tracks and doesn't really hurt them. It just shocks them. But to do that you have to get near to their hind legs, therefore you wrestle them. Took a little while to get the hang of."  
  
The four students looked at him with expressions of awe on their faces. Sirius Black stated what was on all their minds. "That must have taken nerves of steel. Weren't you scared?"  
  
"Not at all. I've had worse things happen to me." Harry smiled at his students before standing up. "I better be going. Madame Pomfrey will have my head if I don't let you rest. Mr. Potter I believe your next class starts in 15 minutes. I expect to hear that you attended."  
  
"Yes professor Tyler." Harry nodded and exited the hospital wing.   
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
To be continued.  
  
Read and Review. Positive feedback makes me write faster! 


	4. Chapter Four: Consequences of Saving a ...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: Now PG-13 to R later on  
  
Author Note: I've never written a story like this before let alone read one. So if this story resembles anyone's no infringement was intended. Starting with this chapter there will be glimpses into the relationship between Harry and Severus in Harry's time.  
  
One final note: Someone asked about me not raising the rating. And I'll say this. I can probably keep it at PG-13. I do, however, have the whole thing planned out and part of it is R. So I say that majority rules. If you all want me to keep the rating down I will try my hardest. The original version (R or NC-17) will be posted at the yahoo group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SnapexHarryML/ - for those of you who want to read it.  
So far their is no difference.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Thank you to all those that reviewed: Kalina Quantum, Lee Lee Potter, Nagini, Kateri, Mali, Faerie Angst, Katy 999, atalante, yiota, Lorid, sithminion.  
  
Mikee: Of course, you have to remember that Future!Severus remembers everything that happened between him and "Professor Tyler"   
  
Ami: The meaning behind the tattoo, you'll find out later. As far as finding out if Young Severus has a crush--you'll just have to read and find out.  
  
Kaat ShadowLover: The 'tryst' was in fifth year, something that you will find out more avout later. Their in sixth year (it was in the first chapter). I absolutely love MOM so it is probable that Midnight Blue has in some way influenced me =)  
  
  
Chapter Four: Consequences of Saving a Life  
  
*The Past *  
  
"Did you see that Siri? It was bloody awesome!" James sat down on the couch in the common room next to his best friend.   
  
"Yeah." Sirius was looking into the fire.  
  
"What's wrong, Sirius?" Remus sat in the armchair by the couch. Peter plopped himself down on the rug in front of the fireplace.  
  
"Well I was contemplating the fire until Peter sat his fat arse in front of it." Sirius mock glared at the boy on the rug, but his eyes were filled with laughter.  
  
"Ver… very fu… funny, Sirius." Peter didn't smile back like he usually did. In fact James thought that Peter had been smiling less and less recently. In fact he had started to close in on himself and didn't take part in as many pranks as he used to. Always either had an excuse or would start moaning about how likely they were to get caught. James tugged on Remus' sleeve.  
  
"Did you see Professor Tyler today? That was bloody-"  
  
"James! Watch your language!"  
  
"Yes Lily, darling."  
  
Remus rolled his eyes at the verbal byplay. "Yea, I saw. It was brilliant. I wonder where he learned that."  
  
"He told us while we were in the hospital wing. He said he learned it while working with dragons."  
  
"James, Remy, Peter --"  
  
"Ah the quiet one speaks at last." James punched Sirius in the shoulder.  
  
"Shut up, Jamie. Seriously-"   
  
"Do you realize how funny it is to hear you say 'seriously' Sirius?"  
  
"Shut up Remy. Do you realize that professor Tyler saved us today? He jumped in front of a bloody dragon-"  
  
"Language Sirius!"  
  
"Be quiet Lily. I'm not your boyfriend you can't order me around. As I was saying, he jumped in front of a dragon so that it wouldn't attack the students. Someone could've gotten really hurt today. Professor Tyler-"  
  
"Oh stop being so dull and boring Sirius."  
  
"James."  
  
"I mean it. Any of the teachers would have saved us. He just happened to look really cool while doing it."  
  
"Well I think that it was bloody amazing that he would put himself in danger like that for someone else. I think that I'm going to stop singling him out for my personal pranks."  
  
"About time. It's not like any of them had worked anyway. He always figured them out." Remus stated before picking up his book and starting to read.  
  
"James?" Lily walked up to the quartet with a piece of parchment clutched in her hand. "This fell out of your Defense book. Do you care to explain."  
  
"Shite!" James watched as Lily waved his Defense essay under his nose.  
  
"Language! Well?"  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
  
"Are you alright, Severus? I noticed that you were one of the ones that got burned today." Lucius walked into the sixth year boys' dorm and sat at the foot of Severus' bed.  
  
Severus didn't even bother looking up from the book he was reading. "I'm perfectly alright. The burns were not that serious. Madame Pomfrey took care of them quickly and effectively."  
  
"Alright then. Did you see Professor Tyler today? He was ruthless when he went after that dragon. He looks lethal with that dagger."  
  
"I'm glad that you have come to appreciate that dagger, Lucius. I for one never want to see it so close to me again. Especially since I was sitting across from you at the welcoming feast. I had to watch the bloody thing fly toward me." Severus turned the page of the book that he was reading.  
  
Lucius looked at the young man sitting on the bed. He never liked being ignored and Severus had been attempting to do that since the welcoming feast. "What are you reading?"  
  
The page turned again. Severus still didn't look up from the book. "I'm not reading, I'm revising."  
  
Lucius let out a harsh sigh. "Well then, what are you revising?"  
  
"Defense."  
  
"Again? Honestly Severus that's all that you have been studying lately. Why would you want to learn defense against the Dark Arts anyway. It is so much more fun to actually practice the Dark Arts. Have you learned any interesting curses or hexes lately?"  
  
"Do be quiet, Lucius." The page turned again.   
  
Lucius became determined to make the dark haired young man talk to him. "What about Dark potions. Has your grandfather sent you any new recipes to try? Hey now that I think about I haven't seen you study potions all that often this year. True you are still top of the class in potions for your year, but you aren't trying nearly as hard as you used to. What's wrong.? The only thing that I ever see you revising for is Defense…." Lucius trailed off.   
  
Severus sighed and laid the book down next to him on the bed. He had a feeling he knew where this was going and he didn't like it at all. "Your point being, Lucius?"  
  
"You're falling for the defense teacher aren't you?"  
  
"I don't have the faintest idea what you are talking about." The blush that arose on his cheeks however betrayed him.  
  
"You like him don't you? Why?" The silver eyed boy stared at the black eyed one.  
  
Severus gave up. There was no way that he was going to be able to deter Lucius now. "There's just something about him. He doesn't take sides like all the other teachers. He's fair to all the houses. He doesn't prejudge us just because we're Slytherins."  
  
"That's it? Come on Sevy, there has to be more."  
  
"Do not call me Sevy. I may have known you since before you started at Hogwarts but that doesn't allow you to call me Sevy. If you must know it's his eyes. They're intense and beautiful. There's a light in them that attracts me. There are also so many shadows. When combined with their emerald green color it almost reminds me of a jungle. One I wouldn't mind getting lost in. Sometimes when he's teaching class, we'll be discussing something and his eyes will spark and for a minute and I feel like I can see through the cold façade he puts up. I feel like I can see his pain coming through his eyes." Severus got a far off look in his eyes as he started to talk about professor Tyler.  
  
"Boy do you have it bad. You've even gone so far as to start waxing philosophical. So what are you going to do about it?"  
  
"Nothing. He's a professor."  
  
"Well have you checked the school rules? Is there anything there against teacher-student relationships? I don't think there are, but you could always go check." Severus had begun to lift the book back up to continue reading when Lucius made his suggestion. He stopped midway through the motion his eyes out of focus and his brain working overtime. Severus never noticed the other boy leave.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry looked up from his contemplation of the scroll and into the soft slightly twinkling eyes of the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was also the leader of an elite group called the Order of the Phoenix. Albus turned away from him and looked toward the young auror who also worked for the Order. She had been assigned to watch him as he read and translated the scroll.  
  
"Alright Arabella, you can go. I would like to speak to Octavian alone for a moment. I don't think that your services will be needed. After all I believe that Octavian has other things he must do. He's been stuck in this room since after dinner and it's already after midnight."  
  
"Of course Headmaster. Have a nice night, Octavian."   
  
"Likewise Miss Figg." Harry nodded to the young woman in her twenties. He had never actually gotten to know Arabella Figg in his own time. She had been one of the earlier losses in the war against Voldemort. He hadn't even been in England when she fell. She left and the Headmaster took her seat.  
  
"So Octavian how goes the translation?" Albus looked at him hard. Harry knew that look quite well. It was the 'You'll be very sorry if you lie to me' look.   
  
Harry sighed and put down the quill that he had been writing his translation of the scroll with. He cast a quick drying spell on the parchment and passed it over to Albus.   
  
Albus adjusted his half-moon glasses that rested on the bridge of nose and began to read. He sighed as he looked over the top. A list of titles and names were the first things. Some had no translation that Harry could find. They were purely concepts that were unique to snake thinking. Those he left. "Very pompous Voldemort is, don't you think, Octavian?"  
  
Harry made a sound low in his throat to describe exactly what he thought of Voldemort's opinion of himself.   
  
"I suppose the phrases that you left you can't translate?"  
  
"Well I could, if you let me write a dissertation on social structure in snake colonies."  
  
"Ah. I see." Albus went back to his reading. "Attack plans?"  
  
"As far as I could gather."  
  
"Did you come across when this might occur?" Albus' eyes were filled with worry as he read through the orders on the scroll.  
  
"I was looking for it when you came in. Translating it quickly in my head, but no. I don't know when he plans to attack that family. It seems that he just moved on to the next plan. My guess is that he kept that information to himself in case something like this happened. We have the scroll, and someone to translate it." Albus raised a single eyebrow at the use of the word we. Harry just shrugged his shoulders. "I may not be fighting alongside you and the Order but the fact is I am translating a scroll that will hopeful lead to his downfall." Harry bit his tongue at the small lie. He knew perfectly well that the scroll would not lead to Voldemort's downfall; it would only weaken him for a while.  
  
"Alright then. I will inform the Weasley's about the possibility of an attack upon their family and arrange for a safe house. Hopefully everything gets arranged in time."  
  
"I hope so too. The Light needs everyone it can get."  
  
"I agree, Octavian. I agree. Go and get some sleep. You can come work on the scroll later. But you need to rest. I arranged for the house elves to leave you some tea to relax you in your quarters. Good night, my boy." Albus stood and waited for Octavian to stand also before ushering him out of the small, windowless room somewhere in the bowels of the castle. Taking the original scroll as well as the translation he stood and looked back into the room. At least the translation was getting somewhere. Albus sighed and headed out of the room. He had a long night ahead of him. He'd have to contact Harold Potter and see if there was anything that they could arrange for the Weasley's.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
  
*The Future: Harry's Seventh Year *  
  
Harry stretched languidly under the duvet before finally settling into a position against Severus' side with his head on the older man's shoulder.  
  
"You act like a cat, do you realize that?"  
  
Harry rubbed his cheek against the chest it was resting on. "I've never heard you complain." Harry turned his head slightly and started to press kisses along Severus' collarbone.   
  
"You're also insatiable." The satin of Severus' voice ran sent a shiver down Harry's spine.   
  
"I've never you heard you complain about that either." Harry shifted so that he could continue to kiss his lover. He kissed his way up Severus' neck until he reached the other man's ear and then he traced the outer edge with his tongue before lightly blowing on it. He could feel Severus' muscles tense beneath where his hand where it lay on his chest.   
  
Severus wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him back down next to him and pushed his head down onto his chest. Harry made a small grunt of protest but Severus shushed him. "You need to go to sleep you have to sit exams tomorrow in case you forgot. I shouldn't have even let you come down here tonight. You should be revising."  
  
"Oh come on Sev. It's my defense N.E.W.T., I could pass it in my sleep." Harry did however settle down against Severus' chest.  
  
"Nevertheless you should get rest." Severus sighed and closed his eyes.  
  
A minute of silence stretched between the two men the only sound was their steady breathing. Severus was just about drop off when Harry spoke into the darkness. "Sev, why have you been constantly there pulling me out of danger and saving my life?"  
  
Severus' eyes opened and he looked up at the ceiling. "You're a student it's my job to protect you."   
  
The answer actually startled Harry; it wasn't what he had been expecting. "Not because you love me?"  
  
"That came later. I'm still not sure you love me though."  
  
"How can you say that?" Indignant green eyes looked up at him from his chest. Severus could feel the muscles in Harry's back tensing. "I thought-" Severus put a finger to Harry's lips.  
  
"I mean it's just so unbelievable that someone as incredible as you-" a finger was pressed to his lips in return.  
  
"I guess I'll just have to show you how incredible you are." The finger was removed from his lips and a set of lips settled over his own. An agile tongue coaxed Severus' lips opened and then delved to explore his mouth.  
  
Ending the kiss Severus pulled away and took a deep breath. "And how were you planning to do that?" A weight settled on his chest and he felt lips press against his neck. Suddenly the mouth bit down causing him to gasp. A tongue then descended onto where Harry had bit him, lightly licking the mark. A thumb started to rub against his nipple and he moaned in response.  
  
Severus felt a breath against his ear. "I'm sure that I'll think of something."  
  
"I'm sure that you will."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
A little slashyness for those of you that crave it. Throughout the story there will be glimpses into the future to show how Harry and Severus' relationship has developed over the years. 


	5. Chapter Five: Odd Friendships

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: Now PG-13 to NC-17 later on  
  
Author Note: I've never written a story like this before let alone read one. So if this story resembles anyone's no infringement was intended.   
  
I've decided to up the rating to R here and NC-17 on the SnapexHarryML. Just thought that I would tell you since it will be happening in the next couple of chapters.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Thank you to everyone that reviewed. I'll write individual thank you's when FF.net tells me who's who, everyone is coming up as zing@fanfiction.net.  
  
To KaatShadowLover: I recognize you because of your long review. I love long reviews. To answer some of your questions. Think of the document as troop deployments and such, there is too much for Voldie to take care of therefore he wrote himself a reminder. He didn't think that he'd have to worry about losing it, since no one else can read it. As for the unsuspecting Dumbledore, he is waaaaay to trusting. And you'll see not everyone trusts 'Octavian Tyler'  
  
Chapter Five: Odd Friendships  
  
*The Past *  
  
Harry was totally absorbed in reorganizing his lesson plans for the next month that he didn't see the man that walked into his office to lean against the doorframe.  
  
"Knock. Knock" Harry looked up to be greeted by the smirking face of his former arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy. Although he didn't quite look like the Draco he always knew. This Draco had brown hair and violet eyes. The smirk was the same. "Miss me, Tyler?"  
  
"Not really. So they sent you to check up on me huh? What happened to sending Sev?" Harry motioned for Draco to come in and close the door. He did, followed by powerful locking and silencing spells. "I thought Siri said that Sev demanded the next visit."  
  
Draco perched himself on the edge of the desk and picked up a paperweight and started shifting it from hand to hand. Harry took a book and set it on top of the papers so they wouldn't fly away. He had learned that lesson the hard way. Finally the former blond spoke. "Oh he did. He just couldn't make it. Albus has all the visits planned out. So how have you been? Working hard?"  
  
"Why couldn't he make it? Did something happen?" Harry leaned back in his chair and looked up at Draco.  
  
"You're like that mangy godfather of yours with a bone. You just won't let go." Harry raised an eyebrow. "He got called, hit with Crucio and he's under Poppy's care. Happy. I told you and he's going to skin me alive because I wasn't supposed to tell you."  
  
"Thank you, Dray. Why didn't he want me to know?"  
  
"Simple. He says you worry too much."  
  
"Well someone has to worry about him. He certainly doesn't worry about himself?" Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose.  
  
"Getting a headache?" Harry mutely nodded. "Normal headache, bad headache or Voldemort headache?"  
  
"Non Voldemort migraines. I've been getting them off and on for the past month."  
  
"Why didn't you tell Siri? Severus would have made you that potion you always take." Draco looked at him reproachfully.  
  
"I would have, but the first one set in two minutes after he left. Ask him why, I'll bet he'll avoid answering until you have him tackled and pinned."  
  
"Tempting." A feral glint entered Draco's eyes. Draco's favorite activity always tended to be besting someone in a fight. However there was something about that look…  
  
"I don't want to know. Please don't tell me." Harry placed his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers. "So what does Albus want to know this time around?"  
  
Draco pushed himself off the desk and went over to one of the windows. Looking out over the grounds for a minute he turned around and leaned on the windowsill. "The first thing he wanted to know was if the bond was affecting you. Did you feel him get called?"  
  
"No. The bond's inactive. We're in different times periods. I'm not bonded to the Severus in this time."  
  
"I still don't get why the two of you did that."  
  
"It was just a blood rite Draco. You can read all about it in quite a few books that can be found in the school library."  
  
"In the Restricted Section."  
  
"We aren't students anymore. There is no restricted section for us."  
  
"In the Dark Arts books." Harry just shrugged. Draco knew that he wouldn't be getting anymore of his questions answered about the life blood bond that Harry and Severus had performed a handful of years before.  
  
"Second question: How is the translating going? Albus was worried about you having enough time."  
  
"Going fine. It's still a little slow but the Order is finally starting to give me more access to the scroll. Before they were only allowing me to see a few lines at a time. At least now I can look at the whole thing. I'm supervised but I don't think that will change, and quite a few individuals don't trust me."  
  
"Same ole, same ole."  
  
"Basically."   
  
Draco moved to sit in one of the chairs across from Harry's desk. "Albus wanted to know how you are getting along with the students and he wanted me to remind you about the last thing he asked of you before you left. Didn't tell me what it was though."   
  
Harry smiled. Just like Albus to make sure he remembered that he couldn't touch  
Severus. "He told me that the students were off limits."  
  
Draco gave a small laugh. "He didn't want you to fall for a student this time. Last time you fell, you fell for a teacher. It shouldn't be a problem though, right?"  
  
"Depends on the way you look at it."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Severus Snape has developed a crush."  
  
"It must be killing you to watch him moon over someone else." Draco gave Harry a sympathetic look.  
  
"Not at all. My guess is that he's 'mooning' over me."  
  
"Are you sure?"   
  
Harry raised his eyebrow again. "I've taught for at least three years. Even before then I dealt with hormonal teenagers constantly. I can tell when someone has a crush. He's almost as bad as Ginny Weasley."  
  
Draco's eyes opened wide in shock. "That's impossible. Snape? Has a crush as bad as *The * 'Ginny crush on Harry'? I can't believe it."  
  
Harry nodded his head. "All common signs are present. First to come to class, last to leave. Visits my office at least twice a week with an absolutely ridiculous question that I know he already knows the answer to. Forgets to take notes during class and instead I can feel him following me with his eyes. It's unnerving. And let's not even touch the way he blushes when I acknowledge his presence with the least bit of kindness. Oh and he'll be talking non stop with Lucius or another Slytherin, and no matter the topic if I come anywhere near, even just passing in the hall he immediately closes his mouth and turns a lovely shade of cherry red."  
  
"Who could have imagined that Snape behaved like a normal teenager once?"  
  
"Draco, was I that bad during sixth year?"  
  
"I never noticed. From what I understand neither did Granger or Weasley. Speaking of whom. Granger told me to tell you that the Weasel was going to be home by the time that you returned to the present. And she sent one of those care package things." Draco started to empty his pockets. A small box and a tiny book were brought out of one and re-enlarged. Out of another pocket refills of all the potions that Sirius had brought with him last time. "Severus sent you more potions. The box is from Granger. The book is from Severus. He said that you had been waiting for it come out. Something about essays on -"  
  
"Forming barriers and shields against the Dark Arts using basic spells without tying in complex rituals. I can't remember the name of the book though. I'll have to charm it into something that no one will look twice at though."  
  
"Do the blank page spell. You know that spell that all the girls started doing in fifth year, so no one could read their diaries. It should work. And if you get the locking spell right then you won't have to worry about someone else reading it."  
  
"Not a bad idea." Harry's stomach growled and he looked over at the watch he had set on his desk. He had totally missed lunch it was now nearly dinner. "Care to go get a bite to eat in Hogsmeade, Draco?"  
  
"Sure, I'm in no rush. The three broomsticks? I want to see what Rosmerta looks like now."  
  
"Whatever as long as I don't end up in another wizarding tattoo parlor."  
  
Draco laughed. "You won't as long as you don't get drunk." He slung a companionable arm around Harry and the two headed for the exit and headed on their way to the wizarding village.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*   
  
Severus had all of the various school charters spread out in front of him on the library table. Each tome detailed the various regulations that had been passed over the years. Severus decided that he would go back to the oldest issues just to make sure that it wasn't an early law that had been taken for granted and not recopied in the newer books. So far he hadn't found anything that would keep him from carrying on a relationship with Octavian Tyler. Of course he had to convince his professor that he wasn't just a silly child. But he could plan that after he covered the rule part. Severus picked up one of the older ones and started flippling through the pages looking for any section that such rules might be under.  
  
"I heard about your grandfather. My condolences. I know you were close to him."  
  
The sound of the voice shocked Severus. The book he was flipping through fell to the table. He looked over the pile to see Black leaning against a shelf of books. "It happened almost three weeks ago. He wouldn't have wanted me to dwell on it. Besides it's not like he died. He's just in a ministry cell. Four months there and a 500 galleon fine. But then you didn't come here to talk about my grandfather. What do you want, Black."  
  
"I came to call a momentary truce."  
  
Severus let out a long sigh before looking at the young man questioningly. "Now why would you want to do that? We've been doing so well at hating each other. Let's continue. Go away."  
  
"I can't continue trying to get you angry if you never get angry. I've never had this problem before. You always rise to the bait." Sirius gave Snape a very insincere smile.  
  
"I have more important things to do than to have this immensely idiotic conversation. Go away."  
  
"Something's been bothering you. Why don't you just tell me so I can help and then we can go back to hating each other and fighting and what not. Then everyone will be happy again." Sirius sat down across from Severus. He examined all of the books on the table. "Why are you going through the rule books? Trying to get us in trouble?"  
  
"No."  
  
"This is my point. Your answer is supposed to be yes. The Marauders are the bane of your existence. You hate us. We hate you. It's the way the world works. We make your life unbearable and you and your friends do the same for us."  
  
Severus raised one eyebrow and looked at the boy across from him. "You are so simplistic, Black. I'm not attempting to get you expelled but trust me that I would like nothing better. I'm just trying to find some school rules on a particular matter. I will go much faster if you leave."  
  
"You haven't been acting yourself lately. It's really noticeable in Defense class when Professor Tyler is lecturing." Sirius watched as Severus tried to control a blush that was rising on his cheeks. "You're falling for a teacher. That's what you're looking for. Rules regarding student-teacher relationships. Well you might as well stop looking."  
  
Severus snapped his head up. "What do you mean Black?"  
  
"There aren't any. You're free and clear. James and I know every single rule in this school backwards and forwards. We researched this one a couple years ago to make sure we had it right before we started… nevermind."  
  
"I don't want to know. You're sure that there are no rules. Why should I trust you anyway." The lack of trust shone in Severus' eyes.  
  
"Consider it one last favor. Besides I think that you hooking up with professor Tyler is a really bad idea. But I can think of a few up points."  
  
"You said there aren't any school rules."  
  
"Nothing to do with rules. It's a bad idea because the man is bloody dangerous. In case you don't remember he took on a dragon, single handedly. Of course he might just kill you so that could always be considered a plus." Sirius grinned at Severus evilly.  
  
"I don't think he would." Severus stood and started to pile the books into a neat pile.  
"Now that I've done my good deed of the day…" Sirius leaned over and knocked the pile of books onto the ground. He smiled and turned to leave the library.   
  
Severus glared at his retreating back. "I'm going to make your life a living hell Black."  
Sirius turned back around. He had his hands in his pockets and the stupid grin still plastered on his face. "That's what I expect."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Future: Harry age 21  
  
Harry paced back and forth across the living room floor of the flat that he shared with Ron in London. He was bored. He looked up at the muggle clock that was hung on the wall next to the wizarding clock. On the latter clock Ron's hand was pointed to 'work'. Harry's was pointed at 'bored.' Harry didn't look at that clock though, he looked at the muggle one. 6:00pm. On a Saturday. Harry once again went through all his options. Ron was out on a mission for the auror division, Harry had been sent on 'vacation'. One of the mandatory kind that gets assigned when someone overworks themselves. University was still in session so Hermione was probably unavailable, it was rather close to the end of term. Sirius was teaching at Hogwarts this year and he had gotten chaperone duty for the Hogsmeade weekend, so even if he was available now he'd have to get up early to escort the students back for their second day. Remus was out doing something or other for Dumbledore. As for Severus, he had made it quite clear that he would be grading papers all night, and that if Harry did decide to "stop by" that he would be pointedly ignored until all his papers were graded. Damn Severus and his procrastination anyway. That only left one person that Harry ever felt comfortable going out with, Draco. But after the last time…  
  
Harry paced some more before finally giving in and going over to the fire to call Draco. An hour and a half later found him leaving his flat to apperate to Hogsmeade to meet Draco at the Three Broomsticks.  
"Potter." Harry headed over to the table where the blond sat fingering a glass of what could only be firewhiskey.  
  
"Started without me Malfoy?" Harry sat across from Malfoy and motioned for Rosmerta to bring the same thing that Malfoy was drinking.  
  
"Of course. So you said you were bored oh mighty auror. How did that lead here instead of the dungeons of Hogwarts. I'm sure that Severus could have found a way to entertain you."  
  
"Shut up Malfoy. Or did you forget that we're keeping it quiet."  
  
"Sooner or later your godfather will find out and then the whole world will be made aware of it as he is carted off to Azkaban for killing Severus." Harry rolled his eyes at the other man. "That still doesn't answer why we're here instead of you heading over to the dungeons. Wasn't the last visit to St. Mungo's proof enough that the two of us shouldn't go drinking together without supervision?"  
  
"I don't want to think about that, alcohol poisoning and blood loss certainly don't mix. As for the reason I'm here with you instead of visiting Sev, that's simple." Harry paused and waited for a good moment. Draco was sipping his whiskey and looking around the bar. When his head was turned as far away from Harry as possible Harry continued. "After all one can't survive on sex alone." Just as planned the whiskey was soon spit out over some un-expecting patron.  
  
"Not funny, Potter. There has to be something more to your relationship for it to last as long as it has."  
  
"Oh there is, but you should have seen the look on your face. It was bloody brilliant."  
  
"You're trying to become a comedian Potter?"  
  
"Not yet. Do you think that I would stand a chance, Malfoy?"  
  
"Get enough firewhiskey in you and you do." Harry smiled at his former schoolmate. He enjoyed the bickering that was no longer mean spirited but instead usually quite friendly."   
  
A silence fell over the two men while they measured how much they had changed over the months that they hadn't seen each other. Draco no longer kept his hair slicked back, and he usually carried a multitude of weapons, of course Harry didn't see most of them. Harry looked at the revolver Draco had in a shoulder holster. His jacket had been cast aside on the chair next to him. "I miss being able to carry a gun."  
  
"What ever happened to yours anyway. Remus and Sirius made sure we were both fairly decent shots."  
  
"It's in its box in Sev's rooms. Auror policy, the only 'visible' weapon allowed is your wand. A gun was too hard to hide. The dagger wasn't though. I usually keep it in my boot. I could get bloody fired if they found out I was carrying unauthorized weapons."  
  
"Why are you even with the aurors anyway. I mean I'm sure that you'd be more use to the Order than the ministry. I hear that Albus is looking for a new teacher for next term."  
  
"The Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Albus has offered me the position every year since I returned from Romania." Harry motioned to Rosmerta for another drink. She came over with the bottle, setting it down on their table in between them.  
  
"No impromptu knife fights in the middle of my bar this time around you two. I have no intention of shipping you off to St. Mungo's again. This time I'll move the bodies outside and let you die." They two men looked at her and noticed the twinkle in her eye.  
  
"Ah, Roz. You know that you'd miss us if we were to leave this plane of existence." Draco smirked and watched as she slapped him lightly on the shoulder.  
  
"You break any of my tables this time around…"  
  
"And there won't be anything left for St. Mungo's to fix." Harry finished for her.  
  
"You two remember that." And she left them to their drinks.  
  
"So why don't you just take the job?" Draco asked picking up the conversation where they had left off. "You'd be closer to Severus."  
  
"I don't know if I want to live with Sev."  
  
"You could live with him now. You did there for a while." Harry didn't respond. "So what happened to that arrangement anyway. You only lived together for six months before you moved back in with Ron."  
  
"Severus is impossible to live with."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"In case you haven't noticed, he's a stubborn git."  
  
Draco laughed. He was probably one of the only people who ever saw the relationship between Severus and Harry in actuality. Albus was the other one. In private the two acted totally different then they did in public. It was entertaining to see. "You are just now realizing this Potter? You've been together for what? Four years?"  
  
"Something like that. No I've always known." Harry took a muggle pen out of his pocket and started to draw on one of the napkins. "The problem lies in the fact that I'm stubborn too. Makes for some really nasty fights."  
  
"I've never seen the two of you fight."  
  
"We don't." Harry poured himself another shot of whiskey before gulping it down and pouring another.  
  
"Then how do you know that it makes for some rather nasty fights?"  
  
"Would you believe that I just do?"  
  
"No. You know that Roz is going to kill you for drawing all over her napkins. What are you bloody drawing anyway?" Draco leaned over and took the napkin away from Harry. The latter didn't stop him. A shield with a snake wrapped around it. "What is this bloody thing?"  
  
"The Potter family crest."  
  
"That's not the Potter family crest."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"My father had it on some important documents. Your grandfather always magicked it next to his signature. The Potter family crest is a sword-"  
  
Harry cut him off, "with a lion head on one side and a bloody rose on the other. I know. It looks like a bloody girl with overly romantic ideas of chivalry drew the thing."  
  
"Well this doesn't look anything like the family crest."  
  
"I'm changing it. This is more appropriate."   
  
Draco looked the other man up and down. "You're right it is more you. So why else don't you want the Defense Against the Dark Arts job?"  
  
"Besides the fact that my whole life has been nothing other than Defense Against the Dark Arts?"  
  
"So doesn't that make you especially qualified to take the job?"  
  
"Actually I was planning on it. Sev's been right. I'm not doing nearly as much with the aurors as I could be."  
  
"You've talked this over with Severus? He's actually told you that you shouldn't be with the aurors. I thought he supported all of your decisions."   
  
"Of course. We talked about it years ago. This was one decision that he didn't agree with."  
  
"Hence you moving out. The mystery solved itself." Draco slipped one of his stilettos out from his sleeve and started to balance the tip on his middle finger. He had built up calluses over the years and such tricks no longer drew blood. He flipped the stiletto over so that the point was on the table and he spun it around.  
  
Rosmerta walked over with another bottle of firewhiskey. "If you two want this the weapon gets put away."  
  
"It's not like Harry has his drawn."  
  
"No bloodshed in my bar you two. Put it away Draco." Draco tossed the blade into the air catching the hilt with the blade pointed toward his arm. With his forefinger he pushed the stiletto back into it's sheath on his arm. The bottle was set on the table with a resounding thud. Draco smirked at the back of the retreating woman before returning his attention to his companion.  
  
"There's got to be a reason other then the fact that you're qualified. Admit it Harry. You're just taking the job so that you can be closer to Severus."  
  
"I can't get closer to Severus."  
  
"Harry," Draco's tone of voice was that of an adult to a little child. It could have been the alcohol though. "You live in London, Severus lives here in Scotland. That's pretty far apart. I'm sure that you can get a hell of a lot closer."  
  
Harry watched as Draco downed yet another shot of firewhiskey. He decided to confide his biggest secret in Draco. After all he wanted to tell someone, had for a while but he didn't want to explain the whole situation. The alcohol also made it easier to get open up. "Not like that you idiot. We're bonded."  
  
"Oh my god. Since when?"  
  
"About a year." Harry laughed at Malfoy sitting across from him with his mouth hanging open. Harry drew his dagger and used the tip to reach across and close his mouth.   
  
"Potter!" Harry turned to Roz who had yelled at him, she was waving her finger at him in a scolding manner. He slid the dagger back into his boot sheath.  
  
"Just because someone breaks a few tables and scared away a bunch of customers is no reason to scold them for playing with weapons." The two men snickered and continued to drink covering a variety of topics about what they had been up to over the last few months.  
  
Halfway through their third bottle Draco once again pulled the napkin that Harry had been drawing on while they were talking and looked at his 'crest'.   
  
"That would make a bloody awesome tattoo, Potter." Draco's voice was slurred but still mostly recognizable.  
  
"Wha?"  
  
"Come on. Let's go!" Draco stood up, albeit a little unsteadily and dragged the other man up. "Roz we're gonna borrow your fire place k?"  
  
"Just get out of here you two." A couple minutes later found the two men in the middle of the Diagon Alley entertainment district. A wobbly Draco pulling an equally wobbly Harry after him into one of the shops that lined the streets.  
  
After pushing Harry down into a chair Draco started to pull things out of the many pockets that lined his pants. Vials of poison followed by a switchblade and projectile weapons with a letter falling on top. "I knew that I had it somewhere!"  
  
"Had what?"  
  
"That letter. The seal you use on the wax is that picture."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
A rough voice coming from the back room interrupted their conversation. "How can I help you?"..........  
  
........."Hey Harry, close your door! That's not what I want to see first thing in the morning!" Harry rolled over from his stomach onto his back before sitting up and groaning in pain. Ron's voice carried from the other room. "If you two are doing what I think you're doing your door better be shut. While you're at it put up silencing charms!"  
  
Harry climbed out of bed to shut the door, turning back to his bed he noticed Draco was passed out on it. "What the hell. Draco!"  
  
Draco groaned and turned on his side. "I have the biggest headache. Oh god what am I doing here?"  
  
Harry rubbed his head and sat down. They were still clothed from the waist down so that was a good thing. "We most likely got blitzed, you helped me home and then we passed out." Harry collapsed back on the bed and then immediately bolted upright as he yelped in pain.  
  
"Silencing charms!" Harry turned to his bedroom door and turned back to Draco.  
  
"I wonder when Ron got back."  
  
"I'd rather know when you got the tattoo."  
  
"What?" Harry looked back at Draco who was pointing at his back. Harry put his hand on his back and quickly moved it as a shot of pain went through it. "No way, I can't have a tattoo on my back. What is it?"  
  
"Your new family crest." Draco snickered. Harry whipped around to glare at him. "What?"  
  
"This HAS to be all your fault. I always end up in the stupidest situations when we go out. I'm so gonna kill you, Malfoy!" Draco moved from the bed to the door.   
  
"You'll have to catch me first!" He darted through the bedroom door. "Bye Weasel. Catch you later Potter!"  
  
Harry walked out of his bedroom to see Ron at the kitchen table eating breakfast.  
  
"Is there a reason that Malfoy just flooed out of here half dressed and with no shoes looking like he just got shagged?" Ron asked with a suggestive rise to his eyebrows.  
  
Harry was about to object when he remembered that everyone thought that he and Draco were having an off and on again fling. "'Cause he convinced me to get a tattoo last night and I threatened to kill him this morning."  
  
"A tattoo? That's bloody brilliant."  
  
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I wanted to give you a little more of Draco's and Harry's friendship. I thought that this scene would do it. I was a little nervous about posting it, though. I hoped you liked it. And don't ask... Nothing happened between them, they just passed out.  
  
Read and Review. Positive feedback makes me write faster. 


	6. Chapter Six: Detentions

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: Now PG-13 to probably R or NC-17 later on  
  
Author Note: I've never written a story like this before let alone read one. So if this story resembles anyone's no infringement was intended. This chapter shows one of the parallels that exist in the relationship b/w Harry and Severus in both times. You'll understand when you see it. The later part was inspired by my favorite type of detention fanfic - "The Dictionary Detention."  
  
A secondary note. Sort of starting in this chapter is a switch from the set up chapters. You'll see more into the differences between Harrry and Severus. There will also be a more angsty turn to the story. You'll see what I mean. Enjoy.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Thank you's to everyone I missed last time, ff.net was acting wierd, but here are my thank you's from chapters 3&4&5 - Dark Hikari Kamiya, Athenakitty, JungAnya, Smiling D'hao, blackunicorn, Saavik, Jess the Great, Lady FoxFire, Nora Charles, Mikee, Caster, moraco, desert wren, atalante, sunny-historian, Cloudburst2000, Emma.   
And a big thank you to my repeat reviewers: Kateri, Lee Lee Potter, Faerie Angst, Katy 999, Nagini. The fact that you let me know you're still reading keeps me writing  
  
Kaat Shadowlover: Dumbledore mainly wanted Harry to think about what he was doing and to remember that the Severus in the past wasn't the same Severus he knew -keep them separate (if that makes sense) I always thought that there had to be more to the Severus Sirius relationship, I'm glad that you find it believable you'll actually find out a little more about it later. You'll definitely find out more about the bond.  
  
~Mary~: As for the story behind the fight in the bar and other things that are mentioned, they are part of the back/side story to Paradox. I know all about them and after I finish writing Paradox, if people want the short vignettes I'll post them too as companion pieces.  
  
I'm really glad that everyone liked the Harry-Draco interaction, I had a blast writing it. They're just so much fun to write. You'll see more of them later. Have fun.   
  
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Chapter Six: Detentions  
  
*The Past*  
  
Severus Snape stared straight ahead. He'd been trying to get a detention in Professor Tyler's class for over two weeks. The only one that he'd managed to get he had to serve with Black and Lupin. It was just his luck that Black had decided it would be a great idea to pass notes. One would think that he would learn that Professor Tyler didn't tolerate misbehaving in his class. Severus turned to look out the window. He had until the end of the class to get detention, the Christmas holidays were starting the next day and Severus really doubted that any teacher would be handing out detentions over the holidays. Not that he was allowed to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays. A sharp voice snapped him out of his musings.  
  
"Mr. Snape I asked you a question. Do you have an answer for me or are the grounds more interesting than what I have to say?"  
  
Severus swallowed. Professor Tyler was obviously expecting an answer. "No sir."  
  
"I see. 5 points Mr. Snape. Do pay attention."  
  
"Yes sir."   
  
"As I was saying…." Severus fell back into his thoughts. If he ended up getting detention for not paying attention so be it. Severus sighed not realizing that he was once again drawing attention to himself.  
  
"Mr. Snape!" A book was slammed down onto his desk making him jump. "10 points. Good now that I have your attention, I'm only going to say this once. If I have to reprimand you once more during this class period you'll have detention. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
"Yes sir." Severus' life just became so much easier. Now a small infraction that would normally only get points deducted from his house would land him in detention. He decided that if he was going to go down he might as well enjoy it. No magic though. That would only land him in detention with his head of house. A good old-fashioned spitball would be the best. Lucius used to shoot them during classes with their tutor while they were growing up. Within a minute a perfect spitball smacked into Sirius Black's cheek.   
  
Sirius turned and glared at Snape before checking if Professor Tyler was looking. When Professor Tyler's back was turned Sirius knocked all of Severus' books onto the floor. Severus glared at Sirius and just loud enough to make sure that Professor Tyler could hear him he retaliated. "What do you think you're doing you mangy, good-for-nothing Gryffindor mongrel?!"  
  
"Mr. Snape. I don't know how many times that I have mentioned I will not tolerate House prejudices, especially in my class. I do know that I told you one more disruption and you'd be receiving detention-"  
  
Severus decided a token defense was in order. "But-"  
  
"No buts Mr. Snape. I will see you tonight at eight, here. Now be quiet or I will turn you over to your Head of House to deal with you."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Good."  
  
The rest of the class passed in a daze for Severus. He could finally get his professor's attention.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Severus slowly made his way down the corridor to the Defense classroom. His body had been trembling with nerves before he had left his dormitory. It had taken a good five minutes before he could stop his body from visibly shaking. Everyone else thought it was because he had to face an extremely mad professor Tyler. Severus wasn't worried about that however. He had noticed that professor Tyler never stayed angry with anyone for an extended period of time.  
  
Severus knew he was ten minutes late for his detention, he was hoping that professor Tyler wouldn't get angry with him. Especially since it would complicate his already precarious soon-to-be relationship with the professor. He knocked on the classroom door and entered after hearing a curt "Enter." Severus entered the room with trepidation. Looking toward the desk where Professor Tyler was sitting he apologized.   
  
"Professor Tyler, I'm sorry about being late-" Tyler cut him off with a wave of his hand.   
"Being perfectly on time or a few minutes late, there really isn't that big of a deal. I've transfigured the classroom a bit for your detention so get to work." Without looking up from whatever he was reading he waved toward the far side of the room. Turning around Severus finally took a look at the room. The desks had been piled in the middle of the room to make a wide aisle around the walls that had all been transfigured into blackboards. Floor to ceiling blackboards. "You are to copy that sentence, until you run out of blackboard. Get to work. Try not to write too large and be sure to write legibly."  
  
Severus sighed and headed over to the wall. A stepladder had been placed nearby so that he could reach to the top. And there on the left hand side of the wall at the top was the sentence "I will not insult Sirius Black during class."   
  
"Professor?"  
  
"Let me guess, why that sentence?" Without giving Severus a chance to respond he continued. "What you did today in class was unacceptable. House pride is one thing but house prejudice is another. I will not tolerate it. Since it was Mr. Black that you insulted it is his name I want you to write. Besides you tend to insult him more than any other student. It made perfect sense. Well what are you waiting for?"   
  
Severus turned away from the teacher. He looked so tired Severus felt bad for him. Sighing he picked up the chalk and climbed the step ladder…  
  
… Half a wall later Severus' mind was wandering at top speed. Deciding that he just couldn't write the same sentence anymore he decided that Professor Tyler wouldn't notice if he just changed it for a bit. At least if it still looked the same. Having made his decision he wrote, "I will not kiss Sirius Black during class." Well that was certainly something he would never do. Severus set to work on his new sentence….  
  
… A quarter of the way down the next wall an idea finally came to Severus. He had been attempting to figure out a way to turn the detention to his advantage like he had been planning. He could gradually change words until the sentence was totally different. The next word changed. "I will not kiss Professor Black during class." That was worth a laugh since there would never be a chance that Sirius Black would ever become a teacher. He was too stupid.  
  
… "I will not kiss Professor Tyler during class." Definitely not during class; too many witnesses…  
  
… "I will not… not kiss Professor Tyler during detention. Double negative." Must remedy. "I will kiss Professor Tyler during detention."  
  
… "I would--"  
  
"Well Mr. Snape lets see how well you did." Professor Tyler was standing in the corner where he had begun. Now that it came down to it Severus was nervous about Professor Tyler seeing how he had changed his punishment. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Severus decided that he really should have thought the whole idea through a little more.  
  
"All seems to be in or-" Professor Tyler stopped in front of the first change.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry couldn't believe it. Severus Snape had actually altered his punishment. And of all the things to change it to. "I had heard something about that particular relationship. Not that I would allow such public displays in my classroom anyway." Perhaps Sirius had been right and he was spending too much time with Severus, that had been an utterly Snapeish thing to say. Harry decided to continue down the wall.  
  
"Since when had Mr. Black become a professor, Mr. Snape?" Harry watched as Severus shifted from foot to foot. Harry started to get an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He continued on anyway.  
  
"I would certainly hope that you wouldn't kiss a professor. A highly inappropriate action." Harry forced himself to continue. Might as well finish the thing. Severus seemed to be really nervous and getting more nervous by the minute. Harry hoped that if he made light of the whole situation maybe he could just dismiss it. However that idea fled as he stopped at one of the final changes. Before he could come up with an appropriate response Severus spoke.   
  
"I would you know." Severus stopped shuffling in his feet and looked Professor Tyler in the eyes. "I would like to in fact." Severus started to walk toward his professor but Harry backed away.  
  
"I think that you should leave Mr. Snape."  
  
"Professor-"  
  
"Please leave Mr. Snape."  
  
"No-"  
  
"Then I will remove myself. I would like my classroom back within the hour. Without you in it." With a wave of his wand the blackboard changed back to the walls. Harry turned on his heel and walked out the door. The door closed silently behind him. After the door closed Severus sunk down to the floor, wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his head, wondering how someone usually considered smart could become so stupid.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*Future: Harry's sixth year*  
  
Harry approached the door to Professor Snape's office with a dictionary tucked under one arm. He didn't feel nervous until he stopped in front of the door. He had gotten along with the professor all through the Christmas holidays while they had been on assignment for the Order. In fact he had learned quite a bit about the man who was his potions master. There was a lot more to him then the snarky bastard that he presented to everyone around him. Granted that didn't mean he wasn't a snarky bastard because he still was.   
  
Something that Snape had said made Harry really think. At one point they had almost lost Remus to an overzealous auror. The auror had figured that if he brought in Lupin he might be able to get a better review that would lead to a promotion. Harry had gotten pretty upset and almost lost his control of his magic. Snape on the other hand kept a cool head and was able to stun the auror and get Remus loose. That night over their dinner "Severus" had opened up a little bit to the young man across from him. "Harry, you can't let your emotions get the better of you. When that happens idiotic mistakes are made with consequences far worse than an exploding cauldron. One must always pay attention to the task at hand. It is the only way to survive." It had been the first and only time that Snape had called him by his given name. The next afternoon they were back at Hogwarts and Harry had once again become "Potter."  
  
Harry had begun to keep a close eye on the potions professor. He started to compare everything to the man he had seen over the Christmas holidays. He watched during the times that Snape supervised his extra Defense lessons. He watched during potions class, when he was being ignored or while he was getting a tongue-lashing. He watched the professor interact with the people around him. Each was on a different level. Harry had always thought that Snape didn't have any emotions, but after watching him he realized that Snape looked to Dumbledore as a father/grandfather figure. He saw him treat Remus as a close comrade; Harry would almost go as far as to say a brother. Draco seemed to be treated as a favored nephew. The only relation he couldn't figure out was his godfather. He honestly seemed to detest Sirius although he did listen when Sirius had something to say. His godfather acted similarly. The more Harry watched his professor the more he wanted to get to know him.   
  
Harry started noticing other things as well. Professor Snape was attractive when he wanted to be. Harry had discovered that the fumes from the potions were what made Snape's hair look greasy. Recalling the soft waves that Snape's hair had fallen in during the holidays Harry had begun to wonder what it would be like to run his fingers through it. That thought had originally startled him, but he had soon gotten over it. Harry also noticed that when his lips weren't pressed into a straight line in annoyance at exceptionally dismal students, which were never ending as far as potions go, his lips weren't really as thin as they seemed. In fact Harry had found them almost kissable.  
  
Harry hadn't realized how much time he had just stood outside of the door lost in thought. It was brought to his detention when the door opened abruptly and an annoyed professor stood in the doorway. "Potter. Do come in. I trust that you brought your dictionary?"  
  
"Yes professor." Harry stared the other man in the eyes. For some reason it always seemed to unnerve the older man. Harry supposed that it had something to do with his mother. Snape looked away quickly and stepped aside to allow Harry to enter. Harry moved past his professor thinking about the black eyes. They always seemed so emotionless. Harry thought that it might be due to the color. Sometimes though he could swear he saw flashes of emotion in them. For example right before Snape looked away he that he saw a flash of sadness. Harry shook the thought away. He had a plan to put into action. He was planning on getting to know his professor a little better. Biblically speaking.  
  
Snape moved over to his desk and sat down. "I'm sure that you've heard how this works. You stand in front of the desk, state definitions from the dictionary and then use the word in a sentence. I don't care what words you use. I assure you I've heard them all before. Start."  
  
Harry moved into his position in front of the desk. Harry opened the dictionary to the page he had marked earlier in the day. After he found out that the detention that he would be serving was the infamous "dictionary detention" he set up all his words in advance. Best to start off safe though.  
  
"Tabby: a cat with a striped or brindled coat. My former babysitter had many cats, some of which were tabbys."  
  
"Sun: the star that is the central body of the solar system, around which the planets revolve. Quidditch becomes increasingly difficult to play when the sun is shining in your eyes." Harry spared a glance at his teacher. Snape was reading a book and seemed to not even be paying any attention. Harry decided that he should test the assumption. Keeping an eye on his teacher he flipped to the next word. "Private: belonging to some particular person or persons. I always wondered what it would be like to be someone's private property." A slight flicker of the eyes was the only reaction that was noticeable but nothing more.  
  
"Sultan: the sovereign of an Islamic country. I'd like to be in your harem if you were a sultan." A glance upward and a raised eyebrow was his only acknowledgement.  
  
"Taste: to have a particular flavor. I'm sure that you taste delectable." Nothing. Someone must have tried that one before.  
  
"Lick: to pass the tongue over the surface of. It is always wise to start with licking…" Snape looked up at him. "…When eating ice cream." Harry smiled mischievously at his professor as he finished his sentence. Snape returned to his book.  
  
"Study: application of the mind to the acquisition of knowledge, as by reading, investigation, or reflection. Muggles use the phrase 'studying anatomy' as another way of saying snogging." A slight quirk of the lips was his reward.  
  
"Homework: schoolwork assigned to be done outside the classroom. I wouldn't mind nearly as much if my potions homework was studying you." This time Severus took a deep breath, but didn't look up at Harry.   
  
"Habiliments: clothes as worn in a particular profession, way of life. I think that your habiliments should be removed. After all I'm positive that you look quite sexy underneath them."  
  
"Potter that was two sentences, and you didn't even use the word in the second sentence." Harry could tell that Snape was avoiding looking at him. Harry felt that he was getting somewhere.  
  
"Sorry, professor. It won't happen again. Kiss: to join lips as in affection or love. I've always wondered what it would be like to be kissed by someone who sees the real me." Harry didn't even bother looking at Snape. Snape had looked at him though and noticed the blush that tinged Harry's cheeks.  
  
"Seduction: the act or an instance of seducing, especially sexually. Seduction is a tricky business. Process: a systematic series of actions directed to some end. The process must be handled delicately." There was no doubt that the second sentence was to be attached to the first.  
  
"Show: to prove or demonstrate. Sometimes an individual has to show the object of their affections how much they mean to them." Snape had stopped the pretense of reading his book and watched Harry. Harry on the other hand had stopped looking at Snape.   
  
"Strip: to deprive of covering, clothing, or the like. If I thought it would help I'd strip for you."  
  
"Reject: to refuse to have, take, or act upon. Even if I offered I know that you'd reject the proposition."  
  
"Live: to remain alive. I guess that I'll just have to live the rest of my life without knowing what your lips feel like against mine."  
  
"Against: in contact with. I would love to press my body against yours." Harry finally looked up from the ground where he had been looking. Severus saw the unhidden lust there. As if reading his mind the next word issued from Harry's lips.  
  
"Lust: to have a passionate yearning or desire. I lust after your touch which I have yet to experience."   
  
"Habile: skillful or dexterous. I want you to touch me with you habile hands."  
  
"Genuine: free from pretense, affection, or hypocrisy; sincere. Everything I have said tonight has been genuine."  
  
"Potter stop." Snape folded his hands on top of his desk and looked hard at the boy in front of him. No that wasn't right, Harry wasn't a boy. He had seen too much to be considered such. Something didn't work right, however because Harry took a step toward him, heading around the desk.  
  
"You're dismissed." Potter nodded his head in acknowledgement but continued around the desk. He knelt down on his knees next the older man. Severus turned to look at him. He raised one eyebrow.  
  
"Stop that. Don't hide behind the potions master. You're more than that Professor." Harry lifted his hand and rested it against Severus' cheek. Harry moved his hand from Severus' cheek to the back of his neck. He coaxed the head down and met Severus' lips halfway. The kiss started out tentative but turned passionate as Severus gave in. Severus ran his tongue over the younger man's lips urging them to part. Harry willingly complied and Severus explored and ravaged the mouth beneath his. Harry lost all control of the kiss as Severus grasped Harry's arms and pulled him up and onto his lap. Finally the kiss ended with them both out of breath.   
  
Severus leaned his forehead against Harry's and took in a deep steadying breath. "I think that you should go Harry."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Please don't argue. I can't do this right now. We can't do this right now. And I can't deal with this right now. Please."  
  
Harry saw torn emotions in the other's eyes and decided to honor the man's request. He stood reluctantly and headed for the door grabbing his dictionary on the way out. He would wait awhile before making his next move. Exiting and closing the door behind him he walked a little down the hall before stopping to lean against the wall and regain his composure before going to back to his dormitory.  
  
Severus retired to his private chambers and sat in his chair by the fire, thinking about the situation that had just arose in his office. He had come to understand the young man over the time they had been forced to spend together. Staring into the fire Severus pondered if he was falling for the "boy-who-lived." It couldn't be possible especially since he swore to himself that he would never fall in love again.  
  
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Read and Review. Positive feedback makes me write faster! 


	7. Chapter Seven: A Slashy Interlude

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
**Rating: R, no going back now. The NC-17 version is on the SnapexHarryML: -- If you don't belong or would like the NC-17 version emailed, tell me and I'll do so.  
  
A/N: This chapter we see just how demented Future!Sev can be to Harry. Harry needed to be tormented for at least a little bit. It's also an insight into their relationship as it is presently instead of how it developed.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Thanks to everyone that reviewed! Saavik, JungAnya, Nagini, Kateri, Emma, Jess the Great, atzlanit, blackunicorn, vera, Sabs, Butterfly, Copper Fire, Katy999, ~Mary~, Viscountess Babbles-On, Mikee, Resa, moraco, lillie chan, Sela.  
  
Faerie Angst: I love long-arsed reviews!  
  
two2blue: this story doesn't go in depth into the Harry-Draco friendship. It's complicated and they weren't ever an item. I'll explain in short, their friendship was formed over knife point and that has influenced the way they treat each other. That's part of the back/side story.  
  
Kaat ShadowLover: I'm so glad that someone finds Young!Severus portrayal close to being a real teenager. I was trying to do that. I don't think that anyone can grow up as cold and detatched as Severus is. Anyway, 'Tyler' doesn't favor any House but he is fairly intimidating and can come up with some creative and unique punishments. That's all you'll be able to get out of me.  
  
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Chapter Seven: A Slashy Interlude  
  
*The Past *  
  
Harry made his way as quickly as possible toward his rooms. He was shocked at Snape's behavior. The Severus he had come to know would never do anything like that. His chambers were located on the first floor down a side corridor no one ever went down. He enjoyed them especially since they had an exit out of the castle and into one of the gardens that were scattered around the outside of the castle. He muttered the password and the door swung open. He didn't take in anything of his living room area, just headed straight for his bedroom. He had every intention of getting himself thoroughly drunk before collapsing into his bed. He would think about what had happened during the detention later.  
  
Harry moved about his room pulling out a pair of his sleep pants before turning down the bed. He had just gotten his shirt off and had started on the fastenings of his dragonhide leather pants when a voice from behind him startled him.  
  
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Severus Snape had never seen his bonded so flustered. He had seen all the other emotions, but never *flustered*. Harry hadn't even noticed that Severus was sitting in one of the padded chairs by the fire. He had appropriated the one to the left knowing that it was Harry's preferred chair. When he had gotten here he immediately headed straight for the cabinet that he knew Harry stored his liquor in and took out two brandy glasses before pouring a generous portion in each. He had finished two glasses himself before Harry had come back. Severus realized that he must have been supervising a detention. Severus had once again wondered when exactly he had shown up. Albus knew but didn't tell him the exact date he had been going. Severus had just been content to go see Harry so hadn't given it much thought at the time. After Harry came through the door and headed straight to his bedroom without looking around it had taken Severus a few minutes to determine that it could very well be the night before the Christmas holidays, the night of his detention with Professor Tyler. Severus was pleased that he had affected his 'former' professor a little bit. At the time it hadn't appeared as such. He decided that a little bit of revenge was in order. He stood and took Harry's brandy glass in one hand and headed to the bedroom door.  
  
He opened the door as quietly as possible and looked at the man that stood with his back turned to him. He watched as the muscles of his back shifted under the skin as the shirt was removed. Severus watched as the snake of Harry's tattoo moved and loosened its grip on the shield. The snake then lifted its head and acknowledged the older man's presence. Movements of his tattoo used to be felt by the younger man. Harry however had lost his sensitivity to it within the first couple of months after having the tattoo done. Severus was really rather fond of it. When Harry's hands went down to the fastening of his pants, he gently cleared his throat alerting the other of his presence in a very Snapish way.  
  
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"Professor Tyler?" It was the voice of the younger Severus Snape that made Harry almost jump out of his skin. Harry immediately stopped what he was doing. The boy must have followed him down to his rooms. Harry knew he wasn't paying as much attention to his surroundings as he should have. He mentally cursed himself as he pulled himself together enough to deal with the situation. Harry knew that if he turned around he might lose his resolve. Young Severus Snape while not beautiful or handsome in the conventional sense of the word was still compelling and Harry knew that to a point he was attracted to the boy. Compounded with the fact that he hadn't seen his Severus for three months made his resolve weak.  
  
"Mr. Snape. I did tell you to vacate my classroom. That did not mean I gave you permission to join me in my rooms. Leave now."  
  
"But Professor. I think-"  
  
Harry still didn't turn around to look at the person he was talking to. "I'm not particularly interested in what you think. Leave now before I have to inform your Head of House." Harry heard the brush of feet against the carpet that covered the floor of his bedroom. He hoped that the boy behind him had listened to reason and left. He was proven wrong however as a hand and arm slipped around his waist. The hand was soft, showing that even at this age Severus must have spent most of his time with his potions. The touch felt just like his Severus' touch that Harry had to take multiple breaths to regain his composure. Harry tensed and tried to control the anger in his voice. He had never been as good as Severus was at coming across as totally indifferent. "Mr. Snape, I don't think that either of us will benefit from your Head of House or the Headmaster finding out about this. Get control of yourself and leave."  
  
A body that was much better defined than a sixteen year old could possibly be was pressed against his back. Before he could take in the fact that the body was also taller than the young Severus Harry whipped around. "Mr. Snape-"  
  
A raised eyebrow and an amused smirk on the face of *his* Severus broke his train of thought. "I thought that you were the one that instigated the rule that all surnames should be left outside of the bedroom." The warm laughing tone of the baritone voice slid over him calming his nerves. It didn't however help his anger. He placed his palms flat on the other man's chest and pushed.  
  
"Severus! That was not funny in the least." Harry crossed his arms over his chest and turned his best glare on the older man.  
  
"Actually I thought that it was extremely amusing." He paused and opened his arms, the brandy glass still safely cradled in one hand. "What no welcoming kiss? I've missed those."   
  
Harry shook his head in response. "I'm annoyed with you."  
  
"And I even went through all the trouble of pouring you a glass of brandy. Well since you're annoyed I guess you wouldn't want it so I'll just finish it off." Severus started to lift the glass to his lips but Harry grabbed it and downed the contents in one gulp. "Highly inappropriate. You only gulp drinks such as that god-awful scotch that your godfather insists on drinking or the firewhiskey that Draco and Weasley enjoy. You savor brandy."  
  
"Hmph." Harry moved around Severus and walked out the door of the bedroom. Severus followed him as far as the bedroom door and watched as Harry poured himself an overly generous portion of brandy, picked up Severus' glass from the table by the fire and returned to the bedroom. He stopped at the doorway since Severus had not deigned to move out of his way. "Are you going to move, or are you going to stand there all night?"  
  
"Oh I have no intention of standing here all night. I do, however, have every intention of making use of the large four poster bed behind me." Severus pulled his wand out of an inside pocket of his coat and cast a levitation spell on the two glasses of brandy. Harry released them to float above their heads and over to a table in the bedroom.  
  
"That didn't answer my question about whether you were going to move or not."  
  
"Perhaps." The only movement was a barely noticeable shrug of Severus' shoulders.  
  
"Alright. What do I have to do to make you move?" Another slight shrug was his answer. Harry decided to just force his way through the doorway. He once again placed his hands against the other man and was about to push when Severus grabbed his wrists and moved them to encircle his neck before tugging out the leather thong that Harry had used to tie his hair back so it fell in messy waves around his face. He then moved his own to tighten around the younger man's waist.  
  
"Much better. So did you miss me?"  
  
Harry couldn't help himself, he laughed. "You're absolutely impossible." He leaned up and pressed his lips quickly against the other man's. "Yes. It's been unbearable. You, and Siri and-" Lips settled over his successfully stopping his statement. The kiss was slow and deliberate. Severus tugged Harry's bottom lip into his mouth and gently sucked. When he finally released Harry's lip he moved his own next to his lover's ear.  
  
"I thought my rule was to never to say your godfather's name in the bedroom." The light brush of air against the shell of his ear made Harry shiver.  
  
"Technically I'm not in the bedroom." The lips had started to kiss the sensitive spot right behind his ear but stopped when Harry made his statement. Before he knew what was happening Harry felt the body that he was leaning against shift backwards. He stumbled forward still in the arms of his lover.  
  
"You are now." Severus ran his hands up Harry's back to his shoulders. He felt the tension in the muscles and decided that he should remedy that especially since he had probably caused it, one way or another. Moving his lips back to Harry's lips he initiated another kiss that was nothing like the first. This kiss was filled with passion and overtook them both. He guided them back to the bed and after breaking the kiss he pushed Harry down on to it. He looked down at the man sprawled haphazardly across the bed. Harry had propped himself up on his elbows, his left leg dangling over the edge of the bed his right bent at the knee and fallen to the side. A trail of hair started right below his navel and Severus followed it with his eyes until it disappeared underneath the top of his boxers. Harry had already undone the top two buttons of his pants before Severus had startled him earlier, and the pants had become even lower slung on his hips. Severus breathed in the smell of his lover; fresh air, sandalwood, and desire filled his nose. "God I've missed you." The man on the bed just smiled up at him.  
  
"Join me."  
  
Severus shook his head. "Roll over onto your stomach."  
  
Harry raised both eyebrows before complying. He pulled himself up further on the bed and waited as he listened to the other man move around the room.  
  
Severus had come prepared. He removed multiple vials from his various coat pockets. Five of them he dropped into the drawer of the bedside table. Those were the sleeping potions. Two more he set on the dresser across the room, the headache potions that Harry used. The last two he kept. One he set down on the top of the bedside table the other he put into his pants pocket. He shrugged out of the leather long coat that he was wearing and loosened the cuffs of his shirt before rolling up the sleeves. He took off his boots before climbing onto the bed and pulling the vial back out of his pocket. Unstoppering it the smell of almonds filled the room.   
  
Severus moved to straddle Harry low over his hips. Pouring a small amount of the lotion onto his hand he started to rub his hands together warming it before placing his hands on Harry's back and then started to knead the muscles. Harry groaned as Severus started to work on his knotted shoulders. Severus ran his hands down the sides of Harry's back only pausing a moment to place a kiss on the tattoo that decorated his lover's back. Working on the muscles that surrounded Harry's spinal column he heard a contented moan from the man underneath him.  
  
"Don't you dare go to sleep on me, Potter." A muffled noise was his only answer. "Excuse me?"  
  
Harry moved his head to the side, keeping it pillowed on his arms. "Under you. And you aren't supposed to call me Potter. Sleep sounds nice though." The teasing voice reached Severus' ears.  
  
"Sleep! You haven't seen me in months and you want to sleep? Fine by me." Severus moved so that he was lying next to the younger man.   
  
"Well you shouldn't be so good at giving massages. It relaxes me too much." Harry shifted so that he was lying on his side facing Severus. He relaxed further into the familiarity of being with his bonded. He watched as Severus lifted a hand to trail along his side. "I love your hands." The hand reached the border of his pants and boxers and pushed them down before moving back up. Severus repeated the motion again before answering.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Of course." The hand moved and a finger circled one of his nipples. Another finger joined in and the two pinched and twisted. When they finally released him Harry's eyes had started to glaze over. Harry licked his lips and watched as the hands went back to stroking his side. "I love watching your hands. I think that I always have." The hand stopped and wrapped around the back of his head, entangling in Harry's hair.  
  
"You talk too much." Before Harry could protest Severus' lips once again descended upon his own. The older man took advantage and rolled them over so that Harry was underneath him. His lips trailed down Harry's neck and his mouth stopped at the junction where neck met shoulder and bit down. The body underneath him gasped but it turned into a moan as he licked and sucked the mark. He knew that Harry wouldn't be able to where the open necked shirts that he favored for the next few days.  
  
Harry lifted his hands and started to undo the buttons of his lover's shirt. When all the buttons were undone he slipped his hands inside and ran his hands over Severus' chest. He pushed the shirt off and within moments they were both naked from the waist up. He pulled Severus' head back up so he could kiss the other man again. Severus had other plans and only allowed for his lips to be captured for a second. He kissed his way down Harry's chest to his nipples. He licked, bit and sucked before repeating his actions on the other one. Harry shifted restlessly under him and Severus continued downward. He trailed his lips down Harry's chest pausing at the navel to dip his tongue in and swirl it around. He once again moved his lips down until he reached the top of Harry's boxers.   
  
Harry was slowly losing his mind and it was all Severus' fault. As Severus kissed, licked, and nipped his way down his body Harry could do nothing but moan and tangle his hands in his lover's hair. When Severus had reached his boxers and paused Harry let instinct take over. He pushed his hips up.  
  
"Impatient aren't you?" Severus was answered with a grunt. "Articulate as always I see."  
  
"Now who's talking to mu-" Harry was cut off as a hand slipped into his pants and grasped him.  
  
"You were saying?" A moan escaped Harry's lips as the hand slowly stroked him. "That's what I thought." Severus' other hand started to work on the three remaining buttons of Harry's pants. When they had finally been undone Severus paused in him ministrations to divest his partner of the remainder of his clothing.  
  
A long time later Harry stretched before curling into Severus' side.  
  
Severus wrapped his arms around the other man and rested his head on top of Harry's head. "I still think that you're a cat in denial."  
  
Harry chuckled before responding. "I haven't heard that in a while. Go to sleep Sev. I'm tired. We'll talk more before you have to leave." It seemed like just seconds passed before Severus heard the soft snores coming from his partner. Severus stayed up to think of all the things that had transpired during his sixth year that involved his Defense teacher. Severus hoped that 'Mr. Tyler' wouldn't come out any worse for wear when he returned to the time that he belonged to. It was a while before he let the sound of Harry's snores lull him to sleep.  
  
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Harry woke in stages. He curled himself further into the warm body next to him. When he finally woke up he realized that Severus was already awake and reading one of Harry's books. It had been a potions book that he had borrowed from the library. It was one of Severus' favorites and Harry had taken it out to remind him of the other man.  
  
"Good book?"  
  
"I've read it before. It is a good discussion of the way certain ingredients react together. But then again I know that you were only asking to be nice." Severus pressed a kiss to the top of Harry's head. It was then that Harry realized that the other man had slipped on sleep pants.  
  
"How do you do that? I never feel you get out of be, but you do it all the time."  
  
Without looking up from the page Severus answered. "You sleep like the dead when you don't have to wake up at a moments notice."  
  
Harry slipped out of the bed and grabbed his sleep pants and moved to the bathroom to brush his teeth. A few minutes later Harry returned and Severus put down his book. "What time do you have to leave?"  
  
"In two or three hours. I refilled your sleeping potions last night. And I brought you some headache drafts. I set those on the dresser. Draco told me about your headaches."  
  
"Bless you. I get the feeling that my headaches are just going to get worse. And the mild headache drafts that Poppy stocks just don't seem to work."  
  
"We were pretty horrid as students I guess." Severus' answer caused Harry to recall last night before he had discovered that Severus had come to pay a visit. A hand grasping his arm shook him out of his thoughts. "Harry?" Severus' eyes were filled with concern. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Oh sorry. I was thinking about the detention last night."  
  
"Ah I recall that detention. I assume you were supervising my detention?"   
  
Harry nodded his head in response and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Severus' hands traveled up Harry's arms to his shoulders where he turned the younger man until his back was to him. Then he started to knead the younger man's shoulders. "What possessed you?"  
  
"Can't tell you that. I don't think that I was thinking. Hormones and whatnot. Although I will tell you that at sixteen last night wasn't one of the most enjoyable nights of my life."  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"I must have sat on that floor for at least an hour practically in tears. I was so relieved when I realized how much time had past and you hadn't come back. I didn't think that I could face you." A half laugh escaped Severus' mouth.  
  
"And you find this amusing?"  
  
"Self deprecating humor I know. But I was an idiot at sixteen." Severus pressed his lips to Harry's temple. "Come on. I want to eat breakfast. I'm timing everything so that I will return right before classes. Besides Albus gave me a list of questions that he needs answers to." Harry allowed himself to be pulled out of the bedroom and into the living room. He knew that Severus didn't want to discuss the situation anymore. Harry couldn't blame him.  
  
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As you can obviously tell this was the Rated R version. The NC-17 version is on the SnapexHarryML:   
If you don't belong or would like the NC-17 version emailed, tell me and I'll do so.  
  
The next chapter returns to pretty mild, so reading it here won't be a problem. 


	8. Chapter Eight: The Passage of Time

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past. On a mission for Dumbledore Harry gets to see his lover from a different standpoint: That of a teacher. HP/SS SLASH  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R   
  
Author Note: This chapter is a little different. It's a set up chapter for certain things that will be happening. Mostly background information that needs to be given. The next chapter, the plot picks up speed again. The next chapter will be longer, I promise.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Thank you to the people I missed that reviewed chapter 6: samson, shuki, and shitsumon  
  
And to those who reviewed Chapter seven: Zarra Rous, Lee Lee Potter, Kateri, Emma, Nagini, Running with Coyotes, Sabs, SpiderGoat, maraco, fan, Amber Knowles, black unicorn, Kitara, WittchWay, ravenclawrulez, fox, delusional_lady, I thank you all sooooooo much!  
  
Faerie Angst: long reviews make me happy! You really thought it added to the chapter? Yipee! Keep reading, there's so much more coming.  
  
Kaat Shadowlover: This is the way I think the whole timeturner thing works. The individuals are not actually leaving the school and crossing the complex wards. They remain inside of the castle the entire time during the time transfer and the school grounds themselves are not warded against strangers entering property, just anyone appartating in. Or you can go this way. Alright, the time turner is an hourglass on a chain. Just an object. Magical enchanments give it the magical properties that pull people backwards in time. The way I see it is that an extra layer of enchantments can be added on top of the other enchantments to act as a key. If Dumbledore 'keys' the timeturner to recognize his magical signature in the wards that surround Hogwarts then during any time that he's been upkeeping the wards the time turner can access them. And we all know how good Albus is at hiding things and all of a sudden appearing where needed. As for your other question, Albus didn't know about what happened during Severus' detention. Just thought it would be a nice early Christmas present for Harry, since the term had just ended that day. (Boy that was long)  
  
Kafe: I try really hard to keep Harry in character. I'm glad that you find he still acts like himself. =)  
  
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Chapter Eight: The Passage of Time  
  
Christmas holidays passed. Harry spent most of his time translating the scroll that contained some of Voldemort's extensive plans. Harry figured that he didn't have much further to go with the translation. Then he wouldn't have to deal with either Albus questioning him about the blasted scroll. The only thing he'd have to deal with would be the future Albus' intrusive questions about his personal life. Not that he had ever been able to avoid those. Harry hadn't seen the marauders or Snape and Malfoy and their gang around Hogwart's at all. His only conclusion was that they had passed the holidays at their respective homes. The thought was strange to Harry since he had never gone home for the holidays.  
  
Midway through January Sirius came to visit. More potions were dropped off. News of what was going on during his time was given. Mostly it was only antidotes that he would find amusing. Not many major things happen during the school year. His favorite stories were always how Bill Weasley's youngest was busy blowing up cauldrons during her first year potions class. Severus had been complaining about the young girl since the first week of classes. Complaints about how it was too soon to be teaching the next generation of Weasleys echoing through his head. Ron had come home a week and a half early, having come to a dead end in his investigation of a trail of murders. The case had once again been pushed up the ladder. He got grief for his relationship with Severus and Sirius reminded him of the joke that had been circulating around the castle since the end of the Christmas holidays during his sixth year. It seemed that Harry had been in a much better mood at the beginning of the term so the students naturally had assumed that he had a girlfriend that had paid him a visit. Harry sent Sirius on his way much refreshed and turned to the pile of essays he had to grade.  
  
Toward the middle of January a teachers' meeting was held to discuss what was going on in the school. Every month these meetings were held and every month at least five teachers complained about the constant bickering between a certain group of Gryffindors and a certain group of Slytherins. Finally not being able to take it anymore he announced that if the teachers had any problems with any of them to send them directly to him and he'd deal with the situation. Although the trouble didn't stop completely when the parties were sent to him, it did seem to decrease increasingly. Harry actually began to worry that the marauders might be saving up for a large end of the year prank.  
During classes Harry shifted the seating arrangements so that the rows were mixed up. The front row went to the back and the middle row was brought to the front. The rest of the rows were shifted around as well. Most thought that it was done to give the students a change. Harry and the young Severus Snape were the only ones that knew that wasn't the case. Harry had done it because he couldn't look at the young boy everyday and keep his resolve to keep him away. Snape of course assumed the worst and thought that it was because his teacher couldn't stand him. He didn't give up his crush on the Defense professor but decided that it might not be a smart idea to make it known to his professor. He returned to his original plan, to do nothing.  
  
The structure of the class had changed to a more practical application of the things that they had already learned. Harry started to tell vague stories about things he had come across. They weren't anything that any auror or operative of the order didn't come across at least a dozen times during a mission. The marauders ate the stories up. They started to hang around after class, since it was the last of the day, to beg for more. Harry wanting to see his father the way that Sirius and Remus always described them allowed them to. Harry noticed that Peter usually hung to the outside of the group and only stayed as long as the others did. He never took part in any of the conversations like the others. They would ask what he knew about training to be an auror and he described the process that Sirius and his father had gone through.   
  
Severus would glare at the group as he walked out of the Defense room after each class. Harry noticed that when he wasn't with Malfoy and his other friends he was hiding in the dungeons helping Professor Simion Amygdalus brew potions for the hospital wing or in independent experimentation. Harry was glad that the young Severus had something to distract him from his crush. The crush was still there, although Snape did do a better job of hiding it. Harry would still catch him staring at him. And Severus still hadn't attained enough control over his emotions that he could control his blush when his Defense teacher singled him out. What Harry didn't know was how Severus would daydream about him during Defense class. He had made a habit of memorizing the advance readings for the next class so that he would only have to listen with half an ear.  
  
At one point Harry had run into Remus without the rest of the Marauders. The young amber-eyed man looked quickly away when he saw the professor looking at him. Harry approached and the two went for a walk by the lake. Harry had discovered that the others had gone to look for the books he had suggested that would help them pass their auror qualification exams. After a long talk that had considerably cheered the young man up he sent him off to join his friends in the library as they scoured for the books.  
  
The end of January also brought forth a new discovery in the scroll. Harry had discovered a plan to hunt down and assassinate James Potter's father, Harold Potter. He handed over the information to Albus and after handing the information over was assured that Harold Potter and his wife would be moved to a safe location. Harry breathed in relief when he had returned to his rooms that night. His father wouldn't have to spend any time without his parents like he had.   
  
All in all the beginning of the new year was a quiet time for Harry and all he could hope for was that it would last.  
  
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This was just to pass time, certain things happened that you had to be aware of but didn't need to be told in detail.  
  
Anyway, Read then Review Please. Positive feedback makes me write faster! =) 


	9. Chapter Nine: Raiding a Kitichen Raidi...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On a mission for the Order Harry sees his lover from a new perspective, that of a teacher. "The future repeats itself in the past." SLASH  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R   
  
Author Note: This chapter is longer than Eight. Chapter Eight I'm almost positive will be the shortest chapter in the story.  
  
Thank You's (I'm feeling talkative so bear with me.) I Have Over 100 Reviews. I'm so happy!   
  
Lady FoxFire and shitsumon: Wait and See  
  
Copper Fire: go read, I think this might be the chapter you've been waiting for  
  
moraco: It's a transitional chapter -- me write filler! never ;P  
  
Faerie Angst: I still love long-arsed reviews. Thanx I totally missed that, and so did my beta (I'll have to get on her case). As to your question, In my thinking Albus would inform the teachers as to why Remus would be 'sick' once a month. So 'Octavian' does know. I'm a wonderful author? Cool! =)  
  
mia: I hope you got the other version, my email was acting up. If not I'll try again. Just tell me.  
  
Quickjewel: If my chapters were any longer that it would take me A Lot longer to update. =)   
  
And thank you to everyone else that reviewed: Saavik, Melz, Lee Lee Potter, Katy999, Nagini, npetrenko, Sabs, Lord R.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
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Chapter Nine: Raiding a Kitchen - Raiding a Heart  
  
Harry lifted his head from his desk, looking at the watch that he had set on his desk he sighed. Two O'clock in the morning. Once again Harry had fallen asleep while grading essays. Now he only wished he knew how long he'd been asleep. He had obviously missed dinner and was now starving. Harry decided on taking a trip down to the kitchens before heading to bed. Not the healthiest of habits though Harry had indulged in it often enough. This time there would be no Severus to tell him how bad of a habit it was to fall asleep while grading, miss dinner, and then eat in the middle of the night. Such lectures were the reason that Harry decided to only assign essays that were absolutely necessary. The thought that Severus couldn't lecture him was a double-edged sword and Harry decided that he should turn his thoughts to other things. Standing up from his desk he grabbed his watch and moved toward the door deciding he would fix the mess in the morning.   
  
As Harry approached the kitchen he became lost in thoughts of how he and Ron used to sneak down to the kitchen to get midnight snacks. Most of the time they had to hide or shrink away from either Severus, at the time he was 'Snape' or Filch on their nightly prowls. Those thoughts led to thoughts of the house-elf Dobby who was always overly helpful when ever Harry had snuck into the kitchens. Harry found himself suddenly homesick for his time and wanted nothing more than to return to it, unfortunately it was only the first week of February and Harry still had a long way to go.  
  
Reaching the portrait that covered the entrance to the kitchen, Harry was about to enter when he heard something to the right, something that sounded like a footstep. Shaking his head Harry reached out to tickle the pear when he heard the sound again. Focusing his hearing Harry finally heard it. Breathing. Very softly, almost not noticeable, but Harry had spent too many years sharpening his senses not to notice the little things no one noticed. He moved toward the sound and another sound echoed in his ears, shuffling feet. To Harry it sounded like three pairs of feet. He moved closer approaching an empty corner when it dawned on him. The marauders. Lifting his hand Harry reached out until he felt the silky exterior of his father's invisibility cloak. Closing his fingers he pulled and three boys appeared in front of him.  
  
"Good evening gentlemen, or should I be saying good morning. A little late to be roaming around the castle don't you think?"  
  
Potter, Black, and Lupin stood utterly still and just stared at their professor in shock not uttering a single word.  
  
"I am glad to see that you remembered the little talk we were going to have in my office. Shall we set off?" Before turning around to lead the way to his office Harry looked at the stash of food the boys had held in their arms. Figuring that he could do with an apple he grabbed one before banishing the rest back to the kitchen with a wave of his wand. "I see I must thank you for remembering that I missed dinner, although you didn't have to go through all the trouble of getting all that food. This would have sufficed nicely." As Harry took a bite into his apple as he turned around his sharpened hearing picked up a soft snicker and Harry realized that there were even more students out of bed. Keeping his senses alert he started to walk down the hallway away from the kitchens and as soon as he heard the erratic breathing of at least one other individual he reached his hand out and pulled another invisibility cloak into existence. Malfoy and Snape.  
  
"Why don't the two of you join us?" The other two boys joined the group as they all headed back towards professor Tyler's office.  
  
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"Stand there and don't move. I was in the middle of doing something before I went to fetch the group of you." Harry pointed to the area in front of his large desk that was still covered haphazardly with various essays and papers. Harry sent a prayer up to the heavens that he had left to go to bed with out putting things away. He might as well use it to make the delinquents think that he was omniscient after all.  
  
Harry shuffled the papers on his desk into neat piles and placed them in his drawer before finally looking up at the five young men that had lined themselves up in front of his desk. The Gryffindors were standing in a group to the left and the two Slytherins to the right. Potter, Black, Snape, and Malfoy had been in and out of his office multiple times over the last week and Harry was tired of seeing them. Usually Lupin didn't get into trouble. Oh, Harry knew from the stories he had heard that Remus was usually in the thick of things, but he tended not to get caught nearly as often. Since Remus also happened to be his favorite 'godfather' at the moment Harry decided a slap on the wrist would suffice for the werewolf. Besides he needed even numbers for the punishment he was going to dole out.  
  
"Mr. Lupin, 10 points from Gryffindor for being out after curfew. Take yourself off to your dormitory. I don't want to ever have to see you in my office for this type of thing again."  
  
Remus looked startled at being sent away. "Professor?" Remus looked at his housemates and then back at his professor.  
  
"You heard me Mr. Lupin. Off with you. I'll take care of your accomplices and then send them off to bed in a bit. I trust that you know how to get back to your dormitory without assistance?"  
  
"Yes professor." Remus looked apologetically at his friends before quickly exiting the room.  
  
After Remus left Harry walked around his desk with an invisibility cloak swung over each arm. Walking behind the Gryffindors he dropped his fathers onto one chair and Malfoy's on the other. He walked back to stand in front of the offenders and leaned against his desk. "I'm sure that you will be able to sort out the invisibility cloaks on your own after our little conversation. I tell you now that I don't want to see them again. I won't confiscate them this time but I expect those cloaks to spend the remainder of the school year at the bottom of your trunks. Is that clear?"  
  
A soft "yes professor," reached his ears.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that. Were my instructions clear?"  
  
"Yes professor." This time the four boys answered much more firmly.  
  
Harry got an evil glint in his eyes as he looked at the boys. "I don't really like this arrangement. I think that the houses should be mixed. Snape move to the other side of Potter and Malfoy move next to Black." The boys did as they were told and they now stood with Snape on the far left with Potter next followed by Malfoy and Black at the other end. "Much better. I don't know how many times I have seen the four of you in here for one infraction or another but I'm sick of it. Malfoy you should be above such behavior as this, after all you are graduating this year. The rest of you should also know better."  
  
The four boys obviously didn't like the way that the conversation was going. They could sense their impending doom with each word that left their teacher's lips. They stared at 'Professor Tyler' and waited for their sentence to be announced.  
  
"With the headmaster's help I've devised a special punishment for you. Alright I want the slytherins to hold out their left arm and the Gryffindors to hold out their right." The boys looked at their defense teacher strangely but did as they were told. Soon they realized that the arms that were extended were right next to each other.   
  
Harry had gone back to his desk and started to shuffle through the drawers. After pulling out various shaped objects that none of the boys understood Harry finally exclaimed in satisfaction as he drew out two long cords. Moving back over to the young men he wrapped and tied one around Black's and Malfoy's forearms effectively tying them together before repeating the process with Potter and Snape. Taking out his wand he muttered a complex incantation and the cords dissolved.  
  
"Those were bonding cords," Harry announced with satisfaction. "You are now bonded together for a whole week." Harry flashed a smile at the distraught expressions on the boys' faces. Harry continued on with his explanation. "From the hours of 8am, when breakfast starts until 8pm after dinner you will spend the entire day with your 'bonded.' To make things easier, Potter you will attend all of Snape's classes and Malfoy will attend all of Black's. The headmaster and your teachers will be made aware of the situation and allowances will be made in seating arrangements. I hope that by the end of the week you will be getting along better. I would hate to have to repeat this experiment or heaven forbid devise a new punishment," Harry grinned. "Alright off to bed. Since you are being subjugated to my evil whims for a week I'll only take 10 points off of each of you. I think that sounds fair."  
  
After the boys had sorted out their cloaks they all headed for the door but Harry had one more thing to tell them. When the door had opened he called out. "Oh one more thing gentlemen. I wouldn't suggest on getting down to breakfast late. The bond demands that you stay together during the designated hours. I don't think you'll find it a pleasant experience to go flying through the halls, most likely bumping into walls and what not because you decided to lie in for a bit." All the boys groaned as they exited the Defense office and headed their separate ways.  
  
Harry turned to start putting away all the things that he had dragged out when looking for the bonding cords. When he turned around he realized that not all the boys had left. Severus Snape stood in front of his desk his lips pressed into a tight angry line and his eyes narrowed.  
  
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"How could you do that to me?!" Severus was seething at his Defense teacher.  
  
"I believe I did it to the lot of you Mr. Snape." Harry was trying to figure out where this was going to go. His Severus was always calm and rational; well at least most of the time. Never did Severus lose control of his emotions even when he wasn't thinking rationally or logically. Sure his mask would slip now and again to show Harry his true self but he still had control over his emotions.  
  
"That's not what I meant. Why me?"   
  
Harry looked at the young man questionably. It wasn't like his Severus to be petulant and he didn't think it was something that had developed when he was an adult. "Personally I don't see the difference. You were out of bounds after curfew. You had no reason to be in the kitchen areas after hours. Therefore you were punished."  
  
"You didn't punish Lupin." The young man said matter of factly. Harry knew where this was headed. Severus' concept of 'fair.' He motioned to one of the seats and Severus sat down across the desk from him.  
  
"I took points for him being out of bounds."  
  
"But you didn't punish him the way that you punished the rest of us."  
  
"You're right, I didn't. Not that it is any of your business." Harry added with a reproachful tone in his voice.  
  
"It's not fair. Teachers aren't supposed to have favorites. But just like all the other teachers in this place you do. And just like all the others it's the blasted Gryffindors."  
  
"You think all the teachers have favorites. Well I'll admit some do. The Heads of the Houses do. They favor their house. So with those exceptions you still think that ALL the rest of the teachers favor the Gryffindors." Knowing what the answer would be before he even asked the question he asked anyway. "Why?"  
  
One word. That's what he was expecting and that is what he got. "Potter." And he knew that no matter what, Severus would still believe the things he thought he saw. Even to the point that it would go across generations.  
  
"Ah, so Potter is the end all be all of Hogwarts? The school just couldn't go on without him? I don't agree."  
  
"It's true. Everyone favors him. Even you!" Severus had a pink tinge to his cheeks and his eyes momentarily looked at the ground. When he looked up his expression was under control and the blush was fading.  
  
Harry's eyebrows rose in shock. It almost sounded like Severus was jealous. Harry pushed that thought to the back of his head. Hopefully it wouldn't find it's way to the front any time soon. "Do we come to the point of it then? Are you…" Harry struggled momentarily to find the right word, "…upset because I favor Potter? I don't see how I do so."   
  
Avoiding the questions Severus instead replied to the statement. "After classes you are always talking to him and his friends." The young man sulked. Arms crossed across his chest, slightly slouched, the glare spitting black fire from his eyes. Harry blinked at how similar the pose was. His Severus sulked too, although granted Sev never sulked verbally. He left it up to Harry to determine what the problem was. Looking at the young man in front of him he realized how much easier this was.  
  
"They asked."  
  
The simple statement threw the young man off. He had been expecting an affirmation of his favoritism not an explanation of the supposed act of favoritism. "What?"  
  
"They nicely approach me after class and ask if anything else of interest happened that pertained to the lesson. In other words they asked for stories. Since I'm such a nice guy I obliged. Sometimes they ask for advice. If I can give it, then I do so. I would do the same for anyone. No matter what house they come from. I do not play favorites. I have never played favorites for longer than I have taught. In fact I believe the last time I played favorites was when I was your age."  
  
The fact that his teacher had a legitimate excuse compounded with the fact that he did in fact once 'play' favorites stunned the young man. That didn't mean the conversation was over. Far from it. "Why didn't you punish Lupin, like you punished us? Is it because of what he is?" Harry could hear the honest question beneath the scornful tone.  
  
"No. I did not exempt Lupin because of his lycanthropy. Which you aren't supposed to mention anyway." Severus didn't even flinch at the reminder that he wasn't to discuss Lupin's 'illness' with anyone teacher or student, regardless of whether or not they knew.  
  
"Then how can you justify it?" For a slytherin Severus had always been keenly aware of the concept of fair.  
  
"He doesn't land himself in my office nearly as much as the four of you do. I've gotten more complaints about hexes, insults, fights and everything else under the sun. And it all stems from the four of you. Black and Potter are the leaders of the Gryffindors and you and Malfoy are the Slytherin leaders. I have no doubt that when Mr. Malfoy graduates this year you'll find a satisfactory replacement. The four of you go after each other constantly and I'm sick of it. Therefore I assigned a punishment that might curb your behavior towards one another."  
  
"Your not the Head of either House, why do you care?"  
  
"Because you are my students. I feel that it is my duty to make sure that you don't get hurt, be it by another student or an outside danger. One of you could seriously hurt the others. But then again you already know that, don't you?" Severus looked away from the hard gaze that Harry leveled on him. He was thinking about the incident at the shack. Harry decided to finish his thought. "Besides, I got tired of the teachers constantly bickering over what to do with you. Point blank I told them I would take care of things. This is how I chose to do it." Harry expected that to be the end of the interview and stood up to escort Snape out.  
  
"So you don't care? It's all because it's your responsibility? You don't care about anyone at all." The voice was soft and timid. Not at all like Severus, no matter what time Harry was in. Severus almost sounded sad.  
  
"I don't care? Don't you think that is a little presumptuous of you, Mr. Snape?"  
  
The boy just shrugged but didn't move from his seat. Harry went over to stand by the side of his desk. Any height he could manage to gain on the younger man he would. This Severus was the same height as he was, so even in the past Harry didn't have a height advantage. Harry thought about his Severus and how his height was one of the things that made him so intimidating.  
  
"I care." The words were whispered and for a moment Harry almost thought that he imagined them.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I care, that you care. I want you to care. About me." Severus seemed to be gaining a little more confidence in what he was saying.  
  
"Of course I care. You're my student it matters to me what happens to you." Harry almost laughed at himself. For some reason it seemed that Severus usually commanded the upper hand in any conversation. Harry hoped that his vaunted luck hadn't abandoned him yet and that he could steer the conversation back into safe territory and that he could get the young man out of his office. He was too tired to have this conversation.  
  
"Once again that's not what I mean. I want you to care about me as a person. The way that I care about you!" Severus stared at him and Harry kept his gaze locked with the young man sitting in the chair. He would not be made to look weak.   
  
"I don't understand a word that is coming out of your mouth, Mr. Snape."  
  
Severus set his jaw and looked up at his teacher, determination filled his dark eyes. "I love you, Octavian."  
  
Shite. Not what Harry had wanted to hear at three o'clock in the morning. He decided that he had to stop this now. He was too weak; he was drawn to the young man that was a reflection of the man that he had grown to love. This was a vulnerable version of his bonded, his lover. And a part of Harry wanted that vulnerability, but he knew that this wasn't love, for either of them.  
  
"You don't love me, Mr. Snape."  
  
Severus stood up and faced his teacher, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Don't tell me that! I do! I think about you constantly, I'm jealous when I see you talking closely to anyone else. I want to be that person. I love you!"   
  
Harry almost wanted to shirk away. To run like he had last time, but he knew he couldn't. "You don't know what love is. You're confusing it with infatuation." Harry looked steadily at the boy in front of him.  
  
Severus took a step closer close enough to touch him. Instead of moving Harry stood his ground. "Then show me," was whispered before lips settled over his.  
  
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Don't kill the author - or else chapter ten will never get posted. I know it seems mean, but I had to end it there or else Chapter Ten just wouldn't work. And since I was mean I'll give you a hint about the next chapter - you get a peek into Young!Harry and Older!Sev's relationship.  
  
Read and Review - Positive feedback makes me write faster! 


	10. Chapter Ten: The Talk

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On Assignment for Dumbledore Harry sees his lover from an unexpected perspective. That of a teacher. "The future repeats itself in the past." HP/SS *SLASH*  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R   
  
Author Note: I was so excited to get over 150 reviews I just had to respond to as many as possible!  
  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed. According to ff.net I 'Paradox' has gotten over 150 reviews! Thanx to JungAnya, Creamy Mimi, Nagini, Saavik, koko, npetrenko, Emma, Sela, Lord R, Katy999, WittchWay, Els-chan, coriander, Sabs, venus4280, moraco, SaraWolfe, Lady FoxFire, blackunicorn, Copper Fire, Quickjewel, Cetsunai  
  
Faerie Angst: I'm not Evil! Evil people can't make you drool for more =P  
  
Butterfly: Can't tell you. It would give away the story  
  
Kateri: tagline is "future repeats itself in the past" after all  
  
RavensHaelo: Why thank you, I try to be original  
  
Lee Lee Potter: Evil =( I hope I didn't make you wait too long, and begging did help  
  
Nora Charles: I love chocolate =)  
  
Rebecca Cecile: The whole story is already planned out but I suggest you keep reading ;)  
  
Bumblebee Bucy: Thank you I try extremely hard to keep them in character.  
  
shitsumon: won't tell, my lips are sealed. But I did write a short interlude (to be posted next) about the week of "wedded torture"  
  
TigerBlak: I'll only post the chapter if you put the flamethower down. Good TigerBlak. =)  
  
Kaat ShodowLover: No big questions this time? Well what can I say. Poison has been on my mind. Thanx for pointing the mistake out Fearie Angst did the same. Anyway the invisibility cloak is kinda necessary. Besides it has to be fun wandering around Hogwarts w/o being seen.  
  
Acyla: If you read closely (very closely) there are a few sentences (mainly in chapter 4) and more that will come later that shows how Peter has been pulling away from the marauders. So he actually wasn't there. Not important to the overall story, but just a little pointless fact. Unfortunately Ron will not visit. There is a logic behind my thinking. Ron is an auror, he works for the ministry, not for the 'Order' and Dumbledore. (No split loyalty. Either the Ministry or the Order, not both. There's a logic to that too but it would take too long to explain.) B/c of this Albus won't send him. As for Hermione (and the twins) they work as R&D (research and development) for the 'Ordrer'. Don't go in active missions. Only 'operatives' do - Siri, Remy, Sev, Dray, and Harry plus others. Hope that cleared things up. Oh you;ll see Ron and Hermione later though, just not visiting the past.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
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Chapter Ten: The Talk  
  
Harry kept his mouth firmly shut under the onslaught of the youth. Grasping Severus' shoulders he roughly pulled him away. He pushed the younger man into the chair he had been previously sitting in and stared at him, his mouth set into an angry line. He wasn't angry with the young Mr. Snape. He was angry with himself. Angry that he had let the situation get that out of control. He should have just sent the young man to his rooms, and neglected answering any of his questions.  
  
Severus had buried his head in his hands. Harry wished that he were one of those people that always knew what to say in order to get what they want. And right now what he wanted was to end this situation and send Snape back to his dorm.  
  
"I've ruined things." The low voice didn't sound upset just resigned. His face still in set in its angry lines, Harry looked at the boy. He sat there looking at his student, his eyes shadowed not revealing anything.  
  
"There was nothing to ruin." The voice was hard and Severus tensed.  
  
"My chance with you. I think that was something to ruin."  
  
"You didn't have one." Lying never hurt anything, right?  
  
"How can you say that?! How can you say that nothing exists between us?" Severus' voice was getting louder with each statement he made.  
  
Harry narrowed his eyes at the younger man. "Because nothing does and nothing ever will." Oh the tangled web of lies one weaves. "You are my student, I am your teacher. That is the only relationship that can or will ever exist between us." Why was this sounding so familiar to him? Probably because he had already went through this.  
  
"There are no rules against it. If you want to be with me you can."  
  
"That hinges on the belief that I want to be with you. What if you are wrong about my persuasion? You seem to think I favor men over women, what if you're mistaken in your assumption?"  
  
"I'm not." Harry looked at the young man he sounded so sure of himself.  
  
"What makes you so sure?"  
  
"You left. You didn't laugh at me after the detention. You left, if you liked women you would have laughed and stated as much. And you didn't do any of that. Like I said you left." Bloody hell. How was it that Severus always saw the truth behind Harry's actions, whether well hidden or not.   
  
"Point, Mr. Snape. So you have guessed my persuasion. That still doesn't prove that I want to be with you. Why would I want to be with a child?"   
  
"I'm not a child." The indignation in the other's voice caused Harry to raise a single eyebrow. "You know nothing about me. Nothing about my life! I'm not a child." Harry smiled a cold smile stepping up to the chair and looking down upon its sole occupant.  
  
"And you know Nothing about me. Mr. Snape. To pursue a relationship with me would be foolhardy, enough to place you in Gryffindor." The boy reacted as Harry had expected him too. He shrunk back into his chair at the insult combined with the harsh tone. "I am not nice, or understanding. Neither am I patient. On quiet a few occasions I've even been called a heartless bastard." Okay so only Draco called him the last, and only once or twice. Harry wondered why he was trying to justify his statements to himself usually he never bothered. The whole speak first think later concept as Severus told him.  
  
"I think you're wrong. It's all an act. You're just upset. The Octavian Tyler that I've seen is not those things. You say that I don't know you and that if I did I wouldn't want a relationship. So let me get to know you. The Octavian Tyler I've seen is the most fair, unbiased individual I've ever met. If I'm wrong and you're right then I wouldn't want a relationship. So let me get to know you." Harry could tell that Severus had just laid the last of his 'chips' down. Everything he had. Harry hated to do this, but it had to be done.  
  
"No." One word. The end of one of the worst conversations in his life. He could go to sleep. Unfortunately the young man didn't move.  
  
"No? Why not? Let me get to know you. I won't leave unless you agree and it would be awfully hard to explain why I was in your office this morning in my pajamas. It would ruin your reputation with the students and the teachers."  
  
The little arse. Harry could quite happily strangle him. "Fine. We'll get to know each other, but no funny business Mr. Snape. Once a week you can come to my office for 'tutoring' sessions. As long as I am not needed by another student or teacher you can sit and do homework or we can talk, although I am not much for the latter. Now get out." Each word was dragged out of Harry and as Snape stood up he glared a ferocious smile at the young man and the cheeky little bastard only smiled back at him in return before heading out of the office and to his dormitory.  
  
Harry looked at the glass paperweight that was on his desk. It had been a gift from his Severus, a solid glass prism beautiful in its simplicity. He picked it up and hurled it at the far wall and it shattered. Harry sighed before waving his hand in a simple gesture and wandlessly repaired the object. Summoning it to him he placed it back on the desk. After all it hadn't been His Severus' fault. It had been the little brat that Severus was before. Actually blackmail was still something that Severus favored. He was a Slytherin for a reason after all.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
(Future: Beginning of Harry's 7th year)  
  
Harry held the glass of brandy tightly between his hands. He stared into the fire from the chair he was sitting in, trying to determine what was going on with Severus. Classes had started the week before and Severus had avoided him for the entire week. Sooner or later they would have to discuss what had transpired over the summer. Harry heard the door to Severus' private chambers open then slam shut. Harry didn't flinch. He had gotten used to Severus' tempers halfway through the summer. Harry knew the instant that Severus' eyes found him.  
  
"So this is where the 'Famous Harry Potter' has hidden away from the world." The combination of the scathing voice with the insult was enough to make Harry flinch, at least slightly.  
  
Knowing there was no point in arguing with the older man about his unwanted fame Harry responded, "I'm not hiding."  
  
"You aren't?" The sarcasm dripped from Severus' voice. "I've just come from being threatened by that filthy mutt that calls himself a man for murdering you over the summer. He wouldn't even believe those tag-a-longs you have for friends that told them they've seen you all week. He's searching the castle as we speak for your lifeless body." Severus sat down in the other chair by the fire, his chair.  
  
Harry gave a little laugh and smiled humorlessly at Severus before raising the glass he held to his lips and sipping the deep amber liquor. "I came down here to talk to you. We have to talk sometime. So you see, I wasn't hiding."  
  
Severus looked at the glass in Harry's hand. "You shouldn't be drinking."  
  
"Then you shouldn't have given me any to discover how good it tastes." Harry flashed the older man an impudent smile.  
  
"Don't you care the least about your godfather roaming the castle looking for you?"  
  
"Not particularly. I saw him this afternoon. He was just making your life difficult because I didn't agree with him that this summer must have been horrible for me. I told him I actually found it 'tolerable'." Harry returned his gaze to the fire. "I meant what I said at the beginning of the summer. I do love you, Severus."  
  
"Don't say such things Potter."  
  
"It was 'Harry' this summer."  
  
"It is no longer summer, Potter. And whatever nonsense that came to pass this summer will not continue."  
  
"Why? Please tell me why." Harry didn't get upset. There was no point. If Severus was adamant about ending their relationship before it really began then Harry knew nothing he said would stop the other man.  
  
"It's relatively simple, Potter-"  
  
"Stop. If we are talking about this then call me Harry. Please Severus."  
  
"Fine *Harry*. You should have been able to figure this out, however. After all you aren't a complete dunderhead." That was practically the king of compliments coming from Severus. "It is no longer summer. I am once again your teacher and you are once again my student."  
  
"I don't think that anything has changed. I was always your student."  
  
"That is where you are wrong. This summer you were acting as an operative of the Order of the Phoenix. Now that classes have started again you are Potter, the bane of my existence."  
  
Harry closed his eyes for a moment and let out a slow breath. The man was infuriating. "Stop hiding behind your excuses."  
  
"I am doing no such thing, Potter. Now kindly vacate my quarters at once. The password will be changed as soon as you leave so don't bother coming back."   
  
Harry sat his glass on the table separating the two of them before slowly sinking out of his chair and onto the floor. Raising himself onto his knees he positioned himself in front of the other man. "You can't just push me out. Not after what we shared this summer."  
  
"Shared? And pray tell what exactly did we share this summer?" Venom laced the other's voice but Harry stood his ground.  
  
"A soul." Harry took up his glass again and pressed it into Severus' hands. The older man unconsciously lifted the glass to his lips and sipped. Harry watched as Severus swallowed the brandy before taking the glass back. Severus in turn watched Harry, not knowing how to respond to the statement that he had made. Harry slowly turned the glass so he could place his lips over where Severus had placed his. Severus stopped the glass in mid-motion.  
  
"Don't make me laugh, Potter. A soul? Where do you find these concepts?" Not giving the other a chance to answer he continued. "So what, we saved each other's lives. You broke down and confided in me. You would have chosen someone else had there been anyone else to listen. Likewise can be said for me. You were convenient. I confided in you because you were there."  
  
Harry's voice was deadly quiet when he responded. "Liar." He watched as the man before him bristled in rage. He knew he may have pushed the line too far and could well end out on his ear in the corridor. "You don't confide in someone just because they are convenient. You'd rather die first."  
  
Severus' eyes were narrowed in anger as he watched Harry lift the glass and gulp down the rest. "Potter, if you can't drink properly then don't drink. Brandy is not made to gulp it is made to savor."  
  
"Just. Like. You." Severus raised an eyebrow in his trademark expression. "I have spent the entire summer breaking through your walls in order to get to know you. You aren't going to just slam those walls back up again. I did not confide in you because you were there. I confided in you because you would understand, the same reason that you confided in me. We shared a soul."  
  
"Stubborn as always. Has it occurred to you that there are school rules against this sort of thing?" Severus prayed to whatever deity deigned to listen to him that the fool boy hadn't checked the school charters. Harry just stared at his professor a thoughtful look on his face. Severus knew that he had the young man.  
  
"Then I guess I'll just have to follow tradition." Severus breathed an unnoticeable sigh of relief. "After all I've already done, the school will just have to bend another rule for the 'Boy-Who-Lived'."  
  
Blast the boy anyway. "Insufferable brat. There are reasons such rules are in place."  
  
"Oh I've no doubt. But there is no way that you would change my grade just because we are together. I have always been horrid at potions and I probably always will be. A marked increase in my grades would prove that something was afoot." Severus started to protest but Harry cut him off again. "Don't lie to me. I know you don't think that I am overly smart by far, but I'm not an idiot either. I checked the rulebooks immediately after the Christmas holidays last year. There are no rules against teacher-student relationships. There probably should be but there aren't."  
  
"I never thought that you were stupid. I think that you don't apply yourself nearly as much as you should." The acknowledgement was whispered almost as if Severus didn't want Harry to hear it, which could have very well been the case. But Harry did hear the admission and it convinced him that there was something between them. That Severus didn't hate him. Might not love him yet, but didn't hate him and hopefully liked him.  
  
"You're right. I don't try nearly as hard as I should. Sometimes I don't see the reason why. If my life is predetermined then I just feel that perhaps I should give up. Let it take its course. After all I'm not in control."  
  
Severus took Harry's chin in one long slender hand and made the young man look at him. "Never say such things, Harry. You are in control of your life. You make your own choices. And if you chose to walk out of this castle and never come back, I wouldn't blame you. I think that the wizarding world has asked too much from you and you don't have the responsibility to them that so many of them think you have. If anything, the wizarding world has a responsibility to you." Severus released his chin but Harry didn't stop looking at him. A note of bitterness entered his voice. "One that the majority has failed utterly. Myself included."  
  
The last statement took Harry by surprise. "Excuse me?"  
  
Severus didn't look at him. Instead he looked over his head toward the fire. "You heard me. I've failed in my responsibility to you. I should stay away from you. I just wish it was easier to do so. As your teacher I should stay away from you."  
  
"I won't let you." Harry started to rise from the floor but Severus laid a hand on his shoulder stopping him.  
  
"You can't stop me."  
  
"Watch me. I'd fight for you."  
  
Severus narrowed his eyes in a searching manner and looked at Harry. Harry stood up and made his way toward the door.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
Laughter tinged Harry's voice when he answered. "I thought you kicked me out."  
  
"You giving up halfway through the conversation, running away, very unPotter like."  
  
"Would you rather me stay, Severus?"  
  
"If you would like." And that was what Harry had been waiting for. The closest that he'd probably ever get to permission. Harry walked back and stood over the other man. "What?" The tone was clipped but Harry could sense no real venom in it.  
  
"Are you going to change the password to lock me out, again?"  
  
"I suppose not. You're blocking my view of the fire, brat."  
  
Harry smiled before climbing onto the older man's lap straddling him before claiming Severus' mouth in a kiss. After quite a few seconds the other man gave into the persistent mouth. The kiss was slow and sensual like many of the kisses they had shared over the summer. This kiss contained more, it contained a part of their souls they hadn't exposed to the other yet.   
  
They pulled apart and Harry looked into Severus' eyes. He was shocked at the uncertainty that he saw in the older man's gaze. He almost backed away until he realized the reason for such an emotion. How could Severus be sure that Harry was certain about his actions. Things that he could possibly say ran through his head but he decided against them all and decided the best course of action would be just that, action. After all actions do speak louder than words.  
  
Harry moved one hand from where it was resting at the base of Severus' neck and lifted it so he could rest it upon the other man's cheek. Severus didn't say anything just looked at him with open curiosity. Harry marveled at the multitude of emotions he could now see in the other's eyes. He lowered his head once again and gently brushed his lips against Severus', never applying pressure never demanding. His lips were hovering there barely touching. Severus tried to deepen the kiss but Harry pulled back.  
  
"I'm sure Severus. I've thought about this and I'm sure. This wasn't a decision that I made in a moment when passion clouded my view of things. It was a decision that took me a long time to determine. I think that you should know that. You deserve to know that. No matter what we choose to happen, you have a right to know that I didn't make my decision based on anything other than what I think we could become to each other. The more I thought about it, the more I saw that what I wanted wasn't a snog or a quick shag. What I want from us is something much more substantial. I want to give you everything I have to give and I want you to take it." Severus made to pull him down but Harry didn't let him. He put his hand on the others chest and pressed him back into the seat. "This isn't free, Severus." Harry could almost say that the man looked terrified at that statement. "I expect the same in return. I don't want something meaningless, I want the opposite." And with that said Harry leaned down and placed his lips upon those belonging to Severus and started to kiss him. He poured all the love and passion he had into that kiss. And more importantly to Harry he felt equal measures of both returned.  
  
That night more was given then just a kiss. And in the early hours of the morning when Harry finally left he knew that there was no going back. He had given everything and he didn't want any of it returned.  
  
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Well, I hope that this chapter satisfied your curiosity. The next chapter is going to be what happened to our favorite students during the week they were bonded.   
  
Read and Review - Positive Feedback makes me write faster. 


	11. Interlude: The Week from Hell

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R (this part is PG-13)  
  
Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long. Real life intruded on my writing time. But I did lengthen this chapter up for you guys. It was a lot shorter. I hope you enjoy my feable attempt.  
  
Another Author's Note: No plot points. This is mostly humor (or at least my pathetic attempt at humor) and what happenes while Black and Potter are attached to Malfoy and Snape.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Thank You to all who reviewed: Saavik,venus4280,Cat Samwise, Sela, selua, JungAnya, npetrenko, Chris Vinyard, RunningWithCoyotes, rachelle1979  
  
Faerie Angst: icing is my favorite part of the cake =)  
  
athenakitty: definitely more chapters. About the other my lips are sealed  
  
TigerBlak: *whew* that flamethrower scared me  
  
Nicky: Harry is a private person by nature. He'd rather not mention that he's in a committed relationship, especially to a student (even if said student was hitting on him. It's still none of their business)  
  
Kaat ShadowLover: *much noise, confettii, and balloons* You get a prize! You figured some things out! Yes the two scenes were supposed to mirror each other (a bit). And Yes Severus realized LATER that Harry and Octavian were one and the same. Exactly, Harry looked nothing like an "older" teacher at age eleven. If Severus was looking for Octavian Tyler he certainly wouldn't be looking at his students for a teacher.  
  
Shitsumon: Right now I have approx 22 chapters outlined not including this interlude and the epilouge, that might change though. But there is also the back/side/(prequel thing) stories to Paradox. I'll be posting those after this fic if people want. And I'm considering a sequel, again if people want. =D And Drayco will be back.  
  
Acyla: no prob. If I can I like to answer questions. Not quite as far as you think. He just doesn't want to get in trouble anymore. He's mostly just conflicted, doesn't quite feel like he fits with the Marauders. The twins belong there. I'm sure they come up with all sorts of interesting ways to torment DEs  
  
moraco: I'm flattered  
  
lillie chan: me talented? Thanks. =)  
  
Copper Fire: *pats tummy* good Chinese food. =) He doesn't know at that point, he figures it out eventually-- you'll see.  
  
two2blue: Another Winner! *their* brandy will keep coming up! =D  
  
Nagini: *hands tissue* Maybe you'll laugh this chapter  
  
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Interlude: The Week From Hell  
  
"He did what?!" Remus looked at the two despondent boys that had just explained their punishment after walking through the dormitory door. Since there were only the Marauders in the room no one ever worried about waking anyone up. Not that it mattered, Peter slept like a log.  
  
"Bonded us to our worst enemies." James sat down on his bed and stared at his arm where the bonding cord had disappeared. He could still feel it, a ghostly sensation of a cord surrounding his arm before going off somewhere else.  
  
"He wouldn't." Remus stated looking disbelieving at the two. They had to be making this up. James and Sirius always made things up. They were just pulling his leg. That had to be it. "You're both lying."  
  
Sirius gave a mirthless laugh. "We wish. It would have been the perfect joke to pull on you. Nope. I am definitely stuck to Malfoy for a whole week. And James is stuck to Snape."  
  
"I still don't know if I should believe you." Remus almost started to believe them.  
  
James looked at the werewolf questioningly. "Come here Remy. I want to test something out." Remus made his way across the room to where James sat crossed legged on his bed. James held out his arm, the one that Professor Tyler had tied the cord around. "See if you feel anything." Remus laid his hand on James' arm before quickly removing it. Remus just stared blankly at his arm. "You feel it too?"  
  
"It feels like a cord or something."  
  
"We're telling you he wrapped a cord around our arm and our 'partner'," the last word was spit out with disgust from Sirius, "and then said something and the cord just sort of vanished. Though it seems like we can still feel it." Sirius absently scratched at the spot where his cord would be.  
  
Not being able to take it anymore Remus collapsed onto the nearest bed laughing hard. "This is too amusing. I'm so glad that I don't get into as much trouble as you." Remus laughed even harder.  
  
"It's not that funny." Sirius glared at his fellow marauder.  
  
"Oh yes it is." Remus took a deep breath before attempting to continue. "Can't you just see the look on Lily's face when James tells her tomorrow that he's been bonded to SNAPE!" The last word was gasped out as Remus fell backward laughing. His hands clutched to his sides.  
  
James groaned at the mental picture of his girlfriend telling him off for getting into trouble again. Sirius chuckled at the look on his best friend's face but couldn't get as much amusement out of the thing since he was sorta in the same boat. Only difference was no girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter.  
  
Finally Remus got up from the bed he had fallen down on and moved to his own. "I'm going to sleep. I want to get a good seat to see this tomorrow." The marauders all climbed into bed and as James was shutting off the last light a small voice spoke up.  
  
"Oi, Remus, ne... next time you f...fall down on someone's bed ma..make sure there was no...no one in it. Be...besides what did I m..miss?"  
  
"Go to sleep, Peter you'll see in the morning."  
  
"Sorry Peter, won't happen again."  
  
The light was shut out and James Remus and Sirius all tried to get some sleep. "Tell me. You always do this to... to me." Peter whined before he too finally went back to sleep.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*Day One - Saturday*  
  
The next morning the Great Hall saw something that had not occurred since the marauders had been in first year. Sirius Black was wide awake, dressed, but most importantly *early* to breakfast. Usually he ran in with five minutes left to spare to grab some toast with his robe haphazardly thrown on over his uniform and his hair a mess, something was definitely wrong. On the weekends he usually wasn't even seen. Sitting beside him at the Gryffindor table were his normal group of friends. Remus was putting the final touches on an essay, James was getting yelled at by Lily for something or other, Peter was trying to get Remus' help on an assignment that he hadn't turned in the day before and was late. Sirius was the only one out of place.  
  
Things did get stranger though. Malfoy and Snape walked into the room and stood perfectly still. At the same time Black and Potter stood from their places and everyone that was in the hall looked to see if there would be a fight break loose. No one moved until Lily pushed James in the back toward the two boys standing near the entrance. As James approached he checked his watch. 7:55.  
  
"Care to join us for breakfast, Snape?" Potter said cordially.  
  
Snape set his jaw before answering. "I suppose. If you will join me for breakfast at the Slytherin table tomorrow." Each word sounded forced, the students already there looked on in curiosity. After all it was a strange development, just as strange as the relationship between Snape and Black that had lasted all of a week the year before.  
  
"Sounds good. Shall we?" Potter motioned toward the Gryffindor table. Snape nodded brusquely before following behind Potter.  
  
Now everyone's attention turned to the two boys that had been staring at each other the entire exchange between the other two boys. Malfoy glared and Black glared right back before defyingly sitting back down with his back turned. Malfoy spun on his heel and headed over to the Slytherin table. Just as he was about to sit down the bell tower tolled the hour. 8:00. Malfoy was flung backward and over the Ravenclaw table landing with a thud on the ground before being pulled as if by an invisible hand under the Hufflepuff table toward the Gryffindors. Black for his part was clinging desperately to the edge of the table his knuckles white while his feet were up in the air. It looked like he was in a wind tunnel. Remus was trying to pry his fingers up with a look of mischief in his eyes. Black finally had no choice but to let go of the table and he went flying landing on top of the Hufflepuff table right above Malfoy, who was still underneath.   
  
Crawling out from under the table Malfoy stood and glared at the Head table, Black repeated his glare after he had climbed down. Professor Tyler just leaned back in his seat and smiled, a really demented smile. The entire hall was laughing at the two boys. Black was covered in jelly and Malfoy looked nothing like his impeccable self, instead he was covered in dust.  
  
Speculation ran rampant through the halls all day long about why the hated enemies were spending all their time together, and what had made them fly toward each other. When it was discoved that the enimies were bonded together for the week all the students decided to try to make every meal, just so that they could all have a good laugh.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^  
  
*Day Two - Sunday*  
  
The next day saw Potter and Snape sporting florescent purple hair, along with blue skin. It seemed that in the forced close proximity Snape had decided to test a potion out on Potter with out telling the other one. Unfortunately the effects seemed to pass through the bond. They both ended up with the purple hair and blue skin.   
  
The potion did have some unforseen side effects. In addition to his blue skin James had yellow polka dots of all sizes all over his skin. His nose had also changed into a stunning replica of that sported by the muggle fictional character Pinocchio, and his left arm had shrunk down to half it's original length but his fingers had grown out to make up the difference.  
  
At least James could walk properly. Florescent green squares covered Severus' body. His nose stayed the same but his ears grew to unbelievable porportions and his right foot shrunk. So Snape's gait was rather off for the day.  
  
Dumbledore was quite enjoying himself. He stood and applauded the two boys for their wonderful fashion sense before turning each professor's hair a shockingly vibrant shade of color.  
  
The students found it funny, they laughed all through breakfast. They laughed even harder when Professor Tyler, who had been gifted with a shocking green (to match his eyes, so Albus said), stood to leave the hall. From the exit he waved his wand and muttered an incantation and Albus' hair was charmed to be a startling blue with little lights that flashed. "To match your eyes." Professor Tyler said before changing his own hair back and heading out of the great hall.  
  
But the two boys' trouble didn't stop with breakfast. With no other way to spend the time other than together the boys went to the library to study until dinner. Since studying didn't involve speaking it seemed the perfect plan. However both boys fell asleep halfway through their Transfiguration essay.   
  
When they awoke it was to discover that the side effects, while still visible seemed to be fading, but new marks adorned their exposed skin. Some students had taken advantage of the two boys and used James as a gigantic Connect-the-Dots book and Snape had Tic-Tac-Toe games played inside of his squares.  
  
The next day the boys appeared at breakfast their normal shape and color except for the new markings. Potter had a Slytherin crest drawn on his cheek and Snape had a Tic-Tac-Toe game on his forhead.  
  
The headmaster appeared at breakfast with his hair still blue and sparkling, but what surprised everyone was that he was glaring at Professor Tyler who could only laugh in response.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*Day Three - Monday*  
  
The third day of the bond started out with a yelling match between Lucius and Sirius. The yelling match ended abruptly when Black pulled out his wand and shot a curse at Malfoy. All of Lucius' hair fell out. Breakfast was spent laughing at the now bald Malfoy.  
  
By lunch the laughter had grown even louder. Malfoy was still bald and Black's hair had grown so long it was dragging along the floor. The entire student body watched while Lily tried rather unsucessfully to cut his hair. She ended up breaking three pairs of All-purpose-indestructable wizarding utility scissors. The end result had been that Black's hair grew another 6 feet.  
  
By dinner that day Peter and Remus were found trailing along after Sirius whose hair was trailing fifty feet behind him. They each had clumps of it in their arms. It was discovered that on the way to Divination which was held in the only tower with a spiral staircase, that Sirius' hair had gotten tangled up somewhere behind him and he ended up rolling back down the staircase taking Malfoy with him.  
  
The next day didn't end the torment of the hair however. Malfoy still didn't have a single hair on his scalp and Black's had grown even longer. Peter and Remus were still acting as hair carriers now having to trail at 25 and 60 feet behind him so they could control Black's wayward locks. As they passed one of the thrid years in the hall the young girl swore that she heard a house elf squeaking, "Please Mr. Black let Tipsy go. Tipsy is a good elf, sir," before being dragged further away by his hair.  
  
Finally not being able to take it any longer Professor Amygdalus muttered the counter curse after Black had set fire to his hair six times in the same potions period. He also took 35 points from Gryffindor for a hair style that wasn't allowed according to school rules. Black's and Malfoy's hair both returned to normal.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*Day Four - Tuesday*  
  
The four enimies made companions were sitting in the library during their lunch hour looking up books that might shed light on how to get rid of the bonding cords.   
  
"Severus, are you sure-" Lucius was cut short by an overexcited James Potter jumping up.  
  
"That's it. A severing charm. Those cords looked like they were just made from rope. A severing charm would work." And with that he pointed his wand at his "partner's" arm and said, "*abrumpo*". Instead of the expected result of being free, Severus' arm was severed off halfway up his forarm, the site caused him to pass out. The other pair of boys turned away from the site and James collapsed to the ground clutching his arm with a look of obvious pain on his face.   
  
Madame Pince hurried over to see what all the commotion was about to find one unconscious bleeding boy with his arm chopped off. Another boy that was passed out and two boys that looked as if they were going to be sick. Rushing over to the fireplace she called Madame Pomfrey which ushered the bonded pair theough the fireplace after having revived them to the hospital wing and casting a protection bubble around Severus' arm and 'stump'.   
  
She got to work finding that Severus was a very good patient, not a sound of pain came from him. Young Mr. Potter on the other hand was moaning and carrying on. "Do be quiet Mr. Potter, it's not as if your arm was chopped off." She was able to reattach the arm and the only trace would be a scar that circled his right arm.  
  
When Harry found out what happened later that day he mentally crossed off the scar from his list. After all now he knew where that scar came from.  
  
It took until the next morning for the teachers to figure out that all the pain that they expected Severus to be in was being felt by James. Once Madame Pince had discovered what happened she banned all four boys from the library for a month. And James for a month and a half since he made another student bleed all over her precious books  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*Day Five - Wednesday*  
  
Wednesday Potter threw a jelly-legs curse at Malfoy, but his plan backfired when it also took down Black. From the ground Malfoy attempted a full body bind on Potter even placing a focus word at the end so it would only effect Potter but it still carried over and Snape fell to the ground too.  
  
The bond didn't seem to have a good effect on jelly-leg curses though, since all four boys were still lying on the ground right by one of the green houses when Hagrid found them hours later and carted them all up to the castle where Professor Tyler was waiting for them.  
  
"You boys should know that fighting isn't allowed in the school. Unfortunately I don't know who threw what. So there really isn't anything I can do. I'll go get your heads of house so they can straighten you out."  
  
A few minutes later Professors McGonagall, Amygdalus, and Tyler all returned. Waving her wand McGonagall cancelled both spells and after making sure that her Gryffindors were all right took each by an ear and started pulling them along. Malfoy and Snape looked amused until they saw how disgruntled their head of house was and shutting their mouths they quietly followed behind.  
  
Harry wondered if they would ever learn their lesson.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*Day Six - Thursday*  
  
It took two day before Lucius figured out the perfect way to get Black back for cursing his hair gone. He knew that he couldn't use magic. Instead he used the excuse that he had to do his Herbology homework and dragged Black out to Greenhouse Number Five. The greenhouse that housed Professor Sprout's Devil's Snare. He was able to get Sirius close enough to the plant for it to wrap it's vines around him.  
  
"Now don't struggle Black. It will only tighten." Malfoy looked down at the watch he had on. According to it Dinner was half over which meant he only had another half an hour to wait until the bond negated for the night. He picked up his book and read until he heard the bell tower toll the hour and left the greenhouse with a struggling Black still inside.  
  
Black couldn't get out and couldn't stay perfectly still. Around 2:30 in the morning Professor Sprout came out to check on her plants and found Sirius caught up in the vines. She released him and watched him limp out, since one of his legs had long since gone to sleep. Although she didn't let him go before giving him a fair tongue lashing for hurting her precious plant.  
  
It took him at least an hour to rub muscle relaxing and brusing salve into his skin and to 'wake up' his leg. He eventually fell asleep around four in the morning trying to plot a way to get Malfoy back. Although the next day did that for him.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*Day Seven - Friday*  
  
Friday was the main event. That was the day that Sirius Black finally overslept.  
  
Malfoy had made a habit of walking into the Great Hall with only a minute or two to spare. When he walked in and didn't see Black sitting with his friends he glanced around quickly. Still not seeing him his eyes locked with Severus' as he looked at his friend. Snape just shrugged in response. It was then that Malfoy felt it. They had all tested their bonds. Five feet, that was the extent of the distance it allowed between them. The bond was going to force them together. Malfoy took off running, there was no way that he was going to get caught flying through the halls.  
  
Sirius on the other hand had just been startled awake when he slammed into the portrait of the Fat Lady, from behind. She opened after that and Sirius continued flying through the hallways. He bodily knocked over two suits of armor and hit multiple doorframes. Still groggy he didn't realize what happened until he crashed into someone and tumbled down the stairs to land in the Entrance Hall, right in front of the open doors of the Great Hall where every student was trying to get a glimpse of what happened.  
  
There on the floor in a tangled mess of limbs were Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black. Malfoy didn't look anywhere near his impeccable self but that isn't what caused the laughter of the student body. Draped over Malfoy was Black dressed in nothing other than a pair of wizarding boxers which depicted a line from a well known muggle nursery rhyme "And the cow jumped over the moon." The cow really was jumping over Sirius' moons, both of them. The laughter increased when Malfoy stood up and the entire student body got a glimpse of his posterior. His pants had ripped and his boxers had little lips that kept kissing the air. That was when the first of many comments hit the air, "I always knew that Malfoy was an arse kisser."  
  
As if that wasn't enough, Sirius and Lucius really proved how they were gluttons for punishment when they both refused to return to their dorms to change because that would mean bringing the other boy. After mumbling something about slimy slytherins and house pride Sirius strode off toward his first class causing Malfoy to quicken his steps if he didn't want to be seen dragging on the floor after Black. After all it was bad enough being seen with him when he wasn't nearly naked.  
  
The teachers had a field day, if it wasn't points being removed for lack of proper uniform or not being able to turn in his homework or not being able to complete an assignment because he had no book or wand it was comments about how 'cute' his choice in sleeping attire was.   
  
Their second class of the day was Herbology, outside. The teachers had decided that if they couldn't find time on their own to go and change then the two boys would just have to suffer all day. Black opened the front door of the castle and was met with the coldest blast of air that he ever felt. It got worse as he took his first step outside. He ended up muttering a few heating charms under his breath to keep himself warm. Figuring that Malfoy could sweat a little. What he didn't realize is that because of the rip in his pants Malfoy had felt a draft and muttered a couple of heating charms himself. By the time the two boys reached the greenhouse they were both sweating profusely.  
  
"You two seem all hot and sweaty. do those lips on your arse and Sirius' sexy body get a rise out of you, Malfoy?" Of course the class just had to be filled with Gryffindors.   
  
After class Remus took pity on his friend and cast a drying spell on Sirius which carried over to Malfoy. It ended up drying their hair so thoroughly that their hair frizzed out and no matter what either of them tried they couln't get it to lie flat. It was worse then the notorious Potter hair.  
  
By lunch even the students in Gryffindor were annoyed with Black, since he kept losing points. And since they were banned from their dorms until that evening there wasn't a sign of respite in site.  
  
Sirius ended up spending his last hour beet red. At the beginning of dinner Professor Tyler walked up behind him and stared. He then turned to look at Snape before turning back and looking at Sirius' arse. "I think I finally see what Mr. Snape saw in you Mr. Black. And I don't mean your taste in underwear." With that Professor Tyler walked to the head table and sat down. Snape spoke up at that point. "Sorry but you had the wrong side Professor Tyler." Sirius was red and that didn't change throughout dinner.  
  
That night Harry removed the bonding cords and looked at the four boys.  
  
"An interesting week the four of you had. You could have made it easier on yourselves if you had just behaved all week and been polite to each other."  
  
The four boys looked at each other and then at their professor. The looks on their faces clearly stated that they thought their teacher was crazy.  
  
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After the bonding week ended everything went back to normal and Harry couldn't wait to see Sirius so that he could tease him mercilessly before asking if he still slept in a pair of boxers like that, and if he ever thought about growing his hair out that long again. He'd also have to remember to compliment Severus on how good he looked with purple hair. He decided that he'd have to ask Sev if he ever got that potion to work right, so it would only dye someone's hair purple.  
  
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Just a little attempt at humor. I hoped that you enjoyed it.  
  
Read and Review to tell me if it was any good. 


	12. Chapter Eleven: Getting to Know the Oth...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Author Note: I'm still alive. And since I'm feeling lazy you only have to listen to my rambling since I'm too tired to do individual thank you's today. I'll respond to any questions that you asked in front of the next chapter, I promise. Thanks to everyone who reviewed positively. There were a couple reasons that this took me a little longer. A part of this chapter just didn't want to come to me, it took me little time, the stupid part is that the section was only a couple of short paragraphs long. I also got sick for half a week, my boyfriend was visiting on spring break, I had midterms to take and presentations to give, so basically I just ran out of time. I recieved my first flame, it was funny, but still put me off writing for the day. And finally:  
  
I've come to a decision. I wasn't originally planning on having this story beta'd since I didn't think that I'd have so many wonderful fans =) But a few people have pointed out errors that I just don't catch. So I decided that a beta might be a good idea. For anyone that's interested this is what I'm looking for:   
  
1) A semi-gentle person. I'm a little thin skinned when it comes to my fiction writing, so I'd perfer someone who tends to be nice when giving me my critisism.  
2) I would like to post a chapter a week. So I would appreciate someone who could beta fairly quickly. I'm pretty good about writing, and I stay ahead for the most part, so I'm not too worried about getting you the chapters on time, although you might have to order me to write every now and again. I could always use a good motivator.  
3) Lastly, I'll listen to any plot ideas that you have, but the story is mine and I retain the right not to use them.   
4) Obviously someone who is really good with grammar. And who's over 17 years of age, after all the story is NC-17.  
  
I don't think that it's too much to ask, I hope. If you're interested let me know and I'll pick from all interested parties. Thanks in advance  
  
Last A/N: This chapter is an NC-17 chapter. For obvious reasons the NC-17 part isn't on FF.net. Once again I'm offering to email the variation. But first I want you to know that I have set up a website for Paradox and the NC-17 version can be found there. The web address is :   
The adress is also on my profile page. As usual the story can also be found on the SnapexHarryML:   
If you still need me to email you the version I wiil, but note: this time around I will email it in bulk. Once on Tuesday and again on Thursday, and again a few days later if anyone needs me too.   
  
Sorry about my ramblings, I'll shut up and let you read the story now. Thanks again to all those that reviewed. Afterall you're the ones that keep me writing.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
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Chapter Eleven: Getting to Know the Other You  
  
*The Past*  
  
Harry entered his office and looked at the young man curled up in one of the wingback chairs that he kept by the fireplace. There was no fire lit and the lack of added light cast the boy's face in shadows. The young man reminded Harry of when he was younger and passed the nights curled up on his windowsill in Gryffindor tower. The boy had kicked off his shoes and brought his legs to his chest hugging them with his arms and resting his head on top, his unruly hair going in every direction.  
  
Harry walked over to the lump that had appropriated one of his chairs and looked down at him. "May I help you, Mr. Potter?"  
  
The young man brought his head up and chocolate eyes looked at him sadly. "Prolly not."  
  
Harry sat down in the other chair and stared at James Potter waiting for the teenager to continue. When it became obvious that the other was not going to speak Harry broke the silence. "Well if you don't think that I can help you, what brings you to my office?"  
  
"My father." Harry didn't understand, after the initial bad impression caused by that first essay James had definitely showed more effort in his assignments.  
  
"A little late for a dressing down. That essay was on last term's grades."  
  
James Potter attempted a weak grin but even that disappeared into melancholy lines. "No, I never actually told my father. I did tell my mother," here the voice caught for a moment before James continued, "she was disappointed and told me to do better. But that's not why I'm here Professor Tyler."  
  
"So have you doomed me to a guessing game then?" Joking lightly usually relaxed his students into tell him what was wrong.  
  
"No I just wanted someone to talk to."   
  
Now this Harry was used to, talking to a student in an 'adult confidant' type manner. Trivialities first then. "Why me? Aren't you supposed to go to your Head of House?"  
  
"Why you? Well let's see." Harry could tell that James was thinking of why he came to see Professor Tyler out of all his options. "Well, Professor McGonagall would just coddle me. She may be really strict to all her students in class, but to her Gryffindors she's like a second mother." Harry could definitely relate to that, he had gone to Minerva quite a few times over the years for just that reason. "And I couldn't talk to my friends. Remus just has too much to deal with, and Sirius wouldn't take the situation seriously. As for Lily, I don't want to worry her. I'd talk to Peter but something has just felt off with him lately and I can't bring myself to confide in him."  
  
Harry started to say something but James cut him off. "And before you say why not the other teachers. That's simple. I just don't feel comfortable talking to them. As for the Headmaster he was there. I just feel like I can talk to you, like a sort of impartial third party."  
  
Harry wasn't originally going to ask about the other teachers though the last of his father's explanation brought an interesting fact to light. "Sort of impartial? Am I involved in a situation I know nothing about?"  
  
"Well I'm sure you know some of it, just not the part that I want to talk about. You see, my father, my mother and I had a meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore today. My father was going to pull me out of Hogwarts."  
  
Harry looked at the young man in shock. "Out of Hogwarts, why?"  
  
"Well it involved some plans that my father says you uncovered about an attack that You-Know-Who was planning on him." Harry didn't say anything, just waited for the youth to continue talking. "He was going on and on about how they couldn't trust you and that you were probably a spy for You-Know-Who." At this James paused to look at his teacher. "You aren't, are you?"  
  
"Not exactly a good question at the moment. I could lie to you." James looked shocked like the thought of a teacher lying to him had just dawned on him. "But to answer your question, no I'm not."  
  
"Oh. Well, my father seems to think that whatever information you are passing onto Dumbledore is all a plot to remove those highly placed against You-Know-Who from their positions. He was going to send my mother and I to a safe house somewhere under the Fidalius. Anyway, in the end I'm not going but my mother is. I don't know when I'll get to see her again." James stared down at his hands.  
  
"And your father?" Harry had a feeling that this was the heart of the matter.  
  
James swiped at his cheeks, Harry assumed the reason was to remove a stray tear that had escaped. "He said that there probably is no plan against him and that it's a plot to remove one of the heads of the auror division in the ministry that associated with Dumbledore. He said he's staying right where he is, and doing just what he's been doing." James looked up at his professor. "Professor, was there a plan to murder my father?"  
  
Harry looked away from the sad eyes. He knew that if their positions were reversed that he would want the same answers that his father craved now. He also knew that he would never get those answers. He looked back at the young man who would one day grow up but now seemed so small and innocent, even for a sixteen year old. "I'm sorry James. I can't disclose any of that information. All I can tell you is to hope for the best, and to pray for his safety." He laid one hand on the young man's shoulder in a comforting manner. For a long time the two didn't move until a kind voice interrupted the two.  
  
"There you are Mr. Potter. Your parents were quite upset when you walked out of the office during the meeting. Everything has been arranged and your parents will be leaving tomorrow. You'll be staying with Mr. Black and his parents over the summer. I thought that you might like to spend some time with them this evening. Come along Mr. Potter."   
  
James stood and walked over to the door where the Headmaster stood. He turned around and smiled, "Thank you for the talk professor." Harry just smiled in return and James walked out the door.   
  
"Oh, Octavian." Harry looked at Albus. "I ran into Mr. Snape on the way down for his tutoring session. I told him that you had moved it to tomorrow after dinner."   
  
Harry knew better than to be surprised but decided to ask anyway. "How did you know that Mr. Potter would come to speak to me, sir?"  
  
"People who are similar often find solace in each other's company." The phrase was typical of the Headmaster and Harry nodded his head as Albus exited the office to lead James Potter to his parents.  
  
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Severus looked up from the potions essay he was writing to look at Professor Tyler. It had been three weeks since the night he had gotten caught sneaking down to the kitchens. He had gotten what he had wanted from the conversation with his professor. He now had the time to get to know his professor better, if said professor would cooperate. Professor Tyler had kept his promise and allowed Severus to come down for 'tutoring' sessions. He even allowed Severus to get away with asking some rather impertinent questions. What stopped them from conversing was the fact that Octavian Tyler refused to answer any question other than, "How was your day, sir?"  
  
"Professor?"  
  
"Hhmm." Professor Tyler was sitting in one of the chairs by the fire reading a rather thick book about something or other, another question he had avoided answering, while sipping at a scotch on the rocks from a tumbler.   
  
"Could you help me with my essay?"  
  
"What subject is it?" The professor didn't even look up from his book to look at him.  
  
"Potions."  
  
"Don't be dense Mr. Snape. I have access to your transcript with your past grades on it, you are top of your class in the subject. And even if I didn't have said access word around the castle says the same as well as your potions master. Besides potions was my weakest subject in school."  
  
Severus smiled to himself. Those were the little facts that he craved. Information about Octavian was scarce. He had only learned a few points about the older man. He was in his twenties, though he wouldn't tell Severus exactly how old. He studied out of the country for a year after he graduated from school, but didn't say where, or where he had attended school before that. Severus did have a suspicion that he had attended Hogwarts, though he and Lucius had yet to discover any proof that he had. He didn't like teaching Defense even though he had done so before, and he had avoided all the questions that would direct him to what he did like to teach. On the piece of paper next to him Severus scratched out potions on his list of likely subjects.  
  
"Where did you say you went to school?"  
  
"I didn't say."   
  
"What did you teach before you came here to teach Defense?"  
  
"An elective." Severus crossed out Charms, Transfiguration, and Herbology from the list. All the other mandatory classes had already been crossed off.  
  
Severus thought back to the day that Octavian had wrestled the dragon and Severus thought that he had figured out the mystery. "Was it Care of Magical Creatures?" A page of the book professor Tyler was reading turned before he got an answer, it wasn't what he expected.  
  
"Muggle Studies. Now be quiet and let me read."  
  
Severus thought about the answer. It definitely wasn't what he had been expecting. Octavian Tyler didn't seem like the muggle type. Everyone knew that muggles were inferior so why would someone as obviously powerful as his professor want to know about them? Severus just watched his professor trying to figure him out.  
  
"Muggle Studies?"  
  
Severus heard a sigh before the book snapped shut and Professor Tyler turned to look at him. "What's wrong with muggle studies?"  
  
"Muggles are useless creatures." Severus watched as his teacher narrowed his eyes and weighed him before responding.  
  
"I was raised by muggles. Don't bother asking, I'm not muggle born, but I was raised by muggles to act like a muggle." Octavian looked at the watch that he had strapped to his wrist before turning to Severus again. "Time's up. Pack up and be on your way, Mr. Snape. I assume that I'll see you again next week." The professor turned back around in his wingback and opened his book back up.   
  
Severus picked up his books and parchments putting them all away in his bag before heading toward the door. At the door he turned around and looked at his professor. "Have a nice night, Octavian." The professor stopped his hand in midair on his way to picking up his tumbler.   
  
"Likewise Mr. Snape."  
  
Severus walked out the door closing it behind him. Every time he went for one of his 'tutoring' sessions he ended it the same way hoping that his professor would call him by his first name, but it never worked. He never got scolded for using his professor's first name during the sessions but Severus knew there would be hell to pay if he so much as attempted to do it at any other time whether or not they were alone. Severus made his way down toward the dungeons, he had learned quite a lot about his professor that night that he had to think about.  
  
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Two days later Harry was skipping dinner in favor of a long hot shower. Stepping under the stream of water he immediately let out a sigh of contentment. He turned his head down, touching his chin to his chest so that the water could beat against his tense neck muscles. There were only two times that he ever let himself totally relax and tune out the world. When he was in bed with Sev and under a hot shower. And the former only applied to the movements of his lover. That he tuned out, everything else he was highly aware of. That's how Draco had ended up with a projectile embedded in his thigh, which Madame Pomfrey hadn't quite been able to totally remove. After that no one ever bothered Harry while in bed again, that or they sent Severus.  
  
Harry missed Severus. Moving his head in the opposite direction he turned his face into the stream of water and shut his eyes. At times like this he could almost imagine Severus' hands running over his chest and shoulders. As if the real man were there Harry relaxed and then immediately tensed as he felt a hard chest mold itself to him.  
  
"I swear you do these things on purpose." Harry relaxed again into the man that had wrapped his arms around him.  
  
"Now why would I do that?"  
  
"Simple, because you enjoy being the most difficult man alive." Harry couldn't see or feel the smile but he could sense it and that thought made him smile in return. He always took pleasure in making the other man happy. And it was always better when Severus allowed himself to show his happiness.  
  
"Wrong. I do it because I can."  
  
"Same thing." Harry muttered as he turned around to face the other man. The arms never moved from around his waist and Harry in turn wrapped his around Severus. He rested his head on Severus shoulders. Severus in turn started to rub his hands up and down Harry's back.  
  
"How have classes been?" The smooth voice asked and stirred Harry from almost dozing in the shower.  
  
"Mundane chatter, Sev? How very unlike you." Harry moved his arm to reach for the shampoo behind the other man. His hands closing around the bottle he pulled it in front of him. Severus immediately took the shampoo out of his right hand and replaced it. "Severus?" Severus ignored him as he brought Harry's right wrist up to his lips and pressed a kiss there.  
  
"Mine. Always mine." Harry looked questionably at the other man before leaning up to claim Severus' mouth in a kiss. What started out as a quick peck soon turned to more as Severus opened his mouth and used his tongue to encourage Harry to do the same. A fire that encompassed their lovemaking on occasion exploded within them and they soon pulled apart, short of breath.  
  
Knowing that they would both be significantly more comfortable in a bed the two quickly washed each other before tumbling out of the shower. Severus pinned Harry underneath him with his arms above his head and held in Severus' firm grip. Severus stared at Harry's inner right wrist where a small black tattoo of two snakes coiled around each other resided, before rolling them over and settling Harry on top of him.  
  
"You're behaving awfully strange today Severus. What's wrong?" Instead of answering Severus took Harry's hand and rubbed a slow circle over the bond mark that he had been paying so much attention to.  
  
"This makes you mine." The tone of voice Severus used contained a measure of awe.  
  
"Yes it does." Leaving his right hand where it was trapped in Severus' left he grabbed the other man's right hand and placed his thumb over the bond mark there. "And that shows that you belong to me. I still say that if I can ever figure out how to change it I will."  
  
"I'll always belong to you. I don't want you to change that."  
  
Harry shook his head. "Have you been drinking or is today one of those, 'I'm totally sober but I have a build up of pent up emotions to release' days? And I wasn't talking about removing the bond. I'm talking about the bond mark."  
  
"The latter. And I like the mark. Don't you think it fitting that I marked you as a Slytherin with my family crest and you marked me as a Gryffindor with yours?" On Severus' wrist was a similar small tattoo of a sword with a small picture of a lion on one side and a rose on the other, the Potter family crest. The bonding had been the first time that Harry had ever seen it.  
  
"Only you would enjoy the irony in the symbols branded on us during our bonding." Severus smirked from his position underneath the other. "Then again maybe I should be happy. After all it's been a while since I have had such a fine specimen of the male flesh underneath me. Almost eight months in fact."  
  
"A specimen? You make me sound like one of the creatures from the Care of Magical Creatures class."  
  
"Perhaps you are. A snarky, stubborn, temperamental potions master. Sounds like a creature that every first year in Hogwarts should learn how to control."  
  
"That would take all the joy out of life." Severus watched as Harry began to bend his head toward his chest.  
  
"What, do you get all your fun from terrorizing first years until they feel like crying for their parents?" Harry finished his decent and took one of Severus' nipples in-between his teeth and began tugging on it.  
  
Severus attempted to answer but couldn't get a word out of his mouth. Instead he sucked in a breath as Harry began to lap at the tormented flesh with his tongue.  
  
"Speechless. I never thought such a thing was possible." The words caused Harry's breath to pass over his nipple sending a chill down Severus' spine. "I must have hit the nail on the head to use the muggle expression." Harry trailed his tongue across the older man's chest to his other nipple where he repeated the process.  
  
Severus allowed himself to relax into his lover's ministrations. He had had different lovers over the years but rarely did he ever let any of them have the upper-hand over him. The last time he had been the more submissive partner was before his twentieth birthday. He was always the one in control of the relationship. The dominant one. Harry had been the first in a long time that he had given the control over to. Harry had understood what it had cost him too. His lover took pleasure from the fact that he was trusted so completely by such a complex man who did not trust easily.  
  
The two were very different types of lovers. Severus was usually subtler in the way he pleasured his partner while Harry tended to be more direct and forceful. That also accounted for the reason that Harry added lighthearted banter. The man was passionate and hard and being made love to by him was like falling off a cliff. Harry knew that although exhilarating, to Severus it was also terrifying. The jokes actually kept him relaxed.  
  
Harry was slowly working his way down Severus' body paying attention to the man's scars with his tongue and lips. Severus usually ignored the scars that crossed Harry's body not paying them any attention. Harry didn't mind, most he didn't like to think of where he had gotten them. Severus never thought of how he got the scars when Harry caressed them, he always thought of the way that Harry had accepted him completely.   
  
Sensation was overwhelming his senses, and Severus had to break the silence that had descended while Harry kissed his way along Severus' battle scarred body. "Where did you get this scar?" Severus had begun to trace a scar that went along Harry's right bicep. It had been there since before the two had become lovers during Harry's seventh year, Harry never really explained though. He just knew there was a story about it that leaned to the opposite of all the other scars that crossed his body.   
  
"I told you, a rampaging hippogriff. I forgot to bow." The tongue returned to its exploration causing Severus to gasp as it traced it's way down and dipped into his naval.   
  
"You lie. The only time you had ever come across a hippogriff was during third year, and Malfoy was hurt not you." Severus never got his answer as he approached the precipice of the cliff...  
  
...Harry collapsed against Severus' chest not being able to hold himself up any longer. Severus rolled them onto their sides and pillowed his head on his arm while he looked down at his bonded. Harry moved his lips in what Severus noticed as the incantation of the wandless cleaning spell that Harry always muttered, being the only one between the both of them capable of performing magic wandlessly with minimal effort.  
  
"That is an utter waste of power."  
  
"Are you complaining?" Harry's eyes were closed and his breathing was getting deeper. Instead of answering the question Severus asked another one.   
  
"You don't do that in front of students, I hope?"  
  
"Do I look like an idiot." Without opening his eyes Harry knew exactly when Severus was going to answer since he cut him off. "Don't answer that."  
  
A chuckle escaped Severus' lips and Harry's lips in turn lifted in a smile. Running his fingers through the younger man's still damp hair he watched as Harry drifted off to sleep. At least Severus assumed Harry had drifted off to sleep. He was startled when Harry started to talk from where he was wrapped around Severus.  
  
"It was the end of sixth year. Both Malfoy and I went in the carriages with the students to say goodbye to our friends. I was staying since Albus wanted me to continue my defense lessons over the summer before he sent me off to do his bidding, I'm sure that you remember that. He was still trying to find a place for Draco though since he obviously couldn't stay with his family over the summer. Anyway, neither of us actually said goodbye to our friends since we jumped out of the carriage halfway to Hogsmeade station." Harry paused for a moment without looking at his lover before continuing. "We fought, armed with the knives that Sirius was teaching us to fight with and our wands. Mostly we used our knives not wanting to rely on magic. Draco got first blood. Sliced right down my arm. I scored second, but did more damage. The dagger cut along his chest and the cut curved around his side. There were other cuts, and we were both fairly well hexed before the end of our fight. We healed everything completely except for the first two cuts, we healed those only enough so that they would still scar. We had wanted to remember our fight. It's kind of a joke to the two of us. I didn't lie. Draco was a rampaging hippogriff, the fight started because he thought I didn't pay him the proper respect he deserved, and he was probably right. Draco says that he got his scar from a berserk dragon. That's what he had started to call me during our knife wielding lessons."  
  
"No one knows?"  
  
"Nope. It was a turning point in our relationship. Oh we weren't friends by a long shot but we learned to respect each other for the fighters we were becoming."  
  
Severus didn't say anything in response. He knew it wasn't his place. The fight that Harry had had with Draco was obviously very personal. It was an unspoken agreement. They would share things that they told no one else but the other was never to comment if it was obvious that it wasn't their place. In a way Severus was surprised that Harry had even told him. After all he had waited nine years before telling Severus what happened. He guessed it was all part of defining their friendship. He rested his head upon Harry's and fell asleep.  
  
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Severus awoke some time around one in the morning. Some time over the few hours he had dozed he had rolled onto his back and Harry had flung his arm over his chest. With out his usual care for not waking up his bonded Severus sat up and looked for the muggle clock he knew Harry had to have around his rooms somewhere. The quick movement had awakened his lover who was now rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Don't do that. You startled me. I almost knocked you out."  
  
Severus turned to look at his young lover. From time to time he forgot that Harry had been trained to kill in at least a dozen ways and that he had helped in that training. Harry could do significant damage to a person barehanded. "I didn't actually mean to fall asleep."   
  
Harry took the sentence for what it was, an apology. "s'alright. Just a little tired is all. What time is it?"  
  
"Where is your clock?"  
  
Grabbing his wand from the bedside table Harry muttered a quick spell and the time appeared in smoky numbers floating in mid air. 1:15 am. The younger man collapsed back onto the bed and rolled over muttering about insane lovers that woke perfectly normal people up at all hours of the night.  
  
Pressing a kiss to Harry's head Severus murmured, "Since when have you ever been normal?"  
  
Harry rolled onto his back and opened one eye to look at Severus. "Why did you want to know what time it is?"  
  
"I have to leave."  
  
The second eye opened and Harry stared. "Why? You do realize that with a time turner you can go back to whatever time you want."  
  
"Simple, I borrowed the time turner without telling Albus. I left in the middle of the night, I plan to return during the middle of the night."  
  
"Breaking the rules, Sev? I bet you ten galleons that Albus knows."  
  
"Most likely. I just don't feel comfortable staying here all night when there are students around."  
  
"Really?" Harry's knew his voice sounded disbelieving.  
  
"Think about it, a professor shouldn't let their lover stay the night. A professor shouldn't-"  
  
"Stop Sev. You do realize how idiotic you sound right now." Harry watched as the older man narrowed his eyes in anger and glared before he continued. "Back in our time no one knows that we share rooms, except some of the teachers. For some reason everyone tends to think that we just make it our favorite pastime to annoy each other whenever we get the chance. Technically my rooms are down the hall from yours, yet that never stopped me from not spending the night in your rooms. People will believe what they want to believe."  
  
"My point exactly."  
  
"You aren't making any sense."  
  
"People believe that you and Draco are together because that's what they want to believe. He publicly saved your life, you are close friends, and he has been firmly established as going against his father and becoming a servant of the so called 'Light.' Myself, there are still doubts to my loyalties, from both sides, I'm old enough to be your father," Severus paused to raise a finger so that Harry wouldn't interrupt, "I'm not considered attractive, and everyone thinks that we hate each other since bicker and fight is all we ever do in public. These beliefs suit us perfectly fine, it gives us an alibi to hide behind, people will not question us about a relationship because they do not want to believe that one exists. Here we don't have that since no one really knows anything about you." Severus paused to see if his lover was still paying attention. "However here you are also in a precarious position. Albus has told me for a fact that certain members of the Order in this time do not trust you. And having strange men visit in the middle of the night without informing the Headmaster is one way to keep them from allowing you access to the scroll. Especially when said man has a Dark Mark on his left forearm. Albus told me it is essential that you finish translating the scroll, who knows what would change if you don't."  
  
Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly before climbing out of bed to find a pair of sleep pants. "I know that you're right Severus. I just- Bloody hell, I don't know anymore." Harry's back was turned and Severus watched in fascination as the snake of his tattoo hissed and shifted restlessly in response to its master's mood.  
  
Severus stood and started to get dressed. Harry's back was still turned to him and he knew that what he had said had 'hit home'.  
  
"I'm an idiot. Do you realize that? A complete moron. You were right all those years Severus, I'm a dunderhead."  
  
Severus couldn't help but hide a smile. For all the ways that Harry had changed over the years there was still a part of him that forgot to think things through and when the consequences were shoved in his face berated himself. It was part of Harry's charm that he cared so much about the well being of others. It also disheartened Severus that Harry had to take so much onto his shoulders. It was a heavy burden to bear, but Harry did so and he usually did so alone. He finished buttoning his shirt before walking over to the younger man and wrapped his arms around the other's torso. Harry leaned back into the embrace. "You aren't a dunderhead. You act first and think later."  
  
"Same difference."  
  
"I wish that your godfather never taught you that horrid phrase."  
  
Harry laughed before turning to look at the other man. "No questions?"  
  
"No, Albus wasn't going to send anyone until next month. Hence my pilfering of the time turner. He had mentioned something about you being under added stress."  
  
Harry laughed humorlessly. "You could say that. Don't ask I don't want to talk about it."  
  
Severus nodded and stepped away from the younger man. "Come on, I would like to be getting back."  
  
Harry raised his eyebrow in a questioning manner.  
  
"I am not walking across the bloody castle in the middle of the night because I decide to leave from this room. I'd much rather leave here from the dungeons. You can accompany me."  
  
"Since a strange person walking around the castle in the middle of the night alone would arise as much suspicion as a strange man spending the night with the semi trustworthy Defense teacher?"  
  
"It would arouse more so." Severus started toward the doors that led to the exit of Harry's personal chambers.  
  
Harry grabbed a button up shirt that he had flung over a nearby chair and slipped on a pair of slippers before following after his lover.  
  
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The two men must have made an interesting picture as they walked down the hallways toward the bowels of the castle. Severus stopped and Harry followed suit. "There's a suitable alcove just around the corner, I'll leave from there." Harry shrugged one shoulder and was about to speak when the lips of his lover descended down to cover his own and he was swept away.  
  
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Young Severus Snape stood transfixed at the sight in front of him. Less then fifteen feet away was his Defense teacher, pushed against the wall and locked in one of the most passionate kisses he had ever seen, with a man that Snape had never seen before.   
  
The dark haired man was taller than Octavian and was dressed to kill. Long legs encased in loose fitting black pants, a dark shirt over which was a leather jacket that went down to the man's knees. His slightly longer than chin-length hair brushed around his face obscuring any details that could have been seen. His long fingered pale hands grasped either side of Octavian's face holding him in place while his lips moved steadily over Octavian's. One of his knees was pressed between Octavian's looking as if he was holding the other man up.   
  
Octavian looked like he had just rolled out of bed. He had on a pair of what looked like silk sleep pants and a pair of slippers. It seemed that he had hastily put on a shirt and didn't have time to button it up while his hair fell down around his face and to his shoulders in messy waves. His hands weren't exactly idle either. One hand was tangled in the taller man's dark hair and the other was resting on the man's shoulder before it slipped down and grapped onto the lapel of the leather jacket forcing the other man closer.  
  
Severus continued to watch as one of the taller man's hands slipped from his professors cheek to run down his chest and under the edge of his shirt before wrapping around Octavian's waist pulling him up against his body. He couldn't move, just stood there and continued to watch as the taller man finished the kiss before leaning down to whisper something in his professor's ear. He heard Octavian laugh lightly before placing a light kiss right on the edge of the man's mouth. The taller man placed his hand against Octavian's cheek running his thumb in a circular motion before pulling away and disappearing down the hall.  
  
Severus didn't move for a few minutes. When he had finally snapped out of his stupor his Defense teacher had already disappeared, assumingly back to his chambers leaving Severus the only one in the hallway, huddled under Lucius' invisibility cloak clutching a satchel of pastries from the kitchen. Severus came to his senses and took off toward the Slytherin common room where he knew Lucius was waiting for the food that Severus had gone to get. Severus never noticed the few tears that started to flow from his eyes down his cheeks.  
  
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Severus tossed off the cloak that hid him from view as soon as he stepped through the entrance into the common room. He tossed the cloak to Lucius who was sitting on one of the couches reading a book. After Lucius put the cloak aside Severus tossed the satchel to the other boy and started to make his way to the dormitories, hoping to hide behind the curtains of his four poster and stare at the ceiling but the voice of his friend from behind stopped him.   
  
"Severus, what's wrong? You didn't get caught by that bastard of a Defense teacher, did you?" Lucius knew that a sure fire way to get the younger one's attention was to insult the object of his affection. The more personal he could make the insult the angrier Snape would get. And knowing what he knew about the younger boy, that was pretty personal.  
  
"No, but I wish him to hell, preferably one of the deeper levels. Leave me alone Lucius." Severus started up the stairs again but Lucius placed a restraining hand on his arm.   
  
"What happened? What did he do to you, you didn't get in trouble with the headmaster or Simion did you?"  
  
"No, our head of house and our esteemed headmaster are still blissfully unaware that I have been trying to coax the current Defense teacher into a clandestine affair."  
  
"So what happened, you look really upset."  
  
"Octavian Tyler has a lover."  
  
"What?!" Severus had finally shocked the older boy that refused to let go of his arm.  
  
"Octavian Tyler, our current Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, has a lover. I caught them kissing in the hallway on the way back from the kitchens."  
  
"Don't you mean snogging?"   
  
"No, what I saw wasn't the incompetent fumblings of the students who go to hide in the Astronomy tower to sneak a quick snog and grope. This was different. What I saw were two lovers who knew each other very well saying goodbye without the use of words. Looking at the situation from an objective angle, it was incredible." Severus sat down on the stairs and let his face fall into his hands allowing his hair to fall around his face. A half sob escaped before he could cut it off. "Oh how I hate Octavian!" He felt Lucius put a hand on his shoulder in the closest thing to comfort that a Slytherin ever offered.  
  
"Incredible?"  
  
"You have to latch on to the wrong things don't you, Lucius."  
  
"How do you mean incredible, I've seen plenty of kisses in my life and none of them have ever looked incredible. Besides which, how did you know they were saying goodbye?"  
  
"Perhaps since professor Tyler was only half dressed but his partner was fully clothed."   
  
Severus turned to his friend who had arched an eyebrow at the information before repeating his initial question. "How do you know it was incredible?"  
  
"I don't know, it was the type of kiss one only has in dreams, all passion and touch. The type of kiss that leads to you starting awake feeling totally unsatisfied and wanting to know what could come next."  
  
"Lucky professor Tyler."  
  
Severus leveled his best glare at his friend. "You can join professor Tyler in hell, Lucius."  
  
"Oh it can't be all that bad. You're overreacting Severus."  
  
"I really don't think so. I have the right to grieve for my loss."  
  
"Loss?"  
  
"Sometimes you are the biggest moron alive Lucius. Professor Tyler has a lover. I should just give up. It's not like I'll have a chance anyways."  
  
"Maybe you just need to get his attention."  
  
"I've been trying that for weeks. He could care less about a student in such a way."  
  
"Well what about a powerful wizard?" Lucius said in such a way that Severus knew he was up to something.  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
"Well, you know that my father is a servant of the Dark Lord?"  
  
"Everyone knows that Lucius, so is mine. In fact over half the Slytherins' parents are."  
  
"The Dark Lord is looking for individuals with a desire to succeed. He's looking for people who want power. He could help you get that power. You could impress Professor Tyler that way."  
  
"Seems like a really juvenile reason to go bending my knee to the Dark Lord. How do you know this anyway?" Lucius had sat himself down on the step next to Severus. The older boy rolled up his left sleeve. There on his arm was the Dark Mark.  
  
"I joined him over Christmas break. That's why I couldn't go to Knockturn Alley with you. It hurt like hell, it burned for days afterward. The Dark Lord could help you Severus. Not only with getting professor Tyler, but he could help you in your desire to become a potions' master. Not to mention he could help you prove your own merit and strength. We both know that not everyone respects you because you are the bastard of your father." Lucius flinched at the glare he got for that comment but continued on. "You're acknowledged as his heir, the only child. Even if he did have any other children legitimately, which I highly doubt would ever happen, they wouldn't replace you. Your grandfather would have his son's head on a platter. The old man dotes on you." Lucius could see that Severus was actually thinking about the offer. He decided to finish off the last reason that he could think of. "Your grandfather is a servant of the Dark Lord, one of his contemporaries. Just think how proud he would be of you."  
  
Severus stared at his hands. He knew that his grandfather was aligned with the Dark Lord but had never given any indication to Severus that he wanted him to form a similar alliance. The things that Lucius said did have merit and he couldn't stop thinking about the idea that he might actually be able to get Octavian's attention if he did do as Lucius suggested.  
  
"Next weekend is a meeting. My father has put in an excuse for me with the school, I have to attend a dinner party. I'm sure that I can get you invited so to say. Tell me by this coming Wednesday. Just think about it Severus."  
  
The younger boy nodded his head and didn't move as Lucius rolled down his sleeve and went to grab his cloak and pastries before heading up to his dorm, leaving Severus to his thoughts that would plague him until morning.  
  
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Read and Review. I like reviews, they make me bounce around my room and dance =) 


	13. Chapter Twelve: An Indelible Mark on Yo...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On Assignment for Dumbledore Harry is sent to the past and sees his lover from a new perspective, that of a teacher.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: my site, and is posted on the SnapexHarryML -- both address can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Author Note: I've never written a story like this before let alone read one. So if this story resembles anyone's, no infringement was intended.  
  
A/N2: I know that I promised to answer your questions this chapter, but I can't. You all will just have to wait and see what happens in the very odd love triangle that our Harry has gotten himself caught up in.  
  
Thank You's (for chapters 11 & 12) - Chapter 11- Lady FoxFire, Gryphnwng, LoMaRiBa, Kristine Thorne, Nagini, shitsumon, Faerie Angst, Kaat ShadowLover, KittenBabyGirl, Katy999, Kat, moraco, WittchWay, Cat Samwise, Anita Blake, Asha Dreamweaver, npetrenko, sunny-historian, tima, Scythe, Aluna, RunningWithCoyotes, QuickJewel, Green Eyes, P.L.S., Kelsey, Saavik  
  
-Chapter 12- Lord R., Lisey, Kateri, Babsy, random fan, EternalBastet, Mamoru, Emma, Katy999, Sela, two2blue, P.L.S., Kaat ShadowLover, LeeLeePotter, Acyla, Faerie Angst, Retsnom, moraco, Saavik, Envirement, npetrenko, TigerBlak, athenakitty, Veratas4Eternity, Fading101, Cat Smawise, sunny-historian, RunningWithCoyotes.  
  
A/N3: Thank you to all who volunteered to beta for me. I have chosen a beta, but I really appreciate your offers. I was flattered that so many people wanted to beta Paradox for me.  
  
A special Thank You to my beta, Isis. Any and all mistakes that you come across are all my doing, and can't be accounted to her.  
  
Warning: This story contains SLASH, if you don't like that go away.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
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Chapter Twelve: An Indelible Mark on Your Soul  
  
*The Past*  
  
Harry rested his head on his desk, pillowing it on his arms. His chest felt congested, as if it was filled with water, and his head throbbed. He attempted to lift his head, but colors flashed in front of his eyes, making him dizzy. This had been going on for a week, and Harry was feeling like shite. For the life of him he couldn't figure out what was wrong. A soft knock on his office door pulled him from his contemplation of his health, forcing him to slowly raise his head from its resting place. "Enter."  
  
Albus opened the door and walked in looking concerned, the look deepened when he took in 'Octavian's' pale countenance.   
  
"How can I be of assistance, Headmaster?"  
  
Albus walked over and seated himself across the desk from Harry. "How are you feeling, Octavian?"  
  
"Slightly under the weather. I'm sure I'll be getting better over the next few days. Nothing a little Pepper-Up won't cure."'  
  
"Hmm." Albus was apparently lost in thought, but Harry couldn't care less. All he wanted to do was sleep. "Didn't you say the same thing last week?"  
  
Harry tried to focus on the Headmaster, then decided to ask his own question. After all the quicker they got to the point the quicker Harry could go to his rooms and sleep. "What brings you here, Albus?"  
  
"Unfortunately, I am the bearer of bad news. The attack against Harold Potter that was uncovered occurred. Exactly as you said. Harold didn't make it."  
  
"Poor James."  
  
"The young Mr. Potter has his friends around him. I'm sure that he'll pull through right enough. That, however, is not what I'm here to discuss, Mr. Tyler."  
  
"Well, that explains why Mr. Potter and his friends have been absent for the last couple of days." Harry once again tried to focus his eyes on Albus. This time he succeeded. "So, Albus, what did you come to discuss?"  
  
"I should have tried harder to convince him that we could trust your translation. I just…" The Headmaster trailed off and Harry took a look at the old man's demeanor. He was surprised to see that he recognized it.  
  
Harry knew exactly where this was going. He had only seen Albus behave this way a couple of times, and never to him personally. It was usually directed toward Sev, when Albus had to go against his recommendation because the Order had decided that what ever he reported wasn't trustworthy. It was always the times that Sev's recommendations would have saved lives, and Albus always thought that he should have known. Albus felt guilty. Harry didn't think that he could deal with Albus when he was like this. "You couldn't know. My references weren't exactly exemplary."  
  
"The letter from Aberforth should have convinced me that you were trustworthy." The letter that Albus was referring to was in fact a forgery and the future Order had counted on the fact that Albus' brother tended to be fairly absent minded. That, with a letter from a supposed former employer that praised 'Octavian Tyler' in his career teaching young minds how to defend oneself against the Dark Arts, and a wonderfully fabricated history, was meant to convince Albus and therefore the rest of the Order of his trustworthiness.  
  
"He didn't remember me when you contacted him."  
  
"My brother doesn't always remember to wear socks, either. He's a tad absent minded and he's always been bad with names." Albus waved his hand dismissively. "But that is neither here nor there. I should have taken the translation seriously. After all, the majority of the other things that were translated did occur. I have come to tell you that the Order has granted you unrestricted access. They plan to take you seriously from now on. Something we should have done since the start." Albus stood to leave. Before turning to the door he waved his hand and a goblet of Pepper-Up potion appeared on the desk. "Drink up. We're counting on you."  
  
Harry lifted the goblet to his lips as Albus exited the room. The potion gave him the extra boost that he needed to examine his situation. He hated when Albus -or anyone else for that matter- said things like that. But that was his life. Pushing that aside, he went back to his health. Severus would probably know what was wrong. Then it dawned on him; he'd have to keep a closer eye on young Severus Snape for signs of an active Dark Mark.  
  
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There was a consensus among the students that Professor Tyler looked worse than he had all year. It was the first time that they had ever seen their professor with his hair down; it wasn't tied back as usual, instead fell in messy waves around his face. His normally bright green eyes were dull and pain filled, and his face was pale, casting his scar into harsh relief across his cheek and neck. The dagger that he kept strapped to his thigh looked particularly dangerous since the person who carried it looked even deadlier than usual.  
  
News traveled through the castle fast. In Defense class it was discovered that you had two options that fine March day. The younger students knew to expect busy work; the older students, pop quizzes.  
  
The marauders were in a quandary. Defense was next and none of them wanted to go in and face the wrath of a sick Professor Tyler. Unfortunately they didn't have a choice. They had just gotten back from Godric's Hollow, James' home, the day before. None of them were ready for the quiz they knew would be coming. They were all standing outside of the room; Sirius was trying to convince James that they should all just skip class, while Lily was berating him for being incredibly irresponsible for not going over the homework that Professor McGonagall had sent to them for all their classes. James was tuning them both out but had rested his head on Lily's shoulder. She in turn was rubbing his back.  
  
"Professor Tyler is standing at the door watching you bicker at each other. Keep this up and you'll be late for class. I think he expects you there." An insolent smirk plastered on his face, Snape pushed off the wall and headed through the doorway to the Defense room.   
  
Sirius glared after him, sensing that there was something different about the Slytherin. He had noticed it when they had returned the day before, Snape seemed to have doubled in popularity within the Slytherin ranks and was even more intolerable. He had also been unconsciously rubbing his arm at odd times. Sirius knew that he should never have trusted the bastard. He had probably poisoned Narcissa's cat, or something like that. Not that anyone liked the thing anyway. Crossing his arms he stalked into the classroom after Peter and Remus.  
  
The first thing that the students noticed when they came into the room was that their Defense professor had contracted another symptom, a hacking cough. He was standing next to his desk coughing into a handkerchief and glaring at the students in front of him. When the entire class was seated, he took his wand and shut the door before moving behind his desk and sitting down. The last was something that they never saw during class.  
  
"Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew, and Evans. You're excused. Come up to my desk after you pack up. I've written out the list of topics you missed in your absence. The rest of you, clear off your desk of everything except parchment, quill, and ink. You're having a pop quiz." Pointing his wand at the board, words began to write themselves. The topic for their quiz appeared on the board. Professor Tyler also outlined their assignment. "Your essay will cover the history, application, blocking, and removal of five of the curses that we covered last week as well as why an individual cannot rely on magic and their wand alone. Start now." The class, knowing better than to go against their teacher, all bent their heads over their parchments and started to write hurriedly. Harry turned to the small group that had lined themselves along the side of his desk. Picking up a parchment off his desk, he handed it to Lupin. "Your assignments have been slightly altered from everyone else's, so don't bother asking anyone for the answers. You are to spend this period in the library; Madame Pince is expecting you. She has a list of books for you. They should help with your assignment. Off with you."   
  
The group took off, and Harry fixed a glare on his face before focusing on the page in front of him. Taking out a fresh handkerchief from his desk drawer he coughed into it, the metallic taste in his mouth letting him know that if he looked he'd see blood. These were the exact symptoms that Harry experienced whenever… Harry let his head sink to rest on his desk.   
  
Everything came into perspective. Harry now understood why Severus Snape had been acting strangely for the last couple of weeks, not even coming to the 'tutoring' sessions he had coerced from his professor. If Harry looked he was sure that he would find a new mark disgracing the young man's left forearm. Harry knew that it was a futile hope that *his* Severus would remember the symptoms that 'Professor Tyler' had while he was in school and send the necessary potions. After all, the young Severus Snape was now caught up in a different world, and Harry was sure that he was the last thing on the young man's mind.  
  
A knock on the door dragged his attention away from his thoughts and to the door. Professor McGonagall walked in, followed by a tall blond with stunning blue eyes. Harry recognized those eyes.  
  
"Yes, Professor?"  
  
Minerva looked at Harry with concern in her eyes. He'd been getting that a lot lately, and it was starting to annoy him. "Mr. Hearst stopped by to visit you. He mentioned that he was a fellow professor from the school you taught at before."  
  
"Yes, Blake. I thought it was you standing there."  
  
"Well, I'll just leave him here then. I trust that I'll see you later, Professor?"  
  
"I'll still be among the land of the living by dinner, Minerva. You needn't worry." Harry offered the other professor a half smile before turning to the tall man behind her. "Blake."  
  
"Good day, Mr. Hearst."  
  
"Good day, Professor."  
  
Minerva walked out the door and 'Blake Hearst' approached the desk. "All right, you lot. Keep working, and if I catch a whisper while I escort my visitor to my office, there will be hell to pay." Slowly Harry stood, then led 'Blake' through the door of his office.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Blake said once they were in the semi-privacy of Harry's office.  
  
"It's nothing, Siri. I'm just a little sick. I'll tell you later. After class." Harry whispered in response.  
  
"You are going to sit, and I'll watch the class. I can handle them. After all it looks like a test." With that, Sirius Black, a.k.a. Blake Hearst, left the office to take care of the sixth year Gryffindor-Slytherin class. Harry felt too tired to fight him.  
  
A little over an hour later, Sirius re-entered the office. Harry couldn't hide a smile; it was strange to see Sirius as a blond. He placed a pile of parchments on Harry's desk before sitting in the chair opposite from Harry in front of the fireplace. Sirius watched as his godson coughed into a handkerchief, then frowned when he saw spot of blood below Harry's lip.  
  
"Harry, why are you coughing up blood?"  
  
"Did Severus send any potions?"  
  
"Headache drafts and sleeping potions. Why?"  
  
"Nothing else?" Harry gave a weak cough.  
  
"No. Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"  
  
"Damn. The bond is acting up."  
  
"No bond that I've ever seen acts like this. Soul joining bonds don't have this type of effect." Sirius looked worriedly at Harry.  
  
"It wasn't a soul joining bond. It was a life blood bond." Harry watched as Sirius paled in horror, then became angry.   
  
"That son-of-a-bitch turned you into a well! I'm going to kill him!"  
  
"Sirius, we turned each other into wells. It was a mutual thing."  
  
"When you said that you were bonded to each other I thought it was the wedding kind of bond."  
  
Harry gave a half-hearted laugh. "Sev and I married? That just sounds funny. No. Our bond was to tie us together. Our lives are intimately connected. He can pull 'life magic', for lack of a better way of putting it, from me and I can do the same to him."  
  
"I've never noticed this effect on you before. And you've been bonded for almost five years. I would have seen this."  
  
"After the first time it happened, I started to take a potion that would suppress the bond to a point. And since I know that you are just going to ask how this happened, I'll tell you. But you have to sit there, Siri. Sit there and not say one bloody word. Do you understand?" Harry balled his handkerchief up in his fist and stared at the older man. Sirius nodded and Harry started to explain.  
  
"Like I said, our bond connects our life blood. It's a complex series of Dark rituals." Harry put up a hand to keep Sirius quiet. "When the 'life magic' of one of us gets low, the other can pull on it to strengthen his own. That's the 'well' concept that you mentioned. There was an unforeseen complication because of the Dark Mark. In order to sustain himself, Voldemort pulls life magic from his followers, willing or not. It drains Sev, therefore Sev ends up pulling from me. So when it gets bad like this, I take potions to suppress it to a point. Sev can consciously control it from his end." Harry paused to make sure that Sirius was following so far.  
  
"You let that bastard do that to you?!"   
  
Harry glared hard at his godfather and set his jaw. "I let the insult slide the first time. But not this time. If you want to know, I suggest you shut up." Sirius' mouth snapped shut. He had learned the hard way that insulting his godson's bonded wasn't a smart thing to do. Everything that he had taught Harry had been turned on him. Not a pleasant experience.  
  
"All right. I wasn't expecting the bond to become active here, for the simple reason that I'm not bonded to the Severus of this time. My thinking, as well as Severus', was flawed. This Severus can unconsciously pull on the bond that he doesn't even realize exists. It's weaker, so the effects didn't start as quickly, and instead were pretty drawn out. This is as bad as it gets, but I'm going to need those potions in order to function."  
  
"Ok, I'll go back and explain the situation to Albus-"  
  
"You won't mention a word of this to Albus! Go tell Severus. Not Albus."  
  
"Why not? I'm sure that-"  
  
"He doesn't know, Siri. Nor will he EVER find out. If he finds out that the bond that Severus and I initiated was a life blood and not a soul joining he'd make us get rid of it. And neither of us have any intention of doing such a thing."  
  
"Why would he tell you to end it?"  
  
"Because we could kill each other, unintentionally or intentionally. If Voldemort ever finds out about Severus spying or that we are connected in such a way and decides to kill Sev, then I go with him, painfully. The reverse can be said too. Severus has felt the effects when Voldemort has drained me, just as much as I have."  
  
"All right, I won't mention this to Albus." Sirus' eyes narrowed in anger. "But I'm not going to guarantee that Severus is going to come out of this without a black eye."   
  
"Don't lay a finger on Sev, Siri." Harry watched as the glint slowly faded away. Sirius stared worriedly as Harry once again coughed into the linen cloth.  
  
"Just one last question, Harry." Harry motioned for him to continue. "Why can't the two of you ever be normal?"  
  
Harry smiled half-heartedly at his godfather as the other man pulled out the time turner.  
  
"I'll get those potion things here as soon as possible. Hope to see you soon, kiddo." Sirius tapped his wand against the time turner and disappeared.  
  
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A shadow crossed the book that Severus was reading causing him to look up into the angry face of James Potter. Oh no, today it wasn't just angry, it was also bitter. A new dimension to the rivalry that had encompassed the two boys since the cradle. Not a sibling rivalry, a family rivalry. Their fathers had hated each other and now their children hated each other. Of course, it was a general consensus that Potter was better then Snape but over all it depended on whom you were talking to.   
  
Severus didn't say anything to Potter, instead just watched him.  
  
"You should be happy. My father won't be bothering your family anymore," Potter ground out from behind clenched teeth.  
  
Severus looked up at the other boy. He tried to think about what it would feel like to lose his father, but this failed to produce a sympathetic reaction. The thought of losing his grandfather, however... "You have my condolences for your loss, Potter." Severus attempted to go back to his book, but the shadow remained.  
  
"You don't care, you don't know what it's like to have a family." James Potter watched as Severus' eyes narrowed in anger.  
  
Severus never took his eyes off the page of the book that he was reading, though he did notice that the edges were turning red. "Just shut up, Potter."  
  
"Why should I? It was probably your father. He would have jumped at the chance to get to mine."  
  
"That's highly probable. However, it wasn't me. I'm not to answer for my father's actions."  
  
A third voice entered the conversation. Lucius Malfoy sat himself down next to Severus and laid a restraining hand on the younger boy's arm. He could tell that Severus wanted to rip into James. "Just let it go, Potter. It wasn't Severus. There's no call to harass him."  
  
Potter didn't move, instead turning his angry eyes to look at the pale blond boy. "It could have been."  
  
Malfoy answered. "It wouldn't have been."  
  
The gaze just hardened. "Then again it could have been you, Malfoy."  
  
"Well it wasn't. Then again, I'm not sorry about it either. Stop trying to lay blame. Go bother someone else." Malfoy stood up and was trying to get the younger boy to back down, but Potter would have none of it.  
  
"Someone killed him."  
  
Severus spoke up from his book again. "The aurors will find out who it was. Stop trying to do their job. After all you're really bad at it. The perpetrator won't be found on school property."   
  
James clenched his hands into fists by his sides. "Everyone knows where your family loyalty lies, Malfoy. I'd say the same for Snape, but we only know about half of his."  
  
Severus clenched his teeth together in an attempt to keep his mouth shut and his anger down.  
  
"Stop it, James." Lily Evans had joined the small group. There were others around that were watching the situation with growing interest, but they gave it a wide berth. The young lady had one hand at Potter's elbow and turned to Severus. "He's just upset. I'm sure that he would never have said that otherwise."  
  
"Just. Go. Away." The tone of voice was well controlled and the words were short and clipped.  
  
Malfoy crossed his arms and glared at the pair. "Yes, mudblood, go away."  
  
Severus snapped his book shut and stood up. "Would both of you cease this nonsense, I do not -"  
  
"It figures that Severus Snape would harass a poor guy that has just lost his father and insult his girlfriend."  
  
"Shut up, Black." Sirius Black came and stood beside his best friend and glared at Snape.  
  
"I don't think so. Why don't you just leave James alone? He did nothing to have to deal with the likes of you."  
  
"Well, maybe if he would keep his bloody mouth shut, I wouldn't be 'harassing' him as you put it." Severus started to walk away from the tree and the people standing there.   
  
"You unfeeling bastard! I heard what was being said about Lily. I'm sure that you had just finished insulting James. No one talks to my friends like that." Sirius charged at the other boy and tackled him to the ground.   
  
"I bet that you didn't hear a word that was said Black." Severus twisted so he could grab the other's wrists in order to keep from getting hit. "You just jumped to a conclusion without thinking and then went off half-cocked. You never were overly smart."  
  
The two boys continued to sling insults at each other as they rolled on the ground both attempting to gain the upper hand.  
  
The large, strong hand belonging to Hagrid pulled Sirius up by the back of his robes off of Severus. Professor Amygdalus helped Snape up and grabbed him roughly by the arm.  
  
"Black! Snape! What's the meaning of this?" Professor McGonagall demanded as she pushed through the crowd of students. Neither boy responded, even when they were shaken by their respective holders. "Not talking?" McGonagall turned and stared at the surrounding students. "Lupin, go and get Professor Tyler. He'll straighten them out." The two boys blanched; over the last few days Tyler had had a hair trigger, especially since he was obviously still sick and it was said even Mme. Pomfrey couldn't figure out what was wrong.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"Professor Tyler!" Remus Lupin skidded into his professor's office and stopped short at the sight that greeted him. A strange man was sitting on his professor's desk, and professor Tyler looked 150% better.  
  
"Yes Mr. Lupin? How can I help you?"  
  
Remus shook himself before delivering his message. "Professor McGonagall wanted me to come and get you."  
  
"Any particular reason why?"  
  
"Sirius and Snape were trying to kill each other." Remus watched as the strange man's mouth hung open in shock. Maybe he should have worded it differently.  
  
"I'll be right there. Wait outside of my office please." Lupin nodded and exited the room. Harry turned to the man that was still perched on the corner of his desk. "Sorry, Dray. I have to deal with this. I'll see you next time." Harry stood up and headed to get his cloak off the hook by the door.   
  
Draco slid off the desk and stared at the other man in shock. "You think that I'm going to miss seeing you ream out Severus and Sirius for getting into a fight? I bet that seeing you ream them out as kids is three times as funny as it is when they're adults. I'm going with you."  
  
Harry just shook his head and walked out the door. Draco grabbed his black trench coat and followed.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
The students watched as Professor Tyler approached the quad with another man walking beside him. The two looked like complete opposites. Professor Tyler looked like he was back to normal. His dragon hide trousers were fitting and tucked into his dragon hide boots. The shirt he wore was cuff-less long sleeved and open necked. The scar stood out on his face and strands of his black hair got loose from its tie because of the wind.   
  
The man beside him was his total opposite. While professor Tyler looked like a rogue, the other man was unblemished. His chin-length golden brown hair was perfectly still, even though there was a brisk wind. He was wearing what appeared to be an expensive Italian muggle three piece suit with a muggle overcoat. The looks on their faces were totally opposite. The 'muggle' wore a smirk on his face, but professor Tyler was smiling.  
  
Lupin went over to stand by Potter and Pettigrew, and Harry approached the group of students where the boys were kept separated by their teachers. It was obvious that they still wanted to go at each other. "You can let go of them Simeon, Hagrid. They won't try anything right this second. Will you, boys?"  
  
"No sir." The two chorused together. The men dropped their charges and stepped back. The two boys looked up at their professor who was looking at them with hard eyes.  
  
"So which one of the two of you wants to tell me what this is about?"  
  
Neither answered. They looked anywhere other than at their professor.  
  
"Well, since there isn't a reason, I know exactly what to do." Everyone looked at Harry curiously. He turned to look at the two professors and the groundskeeper. "No reason to stick around. I'll take care of them. McGonagall, Amygdalus, and Hagrid all started to move off the students following behind, but everyone stopped when they heard the next command issue from 'Tyler's' mouth. "I didn't dismiss the students. I want all of you gawkers to form a rather large circle." The students followed orders and Black and Snape tried to creep into the circle too. They were grabbed by their arms. "Not you two. You're the main attraction. If you want to beat each other to a bloody pulp, we'll all watch." Harry moved out from the middle of the circle only to be accosted by Professor McGonagall.   
  
"Professor Tyler. Are you sure that you know what you're doing?"  
  
"Minerva, boys will be boys. Don't worry. They won't hurt each other too badly. I'll keep an eye on them." Minerva looked dubiously from the two boys glaring at each other in the middle of the circle of students to 'Octavian'.   
  
"Well, Professor Dumbledore seems to have approved of how you deal with the boys so far. I'll trust in his judgment."   
  
"Thank you, Minerva. All right boys, have at it."  
  
Draco moved over to stand next to Harry. "Ha- er, Octavian, they're going to kill each other!" Harry looked at the boys. So far they hadn't moved. They were looking alternately at the teachers and students the ground and each other but they weren't making a move. They both looked nervous.  
  
Minerva cleared her throat. "Excuse me, but who are you?"  
  
Draco looked taken aback. "Me? Oh so sorry. I'm … Jayson. Jayson Devonshire. Pleasure to meet you, professor …McGonagall wasn't it?" Draco flashed one of his smiles, but those had never worked on the 'old broad'. Draco decided he needed to add more to his reason. The truth could work. "I'm a friend of Octavian's. I knew him at his former post. Professor Hearst told me about Octavian here being under the weather, and I decided to come out to see what I could do. I've been known to heal him up before." McGonagall seemed content with that explanation.   
  
"Well, we were all a little worried about Octavian. I'm glad you know him well enough to help." Minerva backed off, and Draco turned to look at Harry, who was in the process of telling the boys to get a move on, after all he didn't want to sit and watch them stare at the ground all day.  
  
"Octavian? They are going to kill each other. This isn't a smart idea." Harry turned to flash Draco a smile.   
  
"We didn't kill each other when we had our big fight at this age." Harry paused before continuing. "And we were armed."  
  
Draco couldn't believe that his friend was this dense. "So what? We had knives, and wands, and…. That doesn't matter. They still have their wands. I'm telling you they'll kill each other."  
  
The students in the immediate vicinity were all looking at the byplay with interest. "Jayson, if the two of them were too bloody stupid to use their wands the first time, they're too bloody stupid to use them this time." Harry made sure his voice carried to the middle of the circle where the dumbfounded boys were. It was obvious that they heard, since they started to search for their wands in all the usual places. "Besides, I took the liberty of borrowing them for a time." Harry took two wands that were hidden from view in the folds of his cloak and held them up. "They can't do much damage with their bare hands. Now if it were us…." Harry let his voice trail off. Severus was rubbing off on him. Terrorizing the students could be fun.   
  
He grabbed Draco's shoulder and pulled him over to where they would have a better view. "Have at it!" When the two boys still didn't move he leaned over to Draco and whispered, "Devonshire? You do realize that's a place."  
  
"I always thought a piece of England should be named after me."  
  
Harry playfully punched the other man on the shoulder. "You are so bloody conceited."  
  
Draco shoved him back, catching on to what Harry was up to. "I'm conceited? How dare you. I feel insulted."  
  
"Then my work is done." He shoved Draco backwards.   
  
After the other man stumbled back and regained his balance he slid a glass dagger out of a hidden sheath. "I hate you, Octavian." He lunged at Harry with the dagger pointed at his throat. Harry was quick, drawing the dagger out of his thigh sheath and bringing it up to twist the dagger out of Draco's hands. The glass dagger went flying and landed on the ground, shattering. Where it shattered, a bluish liquid soaked into the ground causing the grass to die rather quickly. Harry then had his dagger pointed at Draco's throat. "Don't leave anything visible, please." Draco whispered to Harry. Instead of answering right away Harry slid his dagger back into its sheath.  
  
"You always were too quick to draw a weapon, Jayson."   
  
Draco looked shocked. "You broke my dagger. That was new! Do you realize how much that cost!"   
  
Harry looked past Draco to where the only remainder of the dagger lay. He shrugged. "The hilt's still good."  
  
"Arse-" Harry closed his hand over the other's mouth.  
  
"And that is how you start a fight. Now why don't you two bloody each other up so everyone can go back inside." That did it. The two boys went at it, finally realizing they had carte blanche to attempt to kill each other.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
The two boys stood in front of Professor Tyler both looking the worse for wear. He had dismissed all the other students and sent them off to dinner. The only ones that remained were the friends of Snape and Black. They both seemed rather anxious to get the injured boys to the hospital wing.  
  
"Well, I hope that you boys learned your lessons."  
  
"There was a point to it?"  
  
"Shut up, Jayson. Must you undermine my authority?"  
  
"Every chance I get."  
  
Harry shook his head and looked at the two young men. Neither seemed very repentant. "All right then, what do you suggest I do with them?"  
  
Draco's fake violet eyes flashed. "Make them heal each other's wounds. No medi-witch. They're in sixth year. They've been studying healing charms, I assume."  
  
Harry had expected something like that. "All right you heard him. No Madame Pomfrey. The two of you have to take care of each other, to the best of your abilities. You do a half-arsed job and you'll be visiting me for detention." Harry watched as the two reluctantly played guinea pig to each other's healing charms. The only things that couldn't be healed were Sirius' ring finger and Severus' nose, both of which were broken.   
  
"You can go to Madame Pomfrey no. I'm sure that she already heard the whole story and is expecting you to show up any moment." To students at Hogwarts there was only one thing worse than getting hurt; going to visit Madame Pomfrey. Especially when you got hurt and could have avoided it. Both boys looked down at the ground. "I take it you don't want to go?" They shook their heads. Well that explained Sirius' permanently crooked finger and Sev's nose. Harry turned his head to look at Draco. "Dinner?"  
  
Draco scrunched his eyebrows together. "I don't think so."  
  
"What? Why not?"  
  
"You destroyed my dagger, you bloody git. Do you have any idea how much that cost." Draco started to walk away.  
  
Harry still aware of their audience called after him, "Jayson!"  
  
"Not to mention the poison that was inside. It took a lot of time and money to make that stuff, and for what? So you could smash my bloody dagger!" Draco continued to walk away.  
  
"I have a really good bottle of firewhiskey."  
  
"You couldn't bribe me with all the firewhiskey in the Leaky Cauldron," Draco called over his shoulder.  
  
"Come on, Jayson!"  
  
"No!"   
  
Harry reached into his boot and pulled out a small flat square-ish piece of metal with a circular hole cut through the center. Taking it between his fore and middle finger he threw it toward Draco. The git ducked.  
  
"You're getting predictable, Octavian." Harry heard a thunk as the projectile hit a tree. "Good firewhiskey, you said?"  
  
"The best."  
  
"All right, but you are still paying for my dagger." Draco walked back over to Harry and the two started to head for Hogsmeade. The sound of running steps stopped them and they looked back in time to see Potter and Black reaching for the projectile.  
  
"I wouldn't touch that if I were you." Harry called as they made their way over to the tree. He reached out and pulled it from the tree.  
  
"Why not, professor?"  
  
"Madame Pomfrey wouldn't be too happy with me if I sent you to the hospital wing and you were barely breathing." The four boys grew pale.   
  
Draco snickered. "Barely breathing, Octavian? They're hearts would've been beating overtime, not to mention they'd probably start to convulse. I won't even mention the nausea"  
  
"True, but all this would happen only if they cut themselves."  
  
"Highly likely. Those things are sharp." The two men had already started to walk away from the small group, the projectile disk held carelessly in Harry's hands. "What type of poison did you tip those things in anyway."  
  
"Forgot."  
  
"Test it." Harry turned to look at Draco.   
  
"You're bloody insane. I'm not tasting it, I just pulled the thing out of a tree." Draco grabbed the thing from Harry's hand and drew it across the other man's palm.  
  
"Bloody Hell! Don't do that!"  
  
"Well?" Draco watched the blood well up from the cut. Harry stopped, rubbed his thumb against the wound, and tasted it.   
  
"We were wrong, not American Nightshade. Black Nightshade."  
  
"Even more fun. Paralysis, fever, slowed breathing, heartbeat fluctuating from slow to fast, joined with hallucinations."  
  
"Well at least it wouldn't kill them."  
  
"Granted. Are your darts still tipped in that lethal poison made with Angel's Trumpet?"  
  
"Some. I tipped some others with an Oleander based poison."  
  
"Aren't you nice?"  
  
"From time to time. Are you going to heal this cut, Jayson?"  
  
The two men made there way to Hogsmeade talking about various poisons and the research that Draco was doing. They never noticed the group of deathly pale boys that watched them go. And the boys never even noticed that Peter had fainted halfway through the conversation. 


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Don't Push Me Away

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first   
the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: here, my site, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Author Note: Huge thanks to my beta Isis.  
  
Thank You: athenakitty, Green Eyes, blackunicorn, Veritas4Eternity, Teigra, Emma, Futon, janibo, Quickjewel, Rebecca Cecilie, moraco, Lord R, fan, Katy999, Kat, Sabs, Lunabard, WittchWay, Melz, EternalBastet, Asha Dreamweaver, Kaat ShadowLover, Lee Lee Potter, Saavik, Lana, two2blue, me3gogi, reanne080, Cat Samwise  
  
shitsumon: There are reasons for everything I do ;)  
  
Fae: No more missing updates, got it. ;) Don't worry some Harry torture (of the emotional variety) will be coming soon.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Chapter Thirteen: Don't Push Me Away When I'm Trying to Care  
  
*The Future*  
  
Severus paused in his contemplation of the fire as a knock sounded on the door. Setting his glass of wine down on one of the side tables, he stood and made his way to answer it. The last person that he was expecting to see stood on the other side. "Lupin."  
  
"Severus. Just the man I wanted to see. May I come in?"  
  
"I don't see how I can stop you." Severus moved aside to allow Remus to enter.  
  
"Ah. I can see many ways you could have. A 'no', for example would have worked." Remus looked at the dark-eyed man who was staring at him with his eyebrow raised. "As to why I am here. Well, you seemed a trifle… off at dinner tonight. Just thought that I'd stop by to see what was bothering you." Remus turned to glance around the room. His gaze landed on the side table where Severus had set down his glass of wine. "No brandy?"  
  
"No Harry," Severus returned.  
  
"I see. Now that I think of it, I never see Harry drink brandy without you. I didn't realize it went both ways."  
  
"It usually doesn't." Severus moved over and settled himself in what was normally Harry's chair before motioning to Remus to take the other. Severus was feeling oddly sentimental, and the thought of seeing someone else besides Harry in his bonded's chair didn't sit well with him. Remus looked questionably at him saying nothing, and took the proffered chair, settling himself down. He continued to watch as Severus summoned another wine glass, pouring him a portion.  
  
"Going into Harry's stock, I see. I didn't know that you liked French wine. Italian yes, French no. I thought the only reason that Harry even kept the French wine was because that is the only type I ever drink." Remus knew that to a point he was rambling on, but the other man didn't seem to mind. Severus was acting almost grateful for his company; in a Snapeish sort of way, of course. The only person that Severus was ever outright nice to was Harry.  
  
"Harry." The response took Remus by surprise. He wasn't actually expecting an answer. Though the answer that was given didn't surprise him.   
  
"I think I'm starting to understand. Nothing that reminds you of Harry. May I ask why?"  
  
"An impertinent question, Lupin, but I'll amuse your curiosity. I'm trying to determine if I'm a selfish bastard."  
  
Well, this was an interesting turn. "How so?"  
  
"I went to see Harry three nights ago."  
  
Remus was confused. "And how did you do that? Albus didn't want anyone to go until Sirius' scheduled visit, which was today."  
  
"I borrowed the time turner for a short time." The 'without telling Albus' part was left unsaid, but understood.  
  
"And this leads to the determination that you are a selfish bastard?"  
  
"I could have changed things. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse, I don't know. All I do know is that I kept everything the way I remembered because I didn't want to lose Harry."  
  
Remus sat back, swirling the wine in his glass. Severus was being uncharacteristically open for once, and Remus knew that he wouldn't just open up, especially about Harry. Severus guarded their relationship more fiercely than anything else. Harry behaved the same way. They had been together for a long time before anyone, other than Draco, had found out. He scanned the room for a bottle other than the one Severus had just poured the wine from. He saw what he was looking for on the mantle, a small green vial. "What was in the vial?" Remus pointed at the object.  
  
"A mild truth serum."  
  
"Why did you take it?"  
  
"So I wouldn't lie to myself. Pathetic, don't you think? I need a truth serum to be truthful to myself."  
  
"There's no way that you came up with that one on your own. Nothing personal, Severus, but it just isn't you."  
  
"Harry suggested it once, a long time ago. Said it was the only way to get me to admit the truth to myself. I thought that he was quite insane. But it worked. Still does."  
  
"Ever the unconventional one. Be glad that I'm here and not Sirius."  
  
"Sirius never would have made it through the door." And Remus knew how true the statement was, not because of the truth serum but because he had watched the door being slammed in Sirius' face time and time again, whether or not Harry was there.  
  
Remus wanted to get back to the original topic but knew better than to ask a blunt question. Starting gradually with the man was always best. "What did Albus do when he found out?"  
  
"That I had borrowed the time turner?" At Remus' nod he continued. "He was sitting here with his hand extended when I returned. He just looked at me with that infernal twinkle and asked 'How is your husband, Severus? Holding up well, I hope?'" Severus nearly spat out the word 'husband', causing Remus to almost choke.  
  
"He didn't. He actually called Harry that?"  
  
"He does it to both of us, all the time. Not when anyone is around, of course. At times, I would happily strangle the man."  
  
"So what did happen, with Harry?"  
  
Severus lifted one long fingered hand and rubbed it over his eyes. Remus noticed how tired the man was looking. "I dragged him halfway across the bloody castle, so I could kiss him where I knew someone would be watching."  
  
Remus blinked at the other man owlishly. He didn't believe what he had just heard, but then again he hadn't been a marauder for nothing. "You, an exhibitionist? Who would have thought?"  
  
"Myself. My younger self was watching."  
  
"Why would you care, at sixteen, if our Defense teacher was kissed in the middle of a hallway?"  
  
"You didn't know? I thought the whole bloody school knew. Lucius had told me about the rumors." Severus stopped and looked at the confusion on the other's face. "There were no rumors about my infatuation," Severus' lip curled up in a disgusted grimace at the word, "with professor Tyler. Were there?"  
  
Remus just shook his head. The other man didn't look at him, just stared at the fire. He was shocked that he hadn't known. Sirius had been a rumormonger while he had been in school, so naturally the marauders had known every rumor that had whispered through the halls. "If there had been Sirius would have known and told us."  
  
Severus just shrugged and covered his eyes with his hand.   
  
"Selfish, huh?" Remus looked around the room at all the signs that said 'Harry lives here.' Remus had never seen either of them as happy as they were when they were together. "Well, if you're selfish, then I'm selfish, and I bet that Harry's selfish too."  
  
The other man looked at him. "Meaning what, Lupin?"  
  
"You went to make sure that Octavian Tyler had some effect on your life. Octavian Tyler affected Sirius and James' lives. He told them what they had to do so they would pass the auror qualification exam. They wouldn't have buckled down the last two years, if he hadn't done that. Professor Tyler affected my life too. So I don't want anything to change. Because if things change, then so many things that I have worked for would be in vain."  
  
Severus stared at the man in utter confusion. Remus ignored him, caught up in his own memories.  
  
"If things changed, I wouldn't have done everything I had done. Being alone, the only marauder left, let me focus on my life. And that sounds selfish." Remus' gaze traveled to the fire. Severus knew that the other man no longer noticed his presence. "I've thought about what would happen if Lily and James were still alive, and if Sirius hadn't been incarcerated. And after thinking about it, even having them around wouldn't have made my life any easier; it would have made it harder in fact, because I never would have left England."  
  
"What did you do all those years, anyway? No one heard from you until you came to teach all those years ago."  
  
Remus shook himself out of his thoughts at the sound of the other man's voice. "I was following Professor Tyler's advice."  
  
One eyebrow rose, a silent question.  
  
"One day Professor Tyler found me moping around the castle. James and Sirius were off looking up books that 'Tyler' had suggested would help them in their goal to becoming aurors. Well, I didn't want to join them, especially since I would never be able to take those exams, all because of what I am. My favorite subject had always been Defense. What could I do in the field I loved?" Remus paused for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. "Anyway, like I said, Professor Tyler found me, and we went for a walk. He told me something that gave me hope for my future and changed my life. He said, 'Remus, don't let petty, narrow-minded individuals control your life. They don't have that right. They can't take away the things that you love. Go and do what you love, what you're good at. If you love Defense go and study, research, and master it.' And I did."  
  
"Doesn't answer the question, does it?"  
  
"I'll get there. Right now, in fact. Did you think that Albus hired me in Harry's third year to teach because I knew Sirius?"  
  
"The thought had crossed my mind."  
  
"No, after I went out and learned everything I could, I wrote books on Defense. A lot of books."  
  
"I've never seen them. I probably would have read them; for sheer entertainment value of course." Remus stood and shook his head at the other man. He knew that Severus was just being himself. He walked over to one of the many bookshelves that lined the walls of the room. He ran his fingers over the spines of Severus' books; Harry's were kept on the other side of the room. Picking one he walked back over to the man sitting sedately in his chair sipping wine and held out the book. Severus took it and caressed the well-worn spine. It was one of the best Defense books in existence, a top seller, right after the collected works of Lockhart. Severus had used it often as a reference. "Advanced Defense Techniques," Rupert Knight. He stared up at the man that just handed the book to him.  
  
"You're Rupert Knight?"  
  
Remus smiled. "Yes, the most mysterious writer ever. Absolutely nothing is known about him, besides the Owl Post Box that I keep under that name. Do you think that anyone would publish a book written by a werewolf?"  
  
"Will wonders never cease?"  
  
"We're all selfish, Severus, from time to time. Look at it this way. I don't know how 'Professor Tyler' affected your life, so I'm just going to hazard a guess. You don't have to confirm it." Remus narrowed his amber eyes, and looked at Severus appraisingly. "If you hadn't joined the Death Eaters, our side wouldn't have one of its best spies. And Harry might not have the confidant that he needed. And I might not have a dear friend."  
  
"You're becoming maudlin, Remus."   
  
Remus opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted as a banging resounded on the door. Severus stood to see who was there, stopping as Sirius' voice carried through the heavy wood.  
  
"I don't care how you do it! Rip down his wards! Draco, just do it!" Severus opened his door to see a very angry Sirius Black holding a confused and dazed Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Sorry, Severus, I was dragged here against my will. I don't have the faintest idea what's going on, but my best guess is that Sirius is really annoyed with you." Draco wrenched his arm out of the other man's grasp, and walked through the open door. Sirius just pushed past Severus and walked in. Slamming the door behind the two, Severus glared at the invaders.   
  
"How can I help you?" Severus said in the most disdainful voice he could manage.  
  
"How dare you!" Sirius spat at the other dark haired man.  
  
"How dare I what, Black?" Unlike the other man, Severus kept his voice soft and even.  
  
"You turned my godson into a bleeding 'well'!"  
  
"Uh oh." Draco sat down on the couch so as not to get in the way, but Sirius spun to face him.  
  
"You knew? You knew what they had done, and you didn't tell me! I thought Harry was your friend, Draco!"  
  
"Sirius, calm down and explain what's going on." Remus placed a hand on the other's elbow. Sirius just shook it off and moved over by the fire. Remus looked at Severus, but he just stared at Black. The answer came from Draco.  
  
"He's talking about their bond." The blond motioned toward Severus.  
  
"I think someone had better explain."  
  
Draco looked toward the werewolf. "The short of it was that instead of the typical soul joining type everyone thought they had, it was really a life blood bond." Remus' mouth hung open in shock at the explanation.  
  
"No time to discuss this. We need to get some potions or something. Harry's sick, and it's all that bastard's fault." Sirius pointed one finger at the potions master.  
  
Severus, for his part had gone even paler than normal. Draco stood and started searching. "You won't find them, Draco. There aren't any out; they're in the storage cabinet. Go into my office and get one of the divided boxes." Draco nodded before silently exiting the room. Severus moved over to a cabinet that was locked. Muttering what must have been a password under his breath, he started to rummage through the cabinets pulling out what appeared to be random bottles. When Draco returned he started to place the selected vials into individual compartments.  
  
The other men hadn't been idle. Remus had managed to get the whole story out of Sirius, then turned to watch Severus separate potions. He knew that there had to be more than Sirius was letting on. Severus would never coerce Harry into doing something. If anything, Harry would be the one coercing Severus. That wasn't very probable either, however.  
  
"We should tell Albus."  
  
"Remus, you do that and I will poison your next batch of Wolfsbane potion, friend or not." Severus hadn't even turned around. "I hope that you haven't returned that bloody Time-Turner, Black. For Harry's sake."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*The Past*  
  
Severus Snape pushed open the door to the infirmary quietly, trying not to waken any of the patients that might be sleeping. He looked around to see if the matron was anywhere to be found.   
  
Severus edged further into the room looking at all the empty beds. Of course at three o'clock in the morning all to be seen were empty beds, unless some poor unfortunate had to remain under Madame Pomfrey's supervision for the night. Severus was there for a sleeping draught. Madame Pomfrey never asked if you wanted to talk about what was keeping you up. After all, that was the job of the Heads of House. Usually Severus wouldn't have hesitated going to his Head of House. In the past, he had been able to talk to Simeon about many of the things troubling him, but for some reason he just didn't feel comfortable talking to the man about what had been disconcerting him of late.  
  
Severus unconsciously rubbed his arm again as he headed for Madame Pomfrey's office. There was an alert charm set so that if anyone entered the office Madame Pomfrey would come to his or her aid. Severus was deep into his thoughts about the Mark and his new 'master' when a voice called to him.  
  
"Snape? What are you doing here at this time of night?"  
  
Severus turned toward the voice, and looked at the boy that was wrapped in thick blankets on the bed. Remus Lupin, Hogwart's resident werewolf. "I'd ask you the same, but I can already answer that. The full moon was the night before last, wasn't it?" The other boy nodded before looking at him questionably. Severus had never liked Remus, but then again he had never hated him either, until the Shrieking Shack incident. And that hadn't so much made him hate Remus, as it made him afraid of the other boy. Remus, though, didn't look very scary at the moment. "Was it a hard transformation?"  
  
"Slightly worse then normal. But I feel better now. Thank you for asking. What brings you to the realm of torture otherwise known as Hogwarts' hospital wing?"  
  
"Madame Pomfrey isn't that bad."  
  
"Granted, she's really nice to me, but then again my affliction isn't my fault. However, if you're hurt, and you could have avoided it, then you better beware. She's of the 'tough love' school to those who do not tread carefully." Remus smiled thoughtfully as a memory came to him. "Which explains why she is so tough on the Quidditch players. They could avoid getting hurt if they would just stop riding those 'stupid sticks' as she calls them."   
  
Severus cautiously moved closer to the other boy. "You're awfully talkative tonight, Lupin."  
  
"I've been on bed rest for the last two days. I tend to get so bored that all I can do is sleep. So now it's the middle of the night, and I'm wide awake. You're just the unlucky one that happened to be walking through the infirmary when my book got dull. So, why are you here?"  
  
The quickest way to shut him up would be to answer, so Severus did just that. "Sleeping draught."  
  
"That happens to me sometimes, I can't sleep at night. Usually I just look at the curtains all night, and by the following evening I'm so exhausted that I can sleep through the night. But then again I'm used to keeping strange hours, on occasion." Remus sat up straighter in the bed that he was occupying and took a closer look at Snape. "Are you sure that you're just here for a sleeping potion, Snape. I've been noticing you favoring your arm recently. Did you hurt it?"  
  
"None of your business, Lupin." Severus snapped. Remus pulled back at the sharp tone.  
  
"Well, I apologize for trying to carry on a conversation, Snape. I was only trying to be considerate." The golden haired, amber-eyed boy looked away before muttering under his breath, "It's no wonder why Sirius dumped you."  
  
"Let me guess, because I'm friends with Lucius and he couldn't stand it?"  
  
"No. Granted, he didn't like Lucius, but he thought you were interesting. At least, at first." Remus had turned back to look at him.  
  
"At first? Of course, I forgot, Black tires tremendously easy."  
  
Remus raised his eyebrows. "He does tend to run through significant others fairly quickly, doesn't he?"  
  
"Like water."  
  
Remus chuckled at the unexpected joke. "It wasn't that he 'tired' of you, Snape."  
  
"All right, his friends couldn't stand me."  
  
"James can't stand you; Peter and I tolerated you. I choose to continue doing so. You aren't nearly as bad as you were when we were younger, although the tendency to be an utter jackass seems to be returning."  
  
The only marauder who could spar with words; not even close to the same level as Severus, but both of them tended to resort to words instead of violence. "Well, since it seems that you know absolutely everything, oh wise moon gazer," Severus said, voice dripping with sarcasm, "do tell me why the noble and honorable Mr. Black wanted nothing to do with me after such a short time."  
  
Remus totally ignored the tone of voice, and answered the question. "Because you never talked to him."  
  
Severus stared. "We talked."   
  
"About totally inconsequential things. Nothing of significance every passed between the two of you. He wanted to get to know you, and you wouldn't let him do so."  
  
"And what right did he have to get to know me? How could I trust him? I don't just go telling everyone about my life. It's none of their business."  
  
"Sirius wasn't everyone, Snape. He never told us what the two of you talked about."  
  
Severus stared at the amber eyes and saw only truth there, although he didn't believe it. "You actually expect me to believe that? Black loves rumors. Anyone that knows him knows that. Everything about me would have spread through the school like wildfire."  
  
"Sirius keeps his confidences." Remus almost looked hurt. That's when Severus remembered that Sirius had at least kept one confidence, Remus' lycanthropy. The idiot wouldn't breathe a word about it.   
  
"I think he only has enough room in his miniscule mind to keep your secret safe, Lupin. Everything else just leaks out of his brain through his mouth."  
  
Remus looked at the other boy with sad eyes. "You really need to learn to trust someone, Severus. If you don't, then who are you going to confide in when the pressure becomes too much to bear?" Remus shifted the blankets so that he could lie down. Taking his wand he whispered "nox", and the small oil lamp next to the bed that had cast light on them during their conversation winked out. Severus just stared at where the boys face had been, while he listened to the rustle of the sheets as Remus settled down to sleep.  
  
Severus turned and headed back out of the infirmary without looking back, not bothering to go into Madame Pomfrey's office after all. He wasn't sure if he would be able to get to sleep, but then again his unlikely conversation with Lupin had left him with quite a bit to think about, so sleep was out of the question.   
  
He never did notice, that at the end, Remus had used his given name.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* 


	15. Chapter Fourteen: A River of Souls

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past -- On Assignment for Dumbledore in the past, Harry sees his lover from a new perspective, that of a teacher. HP/SS. SLASH   
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: here, my site, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page. Other, please ask.  
  
Author Note: Huge, huge thanks to my beta Isis.  
  
Thank You: Lee Lee Potter, janibo, Cat Samwise, WittchWay, Lana, kazul, P.L.S., serapotter, Harmoni, npetrenko, mystic flower, Katy999, shitsumon, Lakoma, Lord R, rayvern, SparkySparkles, Jordan,  
  
Melz: Be patient, I'll explain all that in time. Not quite yet though, you'll see.  
Aconite: That is *one* of the side stories that I haven't got to actually writing yet, I do know how it happened though. It will eventually be found in "Through the Looking Glass" -- a bunch vignettes that take place in the Paradox Universe. That will be posted sooner or later.  
Vita Brevis: Thanks. I thought that some character development was a must. I even snuck a plot point in there too.  
Acyla: When Draco goes to the past he puts up a disguise charm. He looks a little too much like his father, and that could bring up awkward questions for him and 'Tyler', and don't forget the poor authoress ;)  
Emma: Sorry about that. Draco was the one that brought the potions to Harry. That was why he was present for the fight. I thought I implied that he did. Sorry again.  
venus4280: don't worry there will definitely be more of 'that conversation'  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Chapter Fourteen: A River of Souls  
  
*The Past*  
  
Severus wandered down the deserted halls of the school safely ensconced within the folds of Lucius' invisibility cloak. Usually he wouldn't do such a thing, but ever since last year, when he had found out that rules were bent for others, he hadn't cared nearly as much about rules as he did before. Especially if breaking the rules could get him to the object of this particular excursion, a professor by the name of Octavian Tyler.  
  
Severus had been thinking about what Lupin had said to him that night in the infirmary. Maybe he was right. He had to trust someone, and if he wanted a relationship with Professor Tyler than whom else should he go to when he needed someone to talk to? This way he would only have to go through the telling of the tale once, and to only one person.  
  
Severus turned down the corridor that he had seen Professor Tyler go down regularly. He assumed that this was where the man's chambers were; he never saw anyone else go down the corridor after all. He made his way down the hall trying doors as he went. All the doors opened, revealing either empty rooms or storage chambers. Oddly enough one had actually opened to a solid wall. Reaching the end of the hall, he found himself faced with a strong oak door. The plate that hung on it read "Professor Octavian Tyler." So bloody obvious.  
  
Severus decided that even if it was a hoax and the professor's chambers weren't really behind the door, at least it wouldn't hurt to knock. Rapping quickly on the door three times he stood back and waited. Just as he was about to turn away and try looking for the man's chambers elsewhere, the door swung open and a bleary eyed Professor Tyler stood in its place. The first thought Severus had was that he had awakened the man. The second was that he was about to die a painful death.  
  
"Take off the bloody invisibility cloak. I could hear you breathing through the bloody door." The voice was slurred and Severus immediately realized his mistake. The man was drunk, not half asleep. This could make things easier. Pulling off the cloak, he draped it over his arm and appraised his teacher. His hair hung down in long strands clinging to his face, obscuring part of it in the most alluring way. He was wearing a pair of dark green silk sleep pants and a loose fitting sleeveless shirt. Looking down toward the ground he noticed that his feet were bare. As his eyes traveled up Tyler's body he noticed how low the pants hung on his hips, and as his gaze traced the muscles of the other's arms he saw a long healed scar running along the triceps of his right upper arm.  
  
"Have you seen enough?"  
  
Severus didn't respond instead just looked at the other man, trying to avoid his piercing gaze.  
  
"What are you doing here, Mr. Snape?"  
  
"I needed someone to talk to and you seemed to be the best candidate."  
  
"At three o'clock in the bloody morning?"  
  
Severus just shrugged and looked at the ground. It was always best to seem timid and anxious. "I couldn't sleep," Severus said in a soft voice.  
  
"So you naturally assumed that the rest of the castle would be awake because it was your bloody whim to seek someone out?" The professor sounded annoyed, and Severus thought that it might not have been a good idea to seek the other out after all.  
  
"I'm sorry, sir. I just…" Severus stopped. His voice wavered slightly, could he really. He looked at the other man and noticed that Professor Tyler had placed a hand over his eyes and was at them tiredly.  
  
"I apologize for being so short with you. I will admit that this isn't the best time, but if you truly need someone to talk to then I'll listen." Octavian stood back and motioned for the younger man to enter his rooms. Severus quickly entered the room, taking the opportunity to look around before Professor Tyler came to his senses and kicked him out. Perhaps this wasn't going as badly as he thought it was.  
  
"Sit." His professor was pointing at a chair that was positioned across from a couch in the living room area. The chair was large and padded and seemed the most comfortable thing in the world. Sitting down he noticed that a book which was resting face down on one of the armrests. He picked it up curiously and turned it over. All the pages were blank.  
  
"Nothing of interest there." Professor Tyler had arranged himself on the couch and Severus gaped at the sight. One arm was slung over his head resting on the back of the couch. He was reclining back with one foot under him and the other extended out. His back was somewhat arched and his eyes were heavy lidded. The other arm was draped across his abdomen and his fingers lightly brushed his side while they held a glass of light amber liquid. Severus changed his mind; the couch now seemed to be the most comfortable place in the world.  
  
Severus had started to fall into daydreams when the rough voice of his professor pulled him back out. "You said something about talking, so talk." Taking a deep breath Severus dove into his concerns about serving the Dark Lord, carefully avoiding the topic of the final impetus to his decision to join the Death Eaters. Severus didn't think that Octavian would be happy to discover that he had been a reason. The other reasons though, were up for discussion.  
  
Professor Tyler sat there, his face schooled into blankness, and Severus appreciated that his professor didn't show any emotion at all. Severus honestly believed what was said about this particular Defense teacher. It was said that he could care less about the war that was going on between Lord Voldemort and the Ministry of Magic. Some people said the war was between Dumbledore and Voldemort, and that the Ministry just followed whatever Dumbledore told them to do. That impartiality appealed to Severus at the moment, but he hadn't come there to be judged. Or so he believed. He hadn't quite realized that he was asking Professor Tyler to do just that.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry relaxed on his couch, sipping at another glass of firewhiskey on the rocks as he listened to the words pour out of the young Severus' mouth. He didn't quite remember how many he had already had, but gave up that line of thought in order to listen to the young man in front of him. He tried not to show how fascinated he was, but inside his head was spinning. This was a topic that Severus avoided at all costs, the reasoning behind Severus' initial following of Voldemort. Harry knew some of the reasons that Severus had originally joined the Death Eaters; there were quite a few that Severus didn't talk about, but Harry never pried, never asked. Severus returned the favor. Neither wanted to push the other into revealing things about themselves. And if they went to their graves without knowing everything about their bonded, so be it. It wasn't necessary. What they knew about the other was inconsequential; what mattered was that they understood one another. But that didn't stop Harry from being curious. Then again, he knew there were quite a few things that Severus was curious about that he never asked about. Maybe one day he would tell the other man, especially since his younger self had probably just disclosed some of Severus' most guarded thoughts.  
  
Blind. Severus was blind to all the horrors that Voldemort committed. It seemed that Mr. Riddle liked to convince his followers that he was morally right before he showed them the 'joys' of torturing and killing muggles and half-bloods. Severus was sitting in the chair across from him stating all the 'good' things that his Lord was trying to accomplish. Wondering how those who opposed him could possibly do so. Not to mention the evil 'lies' they spread about kidnapping and torture.   
  
Harry recalled all the conversations that he had had with the older Severus. Severus was full of self-ridicule. He criticized all the decisions he had made while growing up. Severus never told him the impetus to those decisions. He knew so much about his partner, but not that. And now he was discovering the blindness of the younger man in front of him. Knowing Severus as well as he did, that would explain why Harry had never seen it. It was a weakness and the older version of Severus despised showing any form of weakness, even one that was only present at a young age. *His* Severus always looked at all possible angles and never stepped into a situation, other than Death Eater meetings, without full knowledge of what he was getting himself into. In the future, Severus looked at having to attend Death Eater meetings as his punishment. Harry thought it was a punishment for following the Dark Lord, but after seeing the younger man in his current state, he decided he had been wrong.   
  
His conclusions seemed to him to flow from some sort of increased awareness resulting from his drunkenness. His mind wouldn't focus on any one thing; instead so many conversations were running through his head that Harry couldn't help but make connections between them.  
  
Harry started as he realized the young man in front of him had stopped talking and was expecting him to comment. He knew that he didn't have to point Severus in the right direction and in fact, it would be better if Severus found that direction on his own. Knowing that, however, didn't make it any easier to hold back the words "stay away from that horrible monster". Instead he settled on what he had always believed. "Mr. Snape," Harry's voice was even and controlled. "You seem to be trying to convince yourself that you did the right thing. Not trying to convince me. All I have to say to that is, that as long as you did it for the right reasons, as long as it is a cause that you believe in, and as long as you can live with yourself while doing it, then it's your decision to make. No one else can make that decision for you. You are the person that you have to live the rest of your life with. And if you can't stand the person that you've allowed yourself to become, then it's going to be a rather horrid life for you."   
  
Deciding that in his state, the conversation couldn't last much longer at a coherent level, Harry shifted slightly, preparing to get up to escort the young man out of his rooms. Harry closed his eyes and stretched his arms upward arching his back. Letting out his breath slowly he lowered his arms and opened his eyes. The dark eyes that met his were opened wide and were filled with conflicting emotions, lacking the sureness that he had come to expect with his Severus. Harry swung his legs over the edge of the couch and moved himself into a sitting position.  
  
Severus looked away. "You must think me a fool, Professor. I always seem to come across as someone that can't handle making their own decisions. I guess I was just worried that I had made the decision too hastily. I know that my Lord is trying to change things for the better, and I know that he is probably going about it in the best way. I mean he must certainly be better informed than I am, after all I'm only in sixth year, but still…" His eyes flicked from Harry to the floor and back. Harry was practically positive that the young man wasn't even aware that he was rambling on. A refreshing change. A genuine smile flitted across his face and the babbling stopped.  
  
Harry looked up at the young man and cocked his head in a questioning manner. He didn't quite trust his voice to say what he wanted it to say. Whenever he drank that much firewhiskey he always ended up making a fool of himself.  
  
"I've never seen you actually smile before, even when your friend visited. You just never seemed like the smiling sort."  
  
Harry's smile didn't disappear, instead only got bigger. Perhaps Albus was right, this was almost like a vacation. He could spend time with a Severus that didn't have nearly as many worries that *his* Severus had. As long as nothing happened between them it would be perfectly acceptable to talk to the young man, right?  
  
Harry decided to chance talking. "Well, everyone has an off day now and again I suppose. You just happened to catch me on mine." Harry stood and swayed slightly as the blood all rushed to his head. Being the sober one in the room, Severus jumped up and grabbed the man's elbow to keep him from falling.  
  
"Well, I guess you should be going, Mr. Snape."  
  
"Perhaps you should lay down, Professor, you don't look very good." Severus tried to pull the older man back toward the couch to help him sit down. He'd helped Lucius to do the same many times, when he had drunk too much of the firewhiskey he convinced his cousin to smuggle into the school for him.  
  
Professor Tyler stumbled against him, and Severus tried to steady him. Looking up he saw that his professor was looking into his eyes. He wondered at the sad look on the other's face.  
  
"So much lost. Such beautiful eyes, filled with emotion. I'm so sorry." Before Severus knew what was going on a hand touched his cheek and the lips of his professor suddenly covered his own. Not understanding the reason behind it, but not caring, Severus wrapped his arms around his teacher and surrendered.   
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Severus awoke to the sound of a shower running. Severus stood to discover that all of his clothes had been folded and laid on the seat of Professor Tyler's desk chair. On top was a note. Not knowing what to expect Severus quickly went over and opened it.   
  
*//Mr. S. Snape,  
  
I would advise you to vacate my rooms immediately. I am now completely sober and aware of what occurred last night in these rooms. For your own personal safety I suggest that you remain far away from me for the remainder of the school year. If you are still in my rooms by the time I reappear then a fate much worse then detention with Filch awaits you.  
  
Professor O. Tyler\\*   
  
Severus crumpled the note in his hand and threw it at the bed. He was well aware that such shows of childish emotions were beneath him, but he didn't care. He dressed and moved to the exit. He looked back at the bedroom door and could still hear the shower running. He wasn't going to give up on his Professor that easily. Now that he knew what to look for he planned on paying his teacher another late night visit. Obviously Professor Tyler had never met a determined Severus Snape.  
  
In the shower Harry was collapsed against the wall berating himself. He didn't believe that he had been stupid enough to have gotten that drunk last night. Harry rarely let himself get drunk unless he was out with Ron or Draco, and the consequences were never as dire as this. Harry stared at the bond-mark that graced his wrist. Last night had been the anniversary of the day he and Severus bonded. Missing the man desperately, he had drunk himself into a stupor. Harry's streak of continuously good luck was finally running out, since the younger version of Severus had appeared at his door wishing to talk. Harry berated himself again for his folly in initiating the mess he had gotten himself into.   
  
Harry scrubbed at his skin hard, wishing that he could wash away the guilt that he felt. It was actually ironic. *His* Severus knew exactly what was going on between Harry and his younger self, but Harry couldn't stop feeling like he had cheated on his bonded. There was no end to the circular logic, and any way that Harry looked at it he still felt immensely guilty. As he sank to the floor of the shower he wondered if his Severus was mad at him for giving in to his younger self. As the water beat down on his down turned head Harry held his wrist in his hand and stared at the mark that joined him to Severus.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*The Future: Summer Between Harry's Sixth and Seventh Year*  
  
"Stop being such a baby."  
  
"I am not acting like an infant." A sharp hiss of indrawn breath filled the small room. "That smarts!"  
  
"I barely touched you. You know, it would hurt a lot less if you'd just sit still."  
  
"Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired, Potter." Severus tried to move away from the hand that was coming closer to him.  
  
Harry threw up his hands in frustration. "Would you just sit still! I'm only going to put salve on it. It's nothing that will hurt." Harry placed his hand on Severus' shoulder to keep him from moving. The older man jerked away.  
  
"It stung last time. What are you trying to put on it, anyway? Besides which, I don't need your help. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I have been doing so since before you were born, let me remind you."  
  
Harry grabbed the man's arm to hold him still before taking his salve-covered fingers and rubbed them across the gash. Another hiss was heard from Severus. "It's a pain numbing and disinfectant salve. The only reason it hurt the first time was because you moved. You were pulling the cut open further. The reason I'm helping you is because you can't get to the cut yourself. Otherwise I'd just let you lick your injuries like the wounded animal you are." Harry moved around to check the dilation of Severus' eyes.  
  
"What are you doing now?"  
  
Harry ignored the question and checked Severus' pulse. "Is your vision blurry?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Good." Harry went around to wipe off any excess salve from the exposed wound. He cast a healing charm to close the laceration and watched as the skin came together, almost stitching itself. A sharp red line now marred the porcelain of Severus' back; Harry knew it would just become one more scar that crisscrossed the man's body. He looked appreciatively at the well-defined muscles that were now visible since Severus had taken off his shirt.   
  
Harry knew by now the best thing to do when Severus was hurt was to ignore his petty snapping. It was the way Severus dealt with his pain. Harry was the opposite, when he was hurt not a whisper could be heard. The first time that Severus had pulled him out of a bad situation, Harry had had five gashes in parallel lines across his chest, and a stab wound in the side. He had automatically curled up and closed his eyes, trying to silence even his breathing. Severus had thought he was dead and when he realized what Harry had done, had torn into him. Harry had never seen the other man so angry, and for the longest time he couldn't figure out why.  
  
"Was it bad?"  
  
"I could see the bone, but it was your shoulder blade, some of that is exposed through the muscle anyway. I don't know enough to tell you if the muscle was cut badly." Harry took the opportunity to run his hands over Severus' back under the pretense of checking the wound. "Well it's healing ok. I thought I had smelled Oleander. Though you aren't showing any signs of the poison." Harry paused in his administrations. "I never knew potions could actually be interesting."  
  
"Prat."  
  
"That was an awfully juvenile thing to say, Snape. I thought you saved such comments for my godfather."  
  
Severus didn't respond to the taunt, instead he grabbed Harry's hand and pulled the young man from behind him; making him stand in front of him. "We should check that puncture wound." Harry pulled away and moved to a chair on the other side of the room.  
  
"I can do it myself." Harry lifted up a hand to rub at his eyes before turning his attention to his thigh where the stiletto had entered.  
  
Severus stared at Harry, pondering about what he had said. "Oleander?"  
  
Harry nodded his head quickly before grabbing it in between his hands. "Oi, dizzy."  
  
Severus started and moved over to the boy before grabbing his satchel from the foot of one of the two beds in the room. "Did it ever occur to you that *you* could have been the one poisoned?"  
  
Harry looked up at the man with tired eyes. Cocking his head to one side, his voice dreamy, he said, "Who would have thought your aura was white?" before he fainted and fell forward into Snape's arms.  
  
Severus ran through all the symptoms of Oleander poisoning, blurred vision with halos, dizziness, headache, fainting, and irregular heartbeat. He laid the boy down on one of the beds and took his pulse. It was highly irregular. Then he remembered. If brewed correctly and strong enough, Oleander poisoning in small quantities was lethal.  
  
"Shite. You stupid boy." Snape grabbed him and made his way out of the small dingy room and out of the inn, down to a side alley, so he could apparate as close as humanly possible to Hogwarts.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry stared upward. Cracks ran along the otherwise painfully white ceiling. Hospital wing. Bloody hell. He slowly sat up.  
  
"You are an idiot." The silky voice entered into Harry's consciousness.  
  
"I told you I thought I smelt Oleander. I'm not the potions master who should have been able to identify it a mile off." He rolled over and looked at the man who was sitting by his bed reading a book. Or had been reading a book. Said book was now face down on his lap untouched while the older man looked at him. Harry ignored the glower. "How long was I out for?"  
  
"A week." The answer was clipped; Harry thought that he might actually have offended the previously impervious potions master.  
  
"Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. I should have been able to tell that I was the one poisoned."  
  
"Bloody right you should have. I didn't sit there and drill symptoms into your head so that you could get poisoned and not recognize the effects." Severus drew in a shaky breath. "I didn't waste my time testing you so you could identify some highly dangerous potions by scent alone. You're lucky that I was there."  
  
"You're right, I am. And you did all that because Dumbledore told you to. Not out of the goodness of your own heart. Besides I doubt that you even have one." Harry rolled over so that his back was facing Snape.  
  
"You are the most impertinent brat that I've ever met, Potter."  
  
"Where is Dumbledore sending us next? I want to get out of here." Harry was getting depressed. Of course that could have been one of the side effects of the Oleander poisoning.  
  
"What makes you so sure that you'll be working with me?"  
  
All Harry heard was venom in the other's voice. "Well he sure won't send me off alone. And just because I did something stupid he isn't going to take Sirius or Remus off assignment to 'baby-sit' me as you call it."  
  
Snape let the comment slide; he was doing that more and more with Potter. "We'll be picking up where we left off. Between your visions and my mark we might actually be able to track Voldemort to his new headquarters."  
  
"Hiding place." The voice coming from the bed sounded petulant.  
  
"Quite right, Potter. His hiding place. Since your visions get stronger with proximity, as do the pains in your scar and my mark, we should be able to determine, within a few miles, where he is hiding."  
  
"I still think that this is one of the stupidest plans that Dumbledore has proposed this summer. We should be spending our time building up a defense, not planning an offense. 'One is always stronger on one's home ground.'"  
  
"Well I've never admitted to comprehending Dumbledore. Whenever you are ready. Your bag is still packed, and it and I will be waiting for you at the front doors."  
  
Harry waited until he heard the door of the infirmary close after the other man's exit before sitting up and swinging his legs over the bed. Harry quickly got dressed in the clothes that had been laid out on the bed next to him. Pulling the shirt over his head, he took in the scent of Azzemour, a complex mix of Indian spices that permeated the soaps that Severus used. Harry breathed the scent in deeply and wished that he could get as close to Severus as his shirt must have in order to pick up the rich scent.  
  
As Harry made his way down to the entrance hall he pondered the direction that the relationship between Severus and himself had been taking. Since Dumbledore had started to pair them together for his absolutely brainless scheme of finding Voldemort, he had seen sides of the man he never thought possible. He knew that he was attracted to Severus, and from time to time thought that the man was also attracted to him, though Severus never showed anything close to actual concern for him. The kiss during detention had been a one and only occurrence, and their conversation right before school ended had blown up in Harry's face. Harry felt he was at an impasse at trying to get to know the other man, though he wanted nothing more.  
  
Harry didn't have time for any more reflection on the subject, however, since he had reached the front doors to the school, where Dumbledore was waiting to bid him farewell and Severus was standing, obviously impatient to go.  
  
That entire day Harry didn't even try to talk to Severus. He usually attempted to make some sort of conversation, but half the time the older man wouldn't cooperate. The only times over the summer that Harry had been able to draw him into anything remotely resembling a conversation was about potions. Of course those conversations were always short lived, since on every subject other than poison Harry understood less than nothing. And even if they were discussing poisons, he had received all of his information from Severus, so there was nothing he could say that the other man didn't already know.  
  
At dinner that night, Harry felt the eyes of his potions master examining him. He never lifted his head from the pages of the book he was pretending to read. He just couldn't handle the thought of looking into Severus' dark eyes and seeing nothing that resembled the emotions he knew he had for his potions master.  
  
A hand slid a small vial over the table to him; Harry picked it up and placed it to the side of his plate without looking at it. "Potter." Harry didn't look up but instead turned the page of the book that he hadn't read a word of for over ten minutes. "Potter." Harry instead thought about how he hated the way that Severus said his surname. No one could lace as much distaste into one word as Severus Snape could into the word Potter.  
  
"Stop calling me Potter. I don't know what you have against the name, but I assure you that in no way can you attach it to me. I know next to nothing about any of my family, and I refuse to count my caretakers, being the poor excuses for family that they were."  
  
"Potter," Severus began but Harry cut him off.  
  
"If you want me to answer than come up with a different name." Harry still hadn't raised his head to look at Severus. "If you don't want to call me 'Harry', than address me by 'Black', 'Weasley', or 'Lupin'. At least I feel like I belong to their families."  
  
Severus sighed in defeat. "Harry. Drink the contents of the vial, it'll make you feel better. You still have trace amounts of the Oleander in your system and it is acting as a mild depressive. The potion will negate the effects, and the rest of the poison should be out of your system within the next day or two."  
  
"Thank you, Professor." Harry turned another page of his book, not looking up. Neither did he take the contents of the vial the man had given him. He resolutely ignored everything except the pages of his book, where the words were starting to blend together, the food that he was steadily shoveling into his mouth, and the thoughts that were bouncing around his head in random circles.  
  
After another twenty minutes of watching the boy flip pages that obviously hadn't been read, Severus decided he just couldn't take the silence that had descended another minute. Resolutely pushing away his unfinished meal, he looked at the young man in front of him, trying to determine a way to start a conversation. "One normally moves their eyes when one reads a book."  
  
"Not if the book is there as a simple pretext so that a conversation can be avoided."  
  
Bloody hell, it was becoming obvious that the boy had been spending too much time with him. "Why don't you take the potion?"  
  
"Because this is closer to how I should feel."  
  
"Would you expound on that idea?"  
  
"I'm not a bloody essay that you write comments on. I'll say as much or as little as I please. Thank you very much." Harry snapped his book shut and stood to leave the room, but Severus grabbed his arm in a tight grip and wouldn't let go. "Let go, Professor."  
  
"I will do no such thing. If I'm expected to spend the remainder of the summer in your company, than I deserve to know what makes you unbearable. And that is what you will be, if you don't take the bloody potion."  
  
"I thought I was already unbearable, Professor. You've been telling me variations on that since I was eleven. Besides what gives you the right to know anything about me? It's not as if you bloody care. You make that quite clear everyday." Harry wrenched his arm away and moved through the door that opened into the bedroom. Severus stared at the closed door for a few minutes before slowly standing, grabbing the vial, and moving through the door to follow the younger man.  
  
Harry was lying on his stomach on his bed with the defense book open and resting on the pillow. Severus wondered if he was actually reading it.  
  
"Don't you know everything that book has to offer yet, Potter?" The boy didn't even acknowledge his presence, and that rattled on his nerves. "You forgot the vial on the table." Harry still didn't move and Severus looked at the backside that was presented to him. He could kill Black for giving his godson such clothes. Sixteen-year-old boys did not need tight leather pants that looked like a second skin. The shirt he was wearing had ridden up and half his back was exposed, the lean muscle covered by a layer of pale skin. His eyes drifted to the dagger that Harry kept strapped to his thigh in a sheath. The mutt had given it to him as a Christmas present the year before. The thought of Harry's godfather and what would happen to him if Black ever discovered the thoughts he had about Harry allowed him to drag his gaze away and school his face into a mask of indifference.  
  
"Potter, Madam Pomfrey demanded that I give you this potion with your dinner. I suggest you take it. I do not need the mistress of Hogwarts' hospital wing swooping down upon me with a vengeance."  
  
"And I should care, why?" Harry rolled over onto his back to stretch, arching his back off the bed. Through lidded eyes the younger man watched the older one.  
  
Severus was sure that the brat was doing this on purpose. He sat on the edge of the bed and handed the vial over. Harry took it and downed the contents in a single gulp.  
  
Harry stared at Severus before moving to sit in the middle of the bed, on his knees, facing him. "Why do you let me get away with whatever I bloody well want?"  
  
"And since when do I allow you to do that? I was under the impression that I stopped you from doing such." Severus turned to face the younger man who was staring at him with open curiosity, among other emotions that Severus didn't even want to begin contemplating, shining in his eyes. He wondered if Harry was ever going to be able to hide his emotions among the shadows that were growing in his eyes each day. He didn't think so.  
  
Harry moved closer. "Well it depends. As my professor you are a complete bastard." Severus tensed. "But since last Christmas, when we were teamed together, until now, if you are acting as my 'mentor' among the Order members you let me get away with anything. I've screamed at you, called you every name I could think of, and some that I even looked up in a book-"  
  
"And what book was this?" Severus asked, with obvious contempt.  
  
"'1001 Ways to Insult Your Potions Master' by Gred and Forge Weasel."  
  
"Will I ever escape the torture that those two put me through during their seven years at Hogwarts?"  
  
"Not bloody likely. They gave out a copy to every fourth and fifth year, and some select individuals in the other years, as well as to all the first years, the year they graduated. In Gryffindor only of course. Not to mention that they placed a couple of copies on the common room bookshelf for those that didn't have their own."  
  
"Bloody Hell. Why are you telling me this? You do know-"  
  
"What are you going to do about it? Most of the insults are pretty easy to memorize and if you get McGonagall to remove the books from the common room you still can't confiscate them from individuals unless they are stupid enough to bring them into your class. Which none of the students are. Not to mention that Fred and George will only send new copies." Severus just stared at the younger man, a look of anger plastered on his face. Harry noticed and shrugged. "It shouldn't bother you, Snape. After all I'm the only one with enough bloody guts to insult you to your face."  
  
"Because you are old enough to make your own decisions." Severus said, returning to the previous conversation.  
  
The sudden change of topic appeared to throw Harry off for a moment. "And if I make the decision to insult you and make you miserable?"  
  
"I know that you are doing so because you feel like I deserve it, and that you are doing it on your own accord and not because someone put you up to it."  
  
"You have an awful lot of faith in me. How do you know that Sirius isn't rewarding me every time I insult you successfully?"  
  
"That does sound like something your godfather would do. But I doubt it. I would appreciate being told the reason for your sudden hostility toward me, however. You have been tolerable company this summer. Today though, you seem to be in a perpetually disgruntled mood."  
  
Harry shrugged, twisting to land on his stomach with his head propped up on his hands next to Severus' knee. Severus caught himself wondering just how limber Harry was. Shaking himself, he looked down at the young man who was pressed up against the side of his leg.  
  
"I don't want anyone to have faith in me." The comment was whispered but Severus caught it anyway. Shifting to put a small amount of distance between them, he asked his question.  
  
"What's wrong with people having faith in you, Harry?"  
  
Harry sat up and moved to sit on the edge of Severus' bed facing him. Severus raised an eyebrow at the boy's restlessness. "Because I'll end up letting someone down. I won't be what everyone expects me to be."  
  
Severus looked beneath the surface to see the true demeanor of the young Potter. What he saw shocked him. It was that of someone who was already defeated. "And what does everyone expect of you?"  
  
"To be a bloody Gryffindor all the time." Harry looked away from the other man and toward the closed door of the bedroom.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I'm starting to see that I'm really not the true Gryffindor that everyone thinks I am. The more I look at myself, the more I see qualities that are distinctly not Gryffindor in nature."  
  
Severus had noticed those qualities ages ago. The young man's ability to totally disappear in the shadows, his ability to be ignored, the cunning he showed in given situations. The boy had a head on his shoulders, whether or not Severus wanted to admit it. The one real Slytherin trait that was missing was ambition. All these were hidden behind one of his Gryffindor qualities, his foolhardy Gryffindor courage. No one even tried to look behind that facet of Harry's personality to see the rest. "Your Slytherin qualities." It was a statement, not a question, and Harry turned his head to look at the other's face.  
  
"You knew? That the hat tried to put me in Slytherin?"  
  
"I thank it everyday that it did not. A born Lion among the House of Snakes. I just wouldn't be able to bear it. I'd have stepped down as Head of Slytherin."  
  
A smirk crossed Harry's features. "No, you wouldn't have. You're forgetting that you have the full range of Slytherin qualities, including the ability to adapt. You'd have learned to live with me."  
  
The ability to adapt. Harry had it too, and it was one of his more prominent qualities. No matter what anyone threw at the boy Severus knew that he would adapt to the situation and emerge from it relatively unscathed. "Granted. Although I'm still happy I never had to adapt to such a situation. I might never have recovered." Severus looked at the young man who had once again stood and moved over to the window, which was shuttered from prying eyes. "Why does it matter if you let others down? As long as you don't let yourself down."  
  
Harry turned and leaned against the sill. "In this I am Gryffindor and not Slytherin. A Slytherin looks out for their own interests over that of others. A Gryffindor looks out for others' over their own. You're similar in this regard, Severus." Severus didn't respond and Harry continued. "I can acknowledge that I have the qualities of both Houses in me. Personally, I don't want to choose. I'd rather be Houseless then to be qualified as a quintessential anything. I know that people expect me to pick, and they all expect me to pick Gryffindor. How can I be either one or another when I can see both?"  
  
Severus stood and went to stand over the younger man. Harry was short for his age and probably wouldn't grow all that much more over the next few years, keeping his seeker's body. While his male classmates would shoot up in size he would clearly remain just shy of six foot. Severus stood at six foot three and appreciated the height advantage. He took the younger man's chin with his hand, lightly grasping it with his fingers to tilt it up slightly, and looked down at the youthful face. Harry's eyes were opened and his lips were just parted. Looking at the young man in front of him he could see how the face would change from its youthful beautiful lines into the harder but yet still stunning face of an older man.  
  
"You are neither, and you are both. The answer to your question lies inside of you. Be whatever your heart tells you to be." The statement that Severus had originally intended to deliver in an abrupt, brusque tone came out as a whisper.  
  
Harry closed his eyes and sighed, as Severus moved his hand from Harry's chin, down his throat, and to his shoulder. Just before he was about to pull his hand away, Harry placed his own over it to keep it there. "And therein lies the problem. I want to be free to be myself, but I know that some people that I hold close won't accept such a thing. I want to be free to be friends with whom I choose." Severus never took his eyes off the other man. He watched as the green eyes slowly opened and looked not at him, but into him. "I want to be free to love where my heart leads."  
  
Severus did pull away his hand at that, and Harry let him. Taking a deep breath hoping that this wasn't going where he thought he was, he told Harry his honest opinion. "Then do so. Don't let anyone stop you."  
  
"I wish it was that easy. Because my heart says that I'm in love with you. But you are the one that is out to stop me." Harry moved his gaze from Severus' face and toward the ground.  
  
Severus was wondering if he himself would have the courage to say such a thing when rejection was expected. He doubted it. Severus started to back away from the young man but stopped. He was just the object of a misplaced infatuation. Harry would come to understand that and move on. If Severus was honest with himself, he would have to admit that he wanted to get to know Harry, and that scared him. He had never wanted to get to know anyone before. After all, getting to know another person without an obvious reason or advantage was not the sort of thing that he did. Severus did step back, finally, and he saw the shoulders sag down further.  
  
"See I'm right." And with that said, Harry lifted his head, set his shoulders and returned to being the obnoxious brat that Severus was used to seeing. Harry made to move past him, but Severus grabbed his arm.  
  
"You should know that as far as I am concerned you are never right, Potter." Severus twisted the young boy to face him and looked down into eyes that held not a single iota of defiance.   
  
"I'm not?" Harry didn't move in any fashion, not relaxing and not tensing in the grip that held him. Severus would almost say his posture was accepting. Accepting of whatever Severus decided to do.  
  
"No." And with that Severus did what he had never thought he would. He placed his lips upon Harry's and kissed him. And as Harry opened his mouth under his, he felt a spark pass between them, something that he had never experienced with another person. And he knew that if he were to push away Harry and never kiss him again, he still would never experience that spark between two people again in his lifetime.  
When the kiss ended and he pulled away, he looked at Harry and saw those eyes look back at him. There wasn't triumph there, as he had expected to see, just a simple contentment. Severus had a feeling that a similar emotion was reflected in his eyes, and he knew that there really was no going back. Even if nothing happened between them. Although the thought of something happening wasn't nearly as daunting as it was before. Harry began to turn away and Severus stopped him by resting his hand against the other's cheek. "I won't reject you, at least not now. But then again I'm not giving into you either."  
  
Harry nodded at the statement. "A typical Slytherin thing to say." And Severus leaned down again to capture those lips with his one more time.  
  
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	16. Chapter Fifteen: Descent Into Madness

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past, i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg.  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: here, my site, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my author profile page  
  
Huge, huge thanks to my beta Isis.  
  
Thank You to everyone who reviewed and supplied feedback.  
  
A/N: This is an NC-17 chapter. For the complete chapter please visit my webpage or the SnapexHarryML. My former offer also stands. I will email the version if requested.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
Chapter Fifteen: Descent Into Madness  
  
*The Past*  
  
The quick succession of knocks sounded on his door again. Harry glared at the door before standing up from his seat by the fire where he had been reading. He set the book down on the armrest of his chair at the interruption. He hadn't had much time to devote to the book that Draco had brought him back in November; it was now April, and he had only gotten a quarter of the way through it. Muttering the blank page spell in case it was someone that he couldn't just get rid of, he made his way over to the door. Just as he got there the sharp knock sounded again. This was really getting annoying. Opening the door he prepared to deliver his most scathing retort. A far cry from the ones Severus issued, but he didn't have nearly as much practice. The words caught in his throat as a most unlikely sight greeted him.  
  
Standing in his doorway were Sirius and Severus. Severus' hair was red. A deep burgundy red. Even odder than that, was the fact that the two men were *not* arguing with each other. Harry just stood in the doorway, blinking.  
  
"Gonna move?" Sirius had a wide grin on his face. "McGonagall told me you were down here."  
  
"I assume she met up with 'Mr. Blake Hearst' again?" Shaking himself out of his momentary shock, Harry moved away from the door and allowed the two men to enter. They brushed past him and Harry shut the door. "You haven't killed each other yet?"  
  
"Yes. We had a lovely conversation. And I know it's a miracle." Sirius looked over at Severus and smirked. "Don't you think that Snape looks horrible as a redhead?"  
  
Harry looked at Severus and the older man stared right back at him, straight in the eyes. Harry quickly looked away and turned back to his godfather. "I just don't know. Definitely not what I was expecting to see. How did you get away with doing that?" Harry turned to Severus. "You didn't curse him into oblivion?"  
  
Severus didn't respond. He looked as if he was weighing the merit of the suggestion.  
  
Sirius looked at Severus before returning his attention to Harry. "Very funny, Harry. Actually I'm not even supposed to be here since I came last time. Albus wanted to send Severus, and for some reason Severus invited me to come along. I agreed, on the condition that he allowed me to put him under a disguise spell." The smirk that crossed Sirius' face was pure evil.  
  
Harry paled at the information. Severus didn't want to see him alone. Of course, Severus knew what had happened since he had already lived it and now wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. "Really? Seems very unSeverus like." Harry schooled his voice into what he hoped was a steady, indifferent tone.   
  
"I know I was surprised that he asked me to tag along too. One would think that he would want to do whatever you two normally do." Sirius was, as usual, obliquely referring to their relationship. He would never say right out that Harry was with Severus. "But when I asked, all he said was that he didn't want--" Severus pointedly walked over Sirius' foot on his way to the liquor cabinet. "Greasy git. Anyway as I was saying when I asked-"  
  
"Give it up, Sirius. I'm sure that it really isn't important. I'm glad to see you again. Anything interesting happen?"   
  
Harry tuned out his godfather after a few words into the whole, 'Have to get Harry the potions before Albus finds out story', instead falling into his own thoughts. He was pretty sure that Sirius was going to say something, like how Severus didn't want to be alone with him, or didn't really want to go see him. He sighed as he realized he was becoming positively melancholy. A finger tapped his shoulder and Harry turned to look at Severus. He was holding out a tumbler.   
  
Harry took it and stared at the contents. Scotch. Not Brandy. Not *their* drink. He looked up so he could look at Severus but the other man had moved away to the chair that Harry had previously occupied, on the other side of the room. Harry let out a sigh and turned, so he could cast locking and silencing charms before looking at his godfather.  
  
"Well Siri, since I doubt anything of serious import has happened since I last saw you, what does Albus want to know?"  
  
Sirius moved to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a glass of scotch. He glared at Severus. "You could have poured me one. It wouldn't have killed you." Severus' response was just a shrug. "He hasn't said a word since we got here. I think he's trying to be difficult. What do you think, Harry?"  
  
"Severus is always difficult." Harry rotated the glass in his hands before raising it to his lips to take a swallow. "It's just the way he is, but you know that. After all, you went to school with him." Harry sat on the couch and Sirius followed suit.  
  
Getting down to business, Sirius squared his shoulders and looked at the younger man. "Albus wants to know the usual. Personally, I don't see the point. Everyone knows that you're going to do your job."  
  
Harry sighed again and looked at the ceiling. He couldn't seem to focus on the conversation very well. His mind was elsewhere. He wanted to talk to Severus alone, but at the same time he didn't. Sirius' presence kept any private conversation between the two of them from happening anyway. Harry was almost positive that was the reason behind Severus bringing Sirius along. The two men usually couldn't stand each other, yet they had come together. Harry wanted to ask if he was right, but knew there was no use. Severus wouldn't tell him and Sirius was probably clueless as usual.  
  
Harry did the only thing that he could: he reported on his mission. "As I told Draco, the hit on Harold Potter was accomplished by Voldemort. It did cause the order to trust my translation more, at least to a point." Harry's voice was cold and indifferent. He was so use to reporting such things that they no longer fazed him. "All the attacks that I have uncovered since have been stopped successfully by either the Order, or by members of the Ministry acting on anonymous tips from the Order. The counter actions are so well coordinated that it doesn't even seem that anyone knows what's going to happen before it does, except the opposition. Of the four attacks that I translated only one wasn't carried out."  
  
Sirius yawned. "It figures. Cut and dried as usual."  
  
"Simple minded as always, Black." It was the first time that Severus had spoken all evening. "What had always appeared to be random attacks were actually strategic moves, planned months if not years into the future. It's like a chess match. Right now we are successfully blocking moves. Having Harry here gave us the edge that we needed to win the first time around."   
  
Sirius looked affronted. "Greasy git. What do you see in this jerk anyways, Harry?"  
  
Now that Severus had gotten over his no-talking hurdle the floodgates opened. "Curbing your tongue, Black? Or you just can't come up with anything more intelligent to say?"  
  
"Do I look like I want to irritate my godson?"  
  
"That has never stopped you before. Personally I'm amazed to see you act with any sort of forethought to your actions."  
  
"Sev, stop baiting Sirius. You know that he'll fall for it. He always does. And this time I'm not going to get mad at him if you induce him into insulting you on purpose."  
  
"But it's so much fun to watch you beat your godmutt to a bloody pulp during one of your 'practice' matches."  
  
Sirius' eyes lit up in anticipation. "That's what we haven't done in a while Harry. Practice Match." Sirius smiled a feral smile at Harry.  
  
Harry turned his gaze from his godfather to Severus. The smirk that was on his lover's face gave away the fact that things were falling right into place into Severus' scheme. "It there a reason that you want me to beat up my godfather, Severus?"  
  
"Since when have I ever had a reason for wanting to see your godmutt flattened? But if you need one, I do have one. We can't let all your musculature deteriorate, now, can we?" Severus responded, while examining his nails in casual indifference.  
  
"Hmm. Perhaps." Harry continued to take leisurely swallows of his scotch while Sirius downed the rest of his, jumped up and started to stretch out his arms.  
  
"Come on, Harry. Need to make sure that you still know how to wield those knives."  
  
Harry shrugged once before downing his scotch and standing up. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea; after all, this way he wouldn't be thinking about where his relationship had gone wrong, if in fact it had gone wrong. Because he didn't know what Severus was thinking and that made him wonder what he was thinking. And if he would ever find out.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Severus watched Harry from the relative safety of his chair. All other furniture had been shrunk and banished to the other side of the room. The two men removed their shirts and stretched; Severus appreciated the view of the play of the muscles under his young lover's skin.   
  
After knowing Harry for as long and as intimately as he had, he could see the telltale signs of stress permeating Harry's stance and attitude. Harry had been unusually snappy; it had been remarkably easy for Severus to bait the younger man into fighting Black. Usually it was harder to get to Harry. Oh, Severus knew how to get under Harry's skin, but it expended way too much energy. Draco had an easier time of it simply because Harry allowed it. Harry had told Severus once that it was because he found sparring with someone of a similar build as himself, such as Draco, 'relaxing'. Of course, Harry knew that he couldn't allow himself the pleasure of thinking that his opponents would have a similar build to him -- in fact, very few had -- so when sparring against someone else, he tended to choose radically different body types. That was the reason that fighting Severus or Black was 'taxing'. Black was had a stocky, tall build, he had pure weight on his size. Severus on the other hand had reach. So, when Harry was stressed he tended to avoid sparring with the two older men.  
  
Severus shook himself out of his thoughts and looked back at the two men, who were facing each other. His gaze passed over the various weapons that each one carried at all times, not even taking them into account. Instead he looked at their demeanors. Knowing how each man fought was a personal advantage. Severus knew that Harry would win even before the match started. Black had assumed his normal practice match posture, loose and relaxed, whereas Harry had set himself up in an almost battle-ready stance. His muscles were compressed and a tense; he was ready to spring.  
  
And spring he did. Harry leapt at Sirius, shouting the obligatory childish insults, and almost landed a downward slash on Sirius' arm.  
  
"Getting slow, old man?"  
  
"Who're you calling slow, boy?"  
  
"But you admit you're old?"  
  
More insults in a similar vein would follow. Things were going exactly how Severus had planned it. While Harry was busy fighting Sirius, Severus could think about his bonded, and the current situation they found themselves in, without anyone, especially Harry, the wiser. The two men would ignore him as they attempted to cut each other to ribbons. And if Harry was ignoring him, he could avoid the conversation he just knew was going to happen.  
  
Severus lifted the tumbler of scotch to his lips as he thought about the problem that had eaten at him since he had discovered that his bonded and his sixth year Defense teacher were the same man.   
  
Severus had denied the fact that Harry was 'Octavian' for as long as possible. Eventually, however, he reached the point that he couldn't deny it any longer. It had hit him hard. He hadn't wanted Harry to be 'Octavian', because if he was Octavian then that meant *Harry* and his younger self had been involved. Severus had, almost immediately, taken that thought and shoved it behind a door in his mind. It had only escaped to plague him a few times since.  
  
This line of thought had taken many forms. It's latest a question: why would Harry do something so wrong? Severus would never take another lover, but that was exactly what Harry had done.   
  
Severus would never say certain things aloud, but he could admit them to himself; not always easily, but he could. And one thing he knew was that he loved Harry. Granted, Harry was much freer with such words then he was, but it didn't mean that Severus didn't return the sentiment. He just didn't express it nearly as often. He knew that Harry knew how he felt. After all, he had told Harry, once. It had been approximately five years ago, but that didn't make the statement any less true.  
  
Severus turned his attention to the two fighters, hoping to shake away the morose thoughts. Neither had managed to cut the other. The verbal jabs the two men were throwing at each other, however, we progressing. They had become rather crude, but such a turn was to be expected. The insults always started to deteriorate after a while.  
  
"So, Sirius, did you find your mate last time you were in your animagus form?"  
  
"Well there was this poodle…"  
  
"That's sick."  
  
"You asked."  
  
Severus blocked out the sound of the two men and returned his thoughts inward, looking at his Harry tackling his godfather but not actually registering it.  
  
Why did Harry take his younger self as a lover? True, when he was younger, he had shamelessly taken advantage of the fact that 'Professor Tyler' was drunk. What bothered Severus was that he knew Harry well enough to know that Harry had never and would never be drunk enough to just have sex with another person. Harry and Draco had gotten drunk together numerous times, even passing out in one or the other's room, but they'd never done anything. Severus knew that Draco found Harry attractive. And Harry even acknowledged that Draco was striking. Harry had gotten as good as Severus when it came to controlling himself.  
  
Severus reached out for the bottle of scotch and poured himself another portion then downed it in a single gulp. Harry was his. Not his younger self's. Was Harry sleeping with his younger self the same as Harry carrying on an affair with another person? For all of his intelligence, Severus couldn't wrap his mind around the question enough to come to an answer. And what he wanted to know more than anything was Harry's reasons for his actions.  
  
This wasn't a conversation that Severus could have with Harry at this time. It would end up in a fight. A very loud fight. Severus knew that given the situation and the problem, he should just leave and let Harry stew. He knew that he couldn't do that though. Ultimately it would hurt Harry, and if Harry was hurt, who knew what would change?   
  
In order to keep the timeline in balance, time travelers needed to walk a precarious path. This task was Harry's, as well as, to a point, the task of those who visited him. This was why Harry was not allowed to know the events that would occur in the past - his future as Tyler. Severus had wanted nothing more than to change it. He wanted to tell Harry everything that had happened between himself and his former teacher. He had been overcome with a desperate desire to change the past -- and ultimately his future. Until he thought about what it would mean: changing the past, and the future, could cause him to lose Harry.  
  
After a long debate with himself over the idea, Severus decided that nothing would be worth the risk. He loved Harry more than anything. So he stayed silent about the past, never breathing a word. But now his anger at the situation, his lover, and himself was leading to the disruption of this careful balance. He wanted nothing more than to have the row that he knew was coming with Harry.  
  
But he stopped himself, because when it came down to it, Severus knew Harry's personality and reactions. He knew how Harry would react to a fight. It was obvious that the younger man was unsure about Severus' reaction. He knew that Harry needed some sort of reassurance, reassurance that Severus couldn't offer him right now.   
  
The easiest thing for Severus to do would be to avoid all visits. He'd let Black or Draco go back. Albus, however, had other plans -- the meddling old fool!  
  
Thoughts of his past relationship with 'Professor Tyler' had led Severus to thoughts about his younger self. What could Harry have possibly seen in him as a younger boy? He had been a spoiled know-it-all, nearly as bad as Draco and Granger combined. He hadn't been as spoiled as James Potter, but nonetheless his Grandfather had given him anything he had wanted. Yes, he had to admit that he had been weak as a child. Harry wasn't attracted to weak individuals; all of his close friends were strong-willed and could think for themselves, whether or not Severus wanted to admit to such. So what had possessed Harry?  
  
When he turned his thoughts to his days as a student under 'Octavian Tyler', images and memories came flooding back. Images and memories that he didn't want to contemplate. He clutched the glass in his hand tighter and tried to banish the thoughts, wanting to think about anything else. Anything other than his younger self sleeping with Harry.   
  
Harry was his. As an adult Severus had fought to keep the young man safe. He had fought to be with him as both lover and friend. He had fought for Harry because he loved him. Harry was *his* and his younger self had done nothing, nothing to deserve Harry.   
  
Severus was jerked out of his thoughts by a sharp, stinging pain lancing through his hand.  
  
"Severus," Harry's voice was firm and pulled Severus' attention to him. "Are you all right?" He looked at Harry, who had a worried look in his eyes. "Did you cut your hand when the glass shattered?" That was when it finally hit him what had happened. In his anger, he had squeezed until he shattered the glass in his hand. Looking down, he saw multiple cuts crossing his palm.  
  
He looked back up at Harry, schooling his face into an impassive mask. "There were no cuts, Harry. I'm fine." Severus clenched his fist. "If you two have finished your little fight, I suggest that Black and I be on our way." Taking out his wand, Severus muttered a spell, and the glass shards were no more. Then with another wave, he undid the spell that had shrunk the furniture and banished it, pulling the pieces back to their proper places in the room.  
  
Severus stood and made his way over to where the two men were standing. Sirius was putting his shirt back on and putting his weapons back into their proper hiding places. Harry, on the other hand, was just staring at him.  
  
Severus narrowed his eyes. "Something wrong?"  
  
"No." Shaking his head, Harry turned away and moved to the door.  
  
"Harry, we're going to leave from here." Sirius stepped in front of Harry. Sirius' eyes were slightly narrowed and he was looking back and forth between Severus and Harry. They had both noticed that Severus had been lost in his own thoughts for quite a long time. Harry knew he had been a little hard on Sirius during their match. Sirius had had quite a hard time defending against him. Harry could practically see the gears turning in his godfather's head, piecing the puzzle together, coming to the conclusion that all was not right with his godson and Severus. "Of course if you two need a minute, well…" Severus' glare cut him off. Not that that stopped Sirius. "I think that I need to use the facilities. Through the bedroom right, Harry?" Harry just nodded in affirmation. He followed Sirius' exit with his eyes before turning to Severus.  
  
"Sev?"  
  
"No. We are not having this conversation now. It will wait until you come back. We can't have this conversation now." Turning his head to the bedroom door Severus raised his voice. "Black, quit eavesdropping. We're going."  
  
Sirius exited, looking sheepishly at Harry, and walked over to Severus, pulling the chain of the timeturner from beneath his shirt on the way. Handing a length of chain to Severus so the other man could put it around his neck also, Sirius took out his wand and prepared to speak the incantation that would take then back to the proper time.   
  
After the two men disappeared, Harry sat on the couch, summoning the bottle of scotch and his glass. He thought of the look on Severus' face, the impassive mask that Severus had quickly put up. But he hadn't put it up quickly enough. Harry had glimpsed the myriad of emotions that were in Severus' eyes before they dulled to hide those emotions. That one glance had told Harry everything that he needed to know. Severus was hurt. Hurt and extremely angry. And Harry knew that it was his fault.   
  
Downing the glass he had poured himself, he realized he had a long night ahead of him. He doubted that he would be getting any sleep. He poured himself another glass and quickly drank it too, already planning on drowning his problems with Severus… forgetting that a similar action had led to those problems in the first place.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
A sharp knock on the door startled Harry from his sprawled-out position in front of the fire. A chill swept through his body. Harry just knew he didn't like what was coming, but he forced himself up off of the floor to go and answer the door.   
  
Seeing the last person in the world that he wanted to see made Harry slam the door. He glared at the door and waited for the pounding to resume. He knew he wouldn't be getting rid of the young Severus Snape that easily. Once the pounding started again he moved back to open the door. No matter how much he wished otherwise, the face that looked at him was a younger version of that which belonged to his lover.  
  
"Go away, Mr. Snape. I'm in no fit state to entertain today."  
  
"You look perfectly fit to me, Professor."  
  
Harry narrowed his eyes at his student. "I thought I had told you to stay far away from me."  
  
"You did, Professor, but I just couldn't stay away. I really wanted to talk to you about what happened between us."  
  
Harry was still blocking the doorway; he had no intention of letting the brat into his private rooms again. "Then it's too bad that I don't want to talk about it. Be on your way, Mr. Snape. I do not desire to be in your presence."  
  
Severus edged closer to his teacher, causing Professor Tyler to take a step back. He used the opportunity to duck underneath his teacher's arm and into the rooms. Looking around, he noticed that the furniture had been moved around. He also noticed the two glasses on the table. He wondered if one of the people that he heard had visited might have been the man he had seen Professor Tyler with in the hallway, the man he suspected was his professor's lover. Shaking off the thought, Severus turned around. That wasn't why he was there.  
  
Still standing by the doorway was his Defense Professor. He was shirtless, and Severus wished Professor Tyler taught Defense dressed that way. It was quite a delicious sight. The last time he had seen Professor Tyler without his shirt on, it had been too dark to see anything. Now Severus could see the multitude of scars that covered his upper torso, some of which weren't very nice-looking at all. Especially the one on his upper chest, not far below his right nipple, where the letters 'TMR' had been carved into his chest. Severus felt a shudder run up his spine.  
  
Octavian was glaring at him. "What do you think that you are doing, Mr. Snape?"  
  
"I came for a visit. You don't look all that steady, Professor. Why don't you let me help you to lie down?" Severus made his way over to Professor Tyler and rested his hand on his arm. Professor Tyler only flinched slightly. "I know that you're mad at me. I was hoping that I could change that." Looking at his professor's face, Severus adopted what he hoped would be a believable apologetic countenance. "I don't want you to be mad at me."  
  
"Then go away."  
  
"I can't. Please, Octavian. Just sit down."  
  
Octavian narrowed his eyes again at the use of his name, but he didn't move. Instead he tried to move his arm out from under Severus' grasp. The jerky movement caused him to stumble backwards. "Bloody alcohol. I'm never drinking again."   
  
Severus grabbed him before he fell. The look of gratefulness vanished quickly from Octavian's face after Severus' mouth covered his in a demanding kiss. A moment later he was released. "I'm going to hell."  
  
"Then I'll go with you."  
  
"Get out." Octavian's voice was deadly quiet.  
  
"No. You know that you want this as much as I do." Neither knew who started the bruising kiss. Neither cared.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*// … So you see, both of us wanted this. You can't deny it, Octavian. Don't try. This time I get the last word.  
  
Severus Snape//*  
  
Harry tossed the small piece of parchment into the fire. The bastard had left while he slept, while he slept, so he wouldn't have to deal with an angry professor. He was going to make Severus' life hell. He really was.   
  
But he couldn't be too angry with him. As an adult, Severus was manipulative. He could usually manage to get what he wanted from anyone, excepting Dumbledore and Voldemort, and, sometimes, Harry. Clearly, Severus had been no different as a young man.  
  
That was why Harry's real anger and disappointment were with himself. He knew what Severus was like, yet he still had allowed himself to be manipulated.  
  
Godforsaken alcohol. It was more trouble than it was worth.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*The Future: Harry's Seventh Year*  
  
Harry dropped his head down onto his worktable as soon as he sat down for potions class. He didn't lift his head as Severus stormed into the room in his typically overly dramatic style. Usually Harry would show more respect, but today he didn't care. He didn't know how to make himself care.  
  
The night before, Harry had woken up shortly after going to sleep, when his scar started sending shooting pains through his head. From experience he knew that pain relieving potions or charms wouldn't work. The pain was as much a part of him as his scar. Whoever Voldemort had tortured the night before, Voldemort wanted Harry to know about it.   
  
But lack of sleep wasn't what had made Harry's head fall to his desk and not rise; after all, Harry was used to not sleeping. Pain from his scar was rather routine. What made Harry lose the concentration that he needed to get through days such as this was the information that Dumbledore had just given him.   
  
Right before class, Dumbledore had taken Harry aside to bring him up to date about the situation with his godfather. Sirius had gone missing a month earlier. No one in the Order had seen him, and Harry was worried. A couple of weeks earlier the Order had decided to send Remus to look for him; they had lost contact with him too.   
  
The news was that last night Severus had been called. He had returned with information concerning his godfather and Remus. Severus had told Dumbledore that Voldemort had somehow found both Sirius and Remus, and had handed them over to his loyal Death Eaters. For entertainment. The only reason that they had escaped was because of the full moon. No one had wanted to step in front of a growling werewolf. Sirius had transformed and the two took off, but were once again missing, probably hurt, and at the moment Dumbledore had no one available to send to look for them. Not that they knew where to look. The Death Eater meeting had once again been held at an unplottable and non-distinctive location.  
  
The final straw had been Dumbledore's refusal to update Harry on his 'mentor's' condition. Harry knew that it was pointless trying to figure out how badly Severus had been tortured, if at all, the night before. Severus always kept his walls firmly in place while in public.  
  
Another sharp pain shot down his spine from his scar, but Harry lacked the energy to even move his hand to his head. He just kept his head down, feverishly wondering how something could hurt so much without showing the least bit externally. He almost groaned, but knew better than to draw even more attention to himself.  
  
Harry's short reprieve was cut even shorter. Any hope that Severus would go easy on him for the class period was dashed as soon as 'Professor Snape' opened his mouth.  
  
"Mr. Potter, I will not have obvious acts of inattention carried out in my class. If you cannot stay awake during classes then I suggest that during the night you partake in what us mere mortals call sleep."   
  
It wasn't so much what Severus said, more so the tone that he had used. Harry had become quite capable at reading the subtle nuances in Severus' voice, and today his voice contained the sound of loathing Harry hadn't heard for quite some time. Harry dragged his head up and looked toward the potions master. Cold eyes narrowed at him, and Harry flinched back as if he had been slapped. He didn't understand the mood that Severus was in, and decided that it might be best to rally whatever strength he could gather, and be as attentive as possible for the remainder of the class. Harry's resolve to pay attention during the class was short lived, however. Soon Harry's head was once again drooping down, due to both the lack of sleep, and the migraine that was made worse by the noise of both students and clinking vials.  
  
"Mr. Potter! I know that you haven't had the most inspiring of influences in your life. A 'father' that's nothing more than a lazy, good-for-nothing, cursed individual, no better than a rabid mutt, and an uncle who cannot control his impulses and most likely belongs locked up in a muggle zoo, since that is the only place that he could possibly benefit society. Considering who you are, one should be able to expect better than that. Since you obviously have no brain and can therefore not perform the simplest task, you could at least *stay awake*!"  
  
Harry had gone even paler then he was by midway through Severus' lecture. The majority of the class had no clue as to what Severus had meant, but there were four individuals who did: Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco. To these students, it was obvious that Severus was not talking about James Potter and Vernon Dursley like the rest of the class thought, but was in fact talking about Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.  
  
Draco was as surprised as Harry. Ron and Hermione still expected Snape to say such things to Harry, but Draco knew better. He had interrupted their mentor-mentee discussions enough to know that Harry and Snape got along a lot better then either let on. When Dumbledore had made Sirius Draco's mentor, Draco had learned a lot about the former escaped convict, and one of the things that he had realized was just how important Sirius and Harry were to each other. If he knew that, then Snape had to have known. But Severus had been purposely callous towards Harry, and it was obvious that the 'Boy-Who-Lived' was already having a horrible day.  
  
Harry could barely think. He knew what Severus was saying, but he didn't know why. Severus had stopped insulting Harry's family when he discovered just how much it hurt him. Why would his *lover* do such a thing? It was one thing to insult the Dursleys and even James Potter, but Sirius and Remus were his only family now. Now Severus was being deliberately cruel again. Harry desperately wanted to hit him.  
  
The entire class was waiting with bated breath for what they were sure would be the blow-up of the century. They were all shocked when it didn't happen. Instead of the expected screaming match, they watched as Harry silently gathered his books and stood. Not quite being able to keep his balance, due to the pain from his scar, he stumbled out of the room. Quite a few of the students saw the tears on his cheeks, although they didn't quite understand their cause. Those that did, glared at the potions master who was looking at the open door with narrowed eyes.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Hours later, Ron and Hermione were sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall eating dinner. No one had seen Harry since the potions class, and his two friends were beginning to become worried, since they didn't know where they could find Harry. They thought that he might be in the Order training areas, but neither of them had the passwords to get there. The only other student besides Harry that had those passwords was Malfoy, and neither had any intention of talking to the Slytherin. So instead, the two poked at their dinner, and kept glancing at the entrance to the Great Hall, hoping to see their friend walk through the doors.  
  
At the Slytherin table, Draco was also poking and pushing his food around on his plate. Dumbledore had called him to his office shortly after classes to inform him that his mentor was still missing. He now understood why Harry was more upset with Severus than usual. Granted, the two bickered and sniped and greatly disliked each other, but Draco was almost positive that they had come to mutually respect each other. His gaze wandered over to the Gryffindor table. After leaving Dumbledore's office, he had gone straight down to the training rooms to see if Harry had gone there. There was no sign of him. Looking at the 'Golden Boy's' two friends made him wonder if he was up in Gryffindor Tower. A friendship of sorts was forming between the two of them, and Draco had gotten to the point that he knew he could talk to Harry and trust him not to betray anything that was said. And right now Draco desperately wanted someone to talk to about his missing mentor. Deciding to make the first move, he stood up and headed over to the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Weasley, Granger." The two seventh years turned around to look at the blond that was now standing behind them. They didn't answer; they just stared. Draco pressed on. "Have you seen Potter around?"  
  
"Why would you care, ferret?" The red-headed boy narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. Many of the surrounding Gryffindors were nodding their agreement to the treatment of the Slytherin.  
  
"Just wondering. I had something to talk to him about." Telling the truth to Gryffindors was the worst thing that Draco could think of.  
  
"Well, just leave him alone. He doesn't need the likes of you making his life any more difficult." Granger spoke and then turned back to her dinner, studiously avoiding Malfoy.  
  
"Malfoy!" Draco turned to see Harry making his way toward him. Ron and Hermione also looked up at the approach of their friend.  
  
"Just wondering where you had gone off and hid, Potter." Draco looked closely at the other boy's face. He could still see signs of strain around the eyes, and his lips were pulled a little tight in pain. But his eyes weren't quite as dull, and he had his usual smile back in place.  
  
"Yes, Harry, where did you disappear to all day?" Hermione had stood up and wrapped her arms around Harry in a hug, which he gladly returned.  
  
"I spent the day visiting Hagrid. He's still recovering from that bite of that sick acromantacula. We talked for a while. I slept. And I didn't wake up. But the best part happened right before I came here." Harry looked quickly at Draco, then back to his friends. "My dog, Snuffles, showed up. Professor Lupin found him wandering around the forbidden forest. They showed up at Hagrid's hut. I'll get to see him after I eat dinner, he's down in Professor Lupin's rooms." Turning to look at Draco he gave a half smile before continuing. Putting on his best sneer he started talking. "What are you doing here, Malfoy? I hope that you aren't bugging my friends."  
  
"Why would I bother?" Draco raised a single eyebrow. "Catch you around, Potter." Draco turned on his heel and made for the exit. Harry got a feeling that as soon as he was out of sight Draco was going to break into a run. Harry understood that everyone needed someone to talk to. Someone that understood them. Amazingly, Draco had found that in Harry's godfather, and he wasn't going to get in the way of that. Draco was having a hard time this year since he had been branded a turncoat by most of his house, and Sirius knew what he was going through.   
  
Harry looked up at the head table where the teachers were still eating dinner. His gaze fell on Severus. Harry had thought that in Severus he had found someone who understood him, but now he wasn't so sure. He had seen Severus right before lunch and had received a thorough dressing down from him, and all Harry had done was ask what was wrong. Severus had glared at him and stormed out of the room afterward. Harry had returned to visit Hagrid again.   
  
He watched as Severus turned to meet his gaze. A single elegant black eyebrow raised in a silent question, as if saying, "What the hell do you want, Potter?" Harry quickly turned away and looked at his friends.  
  
Ron and Hermione were staring at Harry with obvious concern in their eyes. "All right, mate?" Ron had started to pile several helpings of the various dishes onto a plate for Harry. "Eat up, Harry. Mum would have my head if I didn't make sure that you ate."  
  
Harry rubbed at his sore head before shaking his head at Ron. "Sorry, Ron. I'm still not feeling too well. I think that I'm going to go up to the dormitory to sleep some more. I really need to catch up." Sparing one last glance at the Head Table and his lover, Harry turned and made his way to Gryffindor tower, where he fell into a fitful night's sleep.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"No, Harry, don't throw your weight. For that type of cut you want to use just your arm and wrist. Draco, if you keep moving away like that and don't put your weight down on your feet properly, Harry's going to knock you over and you won't know what hit you." Sirius Black was leaning against the wall on the far side of the circular room, looking at his two protégés as they faced off in a sparring match. They had both come a long way since they had begun their knife lessons with him during the spring of last year. Harry in particular had taken to the use of knives. Draco was almost as good, but he tended to prefer the use of projectiles.  
  
Sirius was in charge of their weapons training, and made it a point to make sure that they had a fair understanding of the variety of weapons they could choose from. Sirius wished that Ron had opted to train with the two boys, since he had a similar build to Sirius, but the other boy had turned down the offer since he wanted to become an auror after graduation. And once you were an auror, Dumbledore wouldn't take you on as an Order member. Something about split loyalty. Sirius knew that joining the Ministry wasn't the same as the Order. There were a few exceptions to this rule, Ron's father being one of them, but they were few and far between.  
  
Harry stepped back from the fight and held up his hand to signal Draco to stop. The other boy just stared.  
  
"What's wrong, Potter? I'm too tough for you?"  
  
"S'not that." Harry rubbed at his head. "Just need to take something before I continue." Harry headed over to the wall where his godfather was standing next to his and Draco's bags. Kneeling, Harry pulled his bag toward him and started rifling through its contents. Sirius left the wall and moved over to Draco, who was stretching out his arms.  
  
"Cramped up?"  
  
"A little." Sirius grabbed one of Draco's arms and started to pull it up and behind the younger man. Draco had his eyes pinned on Harry. As he watched Harry lifted a vial and downed its contents. "What's with him?" Sirius dropped that arm and picked up Draco's other one to repeat the stretch.  
  
"Headaches."  
  
"But potions and charms don't work on headaches caused by his scar."  
  
Finishing the stretch, the two watched Harry as he leaned against the wall, his head pushed against the cool stone as he breathed in deeply and slowly. "Very true, but from what Ron's been telling me, Harry hasn't been sleeping at night. So he's tired and weak. By the time his 'Voldemort' headaches dissipate, a regular headache replaces it; the lack of sleep isn't helping." Sirius stepped away from Draco. "The weird part is that since the beginning of the year Harry's been getting steadily better. Ron thinks it's because Harry has a boyfriend. He hasn't been in bed by curfew most nights. If Harry's exhausted, sometimes he'll sleep through the night. I don't know what to think." Sirius heaved a deep sigh. "But it's gone back to bad, and it's getting steadily worse. Wish I knew how to help."   
  
"What about Severus? Can't he brew up some dreamless sleep potion for Harry to take?"   
  
"It's not dreams keeping Harry awake. It's his link with Voldemort. Sometimes it's visions, sometimes it's just pain. But no matter what it is, dreamless sleep doesn't work. The only thing that does is Draught of Living Death, and Harry has refused to take it, no matter how bad the pain is."  
  
"Because it's so highly addictive?"  
  
"Exactly. So my guess is that Harry's been living off of Pepperup potion and pain numbing draughts." Sirius took a step forward, preparing to head back to his position against the wall. "At the end of the week, I'm pulling him into see Poppy."  
  
A voice broke into their conversation and the two men watched as Harry came back over to join them. "Ready to have your arse pounded into the ground, Malfoy?"  
  
"You couldn't do that if you tried, Potter."  
  
"We'll see. Let's go."  
  
Sirius moved back over to the wall and watched as the two young men used everything that they had learned from him and applied it to fighting each other.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"What are you brewing?" Draco leaned against the worktable that Severus had his ingredients set up on.  
  
"You want to study potions for a living, why don't you tell me."  
  
"Without looking, my guess is pain numbing draught and Pepperup. Am I right?"  
  
"Correct. Poppy said she's been running low. I just made her a batch last month. It should have lasted for three months. Since you're here, you can help. Stir that cauldron over there. Fiftee-"  
  
"I know, Severus, fifteen times counter clockwise and then five times in a figure eight pattern." The potions master just nodded his head, and the two men worked patiently for a few minutes.  
  
"How did you know without examining the ingredients? I doubt that you guessed by smell." Severus looked around his private lab. He had brewed over fifteen potions that day alone. Even he couldn't tell what he was brewing by smell.  
  
"I didn't. I just came from practice with Sirius and Harry. Harry's been downing the stuff for two weeks; he's been in a lot of pain. Do you know anything about it? You're his mentor, after all." Draco watched as the older man tensed. Draco had gotten the feeling that Harry hadn't been going to his meetings with Severus; after all, he would have come across the two of them talking when he visited his Head of House, and he had done so plenty of times since the school year began months ago. "I didn't think so. What's been going on? You and Harry haven't been getting along lately."  
  
"Not that it is any of your business, Draco. Harry has decided that we cannot work together."  
  
"Is it because of what you said?" Severus didn't say anything. "Why did you say those things during potions class two weeks ago? You knew that it would hurt him. I didn't think that you had wanted to do such a thing."  
  
The older man continued to stubbornly remain quiet, but Draco knew that he had gotten his point across. A change of topic wouldn't hurt. "Anyway, Harry is really toning his muscles. I mean, in ways that Quidditch just can't. He's good looking; even I have to admit that. I wouldn't mind having a go with him." Draco looked at Severus with a impish expression.   
  
"He has enough people using him, Draco. He doesn't need to add you to that list. Stay away from Potter."  
  
Draco was taken aback by the sharp tone. Severus had always been prickly, but usually he curbed his tongue around him. "You think I would use Harry?" Severus' lack of faith hurt him. He had known Severus since he was a small child; never had Severus shown a lack of confidence in him. It was as if Severus had always known he would do the right thing. "Why would I hurt a friend? It's not like I have many of those at the moment."  
  
Severus did not look at Draco. "I didn't realize you had become friends with him."  
  
"We're getting there. When he stops calling me Malfoy, I'll know we are."  
  
"And why would he stop calling you that?"  
  
"Because I told him to." Draco sighed and began chopping up one of the ingredients that was out. "That's not the point. I said that I'd *like* to have a go at a relationship with Harry, not that I was going to. I spend enough time around him to know that he's seeing someone." Draco paused in his cutting to think for a moment. "But it doesn't seem that anyone knows who it is. Do you know?"  
  
"And why would I know that?"  
  
"Because you used to talk to him all the time." The cool gaze that Severus gave him caused Draco to turn back to the cauldron and begin stirring it again. "Never mind. I'm sure that if Harry wanted to tell someone, he would have. This potion will be ready to cool in a minute. Do you want me to apply a slow cooling charm?"  
  
"No. It'll be curfew soon. You had better be getting back to your dorm, Draco. I'll finish up here."  
  
Draco finished his stirring and placed the ladle down. Straightening his robes, he turned to the potions master. "Goodnight, Professor."  
  
"Goodnight, Mr. Malfoy." The return to formalities relaxed Severus. As the door to his lab closed behind the young man, Severus frowned. Too many things had disturbed Severus during his chat with Draco. Too many things.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry entered the meeting room and looked around. Only a couple of people were still missing. That meant that the meeting would be postponed for a few more minutes, and Harry would have a chance to talk to the Headmaster. Approaching the older man, Harry waited patiently for him to finish his conversation with Arthur Weasley. He didn't have long to wait.  
  
"Harry, what can I do for you?"  
  
"Headmaster, I wanted to ask if you decided, one way or another, about my request."  
  
The Headmaster took Harry by the elbow and drew him away from the people milling about impatiently for the meeting to start. His voice was low when he addressed Harry. "Harry, I happen to think that you work much better with Severus then you could with another Order member, even Remus."  
  
"I can't work with Severus." Harry pursed his lips. "I just can't, Headmaster."  
  
The Headmaster sighed and looked around the room for someone. Probably Severus. "Harry, there is something that you must understand about your mentor." Harry motioned for him to continue. "Severus is quite defensive at times, and I'm afraid that he takes out his problems on the wrong people at the wrong times." Harry didn't say anything, just waited for the Headmaster to continue. "You understand that Voldemort doesn't always use magical techniques, when torturing a person?"  
  
Sometimes Harry felt that the Headmaster still thought he was incredibly naïve. Of course the Headmaster didn't know that he had seen the scars that covered Severus' body. "He likes to use muggle methods too. Whips, knives, anything that can leave a mark."  
  
"Yes, he does."   
  
Harry waited a moment for the Headmaster to elaborate. That moment never came. "Voldemort tortured Severus that night, before he handed over Sirius and Remus to his Death Eaters as play toys, didn't he?" Harry could tell that Albus didn't want to answer the question. "Why didn't either of you tell me?"  
  
"It didn't concern you, Harry."  
  
Harry just blinked. "Didn't concern me? The welfare of my mentor, my guardian in the Order, didn't concern me?" Of my lover? He silently added. Harry paused and drew in a breath. It wouldn't do at all to get angry. "I cannot work with that man. There is no way. If he doesn't trust me enough to tell me that he's been beaten…" Harry shook his head. "It's impossible, Headmaster." Harry took another deep breath. He had one more thing to say. "Besides which, I can't work with someone, look up to someone, who insults my *family* just because he is having a bad day. Especially when it is done in front of a whole class. I would never treat him that way."  
  
"Harry, I had a long talk with Severus last weekend. He knows that what he did was totally inappropriate. I'm sure that if you talked to him…" Albus trailed off.  
  
"I will not talk to or see Severus until he apologizes for his actions."  
  
A curious look crossed Albus' face. "Harry, Severus can't discuss this with you if you won't meet with him or talk to him."  
  
"Exactly." Harry was about to turn away, but he had one final thing to say. "Headmaster, please think about pairing me up to work with Remus. At least I know that he won't purposely hurt me." He walked away.  
  
After a few more minutes, everyone had arrived, and sat at the long table to discuss events in the war. Harry made sure to sit as far from Severus as possible. The new revelations had heightened Harry's anger at him, and now he didn't want to even look at him. Once the meeting was over, he quickly said goodnight to Sirius, Remus, Albus, and Draco before moving to the door. He hardly noticed the tall, dark shadow that was looming at the exit. Until a hand reach out and grabbed his arm.  
  
"Potter, we need to talk." The silken tones entered his ears.  
  
"I don't think so, Professor. Please let go of my arm."  
  
"No."  
  
Harry turned an angry glare at Severus. "Let go of my arm, Professor. I need to get back up to my dormitory. It's almost curfew, after all."  
  
"Not until you listen to what I have to say, you impertinent brat."  
  
"Your behavior isn't exactly charming me into staying to listen." Harry tried to twist his arm out of the strong grip.  
  
Severus bent his head close to Harry's ear. "Harry, I know that I behaved appallingly. I shall endeavor not to do it again. Come downstairs and we'll talk."  
  
"No."  
  
"Harry. I want to sort this out."  
  
"No. I told the Headmaster that I wouldn't speak to you until you apologized. Now let me go, Professor." Severus dropped the young man's arm. Harry backed away a step.   
  
Still whispering Severus spoke to the young man. "Harry, I'm…"  
  
"You're what? A greasy git. I already knew that." Harry had no intention of making Severus' life easy.  
  
Setting his jaw, Severus took in a deep breath and started over. "I'm ss…"  
  
"A slimy Slytherin? I knew that too."  
"I'm sorry. Is that what you wanted to hear, you obnoxious little monster?"  
  
Harry stared into Severus' eyes and saw that the other man was truly sorry for what had happened. He had just needed to hear the words. But in traditional Slytherin style, he hadn't made it easy for Severus to say them. And he knew that if their positions were reversed Severus would have done the same.   
  
"Yes, Professor. It is." A smirk crossed Harry's features. "I guess that we'll discuss things tomorrow then?"  
  
Straightening his robes, Severus looked down at Harry. "Yes, Potter. We'll discuss things tomorrow."  
  
Harry took a step closer to Severus before whispering, "Goodnight, Sev." He quickly turned and exited the chamber. And Severus knew that all had been forgiven.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* 


	17. Chapter Sixteen: I'm Talking, but You A...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: The future repeats itself in the past  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: here, my site, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Author Note: Huge thanks to my beta Isis. Any mistakes you find are mine, and I accept full blame for them.  
  
Thank You: ZetaStar, athenakitty, Emma, Jordan, TigerBlak, Akemi (hello), Lexi, Maharet, shakiya, white owl, Shi-koi (*preens*), SparkySparkles, Quickjewel, Saavik, Wormtail's worst enemy (hello to you, too), Shadow vampire, Kitty, Lyla Snape, Mrs. Aish Luthor  
  
Cat Samwise: Oh they noticed, they all just decided to keep their mouths shut (or in Sirius' case being held back by Draco and Remus). I had that in there originally, but I thought it made the ending look weak. (I cut it out before it went to my beta) Sorry.  
  
Teigra: Of course Severus is difficult. He wouldn't be Severus otherwise. ;o)  
  
Kristine Thorne: Much thanks goes to Isis for that. I'm flattered that I drew such a reaction from you. Hopefully this chapter will make you laugh, instead of cry. =o)  
  
two2blue: stop with the time reference, you'll only give yourself a headache... trust me. Another strong reaction. I think I'm gonna go cry.  
  
me3gogi: sorry no pic, I can't draw. Although if you can, or know someone who can, I'd love a picture of any of the characters (as portrayed in Paradox of course)  
  
Cloudburst2000: I didn't go into Harry's thoughts about the relationship in the last chapter, but I did in this chapter. Severus knew about the extent of the relationship; nothing has happened that Sev hasn't already known would. As for Harry taking responsibility for his actions, let's just say I have no intention of making Harry's life easy.  
  
venus4280: You are the only one that commented on that. I find it a little disturbing too. And I know how it happened. We are getting close to the end of the mission, it's May now and the school term ends in June.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Chapter 16: I'm Talking, but You Aren't Listening  
  
*The Future: Toward the end of Harry's Seventh Year*  
  
Severus watched as the door closed behind Harry. He looked around the room and took in everything he saw. The mussed sheets on the bed, the two glasses on the side table by the chairs, the pile of essays he hadn't yet finished grading, a book that Harry had been in the middle of reading, the quill that Harry kept forgetting here as an excuse for him to come back. So many little things that were out of place.  
  
The bed should be made; it was only a little before midnight, and Severus never went to bed that early. There should only be one glass on the side table; Harry shouldn't be drinking during training sessions. The pile of essays should have been graded hours ago. Harry's quill and book shouldn't just be left lying around his chambers.  
  
But Severus didn't want to change any of those things. He liked the way that Harry seemed to belong in his dungeons. And that disturbed him. A man in his late thirties shouldn't like the idea that a seventeen-year-old boy fit into his life.   
  
Severus wasn't fond of the way that Harry had wormed his way into his life. Into his heart. Yet the boy had done so anyway. And worse than that, Severus had allowed him to.  
  
Severus had given into the need to be with someone that understood him; both the darkness that encased his soul, and the light that he stood in. Harry understood, and, even better, never judged him for it.  
  
He wondered if he should put this much emotion into a relationship with someone who was only seventeen. The heart did weird things at that age; it tended to be fickle.  
  
Severus stood up and walked over to his desk. He started to grade the essays that he had put off while Harry had been there. After a time he noticed the quill he was using was Harry's. He closed both his eyes and his fist. The quill snapped in his hand. There was no escaping him.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Severus entered Albus' office and approached the desk. The Headmaster was nowhere in sight. "Albus?"  
  
"The sitting room, Severus." Severus made his way around the desk to the other room. Albus was sitting at a table that held what Severus referred to as 'the oddest chess set he'd ever seen'. He had heard Minerva call it 'Albus' table of peculiar toys'. Everyone seemed to have their own name for it. Albus never talked about it, but at times one could find him moving one of the eighty odd pieces from board to board.   
  
The 'game' was made up of seven boards, only two of which were flat; all the others were angled in different directions at different heights, held up by permanent levitation spells. There were obviously two sides, black and white, although they weren't always equal. Sometimes the black would have more pieces, at others the white. Some of the pieces appeared to be in between - a gray color. Each piece moved independently from the others, seemingly at Albus' whim. The shapes of the pieces were the oddest Severus had ever seen. They didn't look like chess pieces. Instead they were in different geometric shapes, at least some of them, others were just indescribable. Every single piece was different. The game fascinated Severus. If only he could figure it out.   
  
"Tea?" A single cup of tea was floating toward him. Knowing it was useless to deny the proffered cup, Severus snatched it out of the air.  
  
"I haven't come for tea, Albus. I've come to resign."  
  
Albus looked up from his game. "How is Mr. Potter's training going, Severus?"  
  
"Fine." Severus snapped out the answer. "Did you even hear me, Albus?"  
  
Albus looked at him with deceptively innocent, wide eyes. "Had you said something?"  
  
Severus pressed his lips together in a tight line. Albus was being purposely difficult. Again. He looked on as Albus picked up one of the white pieces and moved it. "I said that I've come to resign."  
  
"Harry is showing the signs?" Albus turned those damned eyes back to him. "Signs of what, Severus?"  
  
"Potter has absolutely nothing to do with this discussion."  
  
"How can we talk about Harry's training if we don't discuss him?" Severus was forced to snap his mouth shut when Albus started to talk. "Sirius has been telling me how well he has been doing in his training. Both Harry and young Mr. Malfoy." Albus paused long enough for a breath, but not long enough for Severus to break in. "Has his magical training with you been going well, Severus?"  
  
"Fine, I believe I already told you that, Albus. It really shows that you don't listen."  
  
"My hearing is perfect. You came up here to talk with me about Harry's training."  
  
Severus almost felt his right cheek twitch. An image of his hands happily strangling Albus popped into his mind. He quickly pushed it aside. "Actually, Albus-"  
  
"There's a problem with Harry's training?" Albus seemed crestfallen. "I was going to send him out over the Easter holidays. He would be invaluable when we attempt to take Voldemort's stronghold."  
  
That comment successfully startled Severus out of his reoccurring daydreams of Albus' untimely demise. "What?" Albus couldn't send Harry into a situation like that. He wasn't-"He's not ready, Albus!"  
  
Albus' eyes flickered toward Severus for a moment before summoning up a plate of biscuits. "Care for one, Severus? The house elves made these especially for me."  
  
Severus jerked his head in terse refusal. "I mean it Albus, Ha- Potter's not ready to be sent out into the field on such a mission."  
  
Severus noticed Albus' eyes narrowing in a measuring way. "Sirius seems to think that *Harry* is ready."  
  
So Albus had noticed his almost slip. Severus curled his lip in disgust, both at himself and the mention of Harry's godfather. "Good-for-nothing, mangy mongrel."   
  
"What was that?" Albus' eyes were sparkling in amusement. "I didn't quite catch what you said, Severus."  
  
"Oh, you heard me. You were the one that said your hearing was flawless." Severus' voice was sharp.  
  
"Perhaps." Albus bit into a biscuit, the crumbs falling into his beard. "I've decided that Harry shall be going on his first *overt* mission." It never ceased to amaze Severus how Albus could talk about something so serious, yet at the same time, look ridiculous. Some tea had dribbled down his chin to mix with the crumbs in his beard. "I'm sure that Sirius and Remus can keep an eye on him."  
  
"Those two canines?" A bitter edge had entered Severus' voice. "They're more likely to get him killed than anything else."  
  
"Severus." Albus' tone was reproachful. "You know that Remus and Sirius would do anything for that boy." Albus brushed off his beard and leaned forward in his seat. "Harry has been progressing magnificently." He waved his hand at the empty chair near him, motioning for Severus to sit. Severus shook his head. "Sit." Severus did so. That tone always made him feel like a schoolboy, a feeling which he hated. "Now, Severus, why don't you tell me how far Harry got in his training last night. I believe you are working on shielding?"   
  
"He was doing much better at mutating his shields then he has been. They switched fluidly, and almost faultlessly." Severus' voice was impassive.  
  
"Good. I'm glad that he's come so far." Albus paused before taking another bite out of one of his biscuits. "Training him hasn't been a problem? He mentioned that you had been a little… short with him last week. When he was having trouble mutating his spells."   
  
Severus didn't answer immediately. He didn't quite know what to say; he had lost control of the conversation the second Albus had opened his mouth. Severus sipped his lukewarm tea while he tried to phrase his response.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"No, Harry hasn't been too much trouble. It had just been a trying day. What ever you had said to him before our last training session must have stuck. He was able to learn much more quickly."  
  
Albus' eyes had widened during Severus' answer. "I only showed Harry a few tricks." Now Albus' expression could only be termed buoyant and inquisitive. "Harry, Severus?"  
  
Severus smirked. He hadn't been put into Slytherin for nothing. "Yes. Harry is Mr. Potter's first name, isn't it?"  
  
Albus blinked before responding. "I hadn't realized you were on such good terms, with young Harry." Albus smiled at him, his eyes sparkling. "It's about time too."  
  
"Harry and I have come to understand each other." Severus sent his cup to rest on a table next to Albus. Successfully getting Albus off a topic was an achievement. "Now, I came here to talk about my resignation."  
  
"Was the tea not to your liking, Severus?"  
  
"Albus." Severus used his best growl, not that it ever worked on the Headmaster.  
  
"Would you like another cup?" Albus had already started to pour Severus a fresh cup of tea, complete with a slight twist of lemon.  
  
"No, Albus. My resignation." Severus reached into his robes. "I have my letter here." He pulled out an envelope, and attempted to hand it to Albus. He didn't take it.  
  
"Put it away, Severus." Albus' sharp tone changed in the next second to his usual jovial one. "Have some pudding with me?" Severus shook his head. "A lemon drop then?" Again Severus shook his head. Albus sighed. "Why?"  
  
"My integrity will not allow for me to remain here as a teacher."  
  
"Why ever not? Tell it to be quiet."  
  
"Albus, be serious."  
  
"I like being Albus Dumbledore, thank you. I have no intention of ever turning into Sirius Black." Albus grinned at him.  
  
"That joke has been going on since I was a first year, Albus. Don't you think that it is a little old?"  
  
Albus scrunched his nose; his eyes were twinkling with amusement. "I'm a little old. The joke is fairly new. Besides, I like it. I find it humorous."  
  
"My letter, Albus." Severus once more extended the letter. Albus still ignored it. Severus wasn't going to give up. "Why won't you take it?"  
  
"You never did tell me why."  
  
"I find that I cannot in good conscience stay and teach."  
  
"Care to explain?"  
  
"It's all in my letter." Severus held out the letter for the third time.  
  
"I touch that letter, and you'll head straight out the door." Albus had turned serious. "I know you, Severus. There is a reason for this." Albus warmed Severus' tea back up, and handed it over to the younger man. "What is troubling you?"  
  
"Nothing." Severus took the tea, and cradled it in his hands. He had turned his face away from Albus.  
  
"Do you regret taking Harry on as your mentee?"  
  
"More than you will ever know." Severus' whisper wasn't meant for Albus to hear.  
  
"How so?"  
  
"He is an impertinent brat that doesn't know how to respect his betters." Severus spit out each word through clenched teeth.  
  
"Really? I have always found Harry to be tremendously polite."  
  
"Perhaps you have not spent enough time with him then." Severus stood up and moved to the other side of the room. He did not want to talk about this with Albus. He didn't want to talk about it at all.   
  
"I don't think that a couple hours a week training him in advanced spell casting can impose on you too much."  
  
"It imposes on me more than you understand. Harry has this way-" Severus quickly shut his mouth. Albus always knew how to get to him. Just like Harry.  
  
"This way of what? Severus?"  
  
"Nothing, Headmaster. Take the letter."  
  
"No. I will not let you leave this school. You leave, and your life is forfeit." Albus leveled a hard glare at Severus. "The only reason that Voldemort hasn't killed you yet is because of the information you supply him about my 'little' force." Severus looked away; Albus continued. "Besides, I don't think that Harry would like seeing you dead. I think that he has become a trifle fond of you, Severus."  
  
"Too fond."  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
Severus swallowed. It was the only way out. "He's become too fond, Albus. I am not made out of stone."  
  
Albus smirked. "Of course not, Severus. You couldn't move if you were made of stone. Let alone teach."   
  
"You are being purposely obtuse."  
  
"Severus, I understand that the boy's affections must rattle you. Explain to him you are not interested. Push him away, harshly if you feel you must. Harry is resilient. He'll bounce back. Like a muggle rubber duckie."  
  
Severus couldn't understand how a plastic duck would bounce. "Too late for that, I'm afraid." Severus' back was still facing away from the other man.  
  
"I see." Albus' voice sounded impassive to Severus' ears.  
  
"Then you understand why I must resign."  
  
"I understand that you are using me to escape your problems." Severus turned around to face Albus. "And I will not have it." Albus' gaze was shuttered. The old wizard knew how to close off his reactions; he rarely did so, but he knew how. "You got yourself into this situation, you can get yourself out of it." There was a slight pause before he continued. "If you want to, of course."  
  
"Albus-" Severus stopped at Albus' raised hand.  
  
"I suggest you talk this over with Harry. Make sure you do so soon. He has been quite busy preparing to leave."  
  
"Leave?"   
  
"Yes. Harry is moving to Romania at the end of the year. He wants to work with dragons for a time. The two of us have been working arranging everything with Charlie Weasley." Albus paused for a moment to pick up another biscuit. In a moment he looked like his normal eccentric self. "Hasn't he mentioned it?"  
  
"No." Severus was feeling rather blank; the news startled him.  
  
"Well, I'm sure that he was going to tell you."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Why don't you get back to your work, Severus? I'm sure that you have a ton of parchment to grade." Albus waved his hand dismissively, and turned back to his chess game.  
  
Severus set down his cup and exited the office. Halfway to dungeons he realized how horribly the conversation with Albus went. Not only had Albus not accepted his resignation letter, but he had told Albus the scope of his relationship with Harry, and he had discovered that Harry was moving at the end of the year.  
He needed to have a long conversation with the young Mr. Potter.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
By the time that Severus had reached his rooms in the dungeons, he had given out three detentions, removed a total of 75 house points from the other three houses, and even managed to make a group of Slytherins scatter out of his way.  
  
Most pleasing though, was the sound that his door made when he slammed it shut.  
  
Harry was leaving. That thought made Severus move to his cabinet to pull out a bottle of brandy. The thought that at the end of the school year he would be alone had Severus gulping down two glasses of the stuff. Pouring another glass, Severus sat in his chair by the fire.  
  
He had told himself that *children* at that age were fickle. And now the proof of it had been thrown into his face.   
  
Harry hadn't mentioned that he was going anywhere. He was probably going to leave without ever bringing it up. Whenever Severus had asked, Harry had always said he didn't know what he wanted to do after he finished at Hogwarts. That he would probably stay, and work with the Order. After all, that was what everyone expected of him, wasn't it?  
  
Severus had hated it when Harry had said that. Harry was young, he should be able to go out and experience life. See that the world had more to offer than deranged murders that obsessed over his death. And Severus had told him that.  
  
He had told Harry that he shouldn't stay because he felt loyalty to Albus, or Sirius, or to the wizarding world. That he shouldn't stay because of him, either.   
  
In his head it made sense that Harry had decided to do something with his life on his own. It was good that he had. But the thought that Harry hadn't talked to him about it tugged at Severus, had somehow hurt him. After all, Harry maintained that they were in a relationship. And weren't people in relationships supposed to discuss things?  
  
Severus remembered the relationships he had had when he was younger. Not that he had dated much; in fact, he hadn't dated at all during his last year. He was too busy trying to repent for his sins. He still was, for that matter.  
  
His seventh year had been spent learning how to spy on Voldemort. He wouldn't have had to learn that, if it hadn't been for what he had thought was love.  
  
Did Harry think that he was in love with him? He had said as much, but Severus knew not to trust it. He knew because he himself had once thought he was in love with his teacher. And he had been wrong.  
  
Severus hadn't been in love with Octavian Tyler. And he had just recently realized that. It had taken Harry Potter to show him how wrong he was.  
  
His relationship with Harry was far from perfect. They sniped, yelled, and, at times, honestly despised each other. Severus even threatened to kill the brat on occasion. Of course, Harry would only smirk at that.   
  
But Severus would lay down his life for Harry, and Harry would do the same for him. Severus wasn't sure if that was love, but it was something. And whatever it was, it was certainly stronger than what he had had with Octavian Tyler.  
  
Severus now understood his former teacher a little better. Harry had pursued him; similarly he had pursued Professor Tyler. In the end, a relationship, of sorts, had developed. One that had been ended rather harshly, with a sharp dose of reality.   
  
He didn't know how similar his relationship with Harry was to his with Tyler. It was definitely different. There were times when it seemed that Tyler had hated him, wanted him dead. Then there were the times that he had seen… something, in the older man.   
  
Perhaps it had been a misplaced sense of affection that Severus had taken to mean something more. Perhaps it was all just wishful thinking on the part of his younger self. But if anything had been there, it hadn't been for him.  
  
Severus' eyes landed on the door. In a way he wished that it would just open, and someone, anyone, would come and save him from thinking. Well, anyone other than Black… or Albus. He didn't think he could tolerate the rest of the teachers either. He didn't want to deal with Remus constantly asking him what was the matter, or some such nonsense, and Draco would probably get on his nerves with what Draco would call pleasantries but which he regarded as idle chatter. Harry… he could deal with Harry.  
  
Harry would sit in his chair -- Severus didn't know when the chair the brat always sat in had become his -- and not talk. He would either read, or work on assignments, but he wouldn't interfere. He would just be there. The only person that Severus knew who could do that.  
  
But soon Severus wouldn't have that reprieve. Damn the brat. And damn his inconsiderate nature.  
  
Severus reached out to grasp his glass from the side table; his hand brushed a piece of paper that he hadn't noticed before. He picked it up and squinted at Harry's messy scrawl. Wouldn't he ever learn proper penmanship?  
  
*//Sev,  
  
Came by to talk to you. Wanted to tell you that I've finally decided what to do with myself after Hogwarts. It's all set, too. Albus and I have been working on it for weeks. I can't wait to tell you all about it. You were right about getting away from here. I'll stop by later.  
  
Harry  
  
P.S. I saw my quill, by the way. You owe me a new one.//*  
  
Severus sniffed. Perhaps he would have to reevaluate his opinion on Harry's nature. Then again, perhaps not. Harry could have waited for him to return.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*The Past*   
  
"Five points from Slytherin, Mr. Snape. This work is far below par."  
  
Severus looked up from where he was writing. Professor Tyler was standing over his desk looking down on his work. His impeccably neat, well-thought-out work. There was no way that it was 'under par'. "But, sir-"  
  
"Talking out of turn, Snape? That'll be ten points from Slytherin." Professor Tyler turned and walked over to lean against his desk. Severus just stared at him for a few minutes. Professor Tyler smirked in response. "I see that you aren't paying attention to your test, another five points, Snape."  
  
Severus sucked in a breath and returned to his work. Today wasn't going as well as he had planned. He breathed a sigh of relief when class was dismissed. He placed his paper on the desk, and exited the classroom. On his way he had to pass Professor Tyler who, for some reason, was rather upset with him. "Your tie isn't tied properly, Snape. And it's a little too loose. School regulations demand that I take 15 points for improper uniform." His professor smiled nicely and then retreated to his desk.   
  
Severus made his way out of the classroom. Potter and his friends were hanging out in the hallway.   
  
"I don't know, Snape. Your shirt doesn't seem to be totally tucked in. What did Professor Tyler say about improper uniform, James? Fifteen points, didn't he? As a prefect, it's your duty to remove points." Sirius smirked at Severus.  
  
"Shut the hell up, Black! No one asked for your opinion!" Severus was fuming.  
  
"Mr. Snape. There is no yelling in the hallways, that'll be detention and another five points. Wait for me in my classroom." Professor Tyler had been standing in the doorway watching the confrontation. At least detention didn't sound so bad. Severus headed back over to the classroom. Professor Tyler was addressing the boys behind him. "You're looking well, boys."  
  
"Yes, we're doing quite well, Professor. How are you doing?" Sirius Black was the one to respond for the group.  
  
"I'm doing very well. Thank you for asking. My day has been looking up. Such good manners deserve five points. Don't you think so, Mr. Black?" Severus watched as Professor Tyler *winked* at Black.  
  
Black gave a huge smile in return. "Thank you, Professor." Black even had the nerve to chuckle. He turned and smirked at Severus who was standing by the door to the classroom. Severus glared back and on his way into the room, gave into his infantile impulses and kicked the door.  
  
"Ten points from Slytherin for damaging school property, Snape." Professor Tyler had the gall to whistle as he entered the classroom.  
  
Severus was seething. His eyes were narrowed as Professor Tyler sat at his desk. The only bright spot of hope was that Professor Tyler had agreed with his note and had decided to pursue a relationship. That could explain the points he was losing. A cover-up. And detention…  
  
"Your detention will be served tomorrow night at 9pm. You are to meet Mr. Filch at his office, and he will be assigning you some work to do. Without magic." Any hope that Severus had died a quick death.  
  
"Filch?"  
  
"Filch. Good day, Mr. Snape." The smile that Professor Tyler had on his face was utterly demonic.  
  
Severus forced himself to smile in return. "Thank you, sir. I hope that you have a good day too." Severus quickly left the classroom. Maybe the letter hadn't been such a smart idea. It had always been a fault of his, that innate need to have the last word.  
  
This went on for days. "This homework is late. It was supposed to be in five minutes ago. Ten points, Snape."  
  
"But, professor, class just ended, everyone's not even out of the room yet." Severus sighed.   
  
"Do not talk back, Mr. Snape." Professor Tyler picked up his quill. "Report to Filch at the normal time for your detention."  
  
"Yes, Professor."  
…Severus and Lucius were sprinting down the hall, late for a house meeting. Unfortunately, they ran into Professor Tyler.  
  
"No running in the halls. That's five points off of each of you." Professor Tyler looked them up and down. "Your shoes are scuffed, Snape. Improper uniform again. That'll be another fifteen points."  
  
Severus started to answer back, but Lucius pulled on his arm. "Shut up, or it'll be another detention. Your fourth this week," Lucius hissed through clenched teeth. Turning to Professor Tyler he smiled. "Have a nice day, Professor."  
  
A nod was his only reply. Professor Tyler turned around and headed the opposite way down the corridor.  
  
Lucius turned to Severus. "What did you do to royally irritate him?"  
  
"I don't think that you want to know. Ask me again later."  
  
…Severus tapped his fingers against the top of the desk in the library. He was working on his History of Magic essay. Causes of the Goblin Revolution of 15-something-or-other. There were really too many of the things to count. Unfortunately Professor Binns was obsessed with them.  
  
"Mr. Snape, this is a library, not a concert hall. Cease your drumming," Professor Tyler whispered a few feet away. "Oh, I almost forgot. Five points for disturbing the peace." Professor Tyler made a selection off one of the shelves and headed toward the exit.  
  
…Snape paused in the doorway. A few feet down the corridor were Professor Tyler and Professor McGonagall, talking about him.  
  
"Now, Octavian, don't take me wrong. I want Gryffindor to win the House Cup, but aren't you being a little hard on Severus Snape?"  
  
One eyebrow rose in a questioning manner. "Do you think so, Minerva? I just don't know."  
  
"The boy has lost close to a hundred points in the last 5 days. And detention four times!"  
  
"Ah, yes." Professor Tyler sighed. "Mr. Filch was just telling me that the trophies and cases have never been shinier." He smiled at Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Octavian, I've never had a problem with Severus. He's one of the brightest, most well behaved boys in his year."   
  
"But he's conceited. Everyone needs to be taken down a notch now and again."  
  
"True, he is a little full of himself, but everyone has his faults." Professor McGonagall shook her head. "I don't think that we should punish students for just being."  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not." Professor Tyler's voice was clipped.  
  
"Those reasons that you are coming up with are downright petty, Tyler." Professor McGonagall's voice was harsh.  
  
"Are they really? What about this one, then? Snape, stop hiding in that doorway, you've heard enough of this conversation. Or didn't your parents teach you that it was impolite to eavesdrop?"  
  
Professor McGonagall whipped around and spotted him. She held out a hand to stop Professor Tyler's rant. She sighed before speaking. "Ten points from Slytherin, Mr. Snape. I'm afraid that Professor Tyler is righ. One should not eavesdrop on teachers' conversation." She shrugged her shoulders and moved off.   
  
After she had rounded the corner, Professor Tyler approached him. "Personally, I think that you got off too lightly. For listening in on *my* conversation, you get a detention. Meet Filch at nine."  
  
"Yes, Professor." Severus backed through the doorway the way he came. His life was hell, and Professor Tyler was making sure it stayed that way.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
Harry pushed the quill and parchment away from him. Leaning back in his chair, he tilted his head up to look at the ceiling. He was done. Finally, after nine months of translating written parseltongue, he was done. The sad part was that over half of the scroll had been self-aggrandizing crap. Wading his way through it had been tedious, highly annoying, and for the most part useless.   
  
Useless, because working out the details of each attack was like searching for a specific wand in Ollivander's. It could be done, but unless you were Ollivander, it could take days, months, maybe years. He had barely uncovered the plot against the Weasleys in time. That had been when he just started translating the scroll, however. Within the scroll, Harry had uncovered, attacks against aurors, other Ministry officials, Order members, and a lot of others. But just because he had learned about the attacks didn't mean that he was always able to stop them.  
  
Out of all the attacks that he had translated, only a handful struck him personally. The first was the attack against the Weasleys. The thought that Voldemort had tried to kill them all upset him. The twins, Ron and Ginny - none of them had even been born yet. Harry had almost lost his adopted family before ever getting the chance to know them.   
  
The second had been his grandfather. He had never met his grandfather, but a part of him had always thought that maybe his grandfather had known him. But that wasn't the case; they had never known each other. The irony of the whole situation had hit him hard. His grandfather, his namesake, had been killed because he didn't trust the translation of his grandson. Granted, Harold Potter hadn't known that the man who was translating the scroll was in reality his grandson. A question nagged at the back of Harry's mind: would it have made a difference if Harold had known? Or was he just distressed because he was a Parselmouth, an ability associated with the Dark? To this day Harry couldn't speak parseltongue in front of Ron and most of the Weasleys with out them overreacting to it. Even more irony was to be found in the fact that his father had named him after his grandfather, without ever knowing that his son would go back in time, and end up being responsible for his namesake's death.  
  
Harry shifted in his seat. Thinking of these two attacks, one successful and one not, made him think of what he had just translated. The end of the scroll had been the details of another attack, a large scale one. Mass slaughter of a group of children, so that Voldemort could demoralize the Wizarding community. His plan was to clearly demolish the idea that parents could send their children to school, and know that nothing bad was going to happen to them. Voldemort was going to destroy the Hogwarts Express while every child that attended the school was onboard. And for the life of him, Harry didn't know how it was going to be stopped. He would likely never know, unless he asked Albus when he went back to the future. He wasn't welcome to the strategy meetings of this Order.  
  
What if he hadn't translated it in time? For all Harry knew, he could go back and find that everything was different. If he didn't get the information to Albus, then Severus, and his father, Sirius, Remus, all the other children he had gotten to know, would have died on the train. He himself would never be born. Voldemort would still be in power. It was a heavy weight for him to carry.   
  
If he could, he'd rush up to talk to Albus right at that moment. But that was useless. It was approximately four in the morning. At least he thought that it was four in the morning. Harry looked around the windowless room. There was nothing on the walls, and the furniture only consisted of his and one other chair, and the table.   
  
Oh well, thought Harry, there would still be time to contact Albus in the morning. It was only mid May, the train wouldn't leave until mid June. There was a month left to figure things out.  
  
Which also meant there was only a month left to figure out what was going on in his life. His life that seemed to be falling apart around him.  
  
The last time that *his* Severus had come to visit came to mind. He had wanted to talk to Severus, explain that it had all been a mistake. That he didn't mean to sleep with him. Well, the younger him. God, he was so confused. It was almost as if they were two different people, but at the same time, Harry could see the qualities that assured him both Severuses were actually one and the same.  
  
Harry knew he was different from the way he had been at sixteen and seventeen. He had grown up, and subconsciously, he knew that Severus must have done so also. But to actually *see* Severus when he was young and vulnerable, when he was *weak*, had just thrown him.  
  
Severus had strength of character that Harry had always noticed, even when he was being yelled at when he was thirteen years old. As he got older, Harry began to admire that quality in his professor. That admiration, along with being paired up with Severus, had led to respect and ultimately, love.  
  
When faced with the young Severus Snape, Harry couldn't help but see someone young and foolish with childish ideals, who would eventually grow up into someone older, and infinitely wiser. But he also had qualities that attracted Harry to this young version of his lover. His vulnerability was just one.   
  
Severus Snape, at sixteen years of age, was someone that Harry could inherently relate to. He had insecurities, he wasn't sure of everything he was doing. And at times, Harry thought he could see a little foolhardiness in him. All things that he would never associate with Severus as an adult.   
  
And that was something that Harry had to admit to himself that he wanted, even if only temporarily. In this relationship he was the strong one. The partner that was sure of himself. He was the adult. It was a heady feeling. To be the one that is looked up to.  
  
His relationship with Severus had never been that way. At first he had looked up to his lover. Severus was older than him, had experienced more than he had. That was one of the reasons that Harry had left after he finished Hogwarts. He needed to experience life. Life without an insane megalomaniac following him around trying to kill him.  
  
When he had come back, his relationship with Severus had changed. After a year he was no longer dependent on his lover. He had learned to stand on his own two feet. That didn't mean their relationship was simple and easy to manage. The fact that Harry had left both weakened yet strengthened their relationship.  
  
It had been weakened, because Harry had left. They didn't see each other for the entire year. Severus had sent him letters, but they were, more often then not, emotionally detached. Harry knew that Severus was letting him go, so that he could grow. And he had grown. That year was also the year that his relationship with Draco had developed into a friendship; after all, they couldn't kill each other in letters. It had started out with Albus telling Draco that it would be his responsibility to inform Harry of what was going on in the Order. It had grown from there.  
  
Harry remembered one letter from Severus better than all the others. It had been about Draco. Harry had been living with Charlie, who noticed the amount of letters he received from Draco. Charlie had written home about Draco and Harry, thinking that they were romantically involved. Somehow, Severus had found out about it -- probably from Sirius or Remus, who hadn't known about their relationship at the time -- and had written Harry a nice note telling him that he was free to pursue any relationship that he wanted to. That he wouldn't get in the way of Harry's happiness. Harry had left Romania a month and a half early because of that.  
  
And that showed them how much their relationship had strengthened. Harry came back, and the first thing he did was *not* run to tell Severus how wrong he was. He invited Draco to dinner, instead. And at the end of the night, when he showed up outside Severus' door, he said, "Sorry, but there just isn't anything that I can possibly see in a relationship with Draco. What we have is special, Severus."  
  
In the end, Harry had become someone whose mind wasn't easily changed. In that he had ceased being a child, and Severus had ceased to treat him as such. They had become equals, and could build a relationship on that. Neither stronger, nor weaker, than the other.  
  
It was a relationship that Harry cherished. No matter how hard he looked, he wouldn't be able to find another like it. It fulfilled him in a way that the rest of his life couldn't. With Severus, he wasn't 'The-Boy-Who-Lived', or a commanding officer in the Auror Division of the Ministry, or a member of the Order of the Phoenix, or James' son, or anything else that people could label him as. He was just Harry James Potter.  
  
And Severus was Severus, no matter what time Harry was in. No matter how much Severus got on his nerves, Harry loved him. And now, Harry missed him. Missed him so much, in fact, that he was looking for *his* Severus in a sixteen year old. And, to a point, finding his lover there. Not the mature older, man that Harry always associated Severus with being, but the essence of *his* Severus was there.   
  
Harry had reached for that, along with all the other things that attracted him to the young Severus Snape, when offered. Knowing it was wrong, but at the same time not caring.   
  
Thinking about it, Harry saw everything. He knew what he was doing was, in a sense, wrong. He knew why he was doing it. But none of this meant that, when faced with *his* Severus, he would be off the hook. When he went back to his own time, he would have a lot of explaining to do. To someone that was hurt, and angry as hell at him.  
  
And at that moment, Harry wanted nothing more than to go back to his Severus. What the young Severus had was not what Harry needed. What Harry needed was *his* Severus. The equality, understanding, and love that Harry could only find with him.  
  
Harry swore that he would leave Hogwarts the first opportunity he could get. Now that his obligation to the Order was done, Harry wanted out. And he knew just how to go about it.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry muttered the password and waited until the gargoyle moved aside. As he approached the door he thought of everything he planned to say to the Headmaster. Luckily, he could do it all with a clear conscience. Well, almost clear conscience. Just as he was about to knock, Albus' voice drifted through the door. "Come in, Octavian."  
  
Pushing open the door, Harry made his way into the office. It was surprisingly similar to the office that Dumbledore kept in the future. Only a few things were different. "Headmaster?"  
  
"I'll be right there, just have a seat, my boy." Harry sat down in one of the seats across from Dumbledore's large desk. Turning his head he noticed that Fawkes was preening his feathers. He had always liked Dumbledore's phoenix. The Fawkes of this time period ignored him, however. Albus had told him not to worry about it too much.  
  
Albus entered his office from the back room and sat down at the desk. He shuffled around a bunch of his papers before turning to Harry. Picking up a small bowl, he held it out. "Lemon drop?"  
  
Harry almost laughed. Albus hadn't offered him a lemon drop since he had threatened to turn his skin purple for a week if he did. That had been in the future though. This Albus didn't know the hazards of offering Harry lemon drops. "No, thank you, Albus. I'm not particularly fond of lemon drops."  
  
"Biscuits and tea then?"  
  
"No, I'm all right. I'm here to discuss the scroll. I've finished translating it."  
  
"That's nice, my boy." Harry watched as Albus signaled for Fawkes to come over to him. The phoenix spread it's wings and landed on the armrest of Albus' chair.   
  
"I assume that you would like to know what it says."  
  
"All in good time. I'm sure that there is no great rush." Albus slowly petted the phoenix and looked at him with twinkling eyes. "How have you been?"  
  
"Fine, Albus. I think that you should hear this."  
  
"I'm sure. You'll tell me in a minute." Albus scratched lightly under Fawkes' beak, and the phoenix seemed to purr in response. "How have your classes been going so far?"  
  
"Fine. Albus, I think that you should hear this." Harry continued before he could be interrupted. "Voldemort is plotting to blow up the train."  
  
"That's nice, Octavian…" Albus trailed off. "Blow up the train? What train?"  
  
"The Hogwarts Express."  
  
"And when was he planning on doing this?"  
  
Harry wanted to scream, when did he *think* that Voldemort would want to blow up the train? His annoyance brought out his sarcastic streak. "When all the students are on it, of course."  
  
"I don't quite follow you, Octavian."  
  
"On the way back to King's Cross on the last day of the term."  
  
"That isn't very good news. Why would he do that? I know that he has been looking into recruiting students from the school. He wouldn't want to blow them up, now would he?"  
  
"I don't think that Voldemort particularly cares one way or the other, Albus. In the scroll he says that the loss of a few potential followers would be worth the destruction of a generation. This will have a horribly crippling effect on the Wizarding world."  
  
"Oh dear. Did he say how he was going to go about it?"  
  
"No, it was rather vague. The only real details were that it would be destroyed somewhere between here and London, and that he was going to employ some sort of magical bomb."  
  
"Definitely not good." Dumbledore continued to stroke the feathers on Fawkes' back, a contemplative look on his face. "But I think that it might be possible to avoid the situation."  
  
Harry's eyes widened briefly before returning to their semi-expressionless state. "Only you, Albus." The Headmaster turned his questioning gaze on 'Octavian', and Harry elaborated. "Only you could take the potential destruction of a train full of students calmly." Nothing was said for a minute, Albus neither agreed nor disagreed with Harry's assumption. "So, what are you going to do?"  
  
Albus didn't respond immediately, instead continuing to pet the phoenix. "I think a complex series of illusion charms should be acceptable. We'll postpone the end of the term, I think." Albus moved his hand from the phoenix to his beard, his fingers tangling in its length. "Of course the students won't know. The morning of departure we'll have to come up with an acceptable excuse, and somehow make sure that none of the students owl their parents."  
  
"Keep them under house arrest. Don't let them leave their common rooms, shut down every fireplace, and lock all the windows."  
  
"A little harsh, don't you think?" Albus attempted to extract his fingers from the tangle he had gotten them in. "I was thinking more along the lines of sending all the owls away. After all, we wouldn't want to raise suspicions."  
  
Harry rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "As if all the owls suddenly disappearing wouldn't raise suspicions." He let out a harsh sigh. "I stand by my suggestion. Of course it is up to yourself and the Order to determine the course of action that shall be taken."  
  
Nodding his head, Albus ended the topic of conversation. "If that is all, Octavian?"  
  
Harry didn't move; his hands tightly grasped the arms of his chair. "There is one other thing I wanted to discuss with you, Headmaster."  
  
"You said you have finished the scroll, is there more?"  
  
"No. That was the last of it. Now that I think about it, the writing ended rather abruptly. That could be the reason for the sketchy details."  
  
His fingers finally released, Albus twirled the tip of his beard around his finger. "A possibility." Picking his wand off the desk Albus waved it in a distracted manner. A teapot appeared on the desk along with two teacups and saucers. "I shall think about that later, however. What did you want to discuss with me, Octavian?" Before giving Octavian the chance to answer Albus held out a cup of steaming tea. "Tea?"  
  
"No thank you, Albus." Swallowing Harry pressed on. "I need you to fire me."  
  
Albus blinked a few times before he started to stir his tea. The silence stretched for a few minutes before Albus responded. "I'm sorry Octavian, but I just can't gather up the desire to set you on fire."  
  
Harry knew that Albus' hearing was flawless. The old man just always chose to hear what he wanted to hear. "No, Albus. Fire me."  
  
"Neither do I think it appropriate to set a fire for you. I'm sure that you covered pyro-mechanic charms during your studies." Albus calmly sipped his tea, watching the younger man across from him, blue eyes twinkling.  
  
"Albus, you don't understand. You should fire me. But since you don't want to grasp the concept of that-"  
  
"I can grasp the concept just fine." Albus seemed affronted. "I did extensive studies of various pyro-mechanic charms when I was a student."  
  
Harry groaned. He was doing this on purpose. "Another way of putting it would be," Harry paused to take a breath. "I need you to 'let me go,' or terminate my employment. Something along those lines."  
  
"Let you go where?" Albus smiled at him benevolently. "Do you need a few days off, I'm sure I can arrange for one of the other teachers to cover your classes for a couple of days."  
  
Harry was reaching the end of his patience. "Let's try the last euphemism, Albus. Terminate my employment with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."  
  
"I'm afraid I don't quite follow you."  
  
"What's there to follow?"  
  
"Well, Professor Augustin is building a maze for one of his Care of Magical Creatures classes. The students have to train a puffskein to get through it for their final. We could always follow one."  
  
Harry didn't know if he felt like laughing or crying. Dealing with Albus was always a surefire way to get a headache. "Albus, I know that you understand what I'm asking you to do. Is there a reason you choose to pretend you don't?"  
  
Albus didn't answer him. Just refilled his cup, and summoned a plate of biscuits from somewhere. "Biscuit?"  
  
Harry wanted to scream; he hated dealing with Albus. The frustration that such encounters led to always seemed interminable. "Fine. I would like to tender my resignation, effective immediately." Albus just stared at him with wide eyes, a look of confusion on his face. This was going to be a long conversation. "Do you need a formal letter of resignation?"  
  
"Nonsense, my boy. There is no reason for you to resign. You are a wonderful teacher, the students all love you." A grumble issued from the back of Harry's throat. He wasn't quite sure about *all* the students. Albus ignored him and continued. "Besides which, it's only mid May. Term ends in a little over a month. I'm sure that you can hold out."  
  
"It's not that, Albus. I've done something unforgivable."  
  
"None of the students have complained of you trying to cast the Unforgivables at them during lessons."  
  
Harry closed his eyes briefly before opening them to look at Albus again. "I've been 'carrying on' with a student."  
  
"Carrying a student? I don't see how that is unforgivable. Hagrid told me about it."  
  
Harry shook his head in confusion. He had lost track of the conversation again. "Hagrid?"  
  
"Yes, he said that you carried the first year Ravenclaw, Ms. Tavers I believe, to the hospital wing after she fell and skinned her knee. Quite chivalrous of you."   
  
Harry barely recalled the incident. "Of course."  
  
"There, you see, no reason for you to resign. Rather exemplary behavior, in my opinion."  
  
Harry dragged the conversation back on topic. "That's not what I meant by 'carrying on.'" Before Albus could once again drag the subject to something totally off topic, he continued. "I've engaged in a relationship with a student."  
  
"Of course you have, my boy." Albus folded his hands on the desk and smiled.  
  
"That doesn't bother you?"  
  
"Why would it? All good teachers form relationships with their students." Albus' smile didn't waver for a second.  
  
It took Harry a moment to get back on track. Some of the images that had popped into his head with that phrase had disturbed him. "Not that kind of relationship."  
  
"What kind?"   
  
Knowing the quickest way out of this round-about conversation would be to state the blunt facts, he opened his mouth to do so but was interrupted before he even had the chance to speak.  
  
"Another cup of tea?"  
  
Harry shook his head.  
  
"How about some sandwiches then, I'm starving."  
  
"No, Albus-"  
  
"Pie, then? I always liked the lemon sponge pie the house elves bake. It's delicious. Have you-"  
  
"Do not play any more games with me. Albus, I'm sleeping with a student. I think that I should be let go, but since you refuse to do so I am tendering my resignation." Harry got everything out as quickly as possible. He sighed when he saw Albus wave the house elf he had summoned away. Finally.  
  
"I see. Well, here is what I have to say on the situation. It is not against school rules," Albus paused to raise a hand in order to stop 'Octavian' from interrupting him. "It is not against the rules, not that it is considered appropriate, however. I do not have to fire you over such circumstances, and I choose not to." Albus paused for a breath before continuing. "Now, as for your resignation, it is really quite simple." Harry felt much better at the sound of that. All Albus had to do was tell him what to do. "I will not accept it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I will not accept it. It is too close to the end of term; I will never be able to find another teacher to fill in. You are a remarkable teacher. You understand your subject better than many of our previous professors. It's like you were raised in Defense Against the Dark Arts." Albus paused for a moment and set some papers in front of him. "I see no problem with you continuing out the year as a professor. If you are uncomfortable with your actions then I suggest that you not repeat them."  
  
Harry propped his elbow on the armrest of his chair and rested his head against his hand. "I can't convince you to change your mind?"  
  
"No. My suggestion is that you go downstairs, pour yourself a drink, and relax for the evening. You've had a trying day."  
  
Harry knew he had been dismissed. He stood to go. There was no way in hell he was going to take Albus' suggestion though, tempting as it sounded.   
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Twenty-five minutes later Albus was startled out of his work by a series of loud thuds on his desk. Looking up, he saw bottle after bottle appear and line up. Albus was surprised at the variety of liquors. Finally, a note appeared in front of him.  
  
*//Albus,  
  
To safeguard me against foolhardy behavior, please accept my gift of every bottle of liquor I had in my rooms.  
  
Octavian Tyler//*  
  
Albus shook his head, bemused at the behavior of the younger man. Setting the note aside, he began puzzling over how Octavian Tyler had managed to get through all the wards that surrounded his office, in order to send the bottles to him.   
  
Twenty minutes later, he was still trying to figure it out.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* 


	18. Chapter Seventeen: The Gryffindor and t...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On Assignment for Dumbledore in the past, Harry sees his lover from a whole new perspective: that of a teacher.   
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: here, my site, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Author Note: This is not the full chapter. There is a part that is mid to high R at the end. I decided not to post it here in fear of the crazed indiv. that's going around and randomly picking off fics. Even though ff.net is a pain from time to time, I still would like to be able to post Paradox here. So the full version is already posted on the SnapexHarryML and will be posted later today on my website. As usual the sites are listed on my author profile page.   
  
Huge thanks to my beta Isis.  
  
Thank You to everyone that provided feedback  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
Chapter Seventeen: The Gryffindor and the Slytherin.  
  
*The Past*  
  
"Hello, Professor."   
  
"Thirty points for being out after curfew, Snape." The door started to swing shut, but stopped when it hit Severus' foot, which he had placed against the frame. Professor Tyler glared at him with narrowed eyes. Severus audibly swallowed. "What do you want?"  
  
"I wanted to see you." When that didn't garner a response Severus tried a different tack. "I came to apologize. I should never have left that note. It was rather juvenile."  
  
"Damn straight you shouldn't have, Snape." Professor Tyler's frown changed to an unholy grin. "Be on your way. You wouldn't want to lose more points, now would you?"  
  
"But, Professor…"  
  
"Yes? But what, Snape?" Professor Tyler's voice was cold.  
  
Severus took a deep breath. He would not let anyone, even Professor Tyler run roughshod over him. "Perhaps we can discuss this inside, Professor. You can have a drink and we'll talk."  
  
A sharp bark of laughter was Professor Tyler's response. "It won't work Snape. You see, I've donated *all* of my liquor to a good cause. I've sworn off alcohol for the foreseeable future." Professor Tyler looked at Severus with a penetrating, measuring gaze. Severus had the feeling he had been found sorely lacking. "Good night, Mr. Snape." The door slammed shut on its hinges so hard that it rattled in the frame. Quite a feat, since the door and frame were both made out of solid oak.  
  
Severus sighed and started to move away down the hallway. He'd have to figure out another way to get in to see his Professor. He had no intention of letting him go.  
  
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"Have you gone insane, Severus?" Lucius stared at his friend, aghast.  
  
"I'm in full control of my mental capabilities, Lucius. I'm telling you that it will work." Severus was standing over a cauldron, stirring carefully. There was no way that he was going to ruin this potion.  
  
"You are going to drug Professor Tyler, and that's not insane?"  
  
Severus rolled his eyes. That was the fifth time Lucius had repeated the information since he had told him his plan. He wouldn't have done so, but he needed Lucius' help. After all, he didn't have access to any type of alcohol, but Lucius' supply was rather extensive for someone that still attended the school. "Would you be quiet? I do not need the entire school to know what I'm planning. I could get expelled."  
  
"Do you honestly think that this will work?"  
  
"Actually, I do." Severus lifted some of the potion out of the cauldron with a ladle. Lifting it to his nose, he gingerly sniffed it. Nodding his head satisfactorily he moved the ladle under Lucius' nose. "You see this?" At Lucius' slight nod Severus continued. "This is an Inhibeo Reducto potion. Do you know what it does?" Severus' voice was condescending.  
  
Straightening up, Lucius smoothed out his shirt. "Of course I do. It diminishes the strength of one's inhibitions." Lucius sounded affronted. "A fourth degree dark potion since it allows someone to influence another's actions. They'd do something that they wouldn't normally."  
  
"Right. It does allow one to influence another who is under its effects." Severus had gone back to stirring the potion. "It stops someone from analyzing a situation too closely. Think of it as getting drunk without the need for copious amounts of alcohol. And since Professor Tyler has been known to get drunk on occasion…"  
  
"I think that you are just trying to make yourself feel better about drugging a professor."  
  
Irritated, Severus removed his hand from the stirring rod. He couldn't stir the potion too fast or else it would be ruined and he'd have to start all over again. "Would you stop saying that? All I want to do is talk to him. And in the mood he's in he won't let me do that."  
  
"So why don't you just let him calm down. It sounds like the more intelligent course of action."  
  
"I don't have that long." Severus sighed and sat down on a stool. The potion had to cool for fifteen minutes. "Professor Tyler seems like he's the type to hold a grudge."  
  
"I've noticed." Severus knew that Lucius was thinking about the past couple of weeks, and all the points that Severus had lost Slytherin. "I heard a couple of Ravenclaws talking the other day. They were wondering what you had done to anger Professor Tyler. It seems it's just you that he's after to destroy."  
  
"Don't remind me." Severus' voice was quite.  
  
"What do you see in him, anyway? It can't be the sex. No sex is worth what he's doing to you."  
  
"You don't understand, Lucius. There's something about him. He has layers."   
  
Lucius' eyebrows rose in what Severus found to be a slightly mocking way. "Don't give me that shite about his eyes again. It was one thing when you were infatuated with him, it's another now that you're sleeping with him."  
  
"His eyes are still fascinating." Severus said, and Lucius snorted. "But that's only one of his physical attributes that I find appealing."  
  
"I thought I said that it can't be about sex."  
  
"It's not." Severus took in a deep breath. "It's about power." It wasn't just about power, but there was no way that he would tell Lucius that he thought he was falling for the Defense Professor, as distant and cruel as he could be at times. Severus knew that he could change Professor Tyler. He just needed time and the opportunity.  
  
Lucius' eyes widened. "What?"  
  
"Professor Tyler is one of the strongest wizards that I've *ever* come into close contact with. I'd have to be insane to give him up."  
  
Lucius opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before finally speaking. "What about our Lord?"  
  
"The same," Severus smirked. "But Professor Tyler is much younger. Nicer to look at too."   
  
"But just as sadistic."   
  
Severus looked at Lucius sharply. "What do mean by that?"  
  
"Haven't you seen the way that he looks at you during meals?" Severus shook his head. Lucius continued. "He wants you dead. From the looks I've seen, he would happily hang you from those manacles in Filch's office while he skins and disembowels you."  
  
Severus swallowed. "He… he wouldn't. He's just angry." Although he wasn't too sure of that.  
  
Lucius snorted. "It's your life. If you want to take it into your hands and die, then far be it from me to stop you." Lucius was watching Severus as he went back to his potion. "What do you need from me?"  
  
"A bottle of your strongest firewhiskey."  
  
"That's how you're going to administer the stuff?"  
  
"The second dose, at least." Severus ladled the potion into three different vials.  
  
"The second dose?"   
  
Severus turned and looked at Lucius, whose mouth was hanging open.  
  
"That's not a good look on you at all, Lucius." Lucius' mouth snapped shut. "That is what I said. I don't think that one dose will work enough."  
  
"And how are you going to get him to take the first dose?"  
  
Severus pocketed the vials and started to clean out his cauldron. "I'm bribing the house elves in the kitchen to slip it into his pumpkin juice. One dose should work enough that I can convince him to have a drink. That'll be the second dose."  
  
Lucius nodded and the two young men walked back to the Slytherin dorms. Severus waited until Lucius had handed him a bottle of firewhiskey. He left the dorm to stash the bottle in his trunk, when he returned to Lucius' room, he saw him sleeping on his bed. Taking out his wand he approached Lucius. With the wand close to Lucius' temple, Severus whispered the word "Obliviate."  
  
"Sorry, Lucius. I really don't want anyone finding out about my plans for tomorrow evening." Exiting the room, he headed down to the kitchens. He had some house elves to bribe.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Severus knocked on the door again. He had been standing outside of Professor Tyler's room for over five minutes, and there had yet to be an answer. Severus knocked one more time and stepped back to wait some more.  
  
Suddenly the door was flung open. No one was there; it just opened. "If you are going to annoy me all night then please do so from in here. I do not feel like having a conversation while standing in the doorway today."   
  
Looking into the room, Severus saw Professor Tyler sitting in the large overstuffed chair by the fire reading the large book that was his constant companion. He quickly entered and shut the door behind him. Grasping the bottle of firewhiskey tightly in one hand, he approached his professor. "A drink, Professor?"  
  
Professor Tyler looked up from his book and gave a short nod. Severus looked around for the glasses but could not find them. "In the cabinet to the right." Severus moved quickly and took out one glass. He was about to pour when Professor Tyler interrupted him. "First off, I have no intention of taking a shot. Put it on the rocks." Severus nodded. "Second, I'm not stupid enough to drink something from you without you drinking first." Severus paused for a moment before reaching for a second glass. One dose shouldn't affect him too badly. The potion was fairly diluted. He quickly went about preparing the drinks.  
  
Severus kept one glass and handed the other to Professor Tyler. When he didn't lift the glass to his lips Professor Tyler just looked at him and motioned for him to take a sip. Severus gulped down half the glass and then sputtered. Looking at Professor Tyler he saw the corner of the older man's lips curve up slightly. At least he was good for entertainment. He watched as Professor Tyler knocked back the whole glass.  
  
"What happened to not drinking it in one shot."  
  
"I could smell the Inhibeo Reducto potion in it as soon as you handed me the glass. I assume that my pumpkin juice was similarly dosed?"  
  
"Yes, Professor." Severus bit his lip; he hadn't meant to say that.  
  
"I see. The pumpkin juice could mask the scent, but not this. You've never been under the influence of this potion have you?" Professor Tyler seemed uncommonly relaxed.  
  
Severus shook his head. "No, Professor. Have you?"  
  
"Many times. By the time I was eighteen, I had been subjected to this potion approximately ten times." Severus' eyes widened. "I had a friend who thought it was amusing, a couple of friends actually." Professor Tyler's eyes glazed over slightly. "I don't think that it ever turned out quite how they expected it to."  
  
"How so?" Severus recognized that it was the potion that was making him more talkative. He was sure that it was doing the same for Professor Tyler. "What happened?"  
  
"I disappeared most of the time, got away from them and their deranged idea of truth or dare. Usually I would try to just go to sleep." Professor Tyler put his glass down on a side table. He stretched before he spoke again. "What brings you here, Snape?"  
  
Severus had fixated on the way that Professor Tyler's shirt had been pulled up when he stretched. It took him a minute to respond. "I came to talk." The statement was probably belied by the way that he moistened his bottom lip with his tongue.  
  
Professor Tyler stood and moved over to a long table that was positioned against the wall. A large black velvet square rested on the top. It was the only piece of furniture that seemed out of place in the whole room. "So, talk."   
  
Instead of saying anything he watched as Professor Tyler removed the dagger with its sheath from his hip and set it to the side of the velvet. "You aren't still mad about what happened a couple of weeks ago, are you, Professor?"  
  
"I am." Professor Tyler had slipped one hand into his boot and was pulling out some small square projectiles, one by one, and laying them on the velvet.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked Severus, intrigued enough to forget his previous topic.  
  
"Disarming. I have to tip some of my weapons." The causal way that Professor Tyler said it set Severus' teeth on edge.  
  
Having finished with his boots, Professor Tyler was rolling up his shirtsleeve. On his right forearm was a thick band that had five small darts stored in it. "Do you always carry so many weapons?"  
  
"Of course." Professor Tyler was now rolling up his left shirtsleeve. On that forearm was another thick band that sheathed two stilettos. "In the past I've been known to carry more." Professor Tyler unhooked the two arm guards and laid them out before removing the darts and stilettos. It all seemed very methodical.  
  
"What did you mean by 'tip'?"  
  
Professor Tyler looked at him as he removed his wand holster. The holster was set aside while the wand was placed in one of his pockets. "I tip my weapons in various poisons. It makes my job easier."  
  
Severus eyes widened. "You were an assassin before you became a teacher?"  
  
A soft chuckle was his response. "Hardly. Though what I did isn't any of your business, so I suggest you drop it, Mr. Snape." Professor Tyler's hands were now at his hips as he pulled a thin cord from behind his belt.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"A garrote." He laid it at the top of the cloth.   
  
"What's it for?"  
  
Professor Tyler turned and leaned against the table facing him, crossing his arms. He looked rather dangerous. "For strangling people. If you do it right, you can almost take off someone's head." Severus' hand unconsciously went to his throat. Professor Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Something the matter, Mr. Snape?"  
  
Severus quickly shook his head. Professor Tyler reached under the table and took out three different jars. Opening one at a time, he placed an assortment of the projectiles into each before resealing it. At the end he still had a couple of weapons out; these were rolled into the cloth, along with the garrote.   
  
"If you are constantly armed, then what do you do when your weapons are put away?"  
  
"I always keep my dagger with me. I sleep with two darts under my pillow, one poisoned, one not." Professor Tyler put everything away before going back to his chair and picking up his book again. "Of course, I don't need weapons. Like I said, it just makes my job easier."  
  
Severus' mouth was dry. There was something disconcerting about the way Professor Tyler had said that last sentence. "There was a reason you did that while I was here, wasn't there?"  
  
"Of course." A page of his book was turned. "Why don't you tell me what it is?"  
  
"I don't know, sir." Severus mechanically lifted the glass in his hand to his mouth and took a swallow of the liquid.   
  
"I'd be careful of that stuff if I were you." Severus looked down at the glass, remembering that he was dosing himself with an anti-inhibitor potion. "You have to understand I am not someone to be messed with."  
  
"I need to understand that you're dangerous?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Severus shrugged. "I knew that the first time that you showed up. I was on the opposite side of that dagger when you sent it flying toward Lucius."  
  
Professor Tyler narrowed his eyes. "And you don't care?"  
  
"Not at all. Risk can be good. Without risk large gains are not often made." He thought he heard Professor Tyler mutter the word 'Gryffindor' under his breath. Severus bristled. "I am not a Gryffindor!"  
  
"You say it as if being a Gryffindor is a bad thing."  
  
"It is!"  
  
Professor Tyler laced his fingers together and leaned forward. "One day you will discover that there is more to this world then what house you were in while in school. Houses don't matter."  
  
"What house were you in?"  
  
Professor Tyler shook his head, "I didn't have a house."  
  
"You didn't go here?" Professor Tyler shrugged. He didn't offer up any more information. "But you have that tattoo."  
  
"What does my tattoo have to do with this conversation?"  
  
"It shows the houses of Gryffindor, in the shield, and Slytherin, because of the snake."  
  
Professor Tyler leaned back in his chair. "It doesn't have so much to do with Houses as it does with the symbols that represent those houses."  
  
Severus narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What do you mean?"  
  
"The red and gold symbolize loyalty and courage. The snake, cunning and subterfuge." Professor Tyler took in a deep breath. "The mixing of those things into one symbol serves to remind me that all four are necessary in order to survive in the world I live in. Among other things."  
  
"Survive in the world you live in?" The older man wasn't making much sense.  
  
"As a child, you live a sheltered life, protected by home and school."  
  
Severus cut him off. "I am not a child. Nor am I sheltered."  
  
Professor Tyler closed his eyes for a moment. When they reopened they seemed darker, more troubled. "If you insist." Severus could have sworn he heard a whispered 'for now'. "That doesn't change the fact that you are young. You haven't seen everything that the world has yet to offer." Professor Tyler took out his wand, and sent his book flying toward the bookshelf. "You have not seen the effects of war, famine, or disease."   
  
Severus didn't know what to say. He hadn't seen those things. He hoped that he never would; they didn't sound pleasant.  
  
It was obvious that Professor Tyler wasn't expecting an answer. He continued. "There are other things. Atrocities that humans do to each other that they shouldn't. Torture, rape, murder…" Professor Tyler took a deep breath. "Have you seen that?"  
  
Severus shook his head.  
  
Professor Tyler nodded. "When you see all those things and more, then you will understand why some people carry such weapons as mine." Professor Tyler summoned his dagger; Severus closed his eyes, not wanting to see the thing fly towards him again. When he opened his eyes the dagger was resting in Professor Tyler's hand. "I carry weapons to defend myself and others against certain individuals that think they have the right to commit such atrocities. Others carry them to defend such a right." Professor Tyler turned his gaze to Severus.  
  
Severus flinched at the bright green eyes. No longer were they stunning; they were scary. There was something shining in them. At first Severus thought it was anger, but then he wasn't sure. Professor Tyler didn't seem angry.   
  
"What would you carry a weapon to defend against, Mr. Snape?"  
  
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*The Future: Harry Age 21*  
  
Severus stormed into his rooms, and slammed his books and papers down onto his desk. The stupid, insolent, juvenile delinquents. He'd kill them all, every last one of them.  
  
"When I get my hands on whoever put that blasted dungbomb into the strengthening solution…" The sound of the bathroom door closing cut him off.  
  
That's right. Harry was supposed to stop by tonight. Severus vaguely recalled something about going to dinner.  
  
"Thought I heard you grumbling." Harry stepped out of the bedroom dressed in nothing but a towel. "What did they blow up now?"  
  
Severus took a deep breath. The towel was hanging loosely from Harry's waist, droplets of water clung to his skin and his hair. "Three rows of worktables." Severus watched as water dripped from Harry's hair to his floor. "You're wet."  
  
"That's stating the obvious." Harry smirked when Severus glared at him. "Three rows? Quite an accomplishment since there are only six rows to begin with."   
  
"Accomplishment?" Severus let out a harsh sigh and sunk down into his desk chair. Pulling out his wand, he absentmindedly cast a drying spell on Harry. "Do we have to go out tonight?"  
  
"It's just dinner, Severus." Harry crossed his arms.  
  
"I'm sure that I've mentioned I detest the concept of the 'date'."  
  
Harry smirked at him. "Good thing it isn't a date then." Harry cast a cleaning spell to clear up the water that had dripped onto the floor. "Besides, it was your idea that we commemorate my departure from the Auror division of the Ministry."  
  
Severus glowered. "I must have been momentarily out of my mind."   
  
"You probably were, Severus." Harry turned toward the door. "I'm going to go get dressed."  
  
Harry hadn't gone two steps before Severus stopped him, his voice quiet and tense. "What is that thing?"   
  
Harry turned back around. "What is what thing?"  
  
"On your back."  
  
Harry reached his hand behind him and absently scratched the tattoo on his back. "Oh, that. Draco convinced me to get it."  
  
"When?"   
  
"A couple of weeks ago, when the Ministry ordered me to take a weekend off." Harry had a confused look on his face. "Remember, Sev? I offered to spend the weekend here, but you had too much work to do."  
  
Severus nodded weakly in assent.   
  
"Well, the only person available was Draco…"  
  
Severus finished for him. "And whenever you go out with Draco, you get into the most inane situations." Severus rubbed his eyes. "Just go get dressed, Harry."  
  
"Let me guess, you don't like it?"  
  
"It's not that." Severus drew in a deep breath, casting about for something reasonable to say. "I just never thought you the type to have something permanently etched into your skin."  
  
Harry shrugged his shoulders, and entered the bedroom to go get changed.  
  
Severus didn't move from where he was sitting. He couldn't believe it. That tattoo. The same damn tattoo that was in the same place on Octavian Tyler's back.  
  
Severus had noticed many similarities between his past and present lover. The exact same scar on their foreheads, the same color eyes, the same scar on their right bicep, the same build and height. There were countless physical similarities; countless similarities in the their personalities, too. But Severus had always pushed them to the back of his mind. After all, as long as there were enough things different between the two, he could deny that Octavian Tyler and Harry Potter were one and the same. He didn't think he could do so any longer.  
  
When Harry had first come to school, Severus wasn't looking for signs of Octavian in the students. As far as he was concerned, Octavian had disappeared, just like he said he would. Before he even knew who Harry was, Severus had looked out over the group of first years and saw forest green eyes, and a lightning bolt shaped scar hidden by a shock of black hair.  
  
The sight had shocked him, but he had been able to brush it aside. For a moment Severus contemplated that perhaps this was Tyler's son, then Potter's name was called, and he could see the resemblance between James and Harry. For the following five and a half years he had once again pushed the memory of his relationship with Octavian Tyler out of his mind.  
  
While Harry's scar had ignited the spark of remembrance, it was Harry's eyes that really reminded Severus of Octavian over the years. He watched as Potter went through incidents, and confrontations with the Dark Lord. And after each one Severus had seen a new shadow enter the boy's eyes. There had been similar shadows in Octavian's eyes.  
  
It wasn't until after Harry finished Hogwarts that more substantial similarities started to emerge. Some of the personality traits had surfaced before, but Severus had noticed more when Harry had joined the Ministry.  
  
The personality trait that Severus remembered the most was Tyler's sarcastic sense of humor. It bore a striking resemblance to his own dry wit, but with a twist. In Harry's sense of humor, Severus found the same twist that he had associated with Tyler.   
  
Severus looked up as Harry exited the bedroom. He was dressed as he always was when he wasn't on duty with the Aurors. A pair of fitting leather pants, a long-sleeve cuffless shirt and a pair of boots. His dagger, of course, was strapped to his thigh; Severus was sure that Harry had a few other weapons on him, too. His hair wasn't quite long enough to pull back into a tie, stopping shortly before his shoulders.  
  
The sight reminded him of Octavian Tyler, and it wasn't the first time it had done so either. Octavian really looked like an older Harry. A version of Harry that was slightly more battle worn.  
  
The evidence was becoming overwhelming, and the tattoo was the final straw. Harry could very well be Octavian Tyler. And that, thought Severus, was highly disturbing.  
  
As Severus moved into the bedroom, one thought circled in his head, the idea that Harry and Octavian Tyler were most likely the same person disturbed him.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Dinner had been a rather uneventful affair in muggle London. Well, it had been uneventful once Severus had convinced Harry that it was indeed necessary to leave the dagger behind at his rooms in Hogwarts. Harry was rather attached to the blasted thing.  
  
Yes, dinner had been reasonably ordinary. The conversation, on the other hand, had been most troubling to Severus' peace of mind.  
  
What had most bothered him were Harry's future plans. Harry had told him he was going to be taking over the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. That, in and of itself, wasn't overly distressing. But Harry's course plan reminded Severus a little too much of Professor Tyler's classes.  
  
Professor Octavian Tyler had engraved himself into his students' memories. He had been terrific Defense professor, and fair to all the houses. However, some of his methods had been a trifle unorthodox. When he was in a rather bad mood, Tyler would give out pop quizzes. Those quizzes hadn't always been exactly safe.  
  
Severus' class, for example, had spent most of the year learning to defend against physical attacks and high level curses. Tyler would attack, and if you *didn't* end up in the hospital wing -- you passed.  
  
Harry had just outlined a very similar course to Tyler's, including the pop quizzes. Severus knew that Harry hadn't heard about Professor Tyler; he never mentioned the man, and Sirius and Remus tended to not talk much about specific teachers that Harry didn't directly know.  
  
Severus took a deep breath and shifted very carefully, easing his shoulder from under Harry's head. His lover groaned and then twisted until he was lying on his stomach, one arm under his head. Severus sat up and leaned against the headboard. It never ceased to amaze him how Harry would start at the slightest disturbance, but if it was Severus the little brat would stay contentedly asleep.  
  
Severus turned his thoughts inward once again. The evidence was in no way conclusive, but Severus could see the distinct possibility that sometime in the future Harry would be sent back to the past to carry out some plan, most likely of Albus' making. Which would mean that Harry had entered into a relationship with Severus' younger self.  
  
He was sure that, given time, he could accept the fact that his former professor -- whom he had carried on an affair with -- and his current lover were, in all likelihood, the same person. What he was more interested in, at the moment, was how this new information would affect his relationship with Harry.  
  
He and Harry had their difficulties, a fair share of them. They were both stubborn and were, at times, difficult to get along with. But they had overcome all the problems they had to face so far. And Severus knew that there were even more ahead.  
  
He wasn't too Harry's friends finding out about their relationship. Harry had made it clear that he didn't care what his friends' opinion of their relationship was. Neither did Harry have any intention of choosing between his friends and Severus.  
  
There were only two reasons that existed for not telling anyone. The first was to protect Severus' well-being. It could not become common knowledge that he was involved in a relationship with anyone, let alone The-Boy-Who-Lived. It would endanger his position as a spy for the Order of the Phoenix.   
  
The second was infinitely simpler. They just never bothered to tell anyone. They were both immensely private people, and didn't think that it was anyone's business. Severus had informed Albus, and Draco had… stumbled upon the information, but other than those two people, no one knew.  
  
Eventually those close to Harry, and therefore Severus, would discover their relationship. Likewise, it would also come to certain people's attention that Harry was Octavian Tyler.  
  
There had to be a reason that Harry had been sent to the past. As his student, Severus had never come to know why Tyler had come to teach, or to where he had so suddenly disappeared. He had not even learned this when he'd been Tyler's lover. But even as lovers, they hadn't been all that close, even though toward the end he had shared some emotionally charged moments with his professor. He had even fooled himself into thinking that he was in love with the man.  
  
Severus knew better now. In recent years, Severus had come to believe that what he had had with his former professor was just lust. The fact that Harry was Tyler didn't change that. But Severus had also thought that it had just been lust on both sides - and now the situation was now infinitely more complex.   
  
Severus quickly looked down at Harry, who hadn't moved since Severus had shifted out of his position as the younger man's pillow. Severus had no way of knowing what Harry had been thinking as Tyler, why he had slept with him. Harry hadn't been sent back to the past yet, and until that occurred he wouldn't have any way of knowing.  
  
But he couldn't waste any time thinking about that now. It would only lead him in circles, and there were no answers to be had. Severus would not consider these thoughts until Harry was sent back to the past.  
  
Severus looked again in Harry's direction. He was still sleeping on his stomach, the sheet low enough so that the tattoo was visible. The silver snake moved sluggishly over the red and gold shield, but it seemed content. The few times that Severus had seen it before on Tyler, the snake was never content.  
  
Severus shifted and traced his finger down Harry's spine. A pleased sigh escaped. The corner of Severus' mouth lifted, the closest he usually ever came to a smile.  
  
Getting out of bed, Severus pulled on a robe, and padded out of the bedroom into the living room. The fire was dying down, but there was still enough for what he had to do.  
  
Knowing what would happen in the future in no way helped Severus to determine what he should do in the present. To do that, he would have to talk to the only person that knew all the details.  
  
Taking a pinch of powder from a small container on the mantle, Severus threw it into the fire. "Albus Dumbledore."   
  
The sleepy head of the Headmaster appeared in Severus' fireplace. "Severus?"  
  
"Was there a reason that Octavian Tyler was teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts during my sixth year?"  
  
A puzzled expression crossed Albus' face for a moment. "Why do you ask, Severus? Do you realize it's the middle of the night?"  
  
Severus swallowed, his mouth dry. "Because 'Octavian Tyler' is sleeping in my bed at this very moment."  
  
Albus' puzzled expression quickly switched to a surprised one. Severus always enjoyed talking to Albus when he first woke up; the old man had a hard time hiding his reactions. "I don't think that Harry would appreciate that overly much."  
  
"Oh, I don't think that Harry would mind."  
  
The bushy eyebrows under the bright purple nightcap rose. "You don't?"  
  
"I think it highly unlikely. You see, Headmaster, Harry Potter *is* Octavian Tyler."  
  
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	19. Chapter Eighteen: A Shadow versus the R...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On Assignment for Dumbledore, in the past, Harry sees his lover from a whole knew perspective. That of a teacher. Slash.   
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: here, my site, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Author Note: Huge thanks to my beta Isis.  
  
Thank You: Ice Lupus, menecarkawan, Kateri, Temporal, Lee Lee Potter, Kristine Thorne, blackunicorn, Quickjewel, litine, Madame Padfoot, Akemi, Lord R, Sara Wolfe, blablabla, Cat Samwise, Saavik, shadow vampire  
  
Kaat ShadowLover: I was wondering where you disappeared to. I still have a handful of chapters to go, but the story has begun entering its downward spiral.  
  
athenakitty: You're just full of questions this time around, aren't you. ;o) Wish I could answer them all. I like the pop quizzes myself. I've actually woked out a little ficlet about Harry and his pop quizzes. I'll probably be posting that soon.  
  
Lana: Why thank you! I'm flattered.  
  
Setsuna: Thank you very much. Hope it didn't give you too much of a headache.  
  
sunny-historian: Good thing I have the whole thing plotted out, huh? Otherwise I might've had to disappear for a while too. hehe.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
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Chapter Eighteen: A Shadow versus the Real Thing  
  
*The Past*  
  
Severus Snape didn't move for a long time. The Death Eaters were still gathered around the trembling body of the teenage boy. He was huddled down, his face buried in his knees. They had already raped and murdered his little sister; her body was sprawled not too far away. Severus didn't think that he would ever get her screams out of his head.  
  
It was Severus' first meeting with the older Death Eaters. He had been chosen, along with Lucius and a few select others, to start attending the full meetings, the meetings where things 'got done'. At least, that was what Severus had been told.   
  
Severus tried not to look into the center of the circle, but morbid fascination made his gaze wander toward the sight. The little girl had been no more than twelve years old. Her hair had been golden blonde with a slight curl. Had been, until the blood had pooled around her head, and had turned it a ruddy red. She had been pretty, as far as girls went. And now she was dead.   
  
Three Death Eaters had taken part of her torture. Two held her down as one ripped off the skirt she was wearing. That one had beaten her, until she stopped crying. But when he finally forced himself on her, she had screamed. Lucius had grinned over at Severus as he held the boy down, forcing him to watch his sister's rape. She had been silent when she died.  
  
Afterward Voldemort had said that it had all been done because she was a muggle, and therefore useless. He had said that she was too filthy to be killed with magic. Her parents were to be sent a picture. Her brother was going to take it back. And take the blame for her rape and murder.  
  
The whole thing had been overkill, but it appeared as if he was the only one who realized that. Severus' gaze slid to the boy. He must have sensed Severus staring at him because his eyes locked with Severus'. There was no life in the boy's eyes. A shiver went down Severus' spine at the sight.  
  
Someone had seen the small movement of the boy's head. "Crucio." Severus couldn't tear his gaze away as the boy convulsed and writhed on the floor once again. Over the last half an hour he had been subjected to the Cruciatus curse multiple times.   
  
As quickly as the curse started, it ended. Severus watched as the boy took in large gulps of air, his chest heaving. A trickle of blood ran down his chin from where he had bit his lip in pain. Severus quickly looked away; he could no longer stand to watch.  
  
Instead Severus stared at Lord Voldemort. He was standing toward the edge of the circle, a cold sneer plastered on his face. He was nothing like he had been during Severus' initiation and the meetings that Severus had been able to attend afterward. Then, he had been personable, and Severus had felt like he wanted to please him.   
  
Now, Severus realized that he had no choice other than to please him. Failure would no doubt result in the sight that had greeted them when they arrived.  
  
A man had been magically skinned and quartered. His body was hung in pieces along the side wall. The white mask of the Death Eaters was still in place over his face, the only reason that Severus had been able to tell he had once been one of them.  
  
After they had all gathered in the traditional circle, Voldemort had casually waved his hand toward the body. "A lesson, for our new friends." Severus had known that it was a warning for himself and the others that were new to the full meetings.  
  
That was when the girl and her brother had been brought in.  
  
Severus felt as though he were going to be sick; he had recognized the voice that had cast the last Crutiatus on the young man. It had been his father's. Severus restrained himself from looking around the circle for him. He wouldn't be able to identify him with his mask on anyway.  
  
He was trying to listen to the words that were flowing out of his Lord's mouth, but the roiling in his stomach distracted him. He could feel the thickening of saliva in his mouth and the bitter taste it had. The metallic smell of the girl's blood was causing his throat to start contracting. Severus swallowed; he had no intention of being sick in front of these people.   
  
He heard the memory charm being cast, and snapped his head around to look at the man who was kneeling in front of the boy. He was remaking the boy's memory. Telling him that he had kidnapped his sister, tied her down, and then raped her. After, when she had started to cry, he had hit her and slammed her head against the ground until she died. He was told that he had taken a picture to show his parents.   
  
With a shudder the young man opened his eyes, and looked over at his sister. A guttural scream escaped his throat, and tears started pouring down his face. "Sarah, no!" He was shaking his head. "NO! I didn't do it! I didn't!" The last words were barely recognizable through the boy's sobs.   
  
Severus followed the boy's gaze. He was looking at his hands in horror. They were covered in blood. He looked down at his clothes; they were covered in his sister's blood also. "Oh my God. Sarah!" The boy stood and stumbled toward the door. Leaving the body of his sister behind.  
  
Severus knew that when the boy finally returned to his house, the   
  
picture would be found. He was most likely going to go insane with the guilt.  
  
When the door shut behind the frantic boy, some of the Death Eaters began to laugh. Voldemort just smiled. Severus thought that it wasn't quite the smile of a sane man. Not for the first time since the meeting began, Severus wondered what had impelled him to join. He couldn't quite remember.  
  
The meeting ended not long after. Severus couldn't wait to escape. The girl was still lying on the ground, her body forgotten. Severus forced himself to look at her, burning the image of her broken body into his mind. He had been part of her death.  
  
A hand landed on his shoulder. Expecting Lucius, Severus looked behind him. His father was behind him, his mask removed. For the first time in his life Severus saw a smile on his father's face that was directed at him.  
  
"I'm proud of you, Severus. I know you caught that boy's gaze to make him move. You did good, my son."  
  
Severus managed to get all the way back to Hogwarts and the dormitory bathroom before he threw up.  
  
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Harry snapped awake at the erratic banging on his door. A dart hit his closed bedroom door before he realized that the noise was coming from the main door.  
  
He threw off the covers, and headed to answer the door. On his way he cast the Tempus spell. It was 5:30 in the morning.  
  
As soon as the door was in sight Harry waved his hand to open it. It flew open and a black-robed figure fell into a heap on the floor.   
  
"What the bloody hell is going on?" Harry made his way over to the pile of limbs and robes that he was sure was Severus Snape. "Mr. Snape?" Harry had barely finished getting the boys name out when he was knocked over.   
  
Harry managed to get to his knees. Severus was clinging to him, shaking hard. He could feel the tears coursing down the young man's cheek where Severus' face was pressed against his chest. Harry automatically wrapped his arms around the boy, and started to stoke his back in a soothing manner.  
  
"Shhh." Harry took a deep breath. He had no idea what was going on. "Tell me what's wrong."  
  
Severus just shook his head.  
  
  
  
Harry had dealt with upset students before, mostly first years suffering from bouts of homesickness. That was *nothing* like the soul wrenching sobs that were coming from Severus. He had never seen anything like this.  
  
He pushed Severus away slightly so he could look at him. Severus' head was downcast, his hair falling in damp, lank waves around his face, obscuring his features. His shoulders were still shaking. Harry could hear his raspy gasps for air.  
  
Harry grabbed Severus' chin in-between his fingers and forced him to look up at him. Severus' eyes were bloodshot.  
  
"Talk to me, Severus. I'll listen."  
  
  
  
At Severus' nod, Harry pulled him back into his embrace, and just held the trembling young man.  
  
After a minute, Severus started to talk in a quiet, shaking voice.  
  
As Severus' story poured forth, Harry could feel his heart breaking. His Severus never talked about what he saw at Death Eater meetings with him. And certainly Severus had avoided all mention of what he had seen when he was younger.  
  
  
  
"It's my fault too, Professor. I was part of it. I was there, and I didn't do anything to stop it. I might as well have killed her myself!" Severus' voice broke, and he started sobbing again.  
  
Harry could feel tears prickling his own eyes. He forcibly willed them away. He could not afford to be emotional.   
  
He wished he knew what to say. He kept a constant stream of soothing sounds issuing from his mouth.   
  
Harry knew Severus, and he knew that Severus, even the younger version, would never believe he wasn't at fault for the girl's death. He also knew that this wasn't a time for a lecture. All he could do was comfort this younger version of his lover and hope.  
  
Harry wrapped his arms more firmly around Severus, and started to shift so he could get his feet under him. Once he managed that, he stood, with the sixteen year old in his arms, and moved to the couch. He settled them both down, Severus pressed into his side.  
  
Eventually Severus' sobs stopped, and his breathing calmed. When Harry felt Severus' muscles relax, he knew that the younger man had finally cried himself to sleep.  
  
Harry sighed. He summoned his wand before lighting a fire in the large fireplace.   
  
Harry thanked god that it was the weekend, and neither him nor the young Mr. Snape would be expected at breakfast or classes.   
  
Harry spent the time waiting for Severus to wake staring into the fire.  
  
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Severus started awake from his nightmare. He lay perfectly still, breathing heavy, trying to figure out why he was dreaming something so horrible, when his memories from the night before flooded back. The Death Eater meeting, running to Professor Tyler, his emotional breakdown. Could he have been more stupid? The last thing that he had ever wanted his professor to see was to see him lacking in control.  
  
But last night he had been. When his father had approached him after the meeting, he had lost it. His father's approval was the last thing that he wanted. He hated the man. His father had ignored him his entire life. He never cared how well Severus did in any of his classes, or how much trouble he had gotten into over the course of the year. He cared about nothing other than his drinking, his women, his political position, and his money. As far as his father had been concerned, Severus was nothing more than a mistake from one of his affairs. A mistake that he had been forced to adopt and accept as his heir because Severus' grandfather demanded it.   
  
Severus turned to face the back of the couch, then realized where he was. He sat up quickly, hoping that that Tyler wouldn't be around so he could sneak out without having to answer any awkward questions. Luck, however, had never quite been on the Slytherin's side.  
  
"I see that you finally decided to join the land of the living. And I had just started to believe that you were going to be sleeping all day."  
  
Severus looked around him, finally spying the teacher standing in the doorway to his bedroom, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. For once the older man didn't seem stern and forbidding, like he always had appeared. There was a gentleness to his eyes and face that, to Severus, didn't seem to fit with his idea of Professor Tyler.  
  
Professor Tyler moved from where he was standing in the door, and walked past the couch to a side table. There he picked up a tray, and carried it over, setting it down in front of Severus.  
  
"I'm not hungry, Professor."  
  
Tyler nodded his head, but removed the lid covering the plate anyway. "I figured. So it's toast and juice. Just one slice. I expect you to eat it all. And when you're done we're going to have a nice long talk."  
  
That was not what Severus wanted to do. He took his time, ripping his toast into tiny pieces before putting one in his mouth.  
  
"Take as long as you need, Mr. Snape. I've got all day." Tyler's voice contained just a hint of laughter.  
  
Severus took his time eating. Professor Tyler didn't watch him. Instead he wandered back into his bedroom. Severus debated throwing the remainder of the toast into the fire, and was just about to do so when Tyler called to him from the other room.  
  
"I don't think so, Snape. I said I expect you to eat the toast, not feed the fire with it. I've never been fond of the smell of burnt toast." Again, that small hint of laughter.  
  
Severus had no idea how the man knew what he was thinking. It was unnerving, this side of his professor that seemed to think that everything was a joke. Severus' forehead creased in thought. It was almost as if his professor expected him to act this way when he woke up, like he knew how he'd react. But that didn't make any sense. Severus didn't even know himself how he was going to react.  
  
Severus decided that the best thing to do would be to stop thinking and just eat his toast.  
  
The second that Severus finished, Professor Tyler walked out of the other room. "How was your breakfast? Disgusting? Should have known. There's just no pleasing people like you." He picked up the tray and carried it back over to the side table. Severus assumed that the house elves would get to it later.  
  
"People like me?"  
  
Tyler smirked at him good-naturedly. "You know the type. Dark and moody. The ones that think if they stare into the bottom of a cauldron long enough they'll discover the answer to why the universe doesn't work the way they think it should."  
  
"Potion brewing-"  
  
"-is a noble and pure art form, I know." At Severus' questioning gaze Professor Tyler explained. "I happen to know one or two Potion Masters." Tyler narrowed his eyes in thought. "Well one Master, and one that thinks he's a Master. That's a quote out of some old dusty volume that they like to throw at me when they think that I'm getting too 'cheeky'." Tyler's gaze hardened. "How are you feeling?"  
  
Severus felt off balance. This wasn't what he had expected from his professor at all. But it was what he needed, even though he hadn't known that earlier. It wasn't Tyler's normal behavior, but it felt like it should have been. And that's what Severus needed, a sense of normalcy. "Well, I don't feel like the world is spinning in the wrong direction any more."  
  
"Well that's good, I'd hate to see what happens to gravity if the world actually did start spinning the other direction."  
  
Severus' eyes widened. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." He knew that his disdain could be heard, but he didn't care.  
  
His professor smiled at him. "Now I'm positive that you're back to your old self." The smile disappeared a moment later, and Severus was once again on the wrong side of one of Professor Tyler's measuring gazes. "You had no idea what you were getting into when you decided to join the Death Eaters, did you?"  
  
The abrupt turn around startled Severus for a moment. He realized that the kind, laughing man he had seen for a few minutes had disappeared, and it was the professor whom he had spent the last year attempting to figure out in front of him once again. He wanted the relaxing atmosphere from a few seconds ago back. "No, sir."  
  
"Why did you do it? What possessed you to do the equivalent of selling your soul to the devil?"  
  
Severus licked his lips; his mouth had become suddenly dry. He couldn't bring up the words to say that it wasn't that bad. He knew Tyler was right.  
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
Professor Tyler's eyes narrowed in anger. "Can't or won't?" His voice was cold, like he had expected the answer and was upset that it was given.  
  
"Won't." Severus knew his voice sounded small, like a child's. But after last night he didn't think that he'd ever be able to consider himself a child again.  
  
"Who do you think you're protecting by not talking about it? I assure you, not yourself. It's going to eat at you."  
  
"It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it, but I did. And it was for a stupid reason." Severus sank back into the couch, his shoulders hunched and his arm crossed. "Why do you care anyway?"  
  
"Because you are under my supervision. Because you gave me the right to pry into your life the moment that you came in here last night."  
  
"I came here last night because I thought you cared."  
  
"I do."  
  
"As a lover or as a student?"  
  
Professor Tyler's eyes looked away for a moment before turning to rest on him once again. "Does it matter?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"As a student."  
  
Severus flinched. It felt as if he had just been slapped. "Then what was I? Just someone you used when you couldn't have your lover? Are those his initials, Professor? T.M.R. Did he carve-"  
  
"Shut. Up."  
  
Severus snapped his mouth closed. The man sitting across from him wasn't his professor, and certainly wasn't the man that had greeted him upon waking. He wondered just how many facets existed to Professor Octavian Tyler.  
  
"Don't talk about things you know *nothing* about." Tyler's voice came out as a whisper, but still managed to be forceful.   
  
Severus realized that this was who he would face if they were to meet on opposite sides of a battlefield. This was the man that carried those weapons he had been so careful to show Severus. And now Severus knew why. Tyler had known they were on opposite sides. He had known just what type of man the Dark Lord was.  
  
"Why didn't you stop me?" Severus whispered.  
  
"Stop you from what?"  
  
"Going to the meetings. When I came to you the first time, I told you that I had joined Dark Lord, but you didn't do anything."  
  
"Exactly. You had already joined him, what did you expect me to do?"  
  
"It's all your fault, Octavian!" Severus stood glaring at his professor. "I joined him because of you. That's why I 'sold my soul'. Are you happy now? You know."  
  
Severus turned away, and didn't see his teacher's eyes close or his fists clench tightly. He didn't see when Tyler ran his fingers through his hair, yanking out the tie that held his hair in place. And he certainly didn't see the single tear that his teacher angrily swiped away.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I saw you with your lover, and I thought that the only chance that I would ever have had just disappeared." Severus didn't turn around. "Because I listened to Lucius, who told me that the Dark Lord could give me power. And who in their right mind could refuse someone with power?"  
  
"Don't you get it? I'm not worth that. I don't matter. I'm leaving at the end of the year. You never really had a chance." Tyler's voice had started out quietly but grew in volume with every word.  
  
Severus turned to face his teacher. He couldn't see his face; it was hidden by a curtain of hair. "You can't leave. If I don't have you, I have nothing. I've destroyed my life, and the only thing I have left is you. I love you!"  
  
Tyler shook his head. He didn't say anything for a moment. Eventually, he looked up at Severus, his eyes dark. "I'm sorry. But I don't love you."  
  
"Then what is this thing going on between us."  
  
"Lust, and me being stupid and giving into the whims of a child."   
  
"I'm not a child. It's because of my Mark, isn't it? Because of what I've done. Because I'm a Death Eater."  
  
"No, it's not. The Dark Mark on your arm would not stop me. And it's obvious that you aren't happy in your choice of being a Death Eater. The truth is that I can't love you because you are just a child. One taste of hell isn't enough to make you grow up overnight."  
  
Severus wished he could see his professor's face. But Tyler hadn't moved at all. "But I want to be with you." Severus' voice sounded petulant even to his own ears.  
  
"You can't."  
  
Severus didn't say anything. It felt as if someone was squeezing something in his chest, keeping him from breathing properly. He turned around and ran out the door, slamming it behind him.  
  
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Harry sighed when the door slammed shut. He had known exactly how that conversation was going to go. He had gone through a very similar one his sixth year. He had hated every minute of it, and the last thing he had wanted was to force Severus through it. But it had to be done. He had a future to go home to.  
  
Harry pushed his hair out of his face. Strands still fell into his eyes, but he knew that it was a losing battle. He could never get his hair to behave, no matter how long it was.   
  
The words that Severus had said were still ringing in his ears. "It's all your fault, Octavian! I joined him because of you." Whatever reason Severus had for joining the Death Eaters, he hadn't expected that to be it. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.   
  
Harry stared into the fire. He couldn't think about that now. He had the rest of the school year to get through, and wondering at Severus' reason would just eat at him. He'd wait until he returned to the future.   
  
Harry, instead, turned his thoughts to the younger version of his lover. Severus' reaction to Harry's behavior when he had woken up had been amusing; the poor boy hadn't known what had possessed his professor.  
  
Harry would be the first to admit that he didn't know everything. In fact, sometimes he believed Severus when he would tell him that he knew absolutely nothing. But Harry did know one thing. And that was what his lover needed after a particularly bad Death Eater meeting.  
  
Severus always said that he needed to be alone. Harry, however, knew better. Severus needed to be distracted; he needed things to be normal. And the only way that Harry knew to do that was to do what he always did. Annoy the man.  
  
Severus could never hold down food in the morning after going to a meeting, but if he didn't eat then he would be in the hospital wing before he got halfway through his first class. Harry had seen it time and time again. So since Harry had started to live with Severus he had made sure there was always toast the next morning. It had been amusing to realize that this Severus was going to toss the toast into the fire. Harry couldn't remember how many times his lover had succeeded in doing just that before Harry had developed a sixth sense for it.  
  
Harry sighed. It was a familiar role that he had played out that morning. His role of the impertinent Gryffindor brat. It was one that he was used to, but it had felt odd with the younger Severus. He didn't want the younger man to know that side of him. He didn't want the younger man to know him at all.  
  
Harry looked toward the fire again. The dark smoke was curling into abstract shapes. He didn't want this Severus to be hurt. He knew that if this Severus had been hurt, then his was. And he had done it. His Severus would probably say something along the lines of "what goes around comes around", and then shrug when Harry asked for a proper explanation. Harry thought that he just might have gotten it this time. The only problem was: where did this circle of punishment start?  
  
He had repeated some of the same words that Severus had said to him during his sixth year. "I don't matter… But I don't love you… Because you're a child… You can't be with me." The memory was a painful one for Harry. Severus had accused 'Octavian' of not loving him because of his mark; Harry had accused Severus of the same because of his scar. Harry hadn't thought of himself as a child either. By the time he had been sixteen, he had faced more than just a 'taste of hell'. Looking back, Harry realized just how much of a child he had been at the time.  
  
And that is where things differed. Harry had told the younger version of Severus that he was just a child. Severus, on the other hand, had agreed with Harry, saying that Harry wasn't a child-  
  
No, that wasn't right. Severus agreed that Harry hadn't had a chance to truly *be* a child, but for his own sanity he had to think of Harry as one. Having a childhood and being a child were two totally different things. Harry hadn't had a childhood, but his thought processes had been those of a child. So Severus had been able to honestly say that Harry had seen things that no child should have, but in the next sentence say that Harry was still a child.  
  
And like a child Harry had demanded that Severus prove it to him. And in a moment of logic that Harry couldn't quite figure out, probably because it was Severus he was dealing with, he was answered. "I don't have to prove anything to you, Mr. Potter. And that is what makes you a child."   
  
Harry leaned back in his chair, and stared at the ceiling. "You couldn't do it, Sev. You couldn't prove me wrong except in one thing. Children expect answers and adults know that answers do not always exist."   
  
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*The Future: Harry age 20*  
  
"Ron, last time I checked, my desk was not a chair." Harry brushed past one of the department secretaries and into his cramped office at the Ministry of Magic, Auror division.  
  
"Last time I checked, your chairs weren't supposed to be used as storage." Ron waved his hand at the pile of papers that covered both of the small chairs. "And last time I sat in *your* chair, you got mad at me."  
  
"Cut the cheek, Weasley." Harry hid his smile, and went to sit in his seat behind the desk.  
  
"You've been spending too much time at Hogwarts with those slimy Slytherins."  
  
"I'd be careful of what you say, Ron. You never know who's behind you."   
  
Ron twisted around to see if there was anyone behind him, and fell off the desk. The look on the redhead's face was just too much for Harry; he started laughing.  
  
"Very funny, Harry." Ron got to his feet, and rubbed his backside.  
  
"What do you want?"   
  
"You didn't put me on the assignment roster, sir. I need to know what I'm supposed to be doing this week." Harry looked up. Ron's good humor had vanished, and Auror Ronald Weasley was standing at attention.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. He was starting to hate this job. "Cut it, Weasley." Ron's relaxed slightly, but Harry could still feel the tension cutting into the good humor that the two shared. "Are you sure that it wasn't up? I know that I put you on something. Wait a minute."   
  
Harry rummaged around on the desk for some papers.  
  
Eventually, he got up and went over to the two chairs that were covered. He had to talk to the head of department about getting a few filing cabinents. Finally he found what he was looking for, his copy of the week's roster. Ron's name wasn't on it.  
  
"What did I do with you?"  
  
Ron bit at his bottom lip, obviously to keep from laughing.   
  
"Is something funny?"  
  
"Hermione would never be this disorganized."  
  
"I see that you haven't seen her office lately."  
  
Ron's professional demeanor dropped. "You're joking. Hermione's office, a mess? I don't believe it."  
  
"It's true. Aha." Harry finally found a parchment with some illegible scribbling on it. He turned it around a few times until he figured out which side was the top, and squinted his eyes to read the writing. "You're supposed to be on the team heading to the Malfoy estate."  
  
"Come on, Harry. Not that."  
  
"You're team head, I put two others with you. You're bringing in Lucius Malfoy, and gathering anything that can be used against him." Harry narrowed his eyes. "Be selective, Ron."  
  
"I'm on *that* team because you want me to protect the little bastard, don't you."  
  
Harry had to choose his wording carefully. The last thing he needed was for the wrong person to overhear this comment. He'd be in front of the advisory board in a second. "I expect you to do the right thing."  
  
Ron gnashed his teeth together. Harry had seen this look before. Ron was sulking. "Fine."  
  
"That's all. I'll redo the assignment roster and have it up within a couple of hours."  
  
Ron turned on his heel, and headed out the door. Harry only caught snatches of what he was muttering. "Stupid… boyfriend… cheating… bastard…" was mixed in with a lot of unintelligible grumbling.  
  
"Weasley doesn't seem very happy with whatever assignment you've given him, Potter."  
  
Harry looked up from his desk to see his least favorite Ministry official walking into the room. Cornelius Fudge. "Hello, Minister. How can I help you?"  
  
Fudge walked into the room, and looked around with a disparaging gaze. He glared at the stack of papers that were on the chairs before turning to face Harry. "I was looking over the assignment roster and -"  
  
"I know. I'm fixing it right now."  
  
"I'm glad to know that, Auror Potter. We can't afford to have you go out on the field right now."  
  
"What!?"  
  
Fudge took out a handkerchief and swatted at his forehead. "I'm sure that you understand the need to keep our strongest aurors here. It's people like you that keep this division running."  
  
"I'm not taking myself off the roster. We're short-handed this week. I'm needed."  
  
"Of course, it's really not my job to tell you what to do," said Fudge, crumpling the handkerchief in one fist. "I'll just take this to Moody and let him straighten you out."  
  
That had probably been the worst idea Dumbledore had had in recent years, persuading Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody to leave retirement, and head up the Auror division of the Ministry. Half the Aurors under him thought he was a genius; the other half thought he was a crackpot old fool. Harry was somewhere in between.  
  
"There is no reason to get Alastor involved in this, Minister."   
  
"There is every reason. If you are short-handed then get some Junior Aurors to fill in. They need the field work."  
  
Harry shook his head. The Junior Aurors just didn't have the experience needed. "I'm sorry, sir, but I don't have any JA's under me. Their rosters are done by someone else."  
  
Fudge stuffed the handkerchief into a pocket, and placed his pudgy hands palm down on Harry's desk. "Now see here, Potter. That roster better be taken down and fixed or else you will find yourself going up against the advisory board for insubordination. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
"Quite, Minister. I'll just inform Alastor that you were nosing around and playing with the schedules again, and that is why my name was taken off the roster."   
  
Fudge breathed in heavily through his nose. "No reason to do that. After all, I just have your best interests in heart." Fudge moved to the door. "I'll just be going now. I expect to hear good things about you, Potter. Oh, one other thing. In addition to the files and reports you have to process, I need copies of them, in triplicate, by the end of the week. Hand signed by all parties." Fudge started to head out the door, but turned around. "I almost forgot. Make sure to mark all the pertinent information. I tend to get bogged down with work, it'll make my life so much easier."  
  
Harry sighed and looked around his office. The piles on his office chairs accounted for only a third of the paperwork he had to deal with; the rest was in stacks on his desk, on the floor, and even on the windowsill. With all the things magic could do, thought Harry, it was a shame nobody had yet come up with a spell to speed up paperwork.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"Look, Potter, I know that you wanted to go out on assignment, and I know that I told you it would be best if you took that mission. But with Cornelius nosing around, like the little mole he is, I can't have you going."  
  
Harry closed his eyes and clenched his teeth together. So this is what Ron felt like earlier when Harry had assigned him the Malfoy estate. "But, sir…"  
  
Moody raised his eyebrow at the formality; Harry visibly relaxed. "Harry, get that paperwork for Fudge out of the way tonight. And don't get too upset when he tosses it into the bin in front of you tomorrow."  
  
"Alastor, what's the point? All the best field agents have been stuck behind desk jobs for the last six months. Half the aurors are scared of getting a good review. Too many of those and they might end up behind a desk."  
  
"You know as well as I do that Fudge is downplaying the need for aurors. He's still trying to convince the populace-"  
  
"That everything is fine in the world, and that Dumbledore is a bumbling old fool that's panicking."  
  
"Exactly. Now be quiet while I finish what I was saying." Moody tapped one finger on the desk, his glass eye floating about freely, as usual. Harry avoided looking at it. "Tomorrow, after Fudge gets his paperwork, I'm going to temporarily reassign you and a few others. Albus has informed me of something that he doesn't think the Order has the manpower to handle. I'm sending five of my top aurors -- that includes you -- to meet up with an anonymous source. I'm sure that you'll be able to handle it from there."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
Moody waved his wand toward the door and it opened without a sound. "Go on, Potter. You've got paperwork to do."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"What part of 'dinner at seven with me and Hermione tonight' didn't you understand?"  
  
Harry sat back on Ron's couch. Hermione had left the flat over an hour ago; Harry had just stumbled out of the fireplace. "The 'at seven' part." Harry sighed and put his head in his hands; he had a massive headache.  
  
"It's 11:30."  
  
"I know."  
  
"What have you been doing?" Ron sat down on the footstool so he could look at Harry.  
  
"Paperwork." Harry lifted his head. "I'm sorry, Ron. It's just-"  
  
"I'm not really interested in your excuses, Harry. I know the Ministry's been overworking you. I just didn't think it would be impossible for you to sneak away and have dinner with your two best friends." Ron stood up and paced over toward the kitchen. "We've barely seen you since you've moved out of here. And that's saying something since you moved to Hogwarts, and Hermione only lives in Hogsmeade."  
  
It wasn't that he hadn't tried to see them; he just didn't have time. Hell, he didn't even have time to see Severus all that often, and he lived with the man. "Ron, I… I better go home."  
  
"Yeah, we wouldn't want that lying bastard that you're living with to worry about you."  
  
Harry lifted both eyebrows slightly.  
  
"I saw Draco with a girl at the Leaky Cauldron last week. And the week before that he was with a guy at the Hog's Head."  
  
"Since when do you go to the Hog's Head?"  
  
"Sirius saw him, but he didn't want to tell you." Ron turned to face Harry. "If you two are having problems again-"  
  
"It's fine, Ron. Dray and I are fine. I already knew; it's not what you think. Just, please, don't worry about it."  
  
"You're my best mate, Harry. I do worry about you."  
  
"I know. But really, it's not what you think. Draco and I are getting along fine." Just not in the way that you're thinking, he silently added.  
  
"Fine. Just remember you can always move back here. With the schedule the Ministry has you on, it might be for the best."  
  
"Maybe." Harry didn't particularly want to move back in with Ron, but the arrangement did have its advantages.  
  
"Don't forget to stop by and pick me up on your way to work tomorrow."  
  
"What time do I have to be there?"  
  
"The team leaves at oh-five-hundred. So that means that we'd have to be there at least by 4:30 in the morning."  
  
Harry sighed. Another night with little to no sleep. By the time he apparated to Hogsmeade and walked up to the castle… "Right then, I'll be here at 4:15. See you tomorrow."  
  
"Today, Harry. It just turned midnight." As soon as Ron said that the old fashioned clock in the corner started to toll the hour.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"Shite."   
  
  
  
Severus groaned and rolled over. He flung his arm out to where his lover usually slept, but the place was empty.   
  
"Fumbling around in the dark will only lead to bruised and bloody toes, Harry."  
  
Harry growled low in his throat.   
  
Severus looked over at Harry's muggle clock. 3:30. He didn't remember Harry coming home the night before. "How was dinner?"  
  
"You're awfully talkative for this time in the morning."  
  
"You're coming in awfully late. The least you could do is let a decrepit old man like me sleep."  
  
"You were sleeping when I got home at 12:30. If I hadn't stubbed my toe you'd still be asleep." Harry cast a weak Lumos and looked under the bed. "In fact, just go back to sleep, Severus. I'm running late enough as it is."  
  
"Late? It's 3:30 in the morning, and you're running late?"  
  
Harry stood up. In the weak light Severus could see the bloodshot eyes and drawn features of his lover. "Yes, late. I have to be at Ron's by 4:15. Which means that I actually I have to be there at ten till to pull Ron bodily out of bed." Harry turned around. "Where the bloody hell are my boots?"  
  
"By the door, where they always are." Severus sat up, the sheet falling down to his waist. He watched as Harry exited the room. "Why do you have to go in so early?"  
  
"I don't know, maybe because I'm required to?"  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow at the sharp tone. "Care to rephrase that, Potter?"  
  
Harry heaved a harsh sigh. "Sorry. I have to see a team off on assignment. Make sure the prelim work checks out… Never mind."  
  
Severus smirked. Harry knew him well. Details were fine when concerning potions and spying, but he wasn't interested in the minutia that was Harry's job. "You brought it on yourself by staying out so late. If you had gotten home earlier you wouldn't be this short tempered."  
  
Severus caught Harry rolling his eyes at him in his peripheral vision.  
  
"If you must know, I never made it to dinner."  
  
"Why not? Draco was telling me how much you were looking forward to it."  
  
"I had paperwork to do. And don't get mad at me for talking to Draco more than you lately. He was helping me coordinate the raid on Malfoy Manor." Harry shot him a quick glance. "Which is what I have to go and make sure goes off without a hitch this morning."  
  
Severus raked one hand through his hair. It caught in quite a few snarls, and he glowered. He *had* been momentarily jealous of Draco. It hadn't been pleasant. "They're overworking you, Harry."  
  
"You think that I don't realize that?" Harry was hastily buttoning up a shirt.  
  
"You're better than a desk job. The Ministry is wasting you."  
  
"Well then, tell that to Fudge. He pulled me off the active roster yesterday."  
  
Severus narrowed his eyes. "Why?"  
  
"Because he's a prick." Harry pulled on a boot. "I don't know. And Moody agreed with him." The other boot slipped on. "I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything."  
  
"Come back to the Order."  
  
Harry walked over to the bed and stuck his hand under his pillow. "I can't. I really don't want to teach Defense. We've been over this." He brushed his lips against Severus'. When he pulled away his dagger was in his hand; he slipped it into his boot. "Besides, if I stick it out long enough I'll make head of department. Then maybe I can get things done. Above board."  
  
"You want to get things done officially? Good bloody luck. Not with Fudge as Minister."  
  
Harry sat at the edge of the bed. Severus watched as he closed his eyes for a moment and then swallowed. "It's pointless isn't it, Severus?"  
  
"You're acting like a stupid Gryffindor. Haven't you learned anything? Nothing in the Ministry is 'above board'. Why do you think that that the majority of politicians were Slytherins?"  
  
"I am a Slytherin."   
  
"According to you, you're Houseless."  
  
Harry glared.  
  
"And to me, you will always be an impertinent and petulant Gryffindor brat."   
  
"I love you too, Sev." Harry sighed then stood and walked out of the bedroom.  
  
I love you *too*. Severus had never actually told Harry he loved him, but this wasn't the first time that Harry had responded with that when Severus had called him a hotheaded Gryffindor with that. He wasn't sure when he had fallen in love with Harry, but he had. His jealousy of Draco and the amount he worried about Harry was proof. Of course, that didn't mean that he would ever actually tell Harry.   
  
Severus got out of bed and walked out into the living room. Harry was rifling through a stack of papers, pulling some out and stuffing them into a satchel.  
  
"I might not be behind that desk much longer. Alastor is pulling me out. Something about a favor for Albus." Harry looked up. "You wouldn't know anything about it, would you?"  
  
"No." All he knew was that it was bad, and that wouldn't help Harry. He'd find out the details soon enough. But if Harry got hurt…  
  
"Harry?"  
  
Harry paused and looked up at him again. "What?"  
  
Severus swallowed. "Bond with me."  
  
Harry snorted, and closed up his satchel. "I never took you for the soul bonding sort."  
  
"That's not what I was talking about."  
  
"Then what… Not the well thing? You aren't talking about that?" Harry set his satchel on the table.  
  
"Actually, I am."  
  
"Why?" Harry's voice was barely above a whisper.  
  
"I want to make sure that, in your Gryffindor stupidity, you don't get yourself killed."  
  
"No." Harry shook his head, picked up his satchel, and walked to the door. "I'll see-"  
  
"I love you, that's why." The words were out before he could stop them.  
  
Harry turned and looked at him, not speaking.  
  
"Bond with me, Harry."  
  
Harry turned the knob. As he was walking out the door he looked over his shoulder at Severus. "You're crazy."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* 


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Dreams, Hope, and Lov...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On Assignment for Dumbledore in the past, Harry sees his lover from a new perspective. That of a professor. SLASH  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: ff.net, my site, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Beta: Huge thanks to my beta Isis. Any mistakes you see, blame me.  
  
Author's Note: I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. But my laptop might as well have. It died just as I was posting the last chapter. But I have a new one that isn't going to be dying anytime soon. The next chapter should be out in a timely manner. I already have half of it done.  
  
Thank You: Wow, 437 reviews! I'm amazed. litine, Lady Cinnibar, Mikee (you'll see), Teigra, Saavik (thank you), Quickjewel, ntamara, Korinna Myorin, TigerBlak, Lord R [ =) ], Cat Samwise, coriander, menecarkawan, Scythe, Katriena, mystic-flower, shadow vampire, darkangelfrmhell, Sin, trinchardin, Heiress of Slitherin, Sara Wolfe (I wouldn't exactly call him romantic, but Sev does have his moments), Tidmag (do you think a Boston Creme donut would work? They're my favorites), Akemi  
  
athenakitty: *Takes a deep breath* I go into more detail about the bond in chapters 12 and 13, and I did it a lot better than I would right now, I'm a little sleepy. No soul bond, I don't think that Severus would tolerate something that sweet and fluffy. Besides I don't think he would want to know what Harry was thinking or feeling all the time. Four or five chapters, including this one. I'm writing out a partial timeline below... As for the Fudge and Voldie stuff, I'm afraid I won't be going into. I'll explain why at the end of Paradox.  
  
Kaat ShadowLover: Let me help you out... *looks around for notes scrawled all over the place on Paradox*   
  
-At 17 Harry is (obviously) in his 7th year, that's when their relationship begins. It's offical to the two of them...  
  
-Immediately after he leaves Hogwarts, Harry moves to Romania to study dragons, and lives with Charlie Weasley. He was supposed to stay for a year and a half, but ended up only staying a year before returning to England/Scotland.  
  
-While in Romania, Harry decided to join Ron in his quest to become an Auror, so at 19 he moved in with Ron and started Auror training. I'll not even get into what Severus thought of that decision.  
  
-But, he only lived with Ron a less than a year before deciding that he *never* got to see Severus, and he moved in with him.  
  
-Which brings us to this chapter... (I'll finish the timeline at the end. I promise. Just read this chapter first!)  
  
Lee Lee Potter: Just the first time? Go back and read chapter fifteen, Severus only said "I love you" once in their WHOLE relationship. And yes that was it. *ducks flying objects as readers realise what DL has done* The whole story has built up to THE CONVERSATION. That'll be here soon. Just a chapter or so to go before it.  
  
venus4280: I loved your review. It was so long, and so detailed. I love it when people tell me the little things they liked. Most of the younger Severus' dealing with Octavian have been from Severus' point of view. That was actual done on purpose. Harry's viewpoint on the whole situation will come to light, eventually. And I really did try to make this chapter just as good as the last. Hope it lives up to your expectations.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then I set my claim.   
  
Chapter Nineteen: Dreams, Hope, and Love  
  
*The Past*  
  
Harry rarely paid attention to the morning post. He didn't bother with the Daily Prophet – it's articles rarely showed any journalistic integrity -- and the Quidditch magazines of this time were out of date to him. And he never received any letters, for obvious reasons. But this morning there was something that grabbed his attention.  
  
Winging its way to the Slytherin table was a Peregrine Falcon, a scroll clutched in one of its claws. This was an unusual sight. Falcons were rarely used to deliver post since they were so unreliable. This wasn't due to their bad temperament; it was actually because they wouldn't deliver a letter after just being told the person's name. The receiver had to give the falcon a signal. Therefore both the sender and the receiver had to know the falcon.   
  
Harry waited.  
  
Within moments a whistle sounded from the Slytherin table, and the falcon flew to the outstretched arm of Severus Snape. Harry narrowed his eyes and tried to think of who would send a letter to Severus by falcon. It took him a moment before he put the pieces together. Severus' grandfather.  
  
Harry watched as Severus unrolled the scroll and stared at the writing. Lucius was attempting to lean over and see what was written, but Severus pushed him off. The young man's face paled; he quickly stood up and left the Great Hall, his robes flying out behind him.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Severus ran out and made his way toward the lake, the parchment he had received that morning clutched in his hand. He settled under his favorite tree, a large beech located near the lake; it was tall enough to hide behind if anyone was looking to find him. Severus didn't want to talk to anyone.  
  
His life was falling apart.  
  
*// Severus,  
  
To say that I am disappointed in you is a understatement. I am incensed. I never thought that you would degrade yourself to partake in the baser pastimes that have so entertained your father over the past years. When he informed me of your latest exploits, I began to wonder if I did well in raising you. I know that I failed your father; have I similarly failed you?  
  
I chose to align myself with Tom Riddle long before he became known as Lord Voldemort. Because of this, I have a much more stable position than his lackeys, which he refers to as his Death Eaters. For some reason, they find that title admirable. I find it repulsive and far below any respectable wizard. If I had known then what I know now about Voldemort, I would not have chosen to ally myself with him.  
  
I tell you now that Voldemort is not sane. He has become obsessed with the destruction of all muggles, and those witches and wizards who choose to associate with the lower echelons of our society. Though I agree with his sentiments about muggles, half-bloods, and mudbloods, I do think that he is going about ridding the wizarding world of their nuisances the wrong way.   
  
Murder is not a suitable pastime for any well-bred gentleman. Yet he delights in it. Why you have chosen to follow him is beyond my comprehension.  
  
I will not have a murderer in my house. That is the reason your father is not allowed to enter the manor. The same can now be said of you. I do not want to see you or hear from you until you find a way to fix the mess that you have gotten yourself into.  
  
Your father has graciously agreed to keep you at his residence in London. I know that you do not appreciate having to stay with him, but remember: 'you reap what you sow'.  
  
Solvanius Snape//*  
  
Severus crushed the crisp parchment in his hands.  
  
He wasn't allowed to go home. The refuge of the manor was denied to him; in fact, he was expected to stay with his father in the flat he kept in London. He might as well have been sentenced to hell.  
  
Severus remembered the last time he had to spend the holidays with his father. He had barely escaped the majority of his father's drunken rages, not to mention the times he had to wander Diagon Alley and later Piccadilly Circus waiting for whatever whore his father had brought home that night to leave.  
  
Severus sighed. He had other options; he didn't have to spend the summer holidays with his father. Perhaps he could convince his stepmother to allow him to stay with her in Italy. He couldn't suppress an ironic smile at the thought. Who was he fooling? That would never happen; she absolutely detested him and his whole family. All because of his father.  
  
There was always Lucius. Severus was sure that he could manage to convince his friend to invite him over for some extended visits, which would almost add up to the whole summer. Lucius spent a great deal of time alone; his parents were constantly traveling, and he rarely went with them.  
  
But would that help matters? He had lost his grandfather's approval. All because of a mistake that he already regretted. Staying with Lucius or his father wouldn't aid in getting himself out of the Death Eater circle.  
  
Severus clenched his teeth. A lackey. Voldemort thought that they were all his minions. No wonder his grandfather didn't agree with it. Severus had always been taught to be his own master, not anyone's subordinate. He should have thought more about what he was doing.   
  
There was no way out of this situation. At least, no way that he could see. The only person that he would even consider going to was Tyler, but he refused to subject himself to the humiliation of going to Tyler for help. Not after the last conversation they had had.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry looked out of his office window. He had heard from his fellow teachers that Severus had skipped all of his classes for the day. No one had seen him -- at least no one who was telling. Harry had the feeling that Hagrid might know, but he couldn't just go up to him and demand to know where Severus was hiding.  
  
He had finally gotten Severus to leave him alone; not in the best way, but the boy was staying far away from him. And yet Harry knew that something wasn't right. He shouldn't get involved. But he couldn't just let Severus stay hurt.   
  
Harry turned away from the window, and decided that some exploration of the Hogwarts' grounds was in order.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Severus didn't notice the person that settled on the ground next to him until he heard his name. At the sound he started, and turned to see the one person he didn't want to. "Professor Tyler."  
  
"Mr. Snape." Tyler propped his head against the tree and looked toward the sky. "I've heard that you didn't find your classes today exactly appealing."  
  
"I had more important things to do."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Don't pretend you care, Professor," Severus sneered.   
  
"But I do."  
  
"Because I'm just another bloody student?"  
  
A thoughtful looked crossed the professor's face. "Not exactly. As much as I regret certain things, you can't be just a student to me." Severus looked up, but Tyler didn't stop speaking. "That doesn't mean I care for you as more than just a student. At least not at this point." Tyler's eyes had a far away look, like he was lost in a memory.  
  
Severus didn't respond; he didn't know what to say or how to react. He tried to hide the flush that he knew covered his cheeks by turning his head away. He had a chance -- in the future -- but it was still a chance. He opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it back shut.  
  
He didn't want to hear Tyler's reasons why they couldn't be together now. He had heard them enough. And he didn't want to jinx his chances for the future; Tyler could always take back what he had just said. The silence lengthened. Severus felt an intense need to say something. To stop Tyler from thinking. To stop himself. "It's just a childish problem, Professor. And you aren't interested in *children*."  
  
"I teach them. Or were you referring to something else?"  
  
"Doesn't matter."  
  
"I don't agree."  
  
A harsh sigh. "Of course you don't."  
  
"Care to explain that comment?"  
  
"Not particularly."  
  
Severus heard some shifting next to him, but refused to turn his head to see if Tyler was getting up to leave. He continued to stare at the lake. "I think you had better."  
  
"Isn't it what you expected? A childish answer from a child?"  
  
There was no response from the man next to him. Perhaps one thing would go right and Tyler would leave him alone.  
  
"I'm not a child, you know."  
  
"You honestly believe that?"  
  
"I'm sixteen. By wizarding standards, I'm officially an adult."  
  
He heard a soft laugh from the man next to him. "That doesn't mean you think like an adult."  
  
"That's not true. I do think like an adult. I've made adult decisions, haven't I?"  
  
"What do you consider an adult decision? Your choice of joining the Death Eaters?"  
  
He nodded. It was a decision that he had come to himself, albeit with some help from Lucius.  
  
"It wasn't an adult decision. It was a stupid one." Severus could hear the scorn practically dripping off the words.  
  
"I'm responsible for someone's death."  
  
"Ah. So being responsible for a death makes a person an adult? I don't think so."  
  
Severus' grip tightened on the letter in his hand. His voice came out in a whisper. "I do. I could say it makes me a murderer, too."  
  
"Being 'responsible' for murder and actually committing it are two different things. But it still doesn't make you an adult."   
  
Severus glanced over to see his professor rub tiredly at his eyes. He didn't understand how Tyler could think that killing someone didn't make him an adult. Severus certainly felt like one after that meeting. And the letter from his grandfather…  
  
"If you want to count responsibility for death as a cornerstone of adulthood, then I became an adult when I was fifteen months old. My parents were killed because of me."  
  
"That makes no sense. You couldn't even realize you were responsible."  
  
"All right, I'll give you that one. The first time I actually killed someone with my own hands I was eleven. The next time I was responsible for a person's death, I was fourteen."  
  
Severus finally turned to look at Tyler, shocked. "Eleven?"  
  
"I didn't want to or mean to. But he was trying to kill me." Tyler paused, and turned to look at the lake. "Since you consider yourself an adult, and murder is how you gage that level, tell me. When have you killed another person with your own hand, knowing the full extent of that action and all the consequences that go along with it?"  
  
  
  
Severus looked at the ground. "I haven't."  
  
"I see. The first time that I did so, I was sixteen. I used the Killing Curse."  
  
Severus couldn't think of anything to say to that. To be able to use the Killing Curse successfully before becoming a full wizard was astonishing.  
  
"Don't tell me that being able to kill someone in cold-blood is a qualification for being an adult. It isn't. And I didn't feel like one after I did so. I felt like a murderer, even if the action was taken while defending myself and those younger than me."   
  
Severus rubbed at his eyes.   
  
"If those are the only basis you have for being an adult, then I suggest you go back to the proverbial drawing board."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Just a muggle expression."  
  
They once again lapsed into silence. Tyler's eyes still held that far away quality.  
  
"What about having to take care of yourself? Would that count?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"My grandfather has decided that he cannot harbor a murderer. I'm to live with the other murderer in the family, my father."  
  
"And your father isn't exactly interested in your welfare."   
  
It hadn't been a question, and Severus didn't treat it as one. Instead he turned so he could look at Tyler. It looked like Tyler was thinking of something, but what? Other than what had slipped out after the Death Eater meeting, Severus hadn't told him anything about his family. "My father cares for no one but himself."  
  
"Are you close to your grandfather?"  
  
"He's the only person I ever considered family." Severus shoved the letter at him; Tyler took it and looked it over. He read it silently. Severus tried not to look at him, but his eyes kept returning to the thoughtful and worried look on the older man's face.  
  
"You aren't a murderer." Tyler's voice was so harsh a shiver traveled down Severus' spine.  
  
"I guess that depends on whom you're talking to."  
  
Tyler didn't answer. Severus had hoped he would.   
  
"Can I fix this?"  
  
"Fix what?"  
  
"Everything. My life." Severus sighed. "While I'm at it, do you think I could stop loving you?"  
  
"Infatuation is not love. You love what you think you see about me, not what is actually there." Tyler moved until he was crouching, his weight on the balls of his feet. Tyler's green eyes shone with a pain that Severus didn't understand. "As for the other, your life is yours. No one, including me, can help you fix it. I'm afraid you're on your own." Tyler stood, and Severus watched him disappear into the castle.   
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
That night Severus wandered up to the Astronomy Tower. The Slytherin dungeons had seemed too oppressive, and he didn't want to attempt to sneak out of the castle to sit by the lake; the view from the tower was just as good.  
  
Pushing open the door, he looked around; he didn't think that anyone would be up there. He was wrong. Sitting on the floor, with his back against the wall was Professor Tyler.  
  
"Mr. Snape." Tyler's eyes were closed.  
  
"How did you know it was me?"  
  
"You're the one student I know that sneaks out after curfew on an almost regular basis." One green eye opened to look at him. "What brings you here?"  
  
Severus licked his lips. He had come up to the tower to think, but he didn't want to tell Tyler that. "I don't know."  
  
"I see."   
  
It was quiet for a time. Severus couldn't think with Tyler leaning against the wall.   
  
"Do you have dreams?" Tyler's voice was quiet.  
  
"Sometimes. I never really remember them."  
  
The corner of Tyler's mouth lifted. "Not what I was referring to, but amusing, nonetheless."  
  
Severus tilted his head to the side. "What were you referring to?"  
  
"I gave up on dreams a long time ago."   
  
"Why?"  
  
Tyler jerked, it was as if he had been somewhere else and forgotten that Severus was in the room. As if he had been talking to someone else. "Only fools have dreams." His voice was much stronger than it had been.  
  
"That's not true. If you don't have dreams, then what do you have?"  
  
There was no answer from Tyler, and Severus hadn't expected one.  
  
"I've always dreamed of becoming an expert in Potions, and working alongside my grandfather. More recently I've dreamed of power and respect, things that I feel I don't have. I thought that if I had those, then you'd want to be with me." Severus sighed. "I've spent so much time thinking about such things."  
  
Tyler opened his eyes; if Severus had expected an answer, the chill in his professor's eyes let him know one was not forthcoming.  
  
"I hoped that you would eventually notice me. See me as more than a student. See me as an equal." Severus never took his eyes off of him. "I've hoped that you'd fall in love with me. That hope is what keeps me going. Because I'm in love with you."  
  
Tyler's expression didn't change; he just kept staring at Severus with cold, almost emotionless eyes.  
  
"And it's not an infatuation either. It can't be. It hurts too much when you say it's not love."  
  
Tyler's eyes narrowed and appeared to grow brighter. Severus had finally coaxed a reaction out of the man, but now he wasn't sure he wanted one. "You think that hurts?" Tyler shook his head. "You speak of dreams and hope and love. You don't even know what those really are. You think everything is that simplistic? It's not." Tyler stood and faced the open window. "Don't make me your hope."   
  
Severus just stared at him. At that moment Tyler seemed so much older then before.  
  
"Don't you get it? Life isn't about dreams. Life is pain, darkness, and futility. And if you still have something to hope for once you realize that, then you understand hope."  
  
"But-"  
  
"And love. The only thing you got right there is that being in love is painful, but not for the reasons that you say. Love is so much more. No matter how much you might fight, when it comes down to it; you'd do anything for that person. You'd die for him." Tyler turned to look at him.  
  
And Severus realized then that his professor was in love with someone. Or had been in love. Even though Tyler was trying to hide it, Severus could see the pain in his eyes.   
  
"Love isn't always a happy experience. It's something that you have to fight for, because there isn't always a happy ending. Those are for fairytales and morons."   
  
"Professor?"  
  
Tyler shook his head. "Don't say anything."  
  
Severus nodded. What else could he do?  
  
"You are a brilliant young man, Severus Snape. You're proud and, if I'm not mistaken, fiercely loyal. You just have to choose to whom or what you want to be loyal."   
  
Tyler moved away from the window and approached him, and Severus squeezed his eyes shut, not knowing what to expect.  
  
Severus felt a cool hand touch his cheek; he opened his eyes to see Tyler inches away from his face.   
  
"I don't love you, and I'm sorry for that. But I'm sure that I could love the man that you'll one day grow to be."  
  
And before Severus could do or say anything, Tyler pressed his lips against Severus' for a brief moment. Tyler broke the kiss and left.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*The Future: Harry Age 20*  
  
Draco paused in the hallway and watched as a group of students scattered when they saw Severus coming around the corner. It seemed that Severus was back to his old self -- his 'old self' being the way he acted before he got together with Harry.  
  
It was actually a rather subtle change, only visible if you knew him well. The lines around his eyes were deeper, as though he never stopped glaring. He wasn't as lenient with the students, but that wasn't a big change; Severus was never lenient with his students. More points were being taken, and Draco had even heard rumors about Severus taking points from his own House.  
  
To most of the inhabitants of Hogwarts, nothing appeared all that unusual with the Potions Master. Draco doubted he would have noticed if he didn't know the man as well as he did.  
  
Draco watched as Severus stalked down the hall approaching the place where he was standing. "Severus?"  
  
Severus paused and lifted one eyebrow.  
  
"How are you?"  
  
He blinked.  
  
Draco cleared his throat. "I see. Seen Harry around?"  
  
That comment got Draco what the students referred to as the 'Death Glare' and a growl. Severus immediately turned on his heel and swept down the hall.  
  
Draco shook his head. That certainly could have gone better.   
  
He hadn't seen Harry in a little over a week. Severus hadn't mentioned him in the same amount of time. If something had happened between them Draco was sure he would have heard about it. Not from Severus; the man never talked about his relationship with Harry to anyone but Harry. But from Harry. After all, who else could his former classmate complain to about the overgrown bat he had taken up with?  
  
It could be that nothing had happened, and Harry was away on assignment. But that was a long shot. The Ministry had taken to working Harry even harder then they were before, and it usually involved copious amounts of useless paperwork, not actual work.   
  
There was one way to find out. If anyone knew what Harry was up to, it would be the Weasel.  
  
Draco moved quickly down the hall and entered Granger's office. If Weasel would know about Harry, then Granger would know about the Weasel.  
  
At his entrance, Granger looked up from whatever she was writing at his entrance; her eyes narrowed as she watched him maneuver around the piles of parchment and filing cabinets. Draco finally stopped in front of her desk, grabbed the stack of parchment on the chair, and without looking around he dropped it on the floor, not noticing as it scattered. He sat down.  
  
"What do you want, Malfoy?"  
  
Draco plastered on his most flirtatious smile. "You are looking absolutely ravishing today, Ms. Granger." He leaned forward, grasped one of her hands and began to lift it for a kiss. She wrenched her hand away.  
  
"Get your smarmy mitts off me!"   
  
Draco attempted to look apologetic, something that he had never quite mastered. "So sorry. Weren't we supposed to research something for Albus today?"  
  
Granger huffed in exasperation. "We were supposed to do that two days ago. I finished. Don't worry, I'll tell Dumbledore the conclusions *I* came to when I meet with him this afternoon."  
  
Draco didn't say anything. Now that he didn't have to worry about that research he could focus on the best way to phrase his request.  
  
"You don't have to stay," she continued. "Actually, Malfoy, I'd prefer it if you left. Don't you have someone else to annoy?"  
  
Draco smirked. "Not particularly. Only you."  
  
"Get out."  
  
Perfect. "As soon as you tell me how to get in touch with Weasel."  
  
Granger slammed down her quill. "I don't know any weasels. In fact, the only rodent I know is the ferret sitting in front of me."  
  
"Funny."  
  
"I thought so."  
  
Draco wished, once again, that he had been successful in his attempts to get in touch with Harry on his own. "How can I get in touch with Mr. Weasley?"  
  
Granger smiled at him evilly. "Which one? There are several around you know. Quite a few of them work at the Ministry. I'm sure that you can find whichever one you're looking for at their office."  
  
Draco glared.  
  
"For example, *the* Mr. Weasley can be found at the Misuse for Muggle Artifacts office."  
  
"Don't make me say it."  
  
Hermione blinked innocently. "Say what?"  
  
"Fine." Draco took a deep breath. "How can I get in touch with Ronald?"  
  
"I assume that he's been exactly where he was all week."  
  
"And where is that, exactly?"  
  
"Harry's office."  
  
Draco stared at her. "What's he doing there?"  
  
"Paperwork, I imagine."  
  
"Isn't that Harry's job?"  
  
Granger bit at her bottom lip. "It would be, if anyone knew where Harry was."  
  
That didn't sound good. "What do you mean by that, Granger?"  
  
Granger sighed and folded her hands primly on top of her desk. "I mean that he's disappeared."  
  
Draco felt like the air had been knocked out of him. He took a few breaths. "That doesn't worry you?"  
  
Granger's eyes flashed. "Of course it does! He's one of my best friends. And if it wasn't for a – for a jerk like you, we'd probably know where he was."  
  
Draco was sure that she had been about to call him something far worse than jerk. "What did I do?"  
  
Granger rolled her eyes. "Let me think for a moment. Perhaps cheated on him?"  
  
Draco raked a hand through his hair. If it wasn't Sirius or Remus harping on him about breaking Harry's heart, it was someone else. When were these idiots going to put two and two together? It wasn't that impossible to see that Harry and him had never been together. "It's not what you think. Harry and I haven't seen each other as often as we used to. He prefers not to spend all his free time around me."  
  
"Because you cheated on him."  
  
"Because he's stressed about work." Draco stood up. "Are you sure you haven't heard from him."  
  
Granger picked up her quill. "Positive."  
  
"I'll be going then."  
  
"Good riddance."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Draco stared at the office door that Weasley had just slammed in his face. Their conversation had lasted less then five minutes. It appeared that the Weasel really *had* to do all of Harry's paperwork. The bloodshot eyes and gaunt features of the man attested to it. Not for the first time, Draco wondered just how much parchment went through that office.  
  
But that was neither here nor there. Weasley hadn't helped him at all. All he had said was "No one knows where Harry is, you bastard, and it's your fault." Followed by, "Get out of my office."  
  
Draco hadn't been able to resist replying that it wasn't his office. That's when he had been rudely shoved out the door. No one showed him any respect.  
  
There was one more person that he had to try. Moody. Draco headed toward the man's office, not without a little trepidation. Moody didn't exactly like Malfoys, after all.  
  
"Get into my office, ferret." The man was as odd as Dumbledore, able to see through doors and invisibility cloaks. At least Draco knew how Moody managed it. That damned eye.  
  
Draco stood in front of the desk. This was the first office he had been in that didn't have parchments scattered all over the place. He could actually see the wood floor.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"I was wondering if you could tell me how to get in touch with Harry."  
  
"You never give up, do you? No one else has been able to give you answers, so you end up here. Dumbledore, Granger, and Weasley have all failed you?"  
  
"Are you related to Dumbledore by any chance?"  
  
"That crazy old fool? Not bloody likely." Moody's glass eye moved to look at the back of his head. That had always disturbed Draco. "I don't know where Potter is. If I did, I couldn't tell you. He'll probably be back eventually."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Two weeks later Draco still hadn't heard from Harry, and Severus was even more unbearable than ever. All Draco's overtures to the Headmaster that the resident Potions Master was going to destroy Hogwarts and should really be sent on vacation were rebuffed.   
  
It only got worse when the Daily Prophet found out.  
  
Draco had been sitting between Severus and Poppy at breakfast, as he normally did, when the owls delivered the morning post. Teachers and staff always received theirs first, so Draco wasn't surprised when the first thing that fell was his copy of the Prophet. The surprise came when he unfolded it to see the headline "BOY-WHO-LIVED VANISHED Along With Four Other Aurors".  
  
"Accio, Accio, Accio Daily Prophet!" Severus could not see this. He couldn't know about this. This was bad. Stacks of papers flew at him; perhaps that hadn't been a good idea.  
  
From under the stack of Prophets, Draco was trying to remember the spell to set paper on fire. He should remember it, it was so easy. "Pyro…"  
  
The Prophet that was sitting directly on top of his head was lifted off. Obsidian eyes met his. "Incendio." All the papers around him burst into flames.   
  
Definitely not one of his better ideas.  
  
Draco brushed ashes off himself; he paused as he heard sizzling.   
  
"Don't worry, dear, I'll get it." Draco felt Poppy's hand in his hair.  
  
"You set my hair on fire." He turned his head to see Severus looking at the front page of the Prophet. Oh Shit.  
  
Without warning, Severus stood and left the table, the Prophet resting on top of his still unfilled plate. Draco grabbed it, and was about to turn it to into ash when Albus grabbed it from his hands.   
  
"Now, Draco, share the news." The twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes quickly dimmed. He was the one to cast the Incendio charm on it.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
A few days later, on his way through the Great Hall, Draco passed the House point meters. He normally only glanced at them to make sure that Slytherin was still in the lead, but this time stopped cold at what he saw. Gryffindor actually had negative points. He never thought it was actually possible for a House to have negative points, but there was the proof. Hufflepuff wasn't faring much better; they were in the high twenties. Ravenclaw had seventy. And Slytherin… Slytherin only had one hundred points!  
  
Draco leaned forward and looked at the tally scroll. Most of the points had been taken off by Snape.  
  
That wasn't a good sign. Draco had heard Severus was taking off House points right and left, for the smallest infraction. But to actually take points from his own House? Something was definitely wrong. Draco had the sinking sensation that it had something to do with the missing Potter.  
  
He was supposed to be heading to the infirmary, but instead made his way down to the dungeons. Someone had to stop this nonsense. The teachers were trying to compensate for the rapid lost of points, but there was only so much they could do. Most everyone had stayed clear of Severus for the last week -- Draco included.  
  
Pushing open the Potions classroom door, Draco slipped inside. Gryffindor and Hufflepuff fifth years. Great. The dimmest of the dim. "Professor Snape?"  
  
Severus whipped around and leveled his gaze at Draco. It took a lot of will power to keep from unconsciously swallowing. He was not going to let Severus intimidate him. "Twenty points from Slytherin, Mr. Malfoy. What do you want?"  
  
"You can't take points from Slytherin because of me, Professor." At least, Draco thought he couldn't. He almost smirked, but decided against it. "I had to come down here. Madam Pomfrey insisted that you were needed in the hospital wing. She was adamant that I tell you immediately."  
  
"Utter nonsense. Get out of my classroom, Malfoy."  
  
There had to be a way to get Severus out of the classroom and to the hospital wing. Once there Draco was sure that Poppy would tranquilize Severus; after all, she had been threatening to do just that all week. "But, sir, she said you had avoided your physical exam for the last five years, and that you needed to get up there. The governors are going to check the staff medical records tomorrow."  
  
Severus growled at him, and moved until he was standing directly in front of Draco. The younger man had to tilt his head all the way back to look at his face.  
  
"So help you, Malfoy, if you're lying about this, I'll have you for potion ingredients." Severus stalked through the door, and Draco let out a breath. It was the first time that he had ever believed that particular threat.  
  
Regaining his composure, he turned to face the class. They were all staring at him with wide eyes. "What are you all looking at? I've just saved both your Houses from permanently residing in negative numbers." Draco moved over to pick up the text book from someone's desk. Flipping through it he stopped at a random page. "This looks good. Don't know what it's on, but there are questions on page 190. Answer them."  
  
Draco set the book down on the desk and moved over to Severus' seat. Sitting down, he picked up a book and started to flip through the pages. It was a book on Dark Rituals; not Severus' normal reading material. Closing it, he looked at the cover. "1001 potions that every Master should know."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Draco spent the next day avoiding Severus at all costs. He really disliked the whole idea of having his organs gracing several of Severus' potions. He much preferred them to stay right where they were.  
  
But he had to talk with Severus sooner or later. This behavior couldn't go on. True, the students always had to walk around on eggshells around him, but the majority of teachers didn't, and they all were.   
  
Besides, if he continued this behavior, someone would start wondering about why. And that led to a lot of questions that Draco didn't want anyone thinking about. Especially Voldemort.  
  
Draco stopped and knocked on the door. He didn't know whether or not Severus would actually answer; after all, the man wasn't speaking to anyone.   
  
The door opened, however, and Draco stepped into the dim room. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the lighting, but when they did he made out the back of a head of someone sitting on the couch. He made his way around to look at the person.  
  
And stopped dead in his tracks.  
  
Harry was sitting on the couch. He looked ragged, like he had ____.  
  
"When did you get home?"  
  
One eye opened; Draco could barely tell it was green, Harry's eyes were so dilated. "A half hour ago. I was trying to sleep. What do you want?" Harry's voice was raw. It sounded as if he had been subjected to the Cruciatus one too many times and didn't have access to the proper potions after.  
  
"Nothing. I'm gonna go."  
  
Harry's other eye opened. "Are you ok?"  
  
"I am. I hope you are, too. Bye." Draco beat a hasty retreat.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Harry had sunk back into an exhausted sleep the second the door closed behind Draco. His friend's behavior was odd, but was in no way odd enough for him to waste what little time he had to sleep thinking about it.  
  
It seemed like a second later when he snapped awake at the sound of a slamming door. Severus must have come back. He shifted slowly on the couch, and turned to see his lover.  
  
Severus was staring at him, his eyes cold, his arms crossed over his chest. It reminded Harry too much of when he had been a student.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
Harry lifted his eyebrows. "I seem to remember living here." Harry sunk back into the cushions.  
  
"Really? I thought you *vanished*." There was a strange emphasis on the last word that Harry didn't fully understand. "Where were you?"  
  
Harry let his eyes sink closed. Severus was probably just upset that he hadn't been able to get in touch with him. It would pass. "Rio."  
  
"Rio? Did you enjoy watching the scantily clad boys on the beach, Harry?"  
  
  
  
"I didn't get a chance to go to the beach, so I'll have to say no."  
  
"But you spent three weeks there?"  
  
Harry opened his eyes. Severus' tone of voice hadn't changed; he looked irritated as well. "I didn't spend three weeks in Rio. I spent a day in Rio, we met up with some representatives from the South American Ministry, and the next day a guide took us into the Amazon. I spent the remainder of my time there, except for yesterday, when we returned to Rio to portkey back here." Harry moved, though not as carefully as before. He groaned as pain shot through his chest.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Zabini. The idiot thought it would be a good idea if I adopted a bloody anaconda." Harry imitated Zabini's voice: "Being a Parselmouth and all."  
  
Harry watched as Severus' hands fell to his sides. "You were on assignment?"  
  
"Where else would I be?" And Harry realized that Severus thought he had just run away from everything. He struggled to stand up.  
  
"I don't know." Severus' eyes looked him over; he knew what he looked like. He had made the mistake of looking in the mirror before collapsing on the couch. "What exactly was this assignment?"  
  
Harry sighed. It was like being debriefed all over again. Maybe for once Severus would settle for a shorter version. "Voldemort decided that he needed to flex his power as a Parselmouth more. Forget Nagini -- why settle for just one huge snake when he could have more? He tried to get control of juvenile anacondas. Large enough for what he wanted, but not as physically dangerous as an adult. Still didn't listen all that well."  
  
"Continue."  
  
Harry sunk back into his place on the couch. "Most of the information about anacondas is false. There is a large mysticism behind what is known mostly due to the natives that live in the Amazon. Voldemort took that information for fact." Harry smirked. "In other words, he didn't do his homework."   
  
Severus responded with an answering smirk; the moment passed between them quickly.  
  
"It seems that while dangerous – what large constrictor wouldn't be – they aren't the killing machines that they are made out to be, only needing to eat up to four times a year."  
  
"He tried to make them eat too much?"  
  
"Basically. They became unruly, and since proper care wasn't taken with the ones they had caught, the snakes became frightened and started to attack whatever crossed their path. Voldemort seemed content with that."  
  
"Why couldn't one have just eaten him?"  
  
Harry laughed. "I wish. No such luck. By the time we got there, Voldemort had started to try the same with adults; the largest he had was about forty feet long. I think it had gone insane. If a snake can."  
  
"Is that the one that Zabini thought you should adopt?"  
  
"How'd you guess? It almost crushed me. Therefore my sore ribs." Harry closed his eyes again.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?"  
  
"I'm attempting to go to sleep."  
  
"Here?"  
  
Harry opened his eyes again to look at Severus. "It'll take too much energy to get to the bed. Is that a problem?" His eyes drooped shut again. He felt the couch sink next to him.  
  
"Is that such a good idea?"  
  
"I'm sure that a bed would be more comfortable, but-"  
  
"No, being here, in the dungeons."  
  
He wasn't hearing this. Severus had not just taken the same tone of voice he had used when Harry was still a student, before he had convinced Severus that he loved him. The nuances he was hearing were all a product of his extremely overtired mind. "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"I think you do."  
  
Harry gave up on trying to sleep; it wasn't going to happen. He opened his eyes and turned to face his lover, pulling one foot up underneath him while trying to hide a grimace of pain. "Is this about me not being sure I want to bond with you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then what is it about?"  
  
Severus turned his face away. Harry didn't know what to make of what was going on. Severus had never been this… If Harry didn't know that it was impossible, he'd say that Severus was insecure about something.   
  
Harry reached out and put his hand on Severus' thigh. He felt the muscles tighten under his fingers. "Talk to me."  
  
"I don't feel like talking to an idiotic Gryffindor right now. I'd rather you left."  
  
"I know this arrangement isn't working out. I'm not getting enough sleep, and I keep disturbing you when I do get home. I already talked to Ron about moving back into the flat. Since I had a few days off, I thought I'd stay here, and we'd discuss it later."  
  
Severus pushed Harry's hand off his thigh and stood. So that hadn't been what Severus meant, and Harry had probably just made the whole thing worse. He lifted a hand to rub at his forehead.  
  
"The sooner you leave the better."  
  
Harry's nails scratched at his scar as his hand closed in a fist. "What the fuck is going on, Severus."  
  
Severus had been in the process of pouring a drink; he set down the decanter at Harry's words. "You don't curse."   
  
"I do when I haven't slept more than 20 hours in three weeks, and I come home to find you mad at me! What did I do?"  
  
Severus lifted the glass to his lips and took a sip.  
  
Harry raked his hands through his hair. "Tell me, please."  
  
Severus turned to face him, his arms crossed as he leaned against the table behind him. "You're a stupid, foolish, impudent Gryffindor."  
  
"I love you, too…" Harry closed his eyes, the last part of their conversation from over three weeks ago ringing in his ears. "I-"  
  
"Just leave. And for the record, Potter," Harry flinched, "the only crazy old fool in this castle is Albus."   
  
"That's not what I meant, Sev." Harry forced himself to stand and walk over to Severus. He reached out and grabbed both of Severus' arms. "I heard you. And those three words kept me upright better than any PepperUp or any other stimulant that was forced down my throat. Gods, Severus…"  
  
Neither moved until Harry released Severus' arms, stepping back, around him. He poured himself a portion of whiskey and downed it. Harry set the glass down on the table before raking his hands through his hair again. "A Well, Severus? You don't have to become a Well to prove that you love me. You don't have to keep me safe. You trained me to do that well enough on my own."  
  
"And if I choose to? If I choose to show my loyalty in such a way?"  
  
Harry looked down. "I can see it now: Auror Harry Potter gets killed while on assignment. Miles away, at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Professor Severus Snape slumps over his desk. Dead. And no one can figure out why." Harry turned his gaze to Severus. "Why give me that kind of power?"  
  
"You expect an answer to that?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You need sleep." Severus moved until he was standing in front of Harry. He placed one hand on Harry's cheek. "Your eyes are bloodshot, and you look like you can barely stand. Why didn't you just go to Weasley's to sleep?"  
  
"Because I wanted to see you." Harry closed his eyes and leaned into the hand that was softly caressing his cheek. "I've started thinking about leaving the Auror Division."  
  
Harry felt Severus' other hand settle on his lower back, a gentle pressure urging him to move. He took a step forward and felt the hand leave his cheek to grip his arm at his elbow. "Where am I going?"  
  
"To bed, Mr. Potter."  
  
Harry leaned into Severus, and didn't open his eyes. "So I finally get to sleep?"  
  
"When was the last time that you really slept?"  
  
"A week before I left to go on assignment."  
  
Harry felt himself being pushed onto the bed. He opened his eyes and grabbed Severus' pillow, hugging it to his chest. "I'll think about it, Severus. But if we do bond, it'll go both ways, because I'm loyal to you too." He looked at Severus' face, and watched as the lines faded a bit.  
  
"I'll pack the book, when I help you get your stuff ready to go back to Ron's. While you're working for the Ministry, you need a more convenient place to sleep."  
  
Harry nodded before he closed his eyes. The last thing he felt before he fell asleep was a pair of lips pressed against his scar.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Continuation of Timeline  
  
-Harry is twenty when Severus asks him to bond with him. Ultimately leads to Harry moving out (that's why you read the chapter first) and going back to live with Ron.  
  
-Bonds with Severus while living with Ron shortly before turning 21.  
  
-Harry starts teaching DADA at 22, against his will. (Albus said there was absolutely no other positions available.)  
  
-At 24, Harry convinces Albus to let him teach Muggle Studies. (That's right he taught DADA for 2 years.)  
  
-When Paradox begins, Harry is 25 and in his fourth year of teaching at Hogwarts, but his second teaching Muggle Studies.   
  
Did that Help, Kaat? 


	21. Chapter Twenty: Leaving and Coming Home

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On assignment for Dumbledore in the past, Harry sees his lover from a new perspective. That of a teacher. SLASH  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: My site http://www.geocities.com/sumiataka, ff.net, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Beta: Huge thanks to my beta Isis.  
  
Thank You: Kristine Thorne, Lord R, Kateri, mystic-flower, Kitts, Cat Samwise, shadow vampire, menecarkawen, Lee Lee Potter, Blaze, white owl, Jordan, Teigra, trinchardin, Sela, ShaeLynn, SecRet08 and Mrs. Aish Luthor, darkanglefrmhell, candledot(welcome)  
  
athenakitty: As far as I'm aware of, Quirrell. 14, He holds himself responsible for Cedric Diggory death. Not the wording, I didn't say he killed him. Harry left the Auror division when he went back to teach at Hogwarts.  
  
Yih: The whole "Future" part of the story doesn't happen when Harry's Twenty. Only in chapters 18 and 19 is he that old, and those parts happen right after each other. The reason that I have written it the way I have, is that on some level, the events in the past (Severus' sixth year) and the future (whatever time I have indicated) parallel each other. I have no intention of ever splitting up the past and the future into seperate chapters. Sorry. But I'm glad that you're enjoying it. I'm sorry if it gets a bit confusing at times.  
  
Lexxie: *ducks* I don't know if I'm doing the Epilogue. As it stands right now, the story will end at chapter 22. When I finish writing that chapter I'll know if there is still something that needs to be said, but I doubt it. Sorry. But that doesn't mean the universe won't continue. =) I actually have the first half of the vignette 'Marked' typed out (It explains the whole TMR thing), and will be posting it on my website when I get time to fix it up. I did post it on my livejournal, but not here. After Paradox ends. I'll be posting a short series, updated sporadically called 'Through the Looking Glass' It's just a bunch of short stories or drabbles that explain some things that have been hinted at in Paradox, and some things to come. Right now I only have two up at the website. Both drabbles. Paradox has been taking up the majority of my writing time. *sheepish grin*  
  
Voice of the Mist: *takes deep breath* hello. Thank you very much for so much glowing praise. I give a lot of the credit to my beta, who forced me to understand what I was trying to do, and beat certain concepts into my head. Such as dialogue. And commas. I fully acknowledge that MOM inspired me. And I did try to make this story as original as possible, and as well thought out as possible. I wouldn't have been able to do it otherwise. "Octavian" and "Jayson" was one of my favorite scenes to write.  
  
barbarataku: 3 hours! Oh my. I feel slightly guilty. Hope you didn't get in too much trouble.  
  
two2blue: You've caught me. I was hoping no one would notice. I was supposed to complete that sentence before I posted. But I was so tired the morning I posted chapter 19 that I completely forgot until after. Basically he looked like shite.   
  
I was pretty long winded today... I'm sure that you're all much more interested in the story. Go read.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items. Don't recognize it then it's mine.   
  
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Chapter Twenty: Leaving and Coming Home  
  
*The Past*  
  
Severus had never been so confused in his life. His fingers trailed to his lips where Tyler had kissed him. He immediately pulled his hand away, thinking how stupid the action was.  
  
So Tyler had kissed him. Big deal. It wasn't like they hadn't done more than that. But it was.  
  
There had been something in that kiss. Something that Severus didn't fully understand. Something that had felt like a promise.  
  
It had been a chaste kiss – nothing like the ones they had shared before. Just two sets of lips pressed against each other. But there was something deeper, something that hadn't been there in any of the others. Was it possible to touch someone's soul through such a kiss?  
  
Severus had felt Tyler's pain; had felt it during the entire conversation in the Tower, and it had carried over into the kiss. Along with so many other conflicting emotions. Pain, loneliness, contentment, love – to name a few. But was the last for him?  
  
Severus could hope. Then again…   
  
Hope. A chill went down Severus' spine just remembering the look on Tyler's face.  
  
Tyler was everything that Severus had ever wished for. He was powerful, but controlled; an obvious man of conviction; knowledgeable in his field, and in life. But at what price?  
  
It was obvious that sometime in Tyler's life he had given up hope, at least for a time. Had he found hope when he found love? Had Tyler been thinking of that person when he kissed him?  
  
Severus sighed. He had been asking himself the same questions since that night two weeks ago, and he hadn't been able to come up with any answers yet.  
  
Tomorrow was the leaving feast, and it was Severus' last chance to do something. He had no idea what. In order to take an action, he had to understand what was going on in Octavian's head. It was a basic strategy in chess: learn what your opponent was thinking. It had been a lesson that Severus' grandfather had taught him.  
  
His grandfather. That was another problem. One he couldn't figure out how to solve. One that he would set aside for the moment.  
  
Severus quickly reviewed everything that had been said. By the lake, Octavian had said that at some point he could care for Severus as more than a student. Did that mean that there was a chance something could develop between them? After he graduated? Severus wanted to find out.  
  
As much as Octavian said otherwise, Severus knew the man did care for him. Could love him. All Severus had to do was wait, and be patient. That had never been one of his strong points, but he would do it.  
  
Because no matter what Octavian said, Severus knew that he was in love.  
  
But Octavian would want nothing to do with him as long as he was in Voldemort's service. Neither would his grandfather. The only two people he really cared about in the world.  
  
He had to get out.  
  
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Severus glanced around the Great Hall. Octavian hadn't been at the staff table at the start of the feast, and there was still no sign of him. The feast was almost over, and tomorrow the train left for King's Cross. Tonight was his last chance to talk to Octavian.  
  
Severus felt a tug at his sleeve. He snapped around and fixed Lucius with a glare.  
  
"You weren't paying attention, Severus." Lucius sighed dramatically. "Is that any way to look at the friend who kindly invited you to stay for over half the summer?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Lucius. You were saying?" Severus cast another furtive glance at the teachers. Tyler still wasn't there.  
  
"So you'll spend the first two and a half weeks of the summer with me at Malfoy Manor. My parents will prefer to have you there anyway, Severus; after all, Narcissa is supposed to visit. I don't know what they think is going to happen. Just because they are telling me to marry her, doesn't mean that I'm attracted to her."   
  
"She's not that bad to look at, for a female."  
  
"Of course not. Do you think that my parents would tie me to someone that wasn't physically appealing?"  
  
"There's more to life than appearances, Lucius."  
  
"Obviously. There are bloodlines too. Is there someone interesting at the staff table, Severus?"  
  
Severus swung around in his seat. "No."  
  
"Oh, I see. Someone interesting is *missing* from the staff table. Tell me, Severus, what did happen between you and Tyler? I've been dying to know what happened those times you didn't return to the dormitory until early morning."  
  
"I didn't take you for a gossip."  
  
"I'm not." Lucius sounded affronted, but Severus was sure it was an act. "But knowledge is power."  
  
"You have enough of that. Why should I give you more?"  
  
"Because I'm a dear friend?"  
  
"I told you what happened with my grandfather. That's enough."  
  
"You didn't have any choice but to tell me after you asked to spend as much time at the manor this summer as I could possibly arrange."  
  
"Exactly. That's an even exchange."  
  
Severus saw Lucius' eyes narrow and his mouth begin to open, but whatever he had been about to say was cut off when Dumbledore stood and clinked a spoon against his goblet.  
  
"May I have your attention." The hall quieted. "I know that the feast is almost over, and some of you are anxious to get back to your common rooms and pack for the return trip tomorrow."   
  
Severus looked around and saw many faces blanch; it was the same every year, Dumbledore made the procrastinators self-conscious for putting off their packing.  
  
"It is my unfortunate duty to tell you that there will be no train leaving for King's Cross tomorrow."  
  
The level of talking, which had been a steady background murmur, rose. Dumbledore was forced to send sparks up with his wand to regain the attention of the students.  
  
"No one can leave the castle or their common rooms until your Head of House instructs. There will also be no use of Owl Post or Firecall to inform anyone outside of the castle. It is a precaution that must be taken for your safety. Prefects and Heads of House will now escort the students back to their common rooms."  
  
Severus had barely been able to make out the last of what Dumbledore was saying over the noise of students. Some of the first years had actually begun to cry, and were now clinging to the robes of older students.  
  
The Slytherins were all ushered out of the Great Hall by Professor Amygdalus.   
  
Severus had to talk to Octavian.   
  
As his head of House turned the corner, Severus grabbed Lucius' sleeve and pulled him to a stop. "I'll be back," was all he said before ducking down a side corridor and running to Professor Tyler's rooms.  
  
When he reached the door, Severus noticed that the plaque that had decorated the outside was gone. He didn't knock first, just tried the door. It swung open.  
  
To a deserted room.  
  
Severus made his way through the living room as quickly as possible, past the furniture that was piled against one wall, and to the bedroom door.   
  
There was nothing in that room either.  
  
Severus spared a moment to look at the room before he turned and made his way to Octavian's office. There was still a chance he hadn't left the school yet. Dumbledore said that no one could. Maybe he had just packed everything up.  
  
Severus made it to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, and pushed the door open. At least this room didn't feel as empty. Severus made his way past the desks and to the door that led to Octavian's office. He placed his hand on the handle, but didn't turn it.  
  
Severus' throat was dry. He wasn't sure he wanted to turn the handle and see another empty room.  
  
But he did. And it wasn't empty.  
  
Octavian's back was to him. He was slipping something around his neck, and a small overnight bag was at his feet.  
  
"Octavian?"  
  
His professor didn't say anything; he just stood there, his back still turned. The only sign that he had heard was the slight stiffening of his back.  
  
"You're leaving?"  
  
Octavian nodded his head.  
  
"But you can't. The Headmaster. I-" Severus stopped himself to take a breath. He was sounding like an idiot. "The Headmaster said that no one could leave."  
  
"By train."  
  
"But Hogwarts is in the middle of nowhere. The only form of transportation is by train. It'd take you days to get anywhere else." Severus' brow furrowed in concentration. "Unless you aren't going far. Are you moving to Hogsmeade? Or going somewhere nearby, a muggle town, perhaps?"  
  
Octavian turned to face him. "I'm not really going anywhere." His voice was neutral. "Aren't you supposed to be in the Great Hall for the feast?"  
  
Severus shook his head. "It's over. We've all been sent back to our common rooms. Octavian-" Severus stopped when Octavian touched his shoulder, directing him out of the office and into the classroom.   
  
Octavian took his hand off Severus' shoulder and leaned against his desk. "You came here to say something, I assume?"  
  
Severus swallowed and took a breath. "I… I came to tell you that I'm going to try to leave the Death Eaters. I…" Severus looked at the toes of his shoes. "But I need your help to do it. I can't do it alone."  
  
"You're stronger than you think you are, Severus."  
  
He shook his head. "I'm not. I don't know what I'm going to do. And even if I did, I wouldn't know how."  
  
Octavian wrapped one hand around the back of his neck as he took a breath. "I don't know what you're supposed to do. I wish I did." He licked his lips. "But I do know this. You're resourceful; you'll think of something." Then Octavian's voice dropped to a whisper, "You always do."  
  
Severus took a step toward his professor, but Octavian stood and moved back to the office door. He looked at Severus. "Learn to rely on yourself, not others. That's your best asset."  
  
"Octavian?"  
  
He lifted one eyebrow.  
  
"I'm not going to see you again, am I?"  
  
"No. In fact, it'd be best if you forgot all about Octavian Tyler."  
  
That was an odd turn of phrase. "Forget all about you?"  
  
"You heard me." Octavian went through the office door, and it closed behind him.  
  
Severus stood there staring at the door, not moving for at least a minute. Then he was moving toward the closed door as quickly as possible, needing to say something. Anything. His stomach was knotted, as if it was already too late. But Tyler had only gone into his office. There was no way out from there.  
  
The door swung open, banging against the wall. The room was empty. No Octavian, no bag, no anything.  
  
But it was impossible to apparate from inside of Hogwarts. Everyone knew that.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
He was an idiot.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
Severus clenched his fist. An idiot. Sixteen and in love. Gods, it even sounded stupid. That's what he told himself, ignoring the suspicious pain in his chest.  
  
What was love, anyway?  
  
"Severus?"  
  
Nothing worthwhile, if this is what happened. Not even a 'goodbye.' Just a bloody vanishing act.  
  
A hand landed on his shoulder, and Severus jumped. "Severus?" He looked up at the Headmaster. Severus could see concern lining the old man's face. The Headmaster squeezed his shoulder gently. "Why are you here?"  
  
  
  
Severus looked down. There was no excuse for his not being in the Slytherin dormitories. He just shook his head.  
  
"Professor Tyler told me this morning that he was planning on leaving today. He had somewhere to be."  
  
The Headmaster's hand slipped down to press against his upper back, pushing him away from the empty office and classroom.  
  
"Come along, we'll have some tea in my office, and I'll tell Professor Amygdalus that you've been accounted for."  
  
Severus moved his feet without thinking.  
  
"You seem troubled. Is something the matter? I know that you looked up to Professor Tyler, my boy…"  
  
Severus looked up into the Headmaster's blue eyes. Yes, there was concern, but there was this look that reminded him of his grandfather. A dash of Slytherin cunning. This wasn't the bumbling old fool that all the students thought him to be. "Was he working for you?"  
  
"He was a teacher here."  
  
"No, that's not what I meant."  
  
Dumbledore just looked at him for a moment before starting to walk down the hall. Severus moved to catch up. He fell in step beside Dumbledore.  
  
"Headmaster?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"If someone made a really bad mistake, and they regretted it, and they wanted to fix it, but didn't know how to, what would they do?"  
  
Dumbledore ran a wrinkled hand through his beard. "A mistake, you say. One that marks you, perhaps?"  
  
Severus swallowed. He shouldn't have said anything, but he had. "Yes."  
  
The Headmaster stopped and turned to face Severus. "What do you know about chess, Mr. Snape?"  
  
"I know how to play."  
  
"Would chess be easier to play if you knew your opponent's move beforehand?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
Dumbledore nodded and continued walking.  
  
Severus stood there pondering over the exchange. And he knew then what he had to do. It wouldn't get him back into his grandfather's good graces anytime soon, but it would work to get rid of the stain that joining Voldemort had become on his soul. He hurried to catch up to the Headmaster.  
  
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*The Future*  
  
The sound of falling boxes caused Remus to look up from where he was working at his desk, and toward the small storage room attached to his office.   
  
"What happened?" Sirius sat up from where he was dozing in one of the chairs.   
  
"Some boxes fell, that's all." Remus walked over to the storage room. "Aren't you going to give up?"   
  
"He's coming back today, and I want to be here to say hello." Sirius yawned. "Besides I want to see him before that… you know."  
  
"I don't think that Harry would like to hear you talk like that." Remus grabbed the handle of the door and twisted. A few boxes toppled out and onto the floor. "It took me forever to stack those."  
  
"You must have stacked those ages ago. Don't you ever dust in here?"  
  
"Told you." Sirius went over to the small room, and peered over Remus' shoulder. "How have you been, Harry?"  
  
"I've been better." Harry moved some more boxes to clear his way to the door. "I forgot that you actually use this room, Remus. I'll help you restack everything." Harry smiled at the two men. "It's good to be home."  
  
"We're glad to have you home." Sirius grabbed Harry into a bear hug.   
  
Harry patted Sirius' back. "It hasn't been that long, Sirius."  
  
"Let the man breathe. You act as if you haven't seen him in years." Remus shoved the last box back into the small room and closed the door. "Welcome home, Harry. And I will be taking you up on that offer."  
  
"Now you I haven't seen in a while, Remus. How are you?"  
  
"Much better. Now that you're back, maybe this one,," he said, pointing at Sirius, "will finally leave me in peace."   
  
Harry's smile grew. "He's been that much trouble?"  
  
"I'm here you know," Sirius grumbled as he returned to his chair. "Don't you want to tell Remus everything that happened?"  
  
"I'm sure that Harry would much rather go down to the dungeons and relax, Sirius."  
  
Harry sat down in the nearest chair, an old wooden one that Remus kept around for his detentions. Supposedly it was cursed to be the most uncomfortable chair in all of Hogwarts. Harry didn't notice.  
  
"Why would he want to go down there, it's cold and wet and-"  
  
"Don't be daft, Sirius. Of course Harry wants to go back to his rooms."  
  
"Actually, I think that I'd much rather stay right here."   
  
Remus and Sirius turned to look at him. Harry had pulled one leg up, and wrapped his arms around it, his cheek pressing into his knee.   
  
"Something wrong?" Remus stepped toward the young man.  
  
"I bet that Harry's just realized that he has to go back to that wanker. It's all right, Harry, I'll tell him that you want nothing to do with him." Sirius made to get up.  
  
"He's going to kill me," Harry whimpered.  
  
"Who is?"  
  
Harry snapped his head up. "Remus, can I stay here for a while?"  
  
"Stay here?"  
  
Sirius leaned back in his chair, and started to laugh. "Don't tell me it was true."  
  
Remus looked back and forth between the two men. "What was?"  
  
"Did you, Harry? Did you really?"  
  
Harry glared at his godfather before pressing his forehead against knee.  
  
"Sirius, you aren't making any sense." Remus walked over to Harry and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to talk about what happened in the past? It must have been difficult for you. I remember that James' father died that year."  
  
Harry looked up at Remus for a moment. He closed his eyes and turned his face away.  
  
Sirius was still quietly laughing to himself.   
  
"Would you shut up, Sirius!" said Remus, glaring.  
  
Harry shrugged his shoulder, and the older man's hand fell away.  
  
"If you aren't ready to go down to the dungeons right now, you can stay here. I'm just doing some work." Remus turned his head. "You can have Sirius' seat. He was just leaving."  
  
"I was?"  
  
"You were."  
  
"It's not that bad, Harry," said Sirius, still snickering. "He looked a lot better when he was sixteen."  
  
"What's the matter with him? And who looked better at sixteen?"   
  
Harry looked up; Draco was standing in the doorway.   
  
Sirius smiled. "I'll answer the first. You should be able to figure out the second on your own, Draco."  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Harry cheated on Snape with Snape."  
  
Draco's eyes widened, and it was obvious he was trying to keep from laughing. "That's classic."  
  
"That makes no sense." Remus said, returning to sit behind his desk.  
  
"It makes perfect sense, if you think about it." Harry whispered. His chin was resting on top of his knee, and his eyes were half closed.  
  
"Didn't you hear the rumor toward the end of the year?"   
  
Remus shook his head. "I probably did, but that doesn't mean I remember it now. It's been quite some time since sixth year."  
  
"Everyone thought that Snape was shagging Professor Tyler, but everyone was too scared of that bastard of a teacher to confront either of them." Sirius turned his head to look at Harry. "Sorry."  
  
"I know what my students think of me. And no matter what time period I'm teaching Defense in, as long as I'm teaching it, they think I'm a bastard."  
  
"You and Severus? He was sixteen, Harry."   
  
"You think I don't know that?" Harry shook his head, ruefully. "It was very obvious he was sixteen."   
  
"What I want to know, is why?" Sirius propped his feet up on the desk. Remus pushed them off.  
  
"That's between Severus and me."  
  
"Speaking of Severus, he sent me up here to see if Harry had come back. Said they needed to 'talk'." Draco went over and sat on his haunches next to Harry. "Good luck. And remember when he kicks you out you can always move in with Sirius. I'd invite you to stay with me, but you'd be in the way. I do have a social life, after all."  
  
"That's all right. I'm staying right here." Harry shifted in his seat. "The way I see it, I'd never be able to find a more comfortable chair in all of Hogwarts. I'll just transfigure my book into a blanket, and I'll be set. Maybe Severus will think that I never came back."  
  
"You do realize that's the chair that Professor Amygdalus used for detentions? Remus dug it out of storage when he came to teach. Trust me, it's uncomfortable."  
  
"And you would know that, considering how many detentions you had, Black."  
  
Harry snapped his head around at the sound of Severus' voice.  
  
"Shut up, Snape." Sirius growled.  
  
"I've never met someone more asinine than you. Then again, what should I expect from a dog? I don't know why Harry - or anyone else, for that matter - bothers with you."   
  
"And Harry deserves better than you."  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Who are you suggesting?"  
  
"Draco."  
  
"Don't get me involved in this. As an already unwilling participate in Harry's love life, I demand that you leave me out of it."  
  
"Will you two stop it? I feel like I'm sixteen again and watching Professor Tyler telling you to beat each other up."  
  
Draco laughed. "I remember that."  
  
Ice blue and obsidian eyes glared at Draco simultaneously. "Shut up."  
  
"But Harry's back. Even odds. We can take you."  
  
Harry tilted his head to the side and whispered, Draco, "Do you realize how mad Severus probably is at me right now?"  
  
"I take it back. Living sounds much nicer." Draco stood up and patted Harry on the back. "It was nice knowing you. Maybe I can save your hide from going into Severus' cauldrons."  
  
Severus raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Then again, maybe not." Draco took the ten steps to the door and walked out before anyone could stop him.  
  
Severus went to stand in front of Harry's chair. He looked down.  
  
"You hurt him and I'll…" Sirius paused. "I don't know, but I'll think of something."  
  
Severus looked toward the desk. "You're a disgrace to wizards every time you open your mouth, Black." He turned back to Harry. With one finger he turned Harry's head until it was facing him. "Come back to the dungeons. These… people you choose to associate with are annoying me."  
  
Harry bit his lip. Severus didn't seem angry, but then it was always hard to tell what Severus was feeling; he had been a spy too long. Going anywhere with Severus when he was of an uncertain mood wasn't high on Harry's priority list. He loved the man, but there was only so much he could take.  
  
"I like it here."  
  
Severus shifted his hand until it was cupping Harry's cheek. In a voice just loud enough for only Harry to hear, he said, "We need to talk."  
  
Harry sighed. 


	22. Chapter TwentyOne: Confusion is Nothing...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On assignment for Dumbledore in the past, Harry sees his lover from a new perspective. That of a teacher. SLASH  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: My site http://www.geocities.com/sumiataka, ff.net, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Beta: Huge thanks to my beta Isis.  
  
Thank You: Huge thanks to everyone who reviewed. I wanted to get this out quickly since it's been so long, so I didn't do personal thanks. Hope you don't mind.  
  
Author Notes: Sorry it's been so long. I can promise that the next chapter won't be nearly as long in coming. It's already written and all that's left is the editing. Also this part contains smut. We all know ff.net's policy on smut. Therefore you can find it on my site and the ML in it's entirety.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items.   
  
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Chapter Twenty-One: "Confusion is Nothing New"  
  
Harry walked alongside Severus down the deserted dungeon corridor. Neither had said a word after they had left Remus' office. Usually silence didn't bother Harry, especially when he was with Severus. But today it just seemed ominous.  
  
Granted, Severus didn't seem upset. He acted as he always had. But Harry couldn't tell if it was just that: an act. Severus had been mad at him before, and was perfectly capable of hiding the fact from him. It was moments like this that made Harry wish that Severus couldn't read his emotions.   
  
He hated the silence, but didn't want to break it. It was a buffer, a false sense of normalcy, security.  
  
Harry didn't know if anything was going to be normal again. He had learned too much about the man standing next to him from a sixteen year old. Learned things that he didn't think Severus would ever tell him. Just like Harry never talked about some of the tortures he had suffered at Voldemort's hand, Severus never talked about his early days as a Death Eater. And now Harry knew.  
  
He knew about Severus' grandfather. The words in that letter were embedded in Harry's mind. He knew that Severus still had that letter, not that Harry had ever seen it. It had been the last thing his grandfather had sent to him before he died, when Severus was twenty. When the estate had been settled, Severus had been surprised to discover that he had inherited everything, bypassing his father. Severus never went back to the manor. One night Severus had bitterly told Harry that he had most likely been the lesser of two evils. Harry had always thought that Severus' grandfather had hated him. That he was disappointed that his son's only child had been a bastard.   
  
But Harry had been wrong on that account. Severus had been happy living with his grandfather until he had joined the Death Eaters.  
  
Which Harry fully blamed himself for. Even though he knew it was going to have to happen, the last thing that Harry had ever expected was that he was the one that had driven Severus to ultimately join.   
  
And Severus knew this, but he still wanted to be with him. Or had he waited until Harry had gone back and caused the chain of events, so he could better explain to Harry why it couldn't be?   
  
Harry wrapped his left hand around his right wrist, his fingers pressing against the bond mark. He took a deep breath.  
  
"Were you planning on making a potion, Potter? The only thing that lies further down this corridor is my private potions lab. But I thought you would have known that, after nine years."  
  
Harry stopped. He turned to look at Severus. He was standing in the open doorway to their chambers. Their chambers.  
  
Harry shrugged; he didn't think he could say anything without sounding more foolish than usual. He stepped past Severus into the living room.  
  
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Severus stared. It wasn't as though there were anyone down here that was going to see them. See him staring at Harry. The last time he had seen Harry was when he had accompanied Black into the past. At that point he had decided against all conversation. He hadn't known then how he felt about what Harry had done.  
  
But for the two weeks since then, he had done nothing but think about how he felt about it. He still wanted to know Harry's reasons for doing what he did, but they were no longer necessary. He didn't need to know what had caused Harry to have an affair with his younger self. With him.  
  
Through logic, he took the fact that 'Octavian Tyler' and Harry Potter was the same person and put it aside. Severus had examined his relationship with 'Tyler' from every angle he could think of. It hadn't been happy. But it had shaped him.  
  
He had made choices based on what he had seen and heard about Tyler. His choice to join the Death Eaters. His choice to leave. For many years after Tyler had left, Severus had been angry. Angry at Tyler, angry at himself. It had passed. And he had learned to appreciate what he had learned. Love had been one of those things.  
  
Tyler had been right when he had said that Severus had fallen for what he thought he saw, not what was actually there.  
  
This is where Severus had added Harry back into the picture. Now, Severus could see everything that 'Tyler' had hidden from the students. Had seen it when he went to visit Harry. Had known it, because he *knew* Harry.  
  
Harry dropped his bag, and kicked it against the wall. It was a habit that Severus usually found beyond annoying. But for once it was welcome. Harry was home.  
  
Severus had missed him.  
  
He closed the few feet of distance between them in two strides. Harry's back was to him. Severus didn't touch him; instead he watched as the muscles tightened, and Harry stood a little straighter.   
  
It had been obvious the moment that Severus arrived in Remus' office that Harry was unsure of his reception. Severus had been able to read Harry's level of insecurity from the time he was a first-year. And even though Harry hid it now behind bravado and determination, Severus could still see it.  
  
Harry was still too nervous, he could tell, for the talk he had planned. It was time for not words, but actions.  
  
He wrapped his arms around Harry's chest, and pulled the younger man back against him. Harry didn't relax at all. Severus lowered his head so he could whisper in Harry's ear.  
  
"You're mine. Do you realize that? I don't share."  
  
Harry heaved a sigh. "I know. Sev-"  
  
"Hush." He turned Harry in his arms. He took Harry's face in between his hands, and stared into the green orbs. Pain, guilt, and love were hidden in the shadows of Harry's eyes. He brushed his thumb against Harry's cheek. Harry closed his eyes.  
  
"Stop." Harry's voice was soft.  
  
Severus lifted an eyebrow, although Harry couldn't see the expression.  
  
"Just, don't. I-"  
  
Severus slipped one of his thumbs down to brush against Harry's bottom lip. "Do be quiet, Potter."  
  
Harry pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, stopping Severus' touch. Severus moved his hand slightly; he applied pressure at the corner of Harry's mouth until Harry released his bottom lip. Then Severus lowered his head, and drew Harry into a kiss.  
  
As he pulled away from the kiss, Harry turned his face away. Dropping his arms from around Harry, Severus stepped back.  
  
"You're impossible. But then again, you always have been." Severus moved toward the couch.  
  
"You're angry."  
  
Severus grunted noncommittally. "I don't want to talk about it right now, Harry."  
  
"Of course not." Harry went to stand in front of Severus, glaring down at him. "Let's just torment Potter. That's your favorite game, after all."  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow. "It is? I don't recall. I have to admit it sounds like fun."  
  
Harry crumbled. The indignation left his face and only confusion remained. Severus reached out a hand and pulled on Harry's arm until he was sitting next to him.  
  
"I meant it. I don't want to talk right now."  
  
"Don't we need to?"  
  
Severus sighed. "Sometimes things happen for a reason." He reached out a hand and traced the scar that crossed Harry's cheek with his finger. "It's gotten lighter. It's not as bad as when you left."  
  
Harry brushed Severus' hand away. "I hate it when you do that. Can't we get this conversation over and done with?"  
  
"Words can get in the way at times." He leaned forward, bringing his and Harry's face closer together. "Don't you agree?"   
  
Harry licked his bottom lip. He didn't say anything. Neither did Severus.  
  
They didn't move.  
  
Harry narrowed his eyes, and looked at him. Severus didn't know what he saw, but some of the tension that had been visible in Harry's body dissipated. Severus stood and offered his hand.  
  
"You need a hot bath."  
  
Harry didn't move.   
  
"To relax."  
  
Harry stood and made his way toward the bathroom. Severus moved over to his desk and sat down.  
  
He didn't want to talk about what happened, not yet. He just wanted to prove that nothing was going to change. What had happened to him in sixth year had affected him, and he learned to deal with it and moved on with his life. Harry would do the same. He adapted to situations; he was half Slytherin, after all.  
  
Severus picked up a pile of essays. He quickly read through the top one before marking it and setting it aside. He listened as he graded; he heard the water turn on and eventually turn off, he heard when the water started to drain. At that point he set down his quill, and went to the bedroom.  
  
He was standing in the doorway when Harry exited the bathroom, holding the towel around his hips. Severus had always appreciated Harry's body. He let his gaze linger on the angles of Harry's body; the protrusion of hipbone, the bend of his collarbone, the angles of his face.  
  
Harry was looking around the room. He supposed it must be a little strange after living alone for a year. The two times that Harry had moved in it had taken him at least a week to figure out where everything was. Severus supposed it was going to happen all over again.  
  
"What are you looking for?"  
  
Harry jumped. "I'm trying to remember what's in the different drawers."  
  
"Ahh." Severus left the doorway and entered the room, closing the door behind him. He started to loosen the buttons of his robes. At Harry's look he shrugged. "It's late. I've had enough of grading for one night."  
  
Harry nodded, but didn't move. Severus stood in front of the bureau, undressing.  
  
Severus watched Harry shift his weight from one foot to the other. "Is something the matter?"  
  
"No." Harry said it too quickly. He started to take a step forward, but stopped.  
  
Severus dropped his outer robe and shirt over the back of a chair. He turned to Harry. "Would you stop fidgeting?"  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
Severus sighed. This was too much. He walked over to Harry, and grabbed Harry's shoulder. "Nothing is going to change. Not tonight, at any rate. I have no intention of talking about Octavian Tyler or anything else right now." Severus' anger dissipated as quickly as it appeared. He dropped his hand from Harry's shoulder. "Relax, goddamnit."  
  
Harry lifted his hand and brushed Severus' hair from his face. "I don't know if I can."  
  
"I'm sure you can."  
  
Harry closed his eyes. Severus placed his lips next to Harry's ear and whispered, "Are you uncomfortable?"  
  
Harry didn't move, but Severus felt the tremor that traveled down his spine. He wrapped a hand around Harry's back and moved it up and down over the bumps of his back. He could feel Harry's tattoo under the pads of his fingers. Harry's head fell forward onto his shoulder.  
  
Severus knew that Harry had been through too much. And he still didn't know the effect he had had on many of those close to him. After Remus had come clean about being Rupert Knight, Severus had heard other stories about the things Octavian Tyler had been responsible for, directly or indirectly. He was sure that Harry would eventually learn all about them. But for now, he just wanted Harry to have some peace.   
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*  
  
Harry rolled onto his side and stared. Severus was sleeping next to him, the lines on his face still hard. Even in sleep the man never relaxed. Harry reached out, about to touch Severus' cheek, but pulled his hand back.  
  
Last night hadn't been normal for them. Not that it had been new either. It was just that sex was usually never that possessive between them. Comfort, not possession is what usually came to Harry's mind.  
  
It wasn't that he and Severus weren't possessive of each other. They were. It just happened to manifest itself in other ways. Such as their bond.   
  
Harry shifted until he was lying on his back. He hadn't been able to sleep more than an hour since climbing into bed.   
  
He tossed the covers aside, and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He certainly didn't want to wake up Severus. Harry was confused enough as it was, and listening to Severus would only further that.  
  
The last thing that Harry had expected was to come home to a lover that didn't want to talk about what had happened over the last year. Well, it had been a year for him, if not for Severus.   
  
Harry looked over at the bed. Severus had turned on his side, his back to Harry. He could see the places where his fingers had slightly bruised Severus' back. Shifting, Harry knew he had similar bruises on his hips - from where Severus had held him – as well as scratches on his shoulders, from the floor.  
  
Harry wrapped his hand around his neck and looked around the room. It didn't seem like it was part his. Intellectually he knew it was; after all, he could see his belongings lying in their normal places. But the whole thing with Severus… Both of them.  
  
Harry couldn't even figure out how to differentiate between the two. They were both Severus, one older, one younger; but they were the same man. One would eventually become the other.  
  
It was too damned confusing.  
  
Time away. That would do it. He couldn't stay here. There were other rooms in the castle. There were the rooms that Albus had given him when he came to teach four years ago, even though the old man knew perfectly well that Harry never had any intention of using them.  
  
Before Harry consciously knew what he was doing, he had summoned his trunk and begun throwing clothes and books and anything else into it. He stopped as quickly as he had started.  
  
He couldn't do it. He couldn't just move into another set of rooms. But he couldn't sit here awake wondering what last night was all about. And Harry absolutely refused to wake Severus up.  
  
He didn't have a death wish, after all.   
  
And he certainly didn't want a worse headache then the one he felt lurking behind his eyes.  
  
Harry threw on some clothes and headed out of the bedroom, through the living room, and out the door into the dungeon corridors.   
  
He needed to think.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*  
  
Harry pressed his forehead against the glass of the window. He had forgotten that it was the beginning of the rainy season when he had left. It was pouring outside, the sky dark as if it was already the evening. In actuality, it was barely noon.  
  
Harry had just spent a good four hours talking to Remus, another conversation he didn't know how he felt about. And Harry had thought the only life he had had any effect on was Severus'. Remus had certainly set him straight.   
  
Harry wondered if he was starting to have another paradigm shift. His whole world seemed to be changing. All he wanted was something stable.  
  
Something that wasn't affected by his mere existence. In the past.  
  
The shadows around him shifted, and Harry saw another reflection line up next to his. One with red hair. He straightened up, and looked at his best friend.  
  
"Miss me?"  
  
Harry grinned. "Like the air I breathe. It seems like forever, Ron."  
  
Ron patted him on the back. "Not close, but close enough."  
  
The two of them started walking down the hall toward Hermione's office.  
  
"When did you get here?"  
  
"Hermione called me yesterday to tell me you were coming home. I figured that you'd be busy with, well, you know." Ron grimaced. "Anyway, I thought I'd drop in to say hello. Oh, and whatever you do, don't tell Moody that I'm here. I told him I was sick."  
  
Harry couldn't help but smile. "I'm sure that I'm the first person that Moody will ask."  
  
"You never know." Ron opened the door to Hermione's office and the two of them walked in. "Told you I'd find him, Hermione."  
  
"About bloody time, too. What took you so long, Weasel?"  
  
"What are you doing here, Malfoy?"  
  
"Dumbledore dumped him here shortly after you left to search the castle for Harry. He thought it would be good for the four of us to 'catch up'." Hermione laced the last of her words with a liberal amount of sarcasm.  
  
"What happened to the truce the two of you had going?" Harry sat down in one of the chairs while Ron perched himself on the corner of Hermione's desk.  
  
Draco and Hermione pointed at each other. "It's all her fault." "It's all his fault."  
  
"That's just scary. I should have stayed home. Don't you agree, Harry?"  
  
"I guess I'm just used to their squabbling."  
  
"I do not squabble." Draco leaned forward. "So where were you hiding? I don't see copious amounts of flesh missing from your hide, so I assume that Severus chose not to use you for potion ingredients."  
  
"I wasn't hiding."   
  
"Remus mentioned that you had stopped by to talk to him. What happened?" Hermione turned to Ron. "Would you sit on a chair? You're messing up my papers."  
  
"We talked. I learned a lot."  
  
"Like what?" Only Hermione could put that much enthusiasm into her voice when talking about learning.  
  
"Did you know he writes books?"  
  
"Of course." At Harry's sharp look, Draco continued. "While you were gone, a group of us had decided to figure out how much of an effect 'Octavian Tyler' had on our lives."  
  
"Octavian Tyler? Wasn't he the one that wrestled dragons?"  
  
"Where would you hear that story, Ron?"  
  
"Bill started school a few years after Tyler left. But the story never stopped circulating. The older students used to tell it to first years in order to scare them. 'You never know, Professor Tyler might come back'. When Bill told Charlie, Charlie started reading everything he could find on dragons. Started his obsession."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes. But what's the big deal about some professor that taught here while Harry's parents were in school?"  
  
Hermione looked at Ron, a smile creeping across her face. "Harry was Octavian Tyler."   
  
Ron looked from Hermione to Harry and back again, his mouth slightly opened in shock.  
  
Harry put his head in his hands. "Tell me the Charlie thing was a joke."  
  
"Wish I could, mate."  
  
Harry sighed.  
  
"Professor Tyler and his," Draco cleared his throat, "'sadistic idea of punishment' is the reason that my father never let any wizard cut his or my hair. The only time he would ever let a muggle near him. Still trying to figure out that one. Care to explain?"  
  
"Do I have to?"  
  
"Well anything that pokes fun at a Malfoy should be entertaining. Especially if you can arrange it so that this Malfoy is humiliated."  
  
"Shut up, Weasley."  
  
"Make me, Malfoy."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*  
  
Harry looked around Dumbledore's office. It certainly looked different than the last time he had seen it. Granted, the last time Harry had seen it he had been years in the past.  
  
Harry moved around the desk to the sitting room. The large table with its myriad 'chess boards' was set up against the wall. But there was no sign of Albus.  
  
He picked up one piece and put it in his pocket. Then he started to randomly change the positions of many of the pieces. One piece he knocked over and he conjured a little white flag waving above it. He took a black piece and surrounded it with white pieces. He conjured a white flag over this one, too.  
  
Stepping away from the table he looked at his handiwork, and decided that there wasn't anything else he could possibly do to the set. He made himself comfortable in one of the overstuffed chairs.  
  
"Harry. I'm surprised to see you here. I thought that I would see neither hide nor hair of you all day."  
  
"I took the day off."  
  
Albus walked over to the table of chess boards and looked at the mixed-up pieces. "Harry, what did you do with Voldemort?"  
  
"Voldemort?"  
  
Albus nodded. Harry stood and made his way over to stand next to Albus. He pointed to the piece he had surrounded by white pieces.  
  
"Very funny, Mr. Potter. Just because you understand my strategy board does not mean you can come in here and mess around with the pieces." The twinkle in Albus' eyes went against his sharp tone.  
  
"It won't happen again, I promise."  
  
Albus turned back to the board. "Last time I checked, you had not defeated me, Harry."  
  
Harry sighed before picking up the piece that he had knocked over.  
  
Albus held out his hand.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hand it over."  
  
"Hand what over?"  
  
"Severus."  
  
"How do you expect me to do that; I'm not sure where he is."  
  
"His piece, Harry."  
  
Harry dug into his pocket and pulled out the little gray cross that represented Severus. "Do I have to?"  
  
"Yes."   
  
Harry opened his hand, and Albus took the piece and placed it back on the table. With a swish of his wand the strategy board rearranged itself back to how it was set up before Harry had entered the office.  
  
Harry returned to his chair, and Albus sat down in the one across from him. Within minutes they both had a cup of tea in their hands.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"I was hoping that you'd be able to reassure me." Harry set his cup aside and crossed his arms.  
  
"About what, my boy?"  
  
"That I didn't have an effect on everything. That I'm just Harry Potter. That…"  
  
"That your life wasn't as necessary in the past as it is in the present?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Albus took a deep breath and then released it. "Harry, everything happens for a reason."  
  
"Severus said something like that last night."  
  
"He's a very intelligent man. And so are you. You know that I can't reassure you."  
  
"You could at least tell me that 'Octavian Tyler' didn't change you."  
  
"Why would you think that a single person wouldn't have an effect on me?"  
  
Harry almost laughed. "Nothing can affect you."  
  
"You seem to be forgetting that I'm only human, Harry."  
  
Harry sighed. "So what did I do to you? I'm collecting stories."  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. "How many do you have?"  
  
"Remus, Draco, and Charlie. That's not even bringing up the Weasleys in general, my family, Severus…"  
  
"You're getting there." Albus summoned a plate of biscuits. He held it out to Harry and let him take one before picking his own. "Remember when I first started to teach you about spell roots, Harry?"  
  
"Yeah, it helped me with my shield training. Not to mention it was the basis for learning wandless magic."  
  
"And what did I make you do so that you would learn how spell roots are used?"  
  
"You made me pull down the wards that surrounded your office and put them back up. You said it was necessary to understand how complex spells are put together before I learned how to mutate them into another kind."  
  
"Exactly. And now you can do it without a second thought, even though I'm constantly changing them. Not many people could get past my wards, now or then. And those that can must have known me for a very long time."  
  
"So?" Harry picked up his tea cup and took a sip.  
  
"I still have those bottles of alcohol you so graciously sent me."  
  
Harry bit his lip to keep from laughing.  
  
"I wondered for a very long time how someone I barely knew could get through my shields. I ended up remaking them stronger. I did the same to the ones surrounding Hogwarts. Tyler forced me to check for weak points."  
  
"Did you find any?"  
  
"Not many, but a couple. I have to admit I was rather complacent at the time. We were winning the war; Voldemort spent much of his time in hiding. It was a good thing."  
  
"It doesn't do much to reassure me."  
  
"Then I won't even mention my personal shields."  
  
Harry stared at him.  
  
"Do you know how long it takes to re-transfigure over a hundred single strands of hair back from being twinkling lights, Harry?"  
  
Harry smirked. "Four days, I'd imagine."  
  
"Quite right," said Albus, smiling. Then he put down his cup and looked at Harry from across his half-moon glasses. "There is only one other thing that springs to mind when I think of Octavian Tyler."  
  
Harry looked at Albus from over his tea cup. He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"The Defense Against the Dark Arts curse."  
  
Harry choked on his tea.   
  
"Are you all right, my boy?"  
  
Between gasps for air, Harry was able to get out a single word. "What?"  
  
"I asked if you were all right."  
  
Harry glowered.  
  
"Oh, the Defense curse. Well, 'Tyler' was the first teacher that only stayed a year, and after that I had a rather hard time keeping any instructor for more than that. Until you took the job, that is."  
  
"So you blame me for both the curse and its end?"  
  
Albus nodded his head happily as he chewed on a biscuit.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*  
  
NC-17 version on the SnapexHarryML and my site: adresses on my author profile page. 


	23. Chapter TwentyTwo: The Paradox of Your ...

Title: The Paradox of Existence  
  
Author: DragonLight  
  
Summary: On assignment for Dumbledore in the past, Harry sees his lover from a new perspective. That of a teacher. SLASH  
  
Pairing: HP/SS  
  
Rating: R or NC-17, depending where you are  
  
Archive: My site http://www.geocities.com/sumiataka, ff.net, and the SnapexHarryML - both web addresses can be found on my aurthor profile page  
  
Beta: Huge thanks to my beta Isis.  
  
Thank You: Kristine Thorne, athenakitty, Kateri, Kaat ShadowLover, menecarkawan, Cassa-Andra, Escagirl, Quickgirl, Yih, rayvern, Els-chan, Temporal, ilo star, Lexxie, ShaeLynn, trinchardin, Dark-One Shadowphyre, Zetes Hikari Yuuki, Sara Wolfe, shadow vampire, Baronness Jumping Rain; Sidda, MarsMoonStar, amythest, darkanglefrmhell   
  
Disclaimer: All characters that are the least bit familiar belong to JKR-same with places and items.   
  
A/N: This is the last chapter of The Paradox of Existence. I hope that you've all enjoyed Harry's sojourn to the past. There are other small stories in this universe that still need to be told, and will pop up over the course of time. I will be replacing the earlier chapters with the beta'd version eventually. Other than that, it's been a blast writing it and I'm glad that so many people enjoyed it. --DL  
  
Chapter Twenty-Two: The Paradox of Your Existence  
  
Harry headed down to the dungeons. He didn't have a choice anymore. He had avoided the conversation with Severus long enough. It was after midnight now; he had left the dungeons early.  
  
He didn't know if he should be disturbed by what he had learned from Remus, Draco, Ron, and Albus. It was all a little much to take in. If he had had such an effect on their lives, what type of an unseen effect had he had on Severus' life? Much of it was obvious, but was there something else?  
  
Harry opened the door to the rooms he shared with Severus. He didn't enter, just looked at Severus, head bent over a pile of essays, writing comments on them. Severus' hair fell forward, hiding his face from view.   
  
Harry swallowed and walked into the room, closing the door behind him. Severus didn't stop grading. Harry had half expected him to.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"You came back. Your trunk is only half packed. I assume you're here to finish what you started?"  
  
"It was stupid. I hadn't thought about what I was doing. I thought that it would be best if I left."  
  
"And how did you come to that conclusion?"  
  
"I thought…" His reasons had sounded much better that morning then they did now. "It doesn't matter. I want to talk to you about your sixth year."  
  
Severus put down the quill and turned to face him. "What do you want to know?"  
  
"Don't you blame me for everything that happened to you? You would have never gotten the Dark Mark if it wasn't for me. You would have been able to live with your grandfather. You wouldn't have had to become a spy. I'm sure there's more."  
  
"You're right. There is."  
  
Harry took in a deep breath and waited.  
  
"I wouldn't be working at Hogwarts if I hadn't become a spy. I would never have given you the time of day because I never would have met you. And we wouldn't be together now. That's not something I want to lose, Harry."  
  
"Your life would have been better!"  
  
Severus stood and walked to him. He grabbed Harry by the arms. "I'm happy with the life I have now, Mr. Potter. And that includes having you in it."  
  
Severus released Harry's arms, and Harry stumbled backwards. "If I had wanted to, I could have changed things. But I didn't."  
  
"You were young, you made decisions-"  
  
"That is not what I'm talking about. I made a decision at the age of sixteen because I saw the professor I thought I was in love with kiss another man."  
  
Harry didn't say anything.  
  
"I didn't drag you around the castle in the middle of the night without purpose, Harry. I knew what I was doing. I knew what *I* was damning myself to. And I did it so I could have you!"  
  
"My head hurts."  
  
Severus actually chuckled. "I'm not surprised."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"That night I dragged you down to the dungeons, when I 'borrowed' the time turner…"  
  
"You knew that you were watching…" Harry rubbed his fingers against his forehead. "This is just confusing. You knew what was going to happen?"  
  
"Yes. I knew that I would listen to Lucius, make a choice I would later regret, eventually turn to Albus, and spend many years in misery. And *I*, not you, had to make that choice. I had to decide if I wanted to go through that. And what influenced me was you. If I didn't do those things, not only would the past change, but the future would also. Can you guess why I did it?"  
  
Harry clenched his fist. "For a really stupid reason."  
  
Severus turned so he was no longer looking at him. "I don't think it's all that stupid. Not that it was an intelligent decision either, mind you. But I think that I have, in some way, profited from it."  
  
Harry moved past Severus and sat down, raking a hand through his hair. "I've spent the last year learning about a man that I've dedicated my life to, and I did learn. A lot. Things that you've never talked about were revealed to me. And I still don't understand you!"  
  
"Is it necessary that you do so?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Is that why you packed?"  
  
"Started to."  
  
Severus settled in the chair opposite from Harry. He offered a brandy glass to Harry. "Excuse me?"  
  
Harry took the glass, taking a sip before he responded. "I only started to. I changed my mind half way through. I wasn't going anywhere." Harry looked up from his glass. "Did you think I was?"  
  
"Perhaps."  
  
"I wouldn't have, you know. I was just… It was just…" He didn't know how to phrase it.  
  
"All too much? Everything that happened. You weren't expecting to have such an impact, were you?"  
  
Harry sighed. "No. And it's even worse than I imagined."  
  
"Worse?"  
  
"When I left, I had no intention of being pivotal in anyone's life. But then you developed a crush on me. And Remus looked so down, and my father came to me, and the Marauders needed advice, and…"  
  
"Harry, I know you were listening to me when Black and I went to check on you. If that scroll wasn't translated –"  
  
"I know. That's what I went there to do. But all this other… stuff." Harry waved a hand in an all-encompassing manner.  
  
"You might have been sent to just translate a scroll, but - whether or not you want to hear it – you had an effect on the lives of many people. Myself included."  
  
"I shouldn't have. It shouldn't have been possible. I wasn't born yet and…"  
  
"So, you weren't born. What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"Everything."  
  
"Don't you understand? Your existence, Harry, it's…" Severus set his glass down. He moved forward closing the distance between them. With a hand under Harry's chin he forced Harry to look at him. "It's the paradox of *your* existence."  
  
Harry just stared at him.  
  
"You had to do all those things. If you hadn't, then who knows? If you hadn't translated that document then the Hogwarts Express would have been destroyed, along with all the students on board. You would never have been born. If you hadn't helped Black learn to read, then-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Black. He wouldn't have passed his Auror qualification exams. He always said that 'Tyler' had told him the books he needed to memorize in order to pass them. Same with Potter… your father."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So, if Black and Potter hadn't become aurors there might not have been a reason for your parents to go into hiding. Hence…"  
  
"No Secret-keeper. Sirius wouldn't have… Damn it!"  
  
"Would you have changed things, Harry? If we had been allowed to tell you the effect you had on our lives, would you have changed things?"  
  
Harry looked down into his brandy glass. The amber liquid didn't hold the answer he was looking for. He heard Severus shift, leaning back in his chair.  
  
"It all comes down to contentment. How happy you are with your life. Doesn't it, Severus?"  
  
A noncommittal grunt was his answer.  
  
"Is 'I don't know' a valid answer?"  
  
This time his answer was the brandy bottle clinking against his glass as Severus poured him another portion.  
  
"It's not as simple as it appears, is it? I mean sure, you wouldn't have become a Death Eater if I could have helped it, and if I could've kept Sirius from spending time in Azkaban-"  
  
"That's conjecture. I'm sure the mutt would have done something else to land himself in there."  
  
Harry paused long enough to glare at Severus. "If I could have somehow changed things so that Voldemort wouldn't have gone after my parents… but…" Harry licked his bottom lip. "But what else would have been different? Voldemort's spell wouldn't have bounced back; his first 'reign' might not have ended. My parents would have been alive, but so would Voldemort. They could still have been killed for another reason. I might not have been sorted into Gryffindor. My friends could have been different. I might not haveended up with you." He stared intently into Severus' eyes. "A lot of things would have been different."  
  
"True."  
  
"So I was right then, it's a matter of contentment. But if I said I wouldn't have changed anything, isn't that equivalent to saying that I'm glad my parents died?"  
  
"Do you think so?"  
  
Harry chewed on his bottom lip. "No. It's being happy with what I have, not wanting to go through the unknown. There are enough things unknown now. Besides, it couldn't have possibly happened any other way."  
  
"What makes you so sure of that?"  
  
"If I had changed things, who's to say that in the reformed future I would have even lived to the age of twenty-five. In fact, there was no guarantee that I would have even been born. It's another paradox. If I had changed things, I might not have been able to go back in time to begin with."  
  
"I always thought there was a possibility that there was a brain in that head of yours."  
  
"I could be wrong."  
  
"Highly likely. You are a Gryffindor, after all."  
  
Harry sighed and leaned back against his chair.  
  
Severus placed a hand on Harry's forearm. "Why did you do it?" It was barely audible, but Harry caught the curiosity and… was it pain? ... that laced the words.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Have an affair with a student?"  
  
Harry really didn't want to have this conversation, but he knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. "I didn't."  
  
"Really?" Severus removed his hand from Harry's arm and leaned back in his chair.  
  
"No. I had an affair with you. Totally different concept."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"It was you, but not you."  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
Harry leaned forward slightly. "Meaning that I love you and that this sixteen year old 'you' approached me and offered something I couldn't refuse."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"The chance to see you when you were still insecure, without your hard shell. The chance to be the older and more intelligent one."  
  
"Highly unlikely that you were ever more intelligent, even if I was only sixteen."  
  
Harry ignored the comment and continued. "To be part of your life. You've been a part of my life since I was eleven. And I missed that feeling. When you approached me, I wanted you. Even at sixteen I could see the things that I loved about you, in you." He looked over at Severus; he was looking into the fire and drinking from his glass. "You seem to be taking this well."  
  
"Harry, I had a very long time to get over Tyler. And I had a long time to adjust to the fact that you were him."  
  
"When did you realize?"  
  
"The night I first saw your tattoo." Severus turned to look at him. "What bothered me the most when I realized, was a return of feelings I had sealed off at sixteen. I had always compared my relationship with you to the one I had with Tyler. I never compared it to any of my others. I had always chalked it up to the teacher-student problem. But I continued to do it after you finished Hogwarts. I suppose that on some level, you must have reminded me of him."  
  
"I was a lot different when I got my tattoo. I know that. I acted nothing like I did when I went to the past. Or now for that matter."  
  
"It must be similar to what you meant. What makes you Harry Potter was still there. Your essence, so to say."  
  
Harry leaned back in his chair. They didn't say anything for a time.  
  
"So, this is one of those things that we accept and move past. That changes us and the way we see things, but we don't dwell on. Because doing that would just cause more problems."  
  
"Most likely."  
  
Harry turned to look at Severus. His head was back and his eyes closed. Harry took another sip out of his glass before putting it down and standing up.  
  
"We just stop talking about it. You don't care?" Harry leaned over Severus' chair. One hand on each armrest.  
  
"Not particularly." Severus opened his eyes and smirked. "I have work to do. Just because you got to go on vacation doesn't mean the rest of us did. Let me up."  
  
"You call what I went through a vacation?"  
  
"You don't?"  
  
"More like Hell. But…"  
  
Severus lifted an eyebrow.  
  
"But if it got us to this point, then I'd do it all over again." Harry pressed his lips to Severus'.  
  
Severus kissed him back for a minute before pushing him away. "I meant it. I have papers to grade."  
  
"It's after midnight."  
  
"I do my best grading at this time."  
  
"If you consider failing over half of each class your best."  
  
"No matter what time I do my grading, half of my class would fail. That's what happens when all the students in this school are dunderheads."   
  
Harry smiled.  
  
"You think that's amusing? Just wait until you see the grades that Black has been divvying out in your Muggle Studies class. I think the prize goes to the outstanding 10 out of 10 he gave to one student that wrote a 3 foot essay about how muggles use light bulbs to turn on cars."  
  
"He didn't."  
  
"I think he just gave everyone 10 out of 10. Reading is not one of Black's talents."  
  
Harry shoved his hand into his pocket. "I guess I have a lot of work to get back to on Monday." He took a few steps back from Severus' chair and leaned against the side of the mantle. "Sev?"  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Nothing. I just wanted to give you this." Harry pulled his hand out of his pocket and tossed a small object over to Severus.  
  
Severus grabbed it and looked at the tiny gray cross in his hand; it looked vaguely familar. "What is it?"  
  
Harry grinned. "Control." He started heading into the bedroom. "I think I'm going to get some sleep."  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Aren't you going to explain this?"  
  
"Maybe later."  
  
"Impertinent Gryffindor brat."  
  
"Love you, too, Severus." Harry shut the bedroom door behind him.  
  
Severus shook his head. He'd find out later. After all, it wasn't like either of them was going anywhere. They had time. They were content.  
  
End. 


End file.
